Bloody Red Doll
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of Yana Toboso and Square Enix, Co. Ltd. I don't own them; I just examine all their possibilities.
Part 51
I awoke at the first streams of sunlight coming through the thick curtain. The first thing I saw upon opening my eyes was a head of thick black hair right under my vision. Another bare form was wrapped around mine, I felt a gentle heartbeat and peaceful breathing. I nuzzled the top of Hamish's head, Hamish stirred a little; the first shifts of waking. His head leaned up and he looked down at me with a smile.
"My what a glorious sight to wake to," I said softly.
"My thoughts exactly," he replied, leaning down and kissing me.
Naturally one kiss could not be left at that. Soon one became another, I ran my hand through his hair, he stroked my cheek, hands were running down each other's naked forms and finding areas suddenly awake with interest. Hamish then slid off me and reached on the side table, taking the bottle of oil in his hand and handing it to me.
"Care to do the honors?" he asked with a twinkle in his eye.
I took the oil with the tips of my fingers, a wicked smile across my face. I kissed him a little more, then rubbed his back and came to my knees. He raised himself up on his knees and I positioned myself behind him. I kissed up his back, then found his lips; pouring some oil on my hands and stroking myself. Two fingers wandered to his entrance, it was like discovering a new treasure. I slowly stretched him out, savoring the way his body shivered and the light sighs against my face.
At last I took hold of myself then slowly slid in. He let out a happy gasp, I started a gradual thrust; my torso rested on top of his and my hands found a position on his shoulders. He leaned his head back and kissed me hard, kisses that were interrupted with sighs and light moans. Occasionally he would give me small instructions on how to position or what wasn't working. I heeded all his words, soon there were no words from him but gasps. I ran my hands down his body, taking hold of his cock and gently rubbing as I lightly nibbled his neck. He was whispering my name, sweat pouring from his body. He shifted in all the right places to close a little more around me and make me gasp out and buck harder.
Our bodies worked in a lovely rhythm in this perfect moment of bliss. He released first with a hard moan, this prompted my muscles to tighten up. The feeling of his fingers caressing mine did the final job, I thrust in and released with a grunt. Both of us were panting hard, I withdrew and collapsed next to him. He looked at me with a wide smile, his hair soaked in sweat. I looked up at him for a moment with a smirk, he gently grabbed my hair and pulled me in for a kiss.
"That was a lovely way to start the day," he snickered.
"I would say that was rather energizing," I replied.
Soon we rose from the bed, helped each other clean off, and eventually dressed and collected our effects. We exited the room to find a few other revelers from the previous night were still loitering around. Some of the lovely ladies were still in their dresses, others wore gentleman's nightclothes with traces of lipstick and rouge across their faces. I did not see our hostess anywhere; I could imagine she was enjoying a restful sleep, perhaps with a friend or two.
The doorman was allowing people to leave a few at a time in a staggered order, one mass exodus might only rouse suspicion. Hamish and I had coffee and waited our turn. At last the doorman gave us leave, we passed through the door with a nod back; Hamish instructed him to share his thanks with Lady Marigold for her gracious hospitality. We walked out of the building into the bright morning light and walked off like two regular chaps.
It was so bizarre having to walk a few feet away from Hamish. We spent the whole evening so close, though that was in a nice safe space. Now we were back in the cruel world, though at least I knew now there were some pockets of heaven in this city. We parted ways around the West End, Hamish wanted to maintain this masquerade in case anyone was following. I surely couldn't kiss him, but a handshake would have to do.
"Hamish, I greatly enjoyed myself last night," I said. "Thank you for that whole experience."
"No, I should thank you," he said. "Thank you for joining me.
The look on his face told me more than any kisses or embraces ever could. His thumb ran over the top of my fingers as he let go of my hand. We walked in separate directions, I tried not to look back in the spirit of this charade. I tried not to skip down the street, my heart danced in my chest instead. I walked back to my guest room and did a few dance steps across the floor, lamenting how empty my arms were at that moment.
We weren't apart for long. Tuesday night we were at a dodgy alehouse playing for a better part of the night. After a night of smelly women pawing at out lapels with sticky hands, we finally left with our stingy pay and got the hell out of there. I walked Hamish home and we lingered for a little while longer for a glass of wine and some light kisses. I left him with a kiss and returned to my quarters giddy.
Wednesday was the big rehearsal day. "Twelfth Night" opened tomorrow night, the stage crew put our last touches on the sets and props. Georgia and I took some time to put the costumes in place and discussed some make-up techniques. Later in the evening the players arrived and all of us took one final dress rehearsal. The halls were filled with laughter that night, I just hoped this momentum continued in front of the audience.
I didn't sleep well the night before the show, not from nerves but excitement. I felt so ready to get out on that stage. This was my biggest role since returning to London. There were some small moments of panic at the thought of it, though they melted away with a warm glow of anticipation. This was the first steps towards a grander comeback. Great things came from small steps and I was prepared to do what was needed to bring myself back to form.
I entered the theater proudly Thursday afternoon. The second I stepped in the door I was rushing around with everyone else getting everything ready. Time flew by so fast the actors were walking in the building before I knew it. I looked at the clock and saw it was already 6; just an hour and a half from the big moment. I went to the dressing room with everyone else, greeting Hamish with a pat on the back and getting a squeeze on the shoulder in return.
Soon I was in my costume and Georgia put the last touches on my make-up. Sam and I discussed some new ideas for our fight scene and rehearsed a few moves at the last minute with a few chime-ins from Colin. At last the big moment was at hand. Colin gathered us for our prayer, we linked hands for this then let go with cheers as we got ready to go out. I got into position to move a few sets in place. Thankfully my costume was a bit more conducive to getting some extra tasks done. I was just glad I didn't have to worry about the blasted powder in my hair.
I went backstage and gave Hamish a push on the shoulder as he went out for the first scene. He crossed himself with a grin and went out. The curtains parted and the lights went up. He had his lines with a new boy playing Curio. God did he look handsome in that black robe he was wearing. He delivered his lines with such great art, by the time the curtain closed on the first scene I was even more excited.
I watched the proceedings between scene changes, my tiny amount of nerves becoming more anticipation. At last Sam and a newer girl named Hope went out as Toby and Maria. I knew my part was soon. At last I heard my cue from Sam.
"Castiliano vulgo! for here comes Sir Andrew Agueface," Sam said.
I felt a slap on my shoulder from Hamish.
"Slay all of them, mate," he said.
I smiled then hopped up onstage immediately in character.
"Sir Toby Belch! how now, Sir Toby Belch!" I said, greeting Toby with a handshake.
Everything in that scene just fell right into place. Our timing was perfect, our lines were perfect. My demeanor loosened up a little; the more I felt out the character and the more relaxed I became. I owned every line and movement. Sam was so much fun to play off of, he was doing such a splendid job. The scene ended and we left the stage as the curtain was closing. Sam and I were paying each other high compliments as we left the stage, tossing out a couple more suggestions as the next scene began.
It was a lovely rhythm for the rest of the night. I moved sets and set out props, though I was itching for every moment before I went out again. Every time I went back out felt like a warm homecoming. I now kicked myself for ever thinking I should just do a small part. As the play progressed, Sam and I made for such idiotic rivals. We played up our silliness yet still kept airs of sophistication in the spirit of the play.
In between my scenes and moving set pieces, I took time to admire Hamish's performance. His work was so skillful, he just charmed in every scene he was in. If nothing else went well tonight I at least had the pleasure of watching my love in such wonderful form. In the end Toby and Andrew had their duel. Out of all the dramatic, emotional scenes I have done with foil in hand, it was so nice to have such a scene done in complete jest. The audience's laughter was music to my ears and it only spurred me more.
Our last scene with me flailing in panic and Sam stumbling around drunk was the best way we could have ended this play. We shuffled offstage for the last time, all of us laughing and in such high spirits. The play wound down, all the actors had their last scenes and dramatic reveals. The curtain closed on the first night to thunderous applause. Everyone was laughing and giddy as we gathered for curtain call.
The curtains parted, everyone went out in their orders. Sam and I went out together, daintily taking hands and bowing. Thanks to many hairpins and a bit of practice, my hat stayed on my head. We clapped as the others went out. Finally Hamish and Shannon went out hand in hand; he bowed, she curtseyed, they both looked so precious. We all linked hands and did the final bow, then the curtain closed on the opening of "Twelfth Night."
There was so much happiness in the air backstage. Everyone was laughing, chatting, a few cheers went up. Colin gave us a few last words of wisdom, some of the happiest of which was numbers for that night. We were a big hit, all of us cheered at this. Once again I stayed behind during the meet and greet, this time I didn't mind so much. I got so much organized and cleaned up by the time everyone came back.
All of us took off our costumes then made a march for the pub for the opening celebration. I still asked my fellows to keep an eye on me, though Hamish and I already made nicer plans. We stayed at the party for a couple hours, happily chatting. Then both of us took our leave; we had a job the next afternoon and wanted to get some practice time.
We were indeed scheduled for luncheon held by some well-bred older ladies and we did indeed practice for a while at Hamish's studio. Practice did not go too long though, eventually our hands were more over each other than our instruments. Eventually sweet noises of a different kind rose from both of us and our hands played with things other than strings and pegs.
I ended up spending the night wrapped in his arms, then we woke and cleaned off. I changed into the nice outfit I had ready at his apartment then we left together for Mrs. Howland and her many guests. We parted with a handsome amount of coins and waves so I could go to the theater for my job, though we would reunite in just a few hours.
I returned to Mersey Hall with a spring in my step and ready to begin the second night. I brushed off a sense of unease coming over me, it was just nerves. Colin asked in passing how our job went this afternoon and I told some basic details. He nodded and walked off to the next task he had, I swore I saw a hint of an amused smirk on his face for a moment as he was turning around. I didn't try to look at him too carefully as he walked away, somehow it struck me funny. I dismissed the thought, I was far too excited.
Then the realization crept in: I had not taken a drop that morning.
The fact I was a bit snippy and on edge for a good part of the afternoon confirmed my suspicion. Shit, I had forgotten all about that damnable bottle. By the time the players came I was sweating like a farmer in summer and blowing my nose regularly. Someone asked if I was coming down with something, I said it could be possible and left it at that. I did some deep breathing and swore I would retain all composure for the play.
Everyone arrived, I greeted Hamish again; as pleased as could be at the idea of losing it in front of him. I stayed on my best behavior despite how tense I was. I still managed to keep up conversations and balled up my fingers instead of snapping at someone. Georgia was wiping my face with a cloth whilst doing my makeup, eventually she asked if I was all right.
"Must be from all the running around all afternoon," I replied.
"I can imagine, you young cads got more energy than I do," she said.
We chuckled, I was happy she was leaving it at that.
Georgia moved away, the next thing I felt was the back of a hand pressing on my face; the smell of Hamish's cologne now obvious. I shivered a little, mentally begging him to just move along.
"You're ice bloody cold, you sure you're all right?" he said.
I gave a hard sigh.
"I'm fine," I replied, batting his hand away.
I felt my face flush with embarrassment. I looked up at him in a silent apology, his brow was furrowed and his mouth was slightly open.
"I'm sorry," I said at last.
"Just take it easy and I'll get you home soon," he said.
I nodded, noticing a few other eyes were falling on us. I averted my gaze lest I get up and start yelling.
Hamish patted me on the shoulder, then finally walked off. It was best if he just left the subject be, though I just knew he would be on this again. Considering what he survived, he could have been scared witless the same was happening to me. If only it were that simple; how I wished I had the flu, hell the Black Plague would make me feel less like a knob than I did now.
After a few deep breaths I was keeping more of my wits about me. Colin gave us some last words of advice before going on. I did everything I could to stay still and not shift around. Soon we were taking our places. Colin walked up to me and asked if I was truly okay to go on.
"I thought I heard some concern you were ill," he said. "Are you indeed all right?"
Oh damn this was just spreading wasn't it.
"Fine and dandy, you probably just overheard Hamish getting worried," I chuckled back. "Can't say I blame him."
"Well if you feel at all you should be in bed and not the stage let me know," Colin replied. "Don't hesitate to say something."
I nodded and thanked him, keeping an eye roll to myself when he walked off.
I shook off everything; I would get through this fucking play, there was no question whatsoever. I didn't need that shit in my body, I don't care how much it revolted. This wasn't going to fuck up my evening. I pulled all my will forward and did my work even harder. I concentrated on the task at hand and tried to take only a few voices or outside distractions at a time.
As I readied to take the stage I focused solely on my lines and blocking. At last I heard my cue and I hopped up onstage. I remembered everything I was supposed to, though I did find I was bouncing around a little more and talking a bit louder. By my estimation it was completely in character.
By intermission I was cold and shaking, my skin crawled, my stomach felt raw. I was pacing the hallway, standing still for one second would only make me feel even more ill. A few other people were asking if I was well. I'm fine, just nerves, no need to fret. After a short while I was having a harder time getting people to shoo off, least of all Hamish. Hamish did slip me a sip of gin, that warmed me a little and took a tiny bit of the edge off. I was so glad when intermission was over, I just wanted to get moving again.
My muscles were aching yet I still carried what I needed to. Sam gave me a few pats on the back in encouragement as we returned to the stage. I was actually pleased with my performance that night, though so glad when I took my final exit. When I returned backstage, Colin put his hands on my shoulders.
"Bloody hell you're a tough git," he said. "You did good tonight, the circumstances be damned."
I said nothing in response. He said I should probably go home then, though I told him I just wanted to get through curtain call. He tried to persuade me, though I resisted. At last he just backed off. I paced around even more to an almost frantic pace, every line delivered on that stage was one more second keeping me from getting home and feeding the demon. The sound of Hamish's sweet voice was the only thing that pulled me up a bit.
Finally everyone left the stage. Hamish walked up to me and felt my face again, I just let him do it.
"I'll take you home right after this," he said.
I nodded then got into line. I was tapping my foot as everyone went on before us. Then Sam and I went out and did our bows. The bright lights seared through my eyes and the roaring crowd made my head ache, though the whole moment was one of happiness. I so wished I could just enjoy this. The final players came out, we linked hands and bowed, then the curtain closed and I was practically running offstage.
I ripped off my costume and put my regular clothes on, Hamish did the same.
"I'm taking you home right now," he said.
I thanked him, then watched as he got on the rest of his clothes. He put a hand on my back and bid me to walk forward. Colin approached me and put his hands on my shoulders.
"You rest up, you're in good hands now," he said.
"Thank you," I said, keeping my voice even. No way was I betraying any weakness.
I was so drained, so sick, so bloody humiliated. I walked out the backdoor and into a small alley, Hamish close behind me. The cool night air just froze my body even more. I braced my arms around my midsection and tried to keep back a gag.
"You need to stop and spill your guts, go right ahead," he said.
I just kept walking, all I could imagine was getting that bloody bottle out. I hated that thing, I hated all of this. I wanted to take myself from a year ago and slap myself bloody. Jacob's bloody doctor was right about everything; I should have been laid up for a few months. No I just went forward, a drop here and there was all I bloody needed. Tears were welling in my eyes at the very thought of it.
"I'm so sorry, Hamish," I said, my voice cracking.
"Nothing to be sorry about, love," he said. "We'll get you home and I'll take care of you."
My happiness at these warm words lasted for one second then the obvious realization took over.
"That's not necessary, dear, all I need is a little rest," I said.
And a drop or two and I'll be right as rain.
"No, you need someone to…"
"I bloody said I'll be all right," I snapped back.
My stomach twisted a little more, I braced myself again though waves of embarrassment were a little hard to keep at bay.
"Just…just don't bother yourself with me," I said, my voice half in a sob. "I just need to get home and I'll be fine."
I kept walking, my pace near running yet I still heard his footsteps behind me. The sight of my guest house in the distance was one of the most glorious sights I had ever beheld. I ran to the door and opened it, Hamish was still behind me. Shit, he was going to follow me all the way up.
"Hamish I am going in my room," I said as calmly as possible. "I appreciate your sentiment…"
"But you're too bloody proud to take any help," he sneered.
I walked up the stairs and reached my hallway, of course he was still behind me. He grabbed my shoulders and yanked me around to face him.
"Grell, you're ill," he said, his face leaning in mine. "You need someone to watch out for you. Friend, I would have died if my sister didn't take care of me. If she hadn't put behind how much of a selfish twat I had been to the whole family and took care of my retching arse for a month. You don't need to be the lone wolf."
My eyes welled with tears the more he spoke to me. I took a few deep breaths and paused. God help me I didn't want him to find out…though if he was going to be so fucking insistent may as well reward him. I looked in his beautiful eyes. I knew I was going to lose him, I knew he would walk away when he learned the truth. Let's see if all this talk of devotion and respect was all for nothing; I then knew I had my perfect test right here.
I nodded.
"All right," I said. "I'm sorry…about all of this. That's all I can say."
I turned around and took out my key. My hand was shaking so hard I had a hard time getting it in the hole, though finally I was successful. I turned the key and the knob, my hands were so sweaty I could barely turn it. Hamish's hand wrapped around mine hand game me enough pressure to turn it. The moment the knob turned I pushed against the door with my shoulder. It flew open and I scrambled into my room.
I ran to the bureau on the other side of the room, nearly tripping over the rug though finding my footing. I yanked the top drawer open, seeing a few stockings covered the shape of that fucking bottle. I tossed the stockings out with a grunt and grabbed the bottle, twisting the top off. Usually I would put half a drop in some wine, now I just wanted this poison. I removed the stopper, then looked up to see Hamish staring at me with a perplexed look.
I raised the stopper to my mouth, two drops slid on my tongue. I started gagging with the horrible taste, mentally cursing that I took that much. I had been doing barely a speck, now I knew I was out for the night.
"Dammit, Grell, did you need to do that?" Hamish sighed, rushing over to me.
I put the bottle on a side table as the drug started taking effect.
"Yes, yes in fact I did," I said.
My legs wobbled, I braced myself on the table. Hamish took hold of me, leading me to sit on the bed. I didn't sit, I just flopped back on the mattress. I let out a few cackles, for the first time I was actually enjoying myself after taking that rubbish.
"That will just make you sicker," he sneered.
"Au contraire, my sweet, it's making me feel better already," I said with a giggle. "It's the monster that relieves the monster. It's taking care of everything because that's what this whole fucking thing is about." My voice rose with every word.
Hamish stared down at me. His face looked so funny, I just laughed again.
"Tell me when you start getting a clue, love," I cackled. "Your lady love is a damaged bag."
My head swam a bit more, everything in my vision became more like waves.
"I'm cured, there is no more illness, it magically went away."
I don't know if I thought those words or actually said them. I didn't stick around long enough to give it any thought.
Light was streaming all around me by the time I bobbed to the surface. I slowly opened my eyes to the searing glow of day. I tried to bring my arm up to shield my eyes, though it was a bit of a slow process. I was drained, dried up, aching. Eventually I felt the pillow under my head and registered a blanket over my body. Then I felt a form next to me, sweet breaths flowing against my face. I smiled, then looked over. Lying right next to me was a good man, a man who stayed with me through the whole night.
I found enough energy to rub my hand down his cheek, moving aside some of his hair. Hamish shifted, but he was still fast asleep like a little baby boy. I let out a sigh, willing myself to sit up a bit more. My head swam and my throat hurt, though this was all my own stupidity. I looked down at Hamish again.
He stayed, I couldn't bloody believe he stayed. He was doing so out of his own kindness, perhaps he thought leaving me in such a state would be rude. He might be here now, but just how long would he stay the moment he woke up, or the moment he fully realized how much of a fool I was?
I put my head in my hands, my nails lightly digging into my scalp to get me to wake up a bit more. I then felt a hand run over my arm and down my chest, coming to a rest on my stomach. I smiled and took the hand in mine, kissing it, and looking down at its owner. Hamish slowly shifted to his side, those brown eyes fully opened and looking up at me.
"Good morning," I said.
"To you as well," he said.
He gradually lifted himself up with his hands and came to a sit beside me, his arm coming around my shoulder and pulling me into him.
"Feeling better?" he asked.
I nodded against his shoulder.
"You're an idiot, you know that?" I sighed. "You wasted your whole night on my pathetic arse."
"It was a night gladly spent," he replied, the side of his face gently rubbing against the top of my head. "I've seen guys choke on their own juices in such a state, I wasn't going to let it happen to you."
"And why not? Can't think of a fitting enough end for my stupidity."
"Oh shush, you're not an idiot. You're sick, that's all. It was the accident, wasn't it? The stuff they gave you?"
I let out a painful sigh and nodded again. His embrace tightened.
"It kept me hobbling down Chamberlain's grand hallways and stairs everyday," I said. "Bloody doctor said I should have been laid up for another month. Couldn't have that, had to be on schedule, no time for slacking."
"Typical bollocks," he sighed. "They just feed you more of that poison, expect you to be productive. They tried to do that with me, but I refused. I've been to enough funerals, from the bottle and the pipe."
"Which is why you should run as fast as you can."
"Don't be silly, I'm not going anywhere. Besides I've seen guys much worse than you, believe me."
"Oh yes, that would be how I this spring. Sitting in a fucking chair every night drifting off."
"And I have yet to see you do that, progress perhaps?"
I nodded.
"It took a while, but yes. Now I just take a tiny bit a few times a day, enough to keep the demon pleased. Then I kind of forgot to feed the dog yesterday, that cur wasn't happy."
Hamish kissed the top of my head.
"You can beat this, I know you can," he whispered in my ear. "Sounds as if you've fought it back enough, just keep working on it."
I took a hard breath and buried my head in his chest, he rubbed my back and stroked my hair.
"And no I'm not going to leave you for something as stupid as that," he said.
I leaned back and looked him right in the eyes.
"You're a fool," I chuckled.
"Gladly so," he replied with a smile.
I gazed at him, gently batting his face with my hand. He smiled wider and pulled me in for a kiss.
A little later he put the kettle on and toasted some crumpets. We sat around the table, sipped tea, and had breakfast in a glorious silence. Feet rubbed against each other and fingers gently slid against forearms. I wanted to just stay in all day in his company, though both of us still had places we needed to be. I had to be at the theater at 2. His friend was paying him to fix an old lute and they were meeting around that same time to discuss the transaction. We did have time for a quick roll in the sheets, though right afterwards we had to get ready for our next responsibility.
Right before he left I did take a tiny speck of elixir in my tea. I hated doing this in front of him and I truly loathed doing this right before going to the theater. I did bear more loathing for the possibility of repeating last night.
"I'm sure you can just tell Colin you're still slightly ill," Hamish said.
I swirled my tea around, trying to get myself to actually take a sip.
"It would follow the story from last night," I replied with a nod.
I turned away from him and sipped from the cup. The taste was somewhat hidden but still disgusting. I couldn't bear looking at him when I did this, though he did walk around into my field of vision.
"You're doing your best to beat it, and for that I'm most proud of you," he said softly.
I managed a smile, then choked down the rest of the cup. Hamish took it out of my hands then kissed me.
"I really am proud of you, please remember that," he reiterated. "I will do all I can to help you beat this."
I nodded, then kissed him again.
He left my room with a wave and walked out to his own business. Soon I was leaving the building mysellf. By now I felt slightly woozy, though it was nothing I couldn't manage. The fresh air and the walked helped somewhat, though I was still slightly out of sorts when I got to Mersey Hall.
As expected, Colin asked how I was feeling.
"Much better than last night, though not at full," I said. "I think I had some bad beef yesterday and it's still working its way out."
Colin made sure I was on a lighter duty, for which I gave him my utmost thanks. I did some paint touch ups and spent more time with Georgia patching some costumes. In a few hours the laudanum was tapering off and I was feeling much more present. I slowly realized just how much I had pushed it out of my being in the past few months. The grogginess was wearing off and I felt content. For a while just taking that little would make my body rebel, now I was felling better. Perhaps the demon was making its way out.
I was a bit more energized with the cast arrived. A few of my fellows were asking how I was feeling, I happily replied I was much better. I felt more than a stab of remorse at their words, I knew I had one more large reason to finally be rid of this. Hamish inquired as well, though his words were a bit more of a relief. He knew the situation and he reacted with legitimate concern. I just knew I was so lucky to have him.
I made up for lost time onstage that night. I dove headfirst into character, enjoying every moment up there. By curtain call I was practically running onstage. Afterward I had a couple pints with the rest of the company. Hamish took his leave early, he promised his sister he would join the family for church in the morning. It was all well and good, I preferred turning in early anyway.
I stopped at two pints and said my farewells. There was a tiny speck of a drop involved before I went to bed, enough to stave me off until morning. I woke feeling much lighter than I did the previous day. The only drawback was not having my warm companion right next to me. I wouldn't see him until later that night, though we would be making up for that later.
By Sunday afternoon I was back at my usual tasks leading up to the show. We had so much prepared already we were loitering around and chatting more than doing much of anything. Colin approached me at this time and asked me to help him with something. We went into his office, already I felt slightly nervous about where this could lead. He then asked me for a few recommendations for ink suppliers, asking if I knew anyone specific from my office days. I gladly gave him a few names, somewhat relieved I was being pulled in the office for this purpose.
After his conversation, his demeanor became a little more serious. When he said, "I did have something else I wanted to mention to you," I wasn't exactly surprised.
"I've noticed you and Hamish have become rather close over the past few months," he said.
Brilliant. I could feel my guard rising considerably.
"I don't know if he's mentioned it, but Hamish and I go a little ways back ourselves," he continued. "He was the lead in a few orchestra pits on some shows I worked on, he was much younger at the time but oh so talented. He is very personable, we became friends very easily; that happens quite a bit with him. I've watched him rise up, he even got spots in a few choruses on Drury Lane. He was up for a few minor roles when his illness struck him. A large group of us threw a party for him on his twenty-sixth birthday earlier this year, all of us celebrating the fact he had another birthday."
"That must have been a wonderful occasion," I replied, trying to relax slightly. "I know he was singing your praises when we first spoke."
"It was a favor I was more than happy to do for him. He's getting back on his feet very slowly, but he's a tough lad. He could use as many friends as he could get, and I known full well the same applies to you."
I nodded enthusiastically, breathing another sigh of relief.
"I think it's wonderful how close you've grown," Colin continued. "Not only that but you're playing music professionally."
"That's true, it's been a very nice partnership," I replied.
"I am very glad to hear that. I'm glad to hear you're getting on your own feet as well, especially with something you are passionate about."
His pause and the way he sighed made my guard rise a little more.
"I did just want to utter a word of caution," he added. "He's a good friend and I do not mean to speak ill of him, though you too are dear to me and I would rather you were aware of this."
My face grew hot and sweat formed on my back. How much did I want to hear what he was going to say next?
"As happy as I am that you two are partners and friends, I should advise you that you are not the first who has taken such a role," Colin said softly, leaning a bit closer to me. "In fact I have lost count how many young protégés he has taken under his wing; how many aspiring musicians your age he has shown the ins and outs of professional work. How many close friends he has spent so much time with, only to appear with someone different and never speak on his partner again."
I stared at Colin in a numb stupor.
"Like I said, he's a good lad, but he's fickle and his passions burn so bright they fizzle out easily," Colin said. "He will gloat on and on about his new find time and time again, then their name is lost to history. Some of these lads he's taken on go on to better things, others approach me and ask why the hell they haven't heard from him. Hamish will tell me so and so didn't perform as well, whoever else became too greedy, he always has a reason."
My stomach was slowly twisting. I had no idea if Colin knew the full scope of the matter, though the implications for the true picture were disgusting. So that's why Lady Marigold mentioned "your new flame." So that's why Hamish's friends were looking on me with side glances. Everyone just saw me as his latest, didn't they.
"I'm not advising you to run, but I am strongly advising you to keep an open eye," he sighed. "Do what you can to make your own success, don't rely on someone else to make it for you. However I will add this is the longest time he has spent with any one partner. Then again all these other lads came before his illness. You are the first since he's returned to the stage."
This broke a few clouds. I could keep the fantasy I was more special to him than the others, though I knew better than that. Maybe this meant I would civilly address it and hear him out as opposed to clawing his face in rage.
"I would hope this prompted him to temper his behavior a little and actually work with someone instead of fawning over them and dropping them when he loses interest," Colin added. "Though you are a bright lad, you certainly have your wits about you. I just wanted to you be fully aware."
Perhaps that was why Hamish didn't want to hasten our journey from first kiss to first bed. I was somewhat relieved, though I knew this wasn't a certainty.
I sighed hard, then shook Colin's hand.
"I can't thank you enough for your concerns, Colin," I said. "I certainly would rather be aware and safe."
"I want to help you however I can, Grell, though the bigger work is up to you."
I released his hand and we returned to the theater. I thought on what he told me, deciding I would address this later tonight.
Later in the evening the players arrived, I greeted Hamish as warmly as I usually did. I was still happy to see him, though I had every intention to say something later.
Author's Note: Wow, less than a week and already another update! I've been on a roll with this story lately. Just a warning though, don't expect this to be a normal update schedule. I've been privileged to have my muses and interest so active, I can't guarantee this pace will keep up the way it has.
