Rifiuto: Non Miriena
Written: 2005 Found: 2017- Licia
He stretched, feeling the familiar weight on his chest. After a moment, he looked down, to find her curled against him. She raised her head, meeting his gaze with a smile.
"Good morning, my husband. I hope you slept well."
He returned his hands to her back, gently running them up and down her smooth skin.
"I always sleep well when you're in my arms, my wife."
His eyes snapped open and his lifted his head from the pillow, her words still ringing in his head. He quickly checked the time.
One in the morning.
This was the third time this week he'd dreamt of her, always waking up to the familiar weight of her on his chest, only to find himself alone. It was evident his heart was taking control. And if he had to admit it, there were times in the last several weeks when he'd felt as though his heart was breaking-
"Yero, my darling, you need to understand something."
"Understand what, Mama?"
Locasta Tigelaar knelt down, taking her son's face in her hands. She was quite a remarkable young woman, having been born a princess of Ev, only to marry the then-Crown Prince of the Vinkus at fifteen, after her first fiancee died of tuberculosis not long after their engagement was announced. Unbeknownst to either Fiyero or Elphaba, Locasta's younger brother Kaliko, had married Sarima, Partra's older sister, becoming Queen of Ev not long after Locasta and Kaliko's father passed away. "Remember how I told you that you and Elphaba are two halves of the same soul?" The boy nodded. "Well, when those two halves are apart, it becomes unbearable."
"I don't understand, Mama."
"When I say unbearable, I mean that the two halves cannot bear to be apart. You need to be together, either within the same room or as close as possible. Once you've found your soulmate, you cannot imagine a day going by without them. You need to be with them, and the harder you resist, the more painful it gets."
"It's going to hurt?" She chuckled softly and gently tried to calm the horror from his blue eyes.
"In some way, it will. You'll find yourself yearning for her, even when you're together, and won't be satisfied until you're in her arms. You'll find that her touch or her smile will calm the storm within you, and that you will do the same for her. She will light up your world, and when she's gone, your world will be all the darker for it."
"But I don't want a soulmate, Mama!"
"Oh, Yero, my darling boy, you need to understand something. We don't get to choose if we have a soulmate or not. And no matter what you do to fight it, you won't ever be whole until you're with her, because she is the other half of your soul, and you are the other half of hers."
He swallowed, getting out of bed and quickly going to the lavatory to splash water on his face. He began to shake, and struggled to get his breathing under control, but it felt as though his heart was being squeezed and twisted.
"It's almost as though you are being tortured, being apart from them. And that is your soul, crying out for its other half, yearning desperately to be reunited with them. And it doesn't matter how hard you resist- you'll need to be with them, no matter the circumstances. The longer you remain apart, the more pain you face."
"But I don't want the Kauri to be my soulmate, Mama."
He looked up into the mirror, seeing for the briefest of instances, his mother staring back at him.
"You have no say, Yero, my darling. Your soul was tied to Elphaba's, long before either of you were born."
He shook his head. "No. It's not true. All this talk of soulmates and... and other halves and... and yearning, it's not true, it was never true. It was never true." His mother faded away, and he moved from the lavatory, stumbling back to the bed. He collapsed on the blankets, gaze turning to the ceiling. A moment passed before he reached out, grabbing his pocket watch; he fiddled with the end of the chain, picturing the pendant hanging from it.
"What happens when a soulmate dies, Mama?"
"What do you mean?"
"When they're apart?"
She sighed, taking a seat on the chaise and pulling the ten-year-old onto her lap, for though he was ten, he weighed very little. She wrapped her arms around him, resting her chin on his shoulder with a sigh. "Well, most times it's just a dull ache, like when your foot has fallen asleep; that can easily be fixed by seeing them or being near them."
"But what if they're far apart from each other? What then? Do they die?"
The child sounded horrified, and she smiled softly at her son. Locasta gently brushed his hair out of his eyes. "No, they don't die, but it's exceedingly painful for them. Almost as though they are suffering a heart attack."
Fiyero struggled to take a deep breath, his mother's words ringing loud in his head. He swallowed thickly, tightening his hold on the chain, tears swimming in his eyes as he imagined the pendant resting in his hand. God, mother, you were right. It is like suffering a heart attack. He bit his lip, holding the pocket watch and chain to his chest as he curled onto his side.
"And the other person? Do they feel the same?"
"You can never be sure, Yero, darling, but they most likely feel something akin to the what the other is feeling."
He choked on a sob, hoping against hope that she wasn't feeling the same, but knowing, in the very back of his mind, that she most likely was.
