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Authornote: Sunday June 25th 2017

Hello everyone!

Once again, another early update due to work. We're now exactly halfway to 100 chapters! Woot woot! Considering how long this story is, we could very well reach 100 by the time it's finished. lol

This was the chapter that I had the most fun writing out of the entire story. I seriously had a blast with it. Once you guys read the chapter, you'll see why. ;) lol

WARNING: there is a single use of the F-Bomb during an extreme show of temper in this chapter. I was going to remove it, but since it's the only one in the entire story, I've left it for now. (plus it amuses me) If the word bothers enough people, I will remove it, otherwise it will stay. Please be advised about it. (Apparently one F-bomb is permitted in a T-rated story)

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Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D

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SilentyDead- Don't worry, Sakon's resilient. If there's one thing he's good at, it's fighting to stay alive. :D

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The Hylian Chronicler - LOL Sakon never learns his lessons, hence Ganondorf's frustration with him. ;) I completely agree with you about that being The Postman's motto in life. It suits him perfectly. Nothing is ever easy for him.

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Rainmy-That's actually something I've been working quite hard on for this re-write. Before, the characters interacted, but they didn't really feel like they connected in any sort of meaningful way. I'm trying to flesh out every character in the story, in an attempt to make them react like a real person would. Everything in this story is a giant web that's all connected. If something is mentioned (no matter how small) it's actually for a reason later on. :)

Ganondorf was born a Gerudo, so he was never made part of the tribe since he was already a part of it. Two other men were made Gerudo, The Postman, and Caspian, the previous thief.

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Reiz16- The Postman is very proud of that medal. lol It's his first award for his services.

Sakon is definitely a pervert, and you know this won't end well. ;p

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placesmileshere- Muha ha ha ha! Sakon is perhaps the worst person on the planet to get these abilities. You have his personality spot-on. ;p

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There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.

To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.

Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.


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How to be a Villain

Part 4 Chapter 2

The Haunting


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The Postman could hear something loud and persistent in his ear and rolled over in his sleep. Whatever it was got even more determined and loud, and despite himself, The Postman began to wake.

"Jihiro! Wake up you stupid ass! I know you can hear me! Jihiro!"

The Postman really didn't want to wake, but with the nagging voice in his ear, he didn't have much of a choice. As he slowly began to become more alert, there were two things he noticed. One was that there was indeed someone speaking into his ear, and the second was that the voice was extremely unwelcome. Waking in a slight panic, he lashed out with both his feet and knocked his two brothers out of the bed. As they crashed hard to the floor, The Postman looked wildly all around, but the room was empty. He was still at his parents house for the wedding, and there was no one speaking to him. The Postman furrowed his brow, realizing the voice had all been in his head.

His brothers looked up at him from the floor, and both were indignant and angry.

"Jihiro!" Jaru snarled. "What are you doing?!"

The Postman gave them both a sheepish smile. "...sorry. I had a bad dream, and I overreacted."

Neither said a word, but gave him twin looks of death as they crawled back into the bed. As they settled down again, The Postman gave another uncertain look around the room. Still seeing and hearing nothing, he hesitantly laid down again. The silence persisted, and so finally he rolled over to go back to sleep. Just as he was drifting off, the voice started again, this time ten times as loud.

"JIHIRO!"

The Postman visibly jumped, and instinctively lashed out again. The room was as empty and silent as before, no sign of where the voice had come from. His brothers had crashed to the floor for a second time, and this time they weren't quite as forgiving. Jaru narrowed his eyes as The Postman gave him an apologetic smile.

"Er...bad dream again..." he said lamely.

"Out!" Haru snarled, pointing to the door. "Go sleep with the girls! Go sleep beside the dog, I don't care! Out!"

Jaru mirrored his twin's scowl, and so The Postman slipped out of the bed, feeling rather foolish. As he made his way to the door, he gave them one more sheepish look.

"Sorry."

"OUT!"

The Postman left the room without another word, closing the door after him. He could hear Haru and Jaru complaining to each other about him through the door, and he rubbed at his eyes with a frown. What was wrong with him? He didn't usually have dreams that woke him, and never ones that seemed as real as that. Was he having more hallucinations? He'd never had any that had woken him up before. Was he getting worse?

Instead of finding somewhere else to sleep, The Postman walked down the dark hallway, and left the house. Sitting on the porch swing, he looked up at the sky, and let out a sigh. Perhaps he'd been working too hard lately? Slowly swinging, he leaned back, and gave a long, lazy stretch as he gazed up at the stars. It was extremely late, well after midnight and The Postman wasn't used to being up so late. He was an early riser and normally slept like a rock until five so, and it was very unusual that he woke through the night. Giving a yawn, The Postman laid his head on the back of the swing, his eyes feeling heavy. They had barely even closed when the voice started again.

"Wake up and help me, you stupid ass! Wake. Up!"

The Postman jumped and kicked out, opening his eyes just in time to see his foot pass through Sakon's head. The Postman blinked in both surprise and confusion, and Sakon looked completely indignant.

"Would you please stop kicking me in the head!" he cried out, his voice sounding strange and far away. "Get off your lazy butt, and help me!"

The Postman simply stared at him and Sakon quickly noticed The Postman was looking at him, and not through him.

"Wait...you can see me?" Sakon cried out hopefully. "You can really see me?"

Before The Postman could formulate any sort of response, Sakon faded, and he was alone once more. Rubbing at his eyes, The Postman frowned, gazing around the dark porch, the only sound crickets chirping far off in the distance. It was the normal sort of quiet for the country, and nothing seemed out of place. He sat for a long while, unsure if he had really seen anything at all, and then stood to go back into the house. He was obviously hallucinating again, and knew he needed his rest. Letting out a deep sigh, he wondered which sibling he'd have to bunk with. His whole family was under one roof for the wedding in the morning, and the house was extremely overcrowded.

As he walked down the dark hallway, he felt his skin prickle, feeling eyes on his back. Looking over his shoulder, he saw there was no one there. Now feeling a bit uncertain, The Postman continued through the house until he reached his youngest sibling's bedroom, unable to help feeling like he was being followed. He was a bit creeped out, and gave another rub to his eyes, hoping he wasn't having some sort of break down.

Opening the door to the room, he saw his three youngest siblings sound asleep and entered, still feeling like he was being watched. Tired and sure he was imagining things, he approached the bed and shoved everyone over to one side to make room, and laid down beside them. The children lobbed a bit, but didn't wake, all being heavy sleepers. His skin was still prickling from the sensation of being stared at, and so he pulled the covers up over his head, hoping to fall asleep.

The only sound in the room was the snoring coming from beside him, and so after a bit he began to relax. As he fell asleep, he thought he heard the words 'you dumbass!' but was sure he imagined it.

The next time The Postman woke, it was because his sister Minoko jumped hard on his back.

"Breakfast!" Minoko yelled into his ear, springing away before he could retaliate.

The Postman let out a groan and looked up, but Minoko already long gone. The room was empty, and the smell of bacon filled the house, and so he knew he'd overslept. He never overslept, especially not on important days like this! Sitting up, he gave a stretch, feeling well rested, and hoped he wouldn't have any more hallucinations.

Slowly making his way towards the kitchen, he rubbed at his eyes, wondering what time it was. His entire family was seated around the long table, laughing and eating breakfast, and The Postman immediately froze in the doorway. It wasn't the sight of his family that shocked him, it was the sight of Sakon laying in the middle of the table, limbs sprawled in all directions. He looked almost solid, but his hands and feet went straight through the dishes and food on the table, making the entire scene incredibly bizarre. He was staring up at the ceiling, singing a dirty tavern song, and The Postman could only stare in disbelief. No one else seemed to notice Sakon, and never paused in their conversations, reaching straight through The Thief in order to eat.

"There you are, sweetheart!" His mother called over to him. "I was beginning to think you were going to sleep all morning!"

The Postman didn't answer, simply staring at Sakon, not quite sure what to do.

"Sweetheart?" His mother questioned. "Come have breakfast before it gets cold."

The Postman gave a muted nod, unable to look away from The Thief who sang on and on without care, incredibly loud and off-key. He edged his way over to the table and took a seat between the twins, still not saying a word. Sakon's hand rested on his empty plate, and The Postman stared at it, unable to believe he was the only one who could see this. Just how messed up was he? He sat in silence for a few minutes, feeling very awkward before his mother noticed he wasn't eating.

"Jihiro, eat something." she urged, giving him a kiss on top of the head. "It's going to be a long day."

At The Postman's name, Sakon looked up, and their eyes met. The Thief's eyes widened, and he hurriedly sat up.

"Can you see me?" he demanded. "You're looking at me, aren't you?!"

The Postman quickly averted his gaze. His hallucination was talking to him; that wasn't a good sign. Sakon leaned forward until they were almost nose to nose, and he stared at him, sure he wasn't mistaken.

"Hello?" Sakon questioned. "HelloOoOo! Can you hear me?"

The Postman continued staring down at his plate in silence. Sakon frowned at him, wondering if he was mistaken.

"Jihiro?" The Postman's mother asked, approaching. "What's the matter? Are you feeling sick?"

She laid her hand against his forehead, and then gave him a questioning look. "Haru told me about your nightmares last night. Are you not feeling well?"

"I'm fine." The Postman answered, not entirely sure that he was. "I'm just tired."

"Maybe you should have taken some time off of work after...your ordeal." she admonished. "Haru said you've been working very hard lately, and that you're almost never at the post office anymore."

None of his family knew about his return to Ganondorf's employ, and he definitely wasn't about to tell them. The mark on his neck was covered by a scarf, and surprisingly no one had questioned him on it.

"Eat something." his mother urged.

Taking his plate, she filled it with a little bit of everything, and placed it back in front of him as The Postman's eyes flicked up to Sakon once again. He quickly looked away, but this action wasn't missed by The Thief.

"Aha!" The Thief cried. "You can see me, can't you?"

The Postman didn't answer, hoping he'd snap out of it soon. Turning his attention to his plate of food, he tried to remain casual as he picked up his fork. Sakon narrowed his eyes at him, and edged closer, now sitting directly on top of The Postman's plate.

"Go ahead!" he challenged. "Eat!"

The Postman hesitated, and then set down his fork, still looking anywhere but at him.

"Why won't you speak to me?" Sakon yelled into his face. "Why won't you look at me? I know you can hear me!"

The Postman clenched his fists, and stared down into his lap without a word. Conversations buzzed around him like a wall of unintelligible noise, and The Postman closed his eyes, hoping to will his delusions away. Sakon frowned at him, and then leaned over and whispered into his ear.

"This morning I watched your big-boobed sisters get dressed. The one with the blue eyes has a birthmark on her-"

"WHAT?" The Postman yelled, jumping to his feet.

Everyone stopped eating in surprise, and simply stared at him, as Sakon gave a happy cheer.

"I knew you could hear me!" he cried out triumphantly. "I knew it!"

The Postman gazed around the table at his family, and then gave a slight cough. "Um...I have to go to the bathroom...be right back."

Without another word, he fled the room. His family exchanged looks of slight confusion, and then resumed their conversations like nothing had happened.

The Postman left the house by the back door, and crossed the field. When he came to the fence which ended his family's property, he leaned against it, wondering what was wrong with him. He couldn't be going crazy this fast, could he? He thought he'd have more time than this! There was no way it was as simple as being overworked, and he shook his head. Since when did overworked people see delusions this realistic? He didn't even feel tired! Sakon, who had followed after him, sat on top of the fence in front of him.

"Why won't you talk to me?" The Thief demanded, sounding a little bit hurt. "I know you can see me!"

"Because you're not real!" The Postman hissed out, looking away from him.

Sakon seemed a bit confused, before realization crossed his face. "You think you're imagining me?" he asked in surprise. "You think this isn't really happening?"

When The Postman said nothing, that was all the answer Sakon needed.

"Darling, don't be stupid!" he scolded. "You could never imagine anything as handsome as me! Your daydreams probably all consist of boring things anyway, like stamps or something."

The Postman let out an irritated sigh. "Please go away."

"No, I will not 'go away', you twat! You're the only person who can see and hear me!"

The Postman picked at the fence with his nails, feeling frustrated and confused. Trying his best to ignore The Thief, he instead turned his attention down to the tall grass of the field which was tickling his bare legs. He was sure if he distracted his mind and just thought of other things, Sakon would fade and disappear. Watching a caterpillar edge towards his leg, he frowned, and really hoped he wasn't losing his mind this soon.

"If you don't stop ignoring me, I'm going to go back in the house, and watch the rest of your sisters get dressed!"

"It doesn't matter." The Postman stated dismissively. "You're not real anyway."

Sakon let out a growl of frustration. "I'm real, you stupid oaf! I'm not just in your mind!"

The Postman's brown eyes lifted to meet Sakon's angrily. "Prove it."

Sakon hesitated, knowing he couldn't move or touch anything. "Um...I can't." he admitted.

The Postman let out a snort, and turned away. "Go away." he repeated. "Leave me alone."

Sakon floated around so he was back in The Postman's field of vision. "Just how many other hallucinations do you have that you think I'm one of them?" he demanded.

The Postman wouldn't meet his gaze. "Enough." he responded.

This took Sakon by surprise. "What? You mean you've been seeing other things?"

"My magic has begun damaging my mind." The Postman responded, not even sure why he was talking to him. "Eventually it will drive me mad unless I find a way to get rid of it."

Sakon gave him a worried look. "How long have you been hiding this?"

The Postman didn't answer.

"Have you ever had a hallucination as real as me before?" Sakon asked, furrowing his brow. "Why won't you just listen to me?"

The Postman let out a deep, resigned sigh, and began heading back towards the house. "You'll fade soon enough. They always do."

"Ugh." Sakon muttered, following after him. "I don't know how I got like this, but I'm real! I think someone put something in the wine I drank. This happened only seconds after I drank it."

"Then what are you exactly? A ghost?" The Postman demanded, reaching a hand out towards The Thief. The hand passed right through him like he wasn't even there. "You're not really here, and I'm done listening to you."

"I'm not a delusion!" Sakon yelled. "And I'm not a ghost either! I know I'm still alive!"

"I'm going to ignore you now." The Postman informed him. "I don't need my family thinking I've completely lost it."

"Why are you all here together anyway? Kinda crowded isn't it?" Sakon asked. "Is it a family reunion or something?"

"Today's Haru's wedding." The Postman replied. "Now please be quiet."

Sakon scowled at him. "I will not! My body's rotting in a Gerudo dungeon, and you're going to save me!"

The Postman glanced at him, but said nothing.

"You'd seriously rather attend lard-ass's wedding, than save my life?" Sakon cried out indignantly. "Don't you understand, I could die if you don't save me!"

The Postman seemed uncomfortable, and averted his gaze.

Sakon narrowed his eyes. "Well, that's just lovely of you!" he snapped. "You're a real hero, you know that?"

The Postman pretended he didn't hear him.

"I thought we were friends!" Sakon yelled at him. "Go save me, you asshole!"

The Postman continued walking without a word, looking determinedly ahead.

Sakon floated directly in front of him. "Listen to me!" he ordered angrily. "Stop being so stubborn, and just listen to me!"

The Postman walked right through Sakon like he wasn't even there. Completely infuriated, Sakon let out a growl, and again flew in front of him.

"This is real!" he yelled. "I'm really in danger, and you really are seeing me!"

Again, The Postman passed right through him without looking at him, or acknowledging him in any way.

"Fine." Sakon snapped. "If that's how you want it to be, then I will make your life absolutely miserable until you listen to me!"

The Postman opened the backdoor of the house silently, his gaze fixed straight ahead. The moment he entered the house, he was immediately in the middle of complete chaos. All twelve of his siblings were running to and fro getting ready for the wedding, several only half dressed and almost everyone was yelling at one another. Clothes were being thrown every which way in a flurry of colours, and The Postman noted the noise drowned Sakon out nicely.

The Postman pushed his way through his siblings to get to his own dress-clothes, and he ignored Sakon completely as he got dressed. Everyone seemed to have forgotten about his weird moment at breakfast, and no one gave him so much as a second glance as he shoved his way towards the kitchen. He was disappointed that the breakfast was already cleared, and hoped the food at the reception would be good. Ever since he'd been forced on his high-calorie diet, he seemed to get unbearably hungry now if he missed a single meal. He supposed his body was now used to having large meals.

The Postman's father was standing on the other side of the table, helping one of his brothers with his tie, and he glanced over at him.

"Your mother has her hands full dealing with the caterers, and the baker. Apparently the wedding cake was missing a layer and she's completely beside herself. She went on ahead to the temple. Would you please help the younger ones get ready?"

Without a word, The Postman nodded and turned to do as he was told. He found Minoko running up the hall in just a slip, getting in everyone's way, and so he took her by the hand and pulled her back into her room.

"Why aren't you dressed?" he demanded. "We have to leave soon."

Minoko gave him a sour look. "Why do I have to wear a dress?" she demanded. "Kal isn't wearing one!"

"Kal is a boy." The Postman pointed out. "And I really doubt Haru would appreciate the flower girl wearing a suit."

Minoko gave the frilly dress on her bed a dirty look, but did reluctantly pick it up. Sighing, she allowed The Postman to help her pull it over her head, and also to zip it up and tie the bows. Just as he was helping her with a tiara, another one of his younger sisters came in.

"Will you help me with my hair?" she asked him. "Everyone else is too busy."

Sakon, who was seated cross-legged in the air watching, gave a snicker. "Aw, you're gonna be such a good mommy someday!"

Ignoring him, The Postman nodded, and reached out to take the brush and hair ribbon from her. Minoko, whose hair was still short from when she'd massacred it, made quick on her escape and ran back out into the crowded hallway. The Postman looked down at Kari, his second youngest sibling, as she took a seat on a stool expectantly.

"I want it braided." she informed him. "Hylian-style."

Still not saying anything, he set to work on her hair as Sakon sang obnoxiously, floating just above his head. After a few minutes, Sakon peered down at them and frowned.

"Do I even want to know how in Din's name you know what a Hylian-braid is?" he asked. "Or the fact you actually know how to do one?"

The Postman continued braiding the hair, not giving any indication he had heard. When he was finished, he tied the ribbon neatly and Kari gave him a grin.

"Thank you, Jihiro." she said, looking in the mirror. "You always do my hair better than anyone else!"

When he didn't answer, she gave him a frown. "Why are you being so quiet? Is anything wrong?"

The Postman gave a glance to Sakon. How could he explain to an ten year old that he had lost his mind, and was hallucinating about an annoying thief? Giving her a shrug instead, he replied.

"I'm fine, just excited for the wedding."

"Liar." Sakon commented.

Kari gave him a skeptical look, but accepted the answer as she stood to her feet.

"Today's the day of the fish festival in Clocktown." Kari told him. "All the food for the reception is fresh seafood."

The Postman grimaced, and she gave him a smile. "I know you hate seafood, so you might want to bring yourself a sandwich or something."

Sakon's eyes widened. "Wait a second...today is the fish festival?!"

When The Postman didn't answer, Sakon floated in front of his face. "Today's your birthday!"

Sakon then looked indignant. "Haru planned his wedding on your birthday?! What an asshole! Not one person has wished you a happy birthday yet! He made everyone forget about you!"

As Kari hurried out of the room, The Postman flashed Sakon an annoyed look. "Today's not my birthday."

"Yes, it is!" Sakon shot back. "I remember, because as a kid you used to complain that every birthday you'd be served fish, when you hated fish! You once even tried to sabotage the fish festival so your parents couldn't buy any seafood!"

"That never happened." The Postman said dismissively.

"It did!" Sakon insisted. "Today is your birthday, I know it!"

The Postman sighed. "It's fine." he stated. "Haru's wedding is more important."

"No, it's not!" Sakon insisted. "It wouldn't have killed them to at least remember it was your birthday! How hard would it have been to just give you a card or something?"

The Postman shook his head. "I really don't mind. This is a big day for Haru."

"Who are you talking to?"

The Postman looked up, and saw Minoko staring at him from the open doorway.

"No one, now go brush your teeth." The Postman ordered. "We have to leave soon."

Rolling her eyes, Minoko stomped off towards the bathroom, and The Postman caught sight of his youngest brother, Kal, tie askew and hair mussed, and hurried after him to help.

Eventually, the complete family looked presentable, and they made their way outside where a large wagon was waiting to take them to the wedding. The Postman helped the children into the wagon, and then climbed up beside them, ignoring everything Sakon said to him. It took them about an hour to arrive to the Terminian Temple, and the entire front field had been converted for the reception.

Many of the guests had already shown up, and were mingling with one another drinks in hand, and The Postman could see his mother in a huge argument with the baker. They were both pointing at the wedding cake, and the baker's face was purple with fury. He wasn't sure who was winning the fight, but knew he didn't want to be anywhere near. Standing on the front steps of the temple, he watched the crowds in silence, as Sakon floated above him, singing loudly. After a while, when all the guests had arrived, his family gathered together, getting ready to head inside, and Haru approached him. He gave The Postman a large grin, both nervous and excited.

"So, are you mad that I beat you to getting married?" he asked jokingly.

"You'll never get married because you're gay." Sakon stated, placing himself between the two brothers. "Your family would never accept it. They're way too traditional, that's why you're in such denial about yourself!"

"No, of course not." The Postman replied to Haru giving him a somewhat strained smile. He looked like he wanted very much to respond to Sakon, but he stubbornly said nothing.

"I can't believe that in just a few minutes I'll be a married man!" Haru exclaimed. "It doesn't even seem real! I wonder if you'll get married someday too? Have you found a girl yet?"

Sakon gave him a nasty look, determined to make The Postman react, and continued standing between them. "Are you worried they'll disown you?" he demanded. "That they'll yell at you, shame you, and then pretend you never told them? You refuse to admit it, because you're afraid! Afraid of what people will think of you! You're gay, Jihiro, just admit it!"

"I'm not gay!" The Postman snapped, glaring at The Thief.

Haru gave him an odd look. "Um...I never said you were..."

Sakon gave him a cheeky grin. "Better be careful, darling or they might think you're crazy or something."

"Nevermind..." The Postman said, as Sakon continued grinning at him cheekily.

Sakon began bellowing out another dirty tavern song, and The Postman felt his stress-levels increasing by the moment.

Haru said something else, but The Postman couldn't hear him over Sakon's singing. Haru took a step through The Thief, and repeated his question, but The Postman still couldn't hear him. Sakon only sung louder and louder, his eyes sparkling in mischief, and The Postman began to get seriously frustrated. Haru was giving him a concerned look, and continued speaking to him, but The Postman couldn't make out a word of what was said. Sakon then began making up his own lyrics to the song, adding members of The Postman's family as he bellowed out line after line, and The Postman clenched his fists. He had never felt so stressed and angry before, and he was struggling to stay quiet.

When Sakon began crudely singing about The Postman's mother, he couldn't take it anymore.

"Shut up!" he bellowed out, absolutely livid. "Shut the fuck up, and leave me alone!"

Haru let out a gasp and took a step back from him, completely shocked at the unexpected reaction.

The Postman didn't realize his mother was standing just behind him, and she had him by the ear in an instant. "What did you just say to your brother?" she demanded angrily.

"Ow!" The Postman protested as she gave his ear a twist. "No, I wasn't-ow!"

"You do not use that sort of language in this household! You know better than that, Jihiro!" she yelled, giving his ear another pull. "I can't believe you just said that!"

"Ah, but I wasn't talking to-"

"If you think even for one second you're too old for me to take a switch to, then you're in for a surprise! I don't know what's come over you!" she snapped, finally releasing his ear. "Now apologize to your brother before I make good on my threat!"

Sakon was laughing hysterically, holding his sides as he rolled on the ground. "By the goddesses your mother is funny!" he commented through giggles. "Does this ever bring back memories!"

The Postman rubbed at his ear, his face completely scarlet as his entire family stared at him. Turning his gaze to Haru, he saw his brother didn't look angry, simply very confused.

"Sorry, Haru." The Postman told him. "I don't know what came over me...I'm sorry I said that."

Haru obviously didn't know what to say, and he gave him a nod, still looking confused, and a bit uncertain. The rest of his family had never seen The Postman have an outburst, and so far he'd had two in one day!

The Postman's mother gave him another hard look. "If I ever hear you say such a word again, I'll soap out your mouth, is this understood?"

Sakon laughed even harder. "She still treats you like you're ten years old! This is absolute gold! Oh, I wish I had a pictograph to record this moment!"

Incredibly embarrassed, The Postman gave her a nod, which seemed to satisfy her.

"Okay, now, if we're done with all the drama, let's get started." his mother stated. "Those in the wedding stay here, and the rest of you go take your seats."

Giving Sakon his best look of death, The Postman followed everyone else inside the temple, and sat in the front row with the rest of his siblings. Sakon was still giggling, and took a seat just in front of The Postman, floating in the air, legs crossed.

"I didn't even know you knew that word!" Sakon exclaimed in amusement. "Your mother certainly seemed surprised!"

The Postman gave him another glare.

"Will you listen to me now, or do you just want to continue acting like a crazy person?" Sakon asked casually. "You're not imagining me! I'm real, and if you don't stop ignoring me, I'm really going to do something you won't like!"

The Postman stared straight ahead, and didn't react to him in the least. He couldn't believe his hallucinations were lasting this long. Sakon wasn't fading or disappearing like before, and if anything, he looked more and more solid. He knew if he didn't snap out of it soon, he'd have to look for some kind of psychiatric help. He wasn't sure if he was getting permanent brain damage, or whether there was something else seriously wrong with him. Normal people didn't have obnoxious delusions.

"Fine." Sakon said with a shrug. "Suit yourself, but don't blame me for this!"

Sakon floated a few feet away, and stuck his hands into one of The Postman's sister's breasts. The Postman quickly looked away, and clenched the armrests of his chair, trying to suppress his anger. It did no good to get angry at a hallucination, but he couldn't help it. No matter how hard he tried to remind himself it wasn't real, all he could see was Sakon acting like a pervert. Sakon continued touching his family members in inappropriate places all while giving loud commentary on what he was doing. Although he wasn't looking, The Postman still felt himself getting more and more furious.

He couldn't concentrate on the wedding at all, and didn't even notice when Haru passed by him on the way to the front. Sakon let out a loud, dirty sounding moan as he pretended to do something perverted to one of his sisters, and The Postman bit his lip, refusing to look. The flower girls passed him, and he didn't even notice when Minoko purposely threw a handful of the flowers into his face, his concentration entirely on trying to will Sakon to go away.

It was the sound of the bridal music that made him look up, and he saw Anju walking up the aisle dressed in a wedding gown of gold and white, her auburn hair pulled up and held by silver beads, tiny flowers throughout her hair. The crowd whispered excitedly as she walked up the aisle, and The Postman, just for a moment, forgot about Sakon. He looked up at his brother, and saw the absolute joy in his eyes at the sight of his soon to be wife, and gave a slight smile. He was glad Haru found someone he loved, and hoped they'd be happy together.

"Whoa!" Sakon exclaimed. "You just smiled!"

And just like that, the smile was gone, the moment ruined.

Sakon turned his attention to the wedding party, and at the sight of Anju he let out a low whistle. "Why is something like that, marrying a boring lunkhead like Haru?"

Predictably, The Postman didn't answer, watching as his brother reached out and took Anju by the hands. They both gave one another a shy smile, and then looked towards the priest. Sakon, his eyes entirely on Anju, floated over and peered down the front of her dress.

"She has nice boobs too, although a little small for my taste!" he called over to The Postman who had visibly gone rigid.

Sakon gave him a nasty grin, and lowered himself down to the ground so he could attempt to look up her gown. Anju, none the wiser, gave Haru a gentle smile, and squeezed his hand. Sakon gave another whistle.

"She's not wearing any panties!" he exclaimed. "Someone's planning on being naughty later!"

The Postman went even more rigid, struggling to look unbothered by The Thief's actions.

"Too bad she's pregnant." Sakon commented with a disappointed sigh. "She's going to be all flabby once the baby is born. I wonder if I stand a chance with her while she's all sad and pathetic about being fat...?"

The Postman bit his lip until he tasted blood, fighting not to react. Sakon slowly stood to his feet, and placed himself between Anju and Haru and leaned forward to kiss her. His lips passed right through her but none of that mattered to Sakon. He let out a moan, and then straightened, reaching a hand towards her stomach. Making a fist, he drove it into her stomach in a violent gesture.

"Oops, I just caused an abortion!" he yelled out. "Someone get a garbage can!"

Unable to stop himself, The Postman jumped to his feet in a blind fury, and let out a howl of absolute outrage. He screamed every horrible obscenity he knew at Sakon, and threatened him with every sort of bodily harm he could think of. The Postman then froze in horror, when he realized what he'd done. Slowly looking around himself, he saw every single person at the wedding was staring at him in shock, slack-jawed and completely appalled. The Postman gulped, and turned his gaze to Haru who looked like someone had just struck him across the face. He was staring at The Postman with an unreadable expression, and Anju had raised her hands to her mouth in complete shock.

Sakon was staring at him triumphantly, and The Postman slowly backed away into the aisle. Everyone was staring at him in complete silence, and The Postman swallowed heavily, unable to believe what he'd just done.

"..I'm sorry." he said softly. "I have to go."

Then without another word, he fled. He ran as fast as he could out of the temple, and across the fields, just wanting to get as far away as possible. He ran as hard and as fast as he could, pushing himself to keep going long after he was out of breath. He kept running and running, until finally he could go no further. Collapsing to his knees, The Postman wheezed, and fought for breath, wishing he could flee even further. When Sakon appeared in front of him a few minutes later, The Postman got up to push himself to run once again.

"Stop running like that, or you're going to kill yourself! Slow down!" Sakon ordered.

The Postman didn't even question how Sakon was able to keep up with him, just pushing himself harder and harder over the fields.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay?" Sakon said in his ear. "I didn't really mean any of those things I said and did back there, but you need to listen to me. I need your help, and you're the only one who can help me."

The Postman came to an abrupt halt, and Sakon went right through him, unable to stop as fast.

"Why are you doing this to me?!" The Postman yelled out, pulling at his hair in stress. "I'm not crazy! I'm not! I'm not! I'm not crazy! Just leave me alone!"

Sakon made an impatient sound in the back of his throat. "That's what I've been telling you all along, darling. I'm really here, and you need to go to The Gerudo City to save me. Why won't you believe me?"

"Because you're not real!" The Postman yelled back. "My magic has been destroying my mind, and you're some sort of manifestation of that!"

"Of all the things you've seen in your life, the adventures and oddities, why is this any different?" Sakon demanded. "If you don't save me, I could die! Do you really want that to happen?"

The Postman visibly slumped, and he stared down at the ground in silence. He looked so very miserable, Sakon regretted what he'd done.

"I'm sorry, Jihiro." The Thief repeated. "Once you rescue me, I'll explain to your family what happened. I'll tell them it was all my fault. Just please listen to me."

The Postman hunched his shoulders, still looking miserable. He was silent for so long, Sakon thought he wasn't going to answer, but finally The Postman looked up.

"Okay." he said quietly. "You win. If this is what my delusions are ordering me to do, then I guess I have no choice but to do it. Maybe when I see the truth, you'll finally disappear."

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Good enough for me. Happy 30th birthday by the way."


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