Just a reminder to everyone, Maikka Week/Fortnight starts a week from today on September 20th, and will run to October 3rd, the day I will post the last Rambling. For more information, including the list of art/fiction prompts, check out my deviantArt page- loopy777 dot deviantart dot com.


Mai on... Irama!

"Some of the people in Avatar: The Last Airbender are simply too dangerous to be left running around without restraint. In an odd case of fighting a forest fire with more fire, I think it would be a good idea to fix up General Iroh with Hama the crazy Bloodbender.

"At this point I'm getting really tired with talking about the various ways my nation ruined the lives of everybody AND THEIR BROTHER in the entire world so I'm going to go with the version of Hama's past that would have been in the history books if the Avatar had lost the war and let everybody fill in the blanks themselves because anyone who's actually read all these ramblings of mine is either very intelligent WHO ELSE WOULD LOVE ME SO MUCH or a moron looking in the wrong place for grammar tips. Anyway Hama lived her whole life at the South Pole as a Waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe but soon enough the Fire Nation got around to visiting the place on a humanitarian mission to offer all the unwashed barbarians a chance to relocate to someplace where forgetting to put your hood on doesn't mean your ears are going to fall off. Hama was one of those girls who heard about more modern nations where women were allowed to wear pants YES OF COURSE THEY WEAR SKIRTS IN THE SOUTH THEY JUST WEAR REALLY HEAVY SOCKS WITH THEM and drive tanks and live on their own and have their boyfriend come over at all hours of the day and night without anyone saying anything bad WOW I JUST REALIZED MY LIFE IS KIND OF AWESOME ASIDE FROM BEING BORING and so she immediately signed up to come visit the Fire Nation.

"Unfortunately she didn't pay attention during the cultural briefing and so didn't realize that putting on puppet shows on the sidewalk wasn't allowed without a permit and so she was arrested and forced to stay in holding for a night but apparently even that was too much for a girl only used to igloos and drafty tents so she had a psychological break and decided to kill every member of the Fire Nation. I point out that after she got out of jail no one had any problem with her settling in the Fire Nation and running a popular business even though she was OBVIOUSLY Water Tribe by her looks but of course as a member of a GOOD nation she couldn't settle for that and had to continue her own personal war on civilians. Her methods included various Forbidden Bending arts that the Water Tribes enjoyed using all the time especially the deadly art known as Bloodbending which Waterbenders can only use during a full moon which you would think would be an equalizer of some kind but the moon is one of THEM and is on THEIR side.

"Meanwhile in all this time a slightly more productive Bender OF COURSE HE WAS BETTER FOR ALL HIS OTHER FAULTS IROH IS FIRE NATION was growing up and joining the army PROBABLY BECAUSE OF ALL THE TROUBLE HE WAS GETTING IN WITH THE SERVANT GIRLS and conquering whole enemy nations while also conducting himself with honor NO PILLAGING NO MESSING WITH THE GIRLS NO LETTING JEONG-JEONG PREACH IN THE LOCAL BARS and purchasing gifts legally in markets that surrendered to the Fire Nation and sending them back to his darling nephew and niece and also finding time to teach his son how to drive tanks BUT NOT THE ONES THE GIRLS WERE DRIVING. Then Iroh's son Lu Ten died and he WENT NATIVE by wandering around and doing nothing and probably stealing stuff and getting involved in dangerous cults that sent him on 'spirit journeys' that probably began by smoking something that makes you hungry and by the time Iroh got back to the Fire Nation he was a complete disgrace and things had most certainly not improved by the time Zuko was banished for driving his sister's tank Iroh certainly hadn't improved and so I guess you could kind of criticize the Fire Nation for letting him loose on the world at that point but it was the rest of the world's corruption that made him that way so I don't feel particularly guilty.

"Hama was eventually caught by the Avatar of all people probably because he didn't approve of his girlfriend learning 'forbidden techniques' without his being able to supervise or at least watch IN THE FIRE NATION WE HAVE LEGENDS OF WATERBENDERS DANCING NAKED UNDER THE MOON BUT I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT THOSE STORIES WEREN'T TOLD IN THE PALACE SO ZUKO COULDN'T HAVE FANTASIZED ABOUT THEM and she was sent to a Fire Nation prison around the same time that Iroh was finally caught and brought back in chains for his horrible behavior GUESS WHO READ HIM HIS RIGHTS IT WAS PRETTY BORING BECAUSE IN THE FIRE NATION YOU ONLY HAVE THE RIGHT TO KILL YOURSELF IN PRISON TO SAVE THE STATE THE COST OF YOUR CONFINEMENT and locked up. I have no idea where they sent Hama TAKING A WILD GUESS I'M GOING TO SAY IT WASN'T THE BOILING ROCK but she theoretically could have been in the same prison where Iroh was and if so she probably wouldn't have been open to his advances at first HEY IN PRISON YOU TAKE WHAT YOU CAN GET UNFORTUNATELY MY ONLY CHOICES WERE TY LEE OR KYOSHI WARRIORS OR COLD SOLITUDE SO I WENT WITH THE LONELINESS but after he convinced her that he was Fire Nation in name and eye and birth only maybe she'd be open to turning the fires of the Fire Nation against it and form a partnership AT LEAST with our Dragon of the West and his Pai Sho buddies.

"Iroh and Hama would without a doubt be a lot of trouble together but thankfully their modus operandi WHOOPS WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ASIAN I MEAN THEIR 'WAY OF DOING THINGS' BUT THEN TRANSLATE TO CHINESE OR SOMETHING is well known by all the heroes of all the nations so we could keep an eye on them without much trouble and send one of our superhuman super weapons after them if necessary. If you think that Iroh was heavily involved in Zuko's own turn to 'good' PERSONALLY I THINK MY AWESOME KISSES HAD MORE TO DO WITH IT then you could theorize that he might also be a good influence on Hama and encourage her not to attack people indiscriminately and instead focus her efforts on people who don't adhere to their arbitrary moral standards but convincing her that ugly morose Fire Nation girls who happily served a Princess whose name is now the word for 'devil' in other cultures can be redeemed to the side of 'good' might take a little longer and until then I'm content to ship Iroh and Hama off to the Water Tribes where they can work together to come up with fun new ways to redirect lightning and maybe while they're at it they can teach Zuko how to do it without a fifty percent chance of dying while gasping for breath like a fish on dry land WHICH IS WHAT IROH WILL DO IF HE DOESN'T KEEP HIMSELF FROM GRIMACING WHENEVER HAMA DANCES NAKED UNDER THE MOON.

"It's kind of scary, but I'm beginning to see the appeal of pairing up Fire Nation people with Water Tribe barbarians. So long as it's done responsibly, of course, and never while driving a tank."