Being a ghost wasn't fun. Not that I think you think that it's fun, I'm just telling you that you're not missing out on anything.

First there's being a spirit. Invisible, at least to the people I tried to communicate with. And the fact that I couldn't get onto the Academy grounds until Jesse and the other idiots started with their Mânã club (which I couldn't alert anyone off) was annoying.

Then I got in, and the first thing I saw was Rose with Guardian Belikov. When he left, I materialised, though not expecting a reaction from Rose.

But she looked my way and reacted and everything came back. It felt as for a moment I was alive, but then I remembered. I was dead and she had seen me die. I had to warn her. The Strigoi were coming and Mânã was opening up for them and I wanted her to know that it wasn't her fault I died. I knew she would blame herself of what had happened to me, and even though I had done so myself for a while, I didn't want her to.

I opened my mouth to say something, but there was as if there was no air to breathe, I couldn't get any words out. Instead I tried to beckon her toward me, but I saw how frightened she was of me. How she tried to convince herself I wasn't real.

Then she disappeared and I knew I had to get to her again.

Only when I found the strength to materialise again and got back in on the grounds, she was in the middle of a field test. I didn't want her to fail, but the safety of everyone at the school was at risk and I knew that somehow, she would get out of trouble. I tried to show her the problem, the Mânã, but she didn't understand. I felt the hope leave me. Why couldn't I talk? Then she was hit and distracted so I couldn't do anything.

I didn't get the opportunity to tell her about the Strigoi until they were already there. I found her and Guardian Belikov as they walked happily through the woods, almost glowing with something I recognised as post-sex bliss. I should have known from the beginning that Belikov was what kept Rose from loving me fully. I should have known she loved him. But it didn't matter. They were coming closer with every second and I had to tell her since she was the only one who could see me.

She stopped when she saw me and I managed to get the words out before the Strigoi were over them. Their presence was tiring but as Rose ran away to alert the school, I stayed with her lover to help him. I wanted him to love Rose like I was never able to. She needed someone to stay in her life and I knew he was capable of making her happy, so I distracted the Strigoi as much as I could to help him come out of this alive.

But he didn't. I had a bad feeling even as she came out of the gates to let me help her locate the caves and when she came out again a day later, I didn't want to deliver the news.

The slight tremor of hope that still shone in her eyes as she asked me the first question was put out as soon as I answered the second.

A/N: There is so much that could be done with this and I really want to go more into dept with how Mason felt as a ghost and how he reflected on SK, but I don't have the creativity or the writing skills to convey it as it should be conveyed.

If I missed any important parts of ghost life in VA, blame it on the fact that I couldn't re-read the book before my muse was gone and that it's 1 A.M. where I live ;)

I know it's depressing and not very Christmassy-happy like we want, but the next one will hopefully be better.

Have it AMAZING until December 31:th when I will be uploading chapter fifty! :D