Episode 61: The Vampire Thingy

"I'm bored," Mika complained as she and Yukuro followed Bankotsu into the mountains. He turned around and stated a well known fact.

"No one asked you to follow me."

Mika gleamed. "Yay… its heaven!" She collapsed and began drooling over the floor.

On the other hand, Bankotsu and Yukuro kneeled and watched as Mika dreamily babbled about candy and sugar canes. Bankotsu poked her head and slapped her arm, but it was clear Mika was dehydrated.

So, they took a break at a spring that popped out of nowhere. It seemed that Japanese terrain was quite suited for every occasion. For example… if you were in a situation that included a bad man chasing after your money, there would be a well placed rock in the middle of nowhere to trip you. Once you tripped and the bad man was about to take your bag, the hero would come. Or if you were hungry, you had to be starving until you reached a hut full of generous people that served you rice that actually had been spoiled five years ago. But you were so hungry; you died of happiness after the meal.

Mika lapped the water as much as she could. She drank and drank like a brute and then when she was done, she fell onto her back and let a breath of relief come out. "Ahh…"

~O~O~O~O~O~

Her bag was empty.

"Kagome-chan, what happened to your things?" Sango asked as they all stood around her flimsy yellow backpack that was usually bursting with broken seams and bulges that reminded Kagome that there were her heavy books that needed to be taken out.

"It looks like those flat wheel-thingamajiggies," Inuyasha said, kneeling down and sniffing the crumbs of the crisps that Kagome had brought.

A line of clothing, which included her underwear, her pajamas, a sleeping bag, some more undergarments, and her hair bands led into the forests.

"I assume a thief snuck into our campsite while we were searching for food," Miroku said professionally. Kagome only gave him a suspicious weak smile. Her eye twitched. Her fingers were clenched into a fist. Her legs stood two inches from each other.

"I bet Inuyasha did it," Shippo said in his as-a-matter-of-fact voice.

Then it came. The scream that only erupted from Kagome when she was mad about something.

"AHHH!!!" Her hands flew to her hair. "INUYASHA OSUWARI!!!"

"WHY ME?" Inuyasha cried as the charm around his neck dug him a hole.

~O~O~O~O~O~

The boy wearing a rag as a shirt and short pants looked through his collection with much interest. There were these round circles that were connected together with straps, (he had five of them), and these books that had these strange Japanese characters that he couldn't read. He had these things that had these sticks that pointed to numbers, but he didn't know they were numbers.

There were also strange metal cans, (actually aluminum) these brushes without the brushing part, flat soft paper, and boxes containing food. He ate the food, but he threw the rest of the stuff in a river.

All of a sudden he heard the splash of water. Maybe there was a human nearby… maybe a naked girl! His face blushed as perverted thoughts came into his mind, even though he didn't know they were perverted and decided he was only going to the source of the sound because he was curious.

~O~O~O~O~O~

"Why do I have to take a bath, Yukuro? I took one last week," Mika explained. Yukuro shook her head as she helped Mika into the water.

"It's for that."

"Oh. What's that?"

"THAT that."

"Oh, that THAT… why does taking a bath have to do with THAT?"

Bankotsu sighed as listened behind a tree. He wasn't peeking, so he wasn't being perverted, but he was curious to what they were doing so he only followed and hid behind a tree to listen… But in the end, he had no idea what that meant. Maybe it had to do with the girl's mysterious coughing…

All of a sudden, he heard a rustle in the bushes. He saw a shadow of a boy who peeping at the girls. Very interested in what would happen, he picked up a rock and flung it into the river in the direction of where the boy was hiding at. It made the desired effect as he hurried away from the scene.

"AH! WHOSE THERE?" Mika screamed, her hands flying to her chest to cover the parts that are best not seen freely.

The boy gave out a cry, which was quite the wrong move, because he just gave himself away. As he did so, he stumbled backwards and tripped over a rock that was magically there, sliding into the water below. Yukuro, who was guarding the spring in the wrong direction turned her head and summoned her fellow snakes into the water to bite whoever had entered.

But as we all now, unless they are water snakes, snakes will drown and [/i]will[/i] die if you put them in water such as this. Or, that's what people back in the feudal age thought. Apparently however, that fact has proven to be true with Yukuro's snakes, for they quickly died and disappeared.

The boy, who survived the fall jumped up, his face and his hair dripping wet. His hair was black, but his skin was a pale tan color, which gave his location quite easily away too. He smiled as he realized that he had popped up in front of Mika, who was too mad to be blushing.

"Hi," he said. "You're really pretty," he added.

Mika only glared at him. Yukuro on the other side tried to get in the water, but the liquid looked very vicious to her.

The boy reached for her hands and sniffed them. "Your blood smells very good!"

Mika was not falling for his "compliments" and only flung her hands away at his touch. She backed away toward the land. The boy tried to follow, but she held out a hand while the other was doing its best to cover the parts.

"Sit…. Stay."

"Huh? But…"

Mika dashed out of the water, into the forests where she put on her clothes as fast as possible. When she was done, she ran away as hard as she could, screaming for no reason. But the boy was fast, and before she could actually move, the boy threw his arms around her neck and smelled her.

"Can you marry me?" he said. Mika shrieked at his touch and tried to push away his heavy arms.

"That's a yes right? Okay," he said as tiny, featherless black wings sprouted from his back. "Let's go home and tell Onee."

Onee? Mika felt her muscles weakening. I have a bad feeling about this…

~O~O~O~O~O~

When Yukuro opened her eyes, she found that she was all alone at the spring.

"M-Mika?"

No answer from an overly hyperactive girl that was kidnapped by some weird boy came; it was only silence.

"Oh no." Yukuro hurried out of the water and back into the mountains. Soon, she found the silhouette of the braided mercenary.

"Hey you!" Bankotsu turned around, his face already innocent, but Yukuro knew that he was evil and eviler than…

"Give it back! That powder thing!"

Bankotsu grinned. He pulled out a miniature bag. "You mean this?"

Yukuro nodded happily. "YES THAT! GIVE IT TO ME NOW!"

He shrugged and threw it to her. She practically skipped all the way back to the pool with the bag. Now she could revive her drowned snakes and rescue Mika from—

"Wait just a darn second…" She squeezed the bag. Her face went black. She dumped the contents out. A few coins tumbled out, no magical reviving powder.

She raced back to Bankotsu, who was now getting irritated. "What do you want now?"

"You little cheat, trying to get away with that powder!"

Bankotsu stuck his tongue at her. "Finders, keepers!"

"YOU STOLE IT!"

"Same thing."

"WHY YOU LITTLE—you want this old lady here to beat you up huh?"

"You're old?"

"NO—ARGH! JUST GIVE ME THE DARN BAG ALREADY!"

"Maybe if you kiss me," he taunted.

For a while there, Yukuro considered that, but she really hated him. Besides, he was lying. She looked up and saw that he was running away. Ugh, now she hated him even more. She thought of Mika. Horrible thoughts came into her brain. What if Mika was being tortured? What if the boy was…

Holy mackerel! She took a step forward and began chasing him. "GET BACK HERE!!!"

Bankotsu then came to a halt. He heard Yukuro's approaching footsteps. He needed to get rid of the bag… All of a sudden, an idea came to his head. He turned around. "Hey lady! You want the bag? Come and get it—"

But before he could fling it into the waters below, Yukuro made a blow to his stomach with his head. Like a football player she proceeded to knock him down, however there was no floor below, so they were heading straight for the water—

"AHH! WATER!" Yukuro used his head as a stepping stone and reached out for the cliff, but it was already far away. They plunged into the cold waters, which licked with spiky rocks and wood splinters.

After the rapid river current sailed them to a land poking out, right before a waterfall, Yukuro proceeded to wring Bankotsu's neck.

"WHERE IS THE BAG???"

Bankotsu punched her face to stop her from shaking him and coughed some more as he pointed to the river. "I lost it okay?"

Yukuro panicked as she ran to the edge of their tiny shore, watching the tiny purple bag containing the powder of "life" floating away. "No…" She fell to her knees. "Mika's going to die! NO! ALL BECAUSE OF ME!!!"

The braided guy was too busy slamming the water out of his ears to listen to her complaints.

"I'm so sorry Mika! I'm so sorry…" Then a more horrifying thought came to her mind. What if Mika was almost ready to deliver the baby and she didn't know? What if Sesshoumaru found out and actually got mad? What if… what if he decided slit her throat and hangs her on the trees for ravens eat?

"AHHH!!!" she screamed. She flashed Bankotsu a death glare. She began to throw rocks at him. "THIS IS YOUR ENTIRE FAULT!"

"NO IT ISN'T! I'M NOT HER DAD OR ANYTHING!"

"URUSAI!!! IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT MIKA'S GOING TO DIE! AND IN RETURN FOR HER LIFE, I WANT YOU DIE!" Now she flung sticks at him.

"S-STOP IT! OW—" he exclaimed as a snail was thrown at his face. Now, not only water was dripping from his face, but the poop that the snail had been leaving in its dump. He gagged at the smell of it and hurried to the river to wash his face. Only then, did Yukuro stop throwing things and began to hit him with her fists.

"OKAY, OKAY! I'LL GO SAVE HER, GEEZ!"

Yukuro's attitude began to change then. Her face was now of one that was grateful. She started to slap his back as if they were old friends meeting up at the bar after his girlfriend dumped him or something. "Thanks a lot man!"

He, on the other hand was exhausted. Girls were certainly handfuls… give them an inch, and they'll go a mile. He cursed Mika's name and swore he'd never get married.

~O~O~O~O~O~

It was really uncomfortable behind held like this. Especially since Mika was about to vomit. "Hey dude, can you like, put me down?" Mika asked, her head dizzy because they were actually, in reality, flying.

The boy patted her back. "No, sorry honey."

"I'm not your honey."

"Yes you are!" He giggled like a little girl as he flew down. Mika gritted her teeth. He had her over his shoulder and she could only see the back of them, not the front. So she didn't know if he was going to throw her into the sea and drown, or drop her into a big pot of soup. But instead, he brought her into a dark cave that was obviously not occupied by humans. Along the way, she spotted several skulls. All of them had teeth marks below the skull.

Is this guy a… vampire??? She bit her lip and shouted when she heard a voice speak out of nowhere in the darkness. It was pretty low for a woman though.

"So Jiro," the woman's voice said. Mika could smell blood from the woman's breath even though she was facing the other side.

But the woman couldn't finish the sentence, because the boy, who seemed to be the one named Jiro, was too energetic. He was happy that he found Mika, even though Mika was very unhappy, and he wanted to tell the woman was fast as possible.

"Onee, I want to marry this girl! She's the most beautiful girl I've seen!"

Mika knew that was a lie.

The woman laughed. "You always say that, but you end up eating them in the end. Remember that princess last week?"

Jiro frowned, even though Mika didn't see. "I don't eat them, they just run away. Are you sure you didn't eat them?"

"Hahaha!" She heard the woman jump down from something and saw a large figure block the light in front of Mika.

"Hmm… you're not bad. You have a nice pelvis too, well for bearing children…"

Mika gagged. Was that all??? Plus, she didn't want to be eaten. She began to kicking and squirming, but the woman wasn't finished with her random examining in the darkness.

"All right, Onee approves of this girl. Go ahead and marry her!"

SERIOUSLY? Mika's brain shouted. "Um, wait, I don't want to be married—"

"Bye bye Jiro! I hope you have a happy life with her!"

The boy seemed to nod and wave goodbye, before they disappeared into an even dark room, the light ahead slowly fading…

~O~O~O~O~O~

"So… where we go to rescue the princess in distress?" Bankotsu asked as he yawned. Yukuro shrugged her shoulders.

"If I had the powder, I could've revived my snakes and we could've found her…" she explained sheepishly. "Where do you think?"

Just then, they spotted a Mika wobbling over to a cliff. They swiftly made way to her and found out that she was not wobbling or going to commit suicide, but she was going to cry and kill herself with a sharp rock.

"What is wrong with you? We're all going to save you and you're killing yourself?"

Mika blubbered with tears as she flung the rock down the abyss below. "I'm going to get married to a vampire!"

The boy, Jiro, stuck his head out the cave and asked, "Are you ready honey?"

Mika shook her head and stood up. She took a step forward and was about to fall when Yukuro caught a hold of her. Bankotsu only sighed.

"This is stupid," he complained, but Yukuro was set on helping Mika.

"Come on, let's go kill that vampire thingy and get out of here—"

Unfortunately, Jiro was not very joyful to find that the two were trying to take away his bride.

"What are you doing to Mika?" he demanded.

Yukuro kept a firm hold on the poor girl. "That's my line, you freak! All vampires suck! So you suck, and you don't deserve to have Mika!"

The boy then burst in a bunch of laughter. He held his sides and laughed and laughed. He fell to his knees and laughed. He laughed as he lied on his back, rolling side to side while kicking the air. Bankotsu got the message and whispered it to Yukuro. An embarrassment rush was carried through all parts of her body immediately.

"You're not a vampire?" she asked, her voice barely a murmur.

"No," he said. "I'm just a bat demon!"

Bankotsu shook his head. "There's no such thing that exists…"

Yukuro nodded. "Only snakes and dogs and cats can become demons. You're a vampire."

"No, I'm a bat demon!"

"No, a freaking vampire for goodness's sakes! NOW JUST LEAVE US ALONE AND GO SUCK SOME OTHER PITIFUL MORTAL'S BLOOD!"

Mika then raised a hand, as if she were in a modern-day classroom wanting permission to speak. "Can I say something?"

Bankotsu nodded. "Go ahead."

"He's my husband."