Chapter 52: Holding a Heart- Toby Lightman
Breathe in, hold it, hold it. Go on, begin to let go, cause there's no reason. I'm turning myself into somebody else. Calm down... I'm holding a heart here in my hand. My own work of art here where I stand. Give in, it's so hard to start. Live in my skin. The bruises are useless against it. I'll try all I can to find a soft place to land. Calm down...
Earth-1
Moments after Clark Luthor left Earth-1, Clark Kent entwined his hands with Lois as he pulled her away, she followed without a word as he took them out of Watchtower. Lois looked up at Clark who's expression she could not read as he put his arms around her, she closed her eyes when she felt a gush of wind, and opened them to find herself on the Daily Planet rooftop. She looked around, breathing deeply once he let her go, taking a step back, as they simply stared at one another for a long moment in silence. Lois tried to read him, pressing her lips together she took a deep breath, "What are you thinking about?" She asked in a soft tone.
Clark slowly blinked and looked down at the ground, before looking back up, "It's a little intimidating you know..." Lois furrowed her brows at him, "I could see how much you cared about each other. I need to ask..." He paused before continuing, seeing Lois tilt her head at him, "If I never came back... If I had stayed... dead... would you have still moved on with him?" He said, as he deepened his gaze on her, "I just need to know if I didn't come back and mirror box still did, would you have let him go?"
Lois' lips parted as she took a step towards him, searching his eyes, "You know... when Chloe first told me you had disappeared the same moment the mirror box did... it was a wakeup call." She turned away to stare out at the Metropolis skyline, "I think the worst part of it was realizing what I was doing was wrong." She shook her head, "I was desperately trying to hold on to your memory that I couldn't see myself moving on with anyone. So I thought I'd rather be with some sort of version of you then nothing at all. But then Chloe told me what happened and... all the reasons I was telling myself... it didn't make sense anymore. I actually asked myself 'what the hell are you doing?'" She stayed silent for a moment, looking out into the distance, "It was ironic... the second I used that mirror box, you disappeared completely from this world. And I never wanted that." She turned back to him, "I never wanted to diminish what we have to something like this. I... I made a decision then and there. I was cheating destiny, and I was doing this out of selfishness and it wasn't fair to Clark Luthor, you, Chris, or me to hold onto him like that. I was doing it for myself, because I didn't want to be in a world without you. And it was wrong. I thought, if they ever bring the mirror box back, and there's a chance you come back alive... I'd be so happy. It's everything I've ever wanted."
Clark sighed as he replied, "I know that Lois. We all do selfish things sometimes because we want to be happy, regardless of how wrong it seems. I know you did this all because you wanted to relive lost memories. I'm here, we can be together again... but what if I didn't come back? How would you have handled living the rest of your life without me... or would you have kept him here?" He asked with uncertainty in his voice, not knowing if he wanted to know the real answer, that maybe Lois and Clark Luthor would've stayed together.
Lois stared out at the distance for a long moment before answering, "If you didn't come back alive... I still wouldn't hesitate to send Clark Luthor back. When I found out about all of this I ended it. I ended everything with him and I took our son back to Smallville, away from him because this was never supposed to happen. I was never supposed to share my life with him... I never really wanted him that way. I wanted you." She breathed out, "I finally accepted that before you even came back. I didn't even know what Chloe was planning with that Crystal and even then I chose to stop what was going on between me and Luthor. So the answer to your question... is yes. If you didn't come back with the mirror box alive I still would've let Luthor go back... and I would've been okay with that. I already accepted that fact, I told him already that we couldn't be together because... he and I aren't meant to be, and we were turning to each other to fill some sort of empty void in our lives... but it would never be something real, because I didn't love him the way I love you. Even though I can't imagine it, I would've eventually moved on I guess... with someone else, and raised our son together... tell him stories about you, and us..." The tears formed in her eyes when she turned to face him, "I never would've forgotten you... I would've never stopped loving you. My heart always belonged to you Clark... no one else." He noticed a tear escape the corner of her eye as he took a step closer towards her, "I'm really glad I got you back... and even if you didn't come back I would've been glad to have sent Luthor back to Earth-2... cause even if I never got to be with you again... he still has his Lois. They'd get to create a new life together, and they have a long way to go. I took that away from her when I brought him here, and it was wrong... he never belonged to me, he's all hers. I never truly wanted it though. I took it for myself because I was scared... I didn't want to face the reality that I might never see you again." Her voice cracked as she choked back a sob, "These two years were so hard, and I was being weak... I wasn't thinking. These past couple of months he really helped put me back together, and I am forever grateful for him. Now that he's gone..." She shook her head to herself, "I won't miss him the way you think I will, I just hope he'll get his happiness eventually... like I have with you." She said with a weak smile.
Clark felt his heart sink, hearing his wife created a deep, unexplainable emotion, and all he wanted was to hold her in his arms, and so he did. Moving in towards her, he wrapped his arms around her and embraced her tightly, resting his chin on her head in silence as she buried her face in his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist as they simply embraced on the roof.
"I'm sure they'll get their happiness Lois... we're destined to be together no matter what universe we're in. I understand now... It just breaks my heart that you had to go through all this pain. You've been through so much" He said softly.
Lois pulled away abruptly, looking up at him, "Don't you dare do this. Don't you dare blame yourself and feel ANY sort of guilt for what's happened. My actions are MY responsibilities. What happened to you wasn't your fault... it never was. One thing I definitely don't regret is turning that mirror box, because I think being in Earth-1 changed Luthor into a better man for his Lois... and it brought you back to me. By whatever supernatural act of the universe... that mirror box enabled Jor-El to bring you back... alive. And that's something I wouldn't take back for the world."
He didn't say anything else as he pulled her back into his arms.
Smallville
They had returned back to Smallville and spent some time with Martha and Chris. As they went about their day, the lack of sleep didn't affect Lois as she remained wide awake to be with her husband, son, and mother in law, watching Clark as he insisted on spending some quality time with Chris after being apart from him for so long. She watched as they played together, and Clark spoke to Chris about all his adventures as a kid while Chris stared at him with his bright blue eyes, bringing his toys to his mouth as his attention drifted elsewhere. Clark brought his son to the barn as they rode his horse together along the ranch as Lois and Martha watched with inner joy at everything that has been restored in their lives.
Lois had a distant gaze as Martha placed a hand on her shoulder, when Lois turned to face her, and smiled warm heartedly, at each other, both sensing what the other was feeling at this moment.
After a couple days, Martha reluctantly had to leave, "The State won't be able to fend for itself if I stay away much longer." She admitted sadly.
Clark smiled as he brought her suitcase to the car, "I'll come visit whenever I can. Thank you mom... for everything. You sure you don't want me to take you back to Washington myself? You'll save time on the trip" He said.
Martha grinned up at him, looking back at the house, "I'll be okay sweetie you should take advantage of finally being alone with your family." She brought her hand up to cup his face, "I take it you'll head back to Metropolis soon. You have quite the story to prepare before you come out of the shadows."
He sighed, "I know... we have to think up of something. I mean I need to come back as Clark Kent for a while before I dawn my cape again."
Martha's brows drew together, "Cape... are you sure you're okay to do that again?" She asked with her voice full of concern, "I don't think you should rush into things before you're ready."
Clark chuckled, "I'll be fine mom."
With a nod, she relaxed, "I just want my boy to be in perfect health before he goes off into danger again... be careful out there honey." She swallowed back her anxiety. She didn't want to lose him again, but she couldn't stop him from doing what he was always meant to do.
He nodded, "I promise." With that, he hugged his mother tightly, "Have a safe trip mom."
"I love you sweetie. I'm so happy you're home..." She replied into his chest.
"I love you too mom" He said with a smile.
They pulled away when they heard Chris squeal, "Gam gam!"
Martha chuckled as the little boy ran towards her with his tiny legs with Lois right behind them, "There's my handsome grandson!" They all said their goodbyes before Martha headed back to Washington, and Lois and Clark waved at the retreating chauffer car.
Clark took a deep breath and grabbed Chris in his arms, "Come here you" He kissed his cheek while Chris giggled and squirmed in his arms, wanting to go off and play. Clark and Lois chuckled as he put Chris down once they got inside the house, and right when his feet touched the ground, he was off.
He turned to Lois as she grinned up at him, she brought her hand to cup his face, and stood on her tip toes to kiss him, as he wrapped his arms around her waist, "I guess it's time we leave here too..."
Clark smiled back at her, "I guess you're right... what are we gonna tell everyone?"
Taking a deep breath, Lois began, "I have a little confession to make" Clark remained silent as he listened, "I never told anyone you died. You were just presumed dead, Superman was who was declared dead, but Clark Kent went missing during the Doomsday battle." Her voice cracked at the last part to which Clark took notice of.
Pursing his lips, he tightened his arm around her waist, "We could say I was badly injured, maybe in a coma, and recovering in a private clinic up north. I just woke up, and came back home."
Lois stared up at him and nodded with her mouth in a firm line, "Sounds believable." He nodded back at her, knowing she wanted to say something, as she began, "But I don't want to go back to the real world yet. I want to stay here for a while. I want you all to myself right now..." She said, placing her hand on his chest.
He tilted his head at her, leaning his forehead against hers, seeing the hidden emotions in her eyes, "Alright... we'll stay here as long as you want." She let out a deep breath, closing her eyes as she wrapped her arms around him.
They spent the day together with their son, as Clark went into town with them for the first time, and the people at the Talon gasped in shock at his arrival, they all crowded around him, greeting him again, he was getting hugs and tears from everywhere, asking questions about where he was all these years, old friends wanting to catch up with him, but he told them another time, as he only came to have lunch with his wife and son. Once they had come home, Chris was fast asleep as Lois put him down for his nap and stepped out of the room, to see Clark leaning on the doorframe, boring his eyes into her. The corner of her mouth curved up as she slowly walked towards him, "He's finally asleep." She said quietly.
Clark smiled, as his gaze never left hers, "That's good... our boy's got a lot of energy in him"
Lois nodded, "Yeah he does... and now we're alone." she whispered.
She finally stopped in front of him as his gaze intensified, "Now we're alone..." He repeated. Lois opened her mouth to speak, but was confronted with Clark's mouth ravaging hers with lust in the blink of an eye, she moaned against his touch as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her flush against him, leaving no distance between them as they kissed with hunger and longing. Lois was left breathless as Clark pick her up, wrapping her legs around his waist as he continued to kiss her feverishly while walking into their bedroom, kicking the door closed behind him as he walked forward, placing her down on the bed without breaking the kiss. Two years of love and intimacy deeply missed between them. She felt the heat of his skin as she placed her hands under his shirt. Rolling them over so that she was on top, Lois kissed his jaw line, trailing down to his neck as she felt his arousal between her legs as he moaned. She sat up straddling him as she lifted her shirt over her head, discarding it on the floor as Clark's hands trailed up her sides, along her stomach, feeling her warmth as he sat up, cupping her jaw as he kissed her again, greedily leaving open mouthed kisses all over her chest and shoulder. He turned over so that she was lying under him, kissing her chest, breasts as he discarded her bra. Lois whimpered at the cold air when he sat up, and took off his shirt, throwing it aside, his mouth wandering everywhere while Lois' hands roamed over his torso. She fiddled with his belt impatiently, and finally got it undone and Clark effortlessly ripped her jeans off, crawling on top of her.
Lois ran her hands through his hair staring deeply into his eyes and whispered, "I've missed you..."
Clark breathed in her scent as he kissed her cheek, "I'm here" He whispered in her ear, kissing just below it, as Lois closed her eyes, sighing to herself as they made love. Both were left breathless, as he collapsed on top of her, making sure not to put all of his weight on her, he buried his face in her chest, as Lois stroked his dark hair, kissing the top of his head.
He rolled over to lie on his back, taking Lois with him as she laid her head on his chest, "You still got some impressive moves there Kent"
Clark chuckled under his breath as he tightly wound his arm around her, kissing her forehead, "Good to know..."
Lois grinned as she kissed his chest. They laid there in silence, and Lois couldn't sleep, as she moved to straddle him and they made love again.
Once they were done, Lois moved to put on her robe, walking around the room, she sighed, "I'm starving..." She began, and saw Clark super speed out, her eyes widened in confusion, looking around the room as she stood alone in their room for a minute and was greeted again with Clark holding a bag of Chinese food, and a rose. Her mouth opened as she broke into laughter when he leaned in to kiss her cheek while handing her the rose, "Did you just go out in your boxers?!" She exclaimed.
Clark shrugged, "I got in and out before anyone could see a thing" She raised her brow at him, when he reassured, "I left the money for them on the counter." She grinned as they sat on the bed, and dove into their food.
Lois moaned at the delicious taste, "Thank you Clark..." She said softly. Clark smiled, and wiped some sauce off the corner of her mouth. They began talking when she noticed he had a distant look on his face. She tilted her head at him, "What's wrong?"
His eyes met hers and sighed, "Someone's in trouble, I better go" She stared up at him in confusion when he super sped in front of her, and Lois' smile faded. She went pale once she saw him in the red and blue suit. With the cape draped over his back.
Her lips parted, as her jaw set, looking up at him, she spoke in a monotone voice, "Where did you get that?" She asked, acting as composed as possible.
Clark looked down at his suit and shrugged, "My mom had it with her, I guess she fixed it up a while ago... It was in the closet." He went over to her, leaning in to kiss her, as Lois remained frozen on the bed, staring up at him, her heart racing, "I'll be back soon" He turned to leave when he felt her hands grab his arm, in a tight grip. He turned to see Lois with fear in her eyes, her eyes wide and teary. He faced her with concern, "Lois?" He asked.
Lois shook her head at him, "Don't go..." He blinked in confusion, "Don't do this Clark..." She breathed out thickly.
He could see her vision clouded with her tears as he took her face in his hands, watching her on the verge of a breakdown, "Hey..." He cooed softly, "It's okay, I'm gonna be okay Lois. I promise I'll be back soon-"
"What if you won't" She managed to say, "Clark I can't do this again... I can't have this be a part of our lives again..." She choked out, looking down at the 'S' on his suit. Clark followed her gaze on his suit and stared back at her, "I can't live the rest of my life, wondering if you'll come back to me... the last time killed me."
"Lois-"
"You died Clark!" She exclaimed, "You died! Don't you understand what that meant?! Being Superman killed you! I can't go through it again, every time you go out and save someone, I'm always gonna wonder whether you'll come back, whether it's the last time I'm gonna see you!" She shook her head, "Don't do this." She could see him conflicted as she continued, "Superman has been dead for two years, and the world has done okay without him, the League is taking care of the world, we have heroes around the world protecting us you don't have to be one of them anymore. You've risked your life enough Clark, you've done enough for us it's time you live your life. You're not invincible Clark! Anything can happen to you and I don't want to risk that. I can do without Superman... I just want you... please don't go... don't leave me. Don't leave Chris..." She knew it was selfish, she knew it wasn't right, but screw it. They both had spent years being selfless, giving up their lives for the sake of the world, and destiny. Not anymore, she couldn't lose him again, and if being selfish was the price she had to pay to keep him in their lives safe and sound, she'll take it.
Clark stared back at her for a long time, and saw her desperation, her plea to keep him close with her, protecting him from facing the same fate he had the last time he walked into the world as Superman. He could never deny her anything, and if he had to give up being Superman for her, he'll do it. Taking a deep breath, he walked past her and reached for the phone, calling Kara as Lois' gaze never left his. After putting down the phone, he turned to her and grabbed the back of her head, pulling her against his chest, hugging her tightly, "Okay... I won't go... I won't ever leave you." He held her shaking body against his, making her this promise.
TBC!
Okay so after editing this chapter I realized it was SUPER long. It was actually double this length so I was like whoa too long lol I added it to the next chapter and made it all flow.
Next chapter will be posted up tomorrow so hang in there and please leave your reviews I appreciate it THANK YOU3!
