Episode 53: Battle Royale with Parodies
It was another day at MegaMan Jr. High.
ElecMan: And that's what TVTropes calls Refuge in Audacity. That's vital for this episode, so memorize it. And now, it's time for our assembly.
Cut to the students in the auditorium.
Sigma: Today you will be viewing an educational film on Refuge in Audacity. Be absolutely quiet during it.
Zero: Mentioning it twice is going a little too far and it seems kind of corny/
KI breaks through the wall, takes out a hammer with a tank stuck to the top of it that has Refuge in Audacity written on it, and beats Sigma over the head with it. He knocks Sigma over and breaks his legs with it. Then he breaks his arms. Then he flattens every inch of Sigma, folds him a couple times, and flattens that. KI leaves, and Sigma gets up.
Sigma: So like I said, ABSOLUTELY QUIET!
Sigma and Wily leave. They watch the students through their one way mirror, which they still have the wrong way around. Regardless, they can hear them.
MegaMan: Do you think they know their mirror is broken?
Roll: I'm not sure.
Sigma: They're talking! We need a plan to teach them a lesson, one that reflects the severity of the crime!
Gas pours into the auditorium, knocking all the students unconscious. They wake up in a similar auditorium, but a poster on the wall says "This is not the same place, this is an island."
MegaMan: How long have we been unconscious?
Cut to Dr. Light watching TV.
Commercial: It's 11PM, do you know where your children are?
Light: Yes, they're at school!
Cut back to the students. A large screen is infront of them. A video starts playing.
Nickelodeon Movies Presents: So Your School is Pitting You Against Each Other in a Battle to the Death.
Tornado Tonion: So has your class been disrespectful to authority, slashing the cars of the principal's tires, burning down your teacher's house, or talking during an assemnly? Well, that's why you've been entered in a Battle Royale! You're going to be forced to fight each other to the death until only one remains.
MegaMan: They can't do this! I don't want to kill everyone, I'd probably spare at least half the people here!
Tonion: This may seem cruel, illegal, or even like an overreaction. But after this, none of you will ever stand up to authority again, and the one who survives will be a productive member of society!
Zero: This is insane, you can't make us fight each other because we talked during an assembly!
Tonion: I'm sure someone watching this just objected to my line of reasoning, so I'm going to do what everyone on TV does when they give an unsupported message: ignore it.
MegaMan: I can't believe this is happening!
Bass: I can't believe my dad would dump me into a fight to the death without giving me an advantage!
Tonion: Weapons will be scattered around the building. Don't even think of leaving, we've fastened the most advanced tracking device/explosives known to man to your necks, and if you leave this building, the collars will be activated, causing you to fail this assignment! Your battle will begin after the act break.
Act break.
Act 2:
MegaMan: Okay, we can't panic and turn against each other, I'm sure if we all work together, we can think of a way out of this.
Bass: Why would I want to get out of this? This is my chance, I can defeat you all!
Bass hurries away to find a weapon.
MegaMan: Okay, Bass is on their side, but I'm sure the rest of us/
Zero: I can't pass up an opportunity like this, bye.
Zero leaves.
MegaMan: Okay, the ones with motives to destroy us are gone, but I'm sure the rest of us/
Axl: Meh, why not fight in a battle to the death.
Axl leaves.
MegaMan: Okay, no more talking, it's clear everyone is going to/
Roll: Bye MegaMan.
Roll leaves.
MegaMan: Okay, I guess it's down to just the two of us/
Ceil: SCREW YOU, I'VE ALWAYS HATED YOU!
Ceil leaves.
MegaMan: Crap! For increaingly contrived reasons, all my friends have decided to fight each other and me to the death. Well, looks like I'm in another typical childhood situation, better try to think of a way out of it.
Bass enters the room.
Bass: Time to die MegaMan!
Bass is holding his severed buster in his normal hand.
MegaMan: Bass, don't do this!
Bass: The time for talking is over. It's beyond over. After so many episodes of passive agressiveness it's time for me to stop relying on words and defeat you with pure, instinctive, decisive, quick action!
MegaMan fires a charged shot at Bass. It goes right through him, leaving a huge hole in his chest.
Bass: But you were supposed to be a good role model and try to talk me out of it!
MegaMan: I'm tired of that, tonight we dine in hell!
Bass: But I don't want to eat food from Wendy's!... that's my dying line, an extremely overused cheap shot? To use the word I introduced to MegaMan and SNES games, "damn!"
Bass dies.
MegaMan: Okay, who's next?
MegaMan goes into the hall, then finds a gigantic battle room.
Roll: I always knew it would come to this, MegaMan. From the moment I saw you during paint time at preschool, I knew we'd be pitted in a battle to the death!
MegaMan: The feeling is mutual.
They both shoot charged shots at each other. MegaMan's overpowers Roll's and continue on, annihilating her. Somehow, the pile of rubble left speak.
Roll: MegaMan, you should know. I'm… your sister.
MegaMan: Yeah, I had a feeling.
Roll is defeated.
MegaMan: I've just killed two of my friends… oh well, some days are like that.
MegaMan goes to another room, which is on a bridge above a bottomless pit.
Ceil: It's time to avenge my brother, Liquid Snake!
MegaMan: But you're the one who killed him!
Ceil: Enough of your truthful lies!
Ceil charges at MegaMan. The bridge gives out and she falls in.
Ceil: Oh, right, I was supposed to lure you onto it.
Ceil falls into the bottomless pit.
MegaMan: This is getting out of hand.
Axl: And it's just going to get worse!
Axl points his fully charged blaster at MegaMan.
Axl: No way out of this, unless you know someone who comes out of nowhere to save you whenever you're in a battle you can't realistically win.
Zero drops down from the ceiling and slices Axl in half.
MegaMan: Zero, you saved me!
Zero: I wasn't saving you, I was demonstrating my power. Only one person can win the Battle Royale, MegaMan, and it's going to be me!
Act break.
Act 3:
MegaMan: Zero, it doesn't have to end like this, we can work something out!
Zero: Would you say that if you had the upper hand?
MegaMan: Yes, but then while you were considering it I'd deliver the final blow.
Zero: There's no escaping this, only one can survive. Goodbye, MegaMan.
Zero dashes at MegaMan, slashing at him. MegaMan dodges.
MegaMan: Zero, is this really the message we want to send to our younger viewers?
Zero: Yes, it is!
MegaMan charges a shot and shoots at Zero. It hits Zero and has no noticeable effect.
MegaMan: Zero, we have to end this peacefully!
MegaMan runs up to Zero, kicks him in the head, and fires a point blank shot at his chest. No effect.
MegaMan: I would never dream of actually fighting you, we can't hurt each other!
MegaMan grabs a nearby katana and swings it at Zero's neck. The katana breaks.
MegaMan: Can't you see that fighting will get us nowhere?
Zero: Enough. Die MegaMan!
Zero lunges at MegaMan and slices his head off. The screen fades to black.
MegaMan's vision comes into focus. Zero has just reattached his head to his body.
MegaMan: See, I knew you wouldn't go through with it!
MegaMan tries once more to injure Zero with energy blasts, to no avail.
MegaMan: Now we can focus on finding a way out!
Zero: I decapitated you so I could get the collar off, you can leave now.
MegaMan: Then everything's wrapped up, let's go!
Zero: …don't you care that you apparently killed everyone else in our class?
MegaMan: I'll get over it.
Zero: Well, they aren't really dead.
MegaMan: That's nice.
Zero: Due to being a robot, the hole you blasted through Bass didn't cause any major damage. The Roll you destroyed was a hologram. The bridge Ceil fell off of wasn't really over a bottomless pit, just really high up, Ceil fell safely to the steel floor 500 feet below. The Axl I sliced in half was really two short guys, one standing on the other.
MegaMan: Didn't you cut him in half vertically?
Zero: …oops. Anyway, every recurring character is safe and not upset that you tried to kill them. So we can get out of here.
The students escape. Cut to them in school the next day.
Sigma: …well, this is kind of akward.
Stay tuned for the next MegaMan Jr. High!
