Chapter 44
Pulling at his head, she needed to feel his lips on hers. He smiled up at her as he moved up her body. Cupping his face, she closed her eyes, she needed this, even as she wanted it to be someone else. At the feel of his lips on hers, she opened her eyes. This time it wasn't Alec's face she saw, it was Robbie's.
His eyes filled with desire. Tears filled her eyes as he tenderly cupped her cheek with his large hand. She curled into his touch, desperate to feel the heat from his hand. But he pulled his hand away. The desire in his eyes died, replaced by loathing and disgust.
Suddenly, she couldn't feel his weight as he recoiled from her. She reached for him, begging him. He shook his head, backing away from her. She could see his lips moving but couldn't hear the words as he moved farther and farther away.
Laura snapped awake, startled by the vividness of the dream. Sweat covered her body, she was panting. Raking her hands through her hair, she was both relieved and petrified. She hadn't invited Alec into her bed. But she was scared the look on Robbie's face was exactly what she'd see if he ever learned of her secret.
Pushing off the bed, she padded into the bathroom. Unable to meet her own eyes in the mirror, she splashed cold water on her face, hoping it would wash away the vestiges of the dream. The dream had left her even more ragged than before she'd crawled into her bed.
She was scared to try to go back to sleep. What if it returned? She couldn't take seeing the disappointment in his eyes, knew it would haunt her for a long time to come. His question from earlier in the day plagued her. She could have told him, should have told him. Now if she told him, he would think it was because she didn't trust him and not because she was deeply ashamed.
Padding through her house, she looked out the window, saw the PC strolling through her yard. He looked cold. At least tending to him would keep her busy, keep her distracted. She quickly made a pot of coffee, she wouldn't drink any of it but it would be plenty for the cold officer keeping watch.
Pouring a mug, she wandered to the garden doors. He turned toward the house as she opened the doors. Holding up the mug, she smiled. He closed the distance between them quickly, "Thank you, Dr. Hobson. It's much appreciated."
"I've plenty more where that came from. Don't hesitate to ask." She smiled at him then turned away, walking back inside.
Laura paced through her house. Fatigue pulled at her. The hangover, the guilt about Ellen, her fear of what Robbie would think when he learned her secret, the kiss from Alec and finally the dream ran a circuit through her head.
Picking up the sketch he'd given her, she stared at it. It was from that day. She wondered how, after all of these years, he could still remember how she looked then. With her free hand, she stroked her lips. Could still feel the pressure of the kiss.
She knew it had been a mistake. But there was still a lingering ache. Shaking her head, she pushed it away. It was the fatigue thinking. She needed sleep but she was afraid the dream would return. She wasn't sure which part was worse, being in bed with Alec or Robbie walking away from her bed. Still carrying the sketch, she turned off the lights and headed to her office.
Tenderly, she placed the sketch on her desk. Sinking into the chair, she was surprised by a rattling paper noise. Reaching beneath the cushion, she found the photo she'd tucked there the day before. The one she'd been hiding from Ellen. Laying it next to the sketch she was startled by the likeness.
Tears pricked her eyes, she wondered how things had gone so wrong in such a short period of time. Two weeks ago, she was supposed to go away with Robbie. Last night she was supposed to have dinner with him. What could have happened had either of those events taken place?
Closing her eyes, she let the tears fall. Let the fatigue pull her, all she could hope was the dream wouldn't come. It picked up exactly where she'd woken earlier. Only this time, she could hear his words.
"I cared for you, thought I could have loved you. But you lied to me, didn't trust me. What did I do to deserve that?"
She couldn't respond. All she could think was she deserved what he was saying. The one man, she'd ever known who had supported her blindly, unfailingly, and she'd destroyed his trust. There were more words, but all she could hear was those first ones, "I cared for you, thought I could have loved you. But you lied to me, didn't trust me. What did I do to deserve that?"
In the years that would come, she would never know if she woke because of the harsh truth in his words or if something else made her open her eyes. All she would remember were Robbie's harsh words and the crazed stares of two strangers bearing down on her before everything went black.
