A series of three soft knocks break the earsplitting silence between us and the eerie, creaking of the door accompanies it while it opens. I sit up straight because I was sitting in the uncomfortable wooden chair hunched over with my elbows on my knees, waiting. I wipe my sweaty palms on my thin blue scrub pants and scoot forward so I seem attentive and willing to be here. It's my first time being here and I want to make a decent impression on the lady. When I was on my OB rotation with Dr. Montgomery—back when she was still Montgomery-Shepherd—I've been present for quite a bit of these things. In fact, I even administered a couple transvaginal ultrasounds in my career. My point being that I've been through these appointments on the other side of the spectrum. I've been the doctor in these situations but I've never really been the patient before. I fondly remember back when I used to do these appointments with Dr. Montgomery. Some of the men that were with the women were visibly annoyed or it was apparent that they'd rather be anywhere in this world than with their spouse or significant other. Me? I'm not one of those guys. I want to be at every appointment with Jo and I'm excited to see what happens today.
A tall woman with long, dishwater blonde hair walks through the door. She's busy looking down at an orange clipboard, so she kicks the door shut behind her and nudges her glasses with her index finger so that they're more securely on her nose. She looks really young. I hope she's not the doctor. She doesn't look like she's any older than Jo is. How many babies could she have possibly delivered? And she's gonna deliver my kid? I wrinkle my brow while I continue to check her out. She gently sits the clipboard down on a counter and finally looks up. ""Boy I'm getting tired of seeing you." To match her looks, her voice is childlike as well as she jokes around with a very silent Jo. Is this chick serious? She's not delivering my baby when she's a baby herself. I'll pay her for all her trouble so far but I need a different, more experienced doctor. "And you have somebody new with you today…" She eyes me, pulling a pair of purple gloves on her hands.
"Yeah, this is Alex. My…boyfriend." Jo motions with her elbow towards me, a half-assed introduction as she hesitates and stumbles over the word "boyfriend" for some reason. This isn't the woman she was telling me about. No, when Jo told me that she chose an obstetrician, she sad that the obstetrician she chose was nice, knew what she was doing and relatable. She never mentioned that the chick was no older than she is herself. "Alex, this is Dr. Maxwell." Finally I break my gaze off of the young doctor and look at Jo. She's sitting on the exam table with her arms folded over her belly, sporting one of those papery-thin gowns pregnant women have to wear when they're about to get a pelvic exam. I lean forward in my chair and rest my hand against Jo's arm, just so she knows I'm here for her. We haven't been doing well with each other for a week. It's not that we've been fighting or anything, because we haven't fought. We haven't fought since last Wednesday when she punched me. We just haven't been on good terms because she's constantly trying to make it up to me. She fixed me dinner the day after she hit me and she kept asking me if I was okay. And the day after that, she kept rubbing my back for me even when I didn't need a massage. The other night, we were kissing while we were watching this movie and she started to go down on me. I wouldn't let her. I don't want her to feel like she has to do that to me just because she hit me. So yeah, we haven't been as good as we can be, but we haven't been horrible. She's just been really apologetic since last week and she doesn't need to be. I know she's sorry and I know she didn't mean to bust my lip open like that.
Despite the fact that she resorted to hitting me, I really think Jo and I are making progress. We're learning how to talk more. I've known Jo for three months, been in love with her for two and a half, been dating her for one whole month. And I know for a fact that the conversation we had that escalated to her hitting me would NOT have happened a month ago. A month ago, I wouldn't have even approached her with the idea of moving in, even though I probably would've been thinking of it. And she wouldn't have had the balls to yell at me the way she did. We're starting to talk more. Even though the talking isn't always good and sometimes in comes in the form of an argument, it's more than what we used to do. I'm not even mad that she hit me. How could I be? The comment I made to her was WAY out of line.
The thing we have to work on is the irritation and the anger we get towards each other. I think that me and Jo are perfect for each other because we are so much alike but that's also the reason we clash. All couples clash and have their arguments, but when me and Jo clash, it's BAD because we're both the same person. She's a hothead and I'm a hothead and two hotheads arguing with each other is always something vicious. It was bound to get dirty between me and Jo and with my comment, it sent her over the edge and she hit me. I'd never hit her back, though. Ever. Jo could punch me, kick me, slap me, STAB me…but I'm not hitting her back. I don't hit girls.
"Cynthia Maxwell, nice to meet you." The prepubescent woman holds her bony little ungloved hand out to me. "Nice to finally get both of you together and stuff. I hear you're a doctor as well?" She's bubbly and nice, I'll give her that. But she still doesn't look like she should be delivering babies. She looks like she needs to go back to med school. I can see why Jo would like her though. Her personality reminds me of Jo's. The bubbliness and the giddiness and the fact that she's personable all remind me of Jo when I first met her.
I put my hand inside the woman's and shake it firmly, letting her know that I'm not like most of the dads she probably sees every day. I'm a good dad. I'm the kind of dad that actually gives a damn about his child. And I'm a baby doctor so she better know what she's talking about. If she says something that I don't agree with, I won't hesitate to call her out on it. She better know what the hell she's doing here. "Alex Karev… pediatric surgery, actually."
"You didn't tell me he was a pediatrician, Jo." She turns back to Jo, sticking the final glove on her other hand with a bright smile. "You didn't think you should mention that to me?" She looks at me from the corner of her eye. "How lucky your baby is, right? With a daddy that's a pediatrician… Luckiest baby in the world right here." She puts her stethoscope in her ears and walks around to get behind Jo. "Now Alex, do you see baby-babies? Or do you start with toddlers? Some of the pediatricians I've encountered don't work with the little newborns…they start with one year olds. Do you see newborns too?"
"I see all children. I can go from newborn to eighteen years old. I work in the NICU in addition to pediatric floors." I shift my position in my chair so I can see what she's doing to Jo. She nods her head at me, presses the stethoscope to Jo's back and listens for a couple seconds before she takes the plugs out of her ears and wraps the stethoscope back around her neck. Jo seems pleasantly happy today. She's been really playful so far. Granted it's only lunchtime but I can usually tell what her mood is gonna be like for the day by now. If she's gonna be in a bad mood, it's usually apparent by lunchtime. She's been pleasant so far which is saying a lot because she is the definition of hormonal right now.
She didn't even want me to come to this visit with her. She scheduled it during both of our lunch hours so I would be able to come but she tried to talk me out of it. She gets weird about me seeing her body. She thinks I'm gonna see her pregnancy body with all the weight and the stretch marks and I'm gonna find her unattractive. I don't know how many times I had to tell her that wasn't gonna happen.
"I did tell you how hot he was though." Jo turns her head to me and winks. She's so smiley today and it's good for me as well. When Jo's in a good mood, I'm in a good mood. Jo's the kind of person where, it's hard to not be in a good mood when you're around her. She has that effect on people…or maybe it's just me. "I told you that he was a hot doctor…with a nice ass. And he's soft, too. A real big teddy bear that loves babies."
"Yeah yeah yeah." I shut her up quickly. I don't need her telling people how much of a softie I am. I'd still like for people to see me as the big tough guy and Jo's blowing my cover. Plus, I don't need her to tell this young ass doctor that I'm a softie when I'm trying to mean business with her. "So can you catch me up, doc?" I want to know everything I missed within the last few visits. This is my first visit ever being with her. I want to know everything about the baby and everything about Jo. I gotta make sure my girls are healthy, you know? "On everything I missed, I mean…" I mumble, for clarity.
"Of course." Dr. Maxwell puts her hand on Jo's shoulder, guiding her to lay down flat against the exam table. "You'll be all caught up by the end of this visit, I promise." She flashes a warm smile at me and focuses all her attention on Jo. Jo lays down flat against the table and lifts her arm up, as if she's been through this a million times before. "So you're in the tenth week…" The two of them are so invested in each other that it's like I'm not even in the room. Good. I'm glad. That's how it should be. It should be all about Jo and all about the baby. The way it should be. "Getting closer and closer to that first trimester being over." Jo smiles and nods, just dealing with the fact that her privacy is being violated by the doctor rubbing all over her body. Good thing she still has the gown on though. "You're not still having those fears about a miscarriage, are you?"
"Not as bad as I used to… it's kinda just like…" Jo's staring up at the ceiling. "I probably will be worried until the first trimester is completely over. Even on like…week twelve, I'll be anxious and nervous 'cause that's just me. But the fear is going away. It's not as bad as it was when I came to see you about it."
"The risk of miscarriage is basically zero after the first trimester, but you're already ten weeks without a hitch… I think you can stop worrying now. You're gonna have a baby." Dr. Maxwell slips her gloves off and tosses them in the trashcan. "Let's open this up…" She puts her hand on Jo's back and helps her up while Jo reaches back and unties the gown. When the gown is undone and loose, she lays back down. "You're still pretty thin…" The doctor moves the gown out of the way, exposing her stomach and only her stomach. She has a little towel draped over her womanhood and the gown is still closed around her chest. She's definitely starting to look pregnant. Her stomach is poking out a little bit but I bet I only notice it because I've been looking and I know what I'm looking for. To someone's naked eye, they wouldn't be able to tell. "You only gained like… a pound and a half. You should've gained at least three by now." Dr. Maxwell pushes her hand down against Jo's stomach. "…I can feel the top of your uterus though, so that's good." She closes the gown back up around Jo's belly and takes a couple steps towards her head. "And how about your breasts? …They feeling different?"
"Yes." Jo nods her head as if she just read her mind. "Are they supposed to ache this badly? And they shot up. I mean, I know pregnant women's boobs get bigger but I thought that wasn't until the milk comes in. They're tender… like to the touch. It hurts to wear bras anymore and they itch."
"Oh yeah, that's normal. Lemme take a look though…" She puts her hands on the rim of the gown to pull it away from her chest. "You don't mind if…" She silently motions to me with her eyes.
"…I guess not." Jo turns her head and faces me. "You're not allowed to say anything though." She points at me with her index finger as if she's chastising me. "You act like you don't see them. I've been doing a good job hiding them from you for this long—just act like you never even saw them." I don't know what the hell she's talking about. She hasn't been hiding anything from me. I should act like I don't see her boobs? She looks up at the ceiling with a strangely uncomfortable look on her face while the doctor moves her gown away from her chest. I've seen her boobs plenty of times before. Why do I have to act like I don't—WOW. As a mere reaction, my jaw drops but I pick it back up quick enough that she doesn't notice that I was gawking for a moment there. When did this happen?! "…I didn't expect them to get this big this quick. I'm gonna need a D soon…"
"The good news is that they're probably done growing so if you buy yourself a good, supportive bra right now, you won't have to go out and buy another to accommodate yourself again. You see, the breast tissue grows and then all the growth space is filled with milk when you start to lactate. So they're probably done." She pushes two fingers against Jo's boob. "Yeah, they are significantly bigger." YEAH NO KIDDING. When the hell did they get that big?! Okay so maybe she has been hiding something from me. But why would she hide this from me?! They're PERFECT. She knows how much I like boobs…why would she do this to me? They're SO much bigger. They're amazing, my god. Can I just… touch them? I'm gonna have so much fun with these things tonight. Imagine how much fun I could have with them. How long have they been this glorious? I just wanna squeeze them.
"So they're not gonna get any bigger than this? Like… I can go out to Walmart and pick up a couple good bras and I won't have to go buy a bigger size in two weeks?" I only halfway hear what she just said. I'm way too busy staring…drooling. How did I miss them? She must've really been trying to keep me away from them. She knows how much I like boobs though. "Good." She helps the doctor close up her gown again. "…Shows over, you can stop looking now." She rolls her eyes at me with a playful smile. "…He's a boob fanatic. He really likes boobs and I know…" She sighs. "I knew if he saw how big they've gotten, he'd want to mess with them and they hurt too bad to be messed with. So I've been keeping them a secret." She giggles. "Cat's outta the bag now." Okay then, fine. I won't squeeze them. I'll just kiss them and stuff. I won't hurt you. HOW COULD YOU KEEP THEM FROM ME THOUGH?
"You wouldn't be the first woman that kept her breasts from her partner because they're achy." The doctor walks back over to the sink and grabs another pair of gloves. "Everything seems to be measuring right though, so I'm gonna go ahead and get you an ultrasound and maybe we can hear a heartbeat today." She puts the gloves on and sits down on a little black swivel stool. "Then we can schedule your 15-16 week appointment and get you going." Like she's been through this all before, Jo puts her feet in the stirrups and slides down so her positioning is right. "You're measuring pretty small, I want you to gain some more weight but it's nothing I'm too worried about because I CAN feel the top of your uterus and as long as I can feel it, everything's measuring alright. You're probably just gonna have a small baby. I don't think you're going to get very big. Most women are bigger than this at ten weeks." She sets up the ultrasound equipment. "And next time you come in, I might be able to do an abdominal ultrasound. I might not have to go inside you anymore."
Jo's eyebrows furrow a bit for a moment, so I assume the lady stuck that thing up there already. I don't like seeing her uncomfortable and she's CLEARLY uncomfortable with having this thing stuck up there. I get out of my chair because I'm just not close enough to her while I'm sitting and I stand next to her head. "You okay?" I ask her. She nods her head, turning her top half to the side so she can see the screen that the baby's gonna pop up on. "Just makin' sure." I bend down and kiss her forehead and turn my attention to the screen as well. Right now, it's just a mess of grey stuff.
Dr. Maxwell pushes a button on the computer thing and drags a little mouse thing to bring it into focus. I guess she's not so bad. She seems like she knows what she's doing here. I think my girls are in good hands with her. And Jo's comfortable around her, it seems. As long as Jo's comfortable, I guess I'm good. After all, I am a pediatrician and I can step in if this doctor does something wrong during the delivery. "Your fluids are still nice and high." She explains to Jo as she keeps dragging things into focus. She pushes a button to dull the lighting on the screen, and when she does that, the picture we get is…well…breathtaking. I hear Jo gasp, like she's never quite seen anything like this before. I have seen lots of babies on ultrasounds but I've never seen…MY baby, you know? It's a great feeling, I admit. "Not quite just a grey blob anymore, eh?"
"…Oh my god…Alex, look…" I think Jo might cry. She sounds so amazed. "Look…I can see his head…" She brings her hands up and covers her mouth, shock and awe written clear across her flawless face. "Are those his arms? And his belly…he's chunky… look at his leg… Oh my god…"
"I know…I see." This isn't really new to me but it's new to her and it's priceless to see her reaction. The last time she got a picture taken of the baby, it was nothing but a little grey blob on a sheet of black and grey paper, floating around in a mess of black. Now, four weeks after she got that first picture, it looks like a human. It has a head and arms and legs and a stomach and it looks like a baby. I think it's clicking for her right now. I think she's just a little bit amazed at how one week it was a blob and then four week after that, it looks like the silhouette of a human being. "Can you print this out for her?" I think Jo needs a picture of the baby. I want one as well, but I think Jo NEEDS one. Her reaction is just golden.
"Sure thing." With one hand still on the ultrasound wand that's stuck inside of my girlfriend, Dr. Maxwell maneuvers her free hand to grab ahold of the doppler. Oh, this is gonna be good… If Jo freaked out over just seeing the baby like that, I can't wait to see what she does when she hears it. This is gonna be great. Maxwell puts the doppler on Jo's stomach while using the internal ultrasound to line it up correctly. "Hold that right there, Alex." She instructs me. I hold the doppler there while she shuts off the ultrasound machine and cleans stuff up. When everything is all tidied up, Maxwell comes back over and pushes the button to turn the doppler on. "…And if everything goes right, you should be able to…" She moves the doppler to the left a little bit and bingo. It sounds like someone's hitting a drum softly, rhythmically. In the tune of something like 1…2…1…2…1…2…1…2.
"…Is that his heart?" Jo asks. I just nod at her, trying to get my own good listen in. "…It's strong." Sometimes, I forget that Jo has some medical training under her belt as well. She's able to listen and judge it the same way I am. "…No murmur. It's strong."
She's right. No murmur. It's strong.
Jo's Point of View.
"He had a good heartbeat too, Steph." I hover over her shoulder, pointing out the obvious things to her like his head, his arms and his little legs. "It was strong, no murmur, lot of beats per minute…" I'm in such a good mood today, which is saying a lot for me. I haven't been in a good mood since sometime last week. I've been feeling pretty shitty lately for hitting Alex in the face the way I did but today made me feel so much better. I got to see my baby that actually looks like a baby, I got to hear my baby's heartbeat and I bought a couple boxes of diapers today as well because that's all I could afford right now. I had a good day today and my mind is really off of hitting Alex. But now that I mentioned it…
I really am sorry that I hit him. I didn't even know I was gonna do it. It happened so fast. It was like…one second, I was cool and I was okay with the fact that I was angry. But he said that…he made that comment and I blacked out and lost it. I'll never lose it with him again, I swear to that. I swear I'll never lay my hands on Alex like that again. I'm definitely not proud of doing that, you know? I feel so bad. I think I feel the worst because I know that he's not like Jason. He's not like Jason and I didn't have a reason to hit him and when I hit him, I KNEW he wasn't gonna hit back. It wasn't like Jason where if he hit me, I'd retaliate or if I hit him, he'd retaliate. I hit ALEX. Defenseless Alex... I feel like I hit my baby. I really do. I feel like I spanked my kid and I felt so bad afterwards. Alex is my BABY. No, he's my BABY. Like…I'd do anything in this world for him, obviously. I'd go through hell just to hold his hand, you know? And I hit him. I felt like the biggest piece of garbage afterwards and I was just trying to make it up to him. Luckily for me, Alex is a much better person than I am and he completely forgave me.
"This is such a mom thing." With a smile on her face, Steph shakes her head. I crack a smile at that, because she's right. It is a mom thing. "All moms shove their baby's pictures down people's throats and gawk at how cute it is. You're bragging about the kid and it's not even born yet." She keeps staring at the picture right along with me though. "…It is cute though. It's real cute." She cracks an even bigger smile. "…Awwww I can't wait to meet my Mr. Man. Jo, you need to hurry up and have him. I'm so serious. I can't wait to meet him."
"…I love him to death but I'm not ready to meet him yet. I can't wait to meet him either, but I'm not ready. I still have a lot of preparing and growing up to do before I meet my peanut. He can stay right where he is for six and a half more months." I sit down on the couch next to her because my back is starting to hurt from standing up. "My little Nathan…." I can't stop staring at the damn picture either. I'm glad I have a name to actually call him now. Me and Alex decided that Nathan is the name for a boy. His name is definitely gonna be Nathaniel Alexander Karev if he's a boy. We're still up in the air about a girl's name though.
"And if it's a girl? Have you guys even put any thought into what if it's a girl? You've been calling it a him ever since you found out you were having him. You'll be pissed if it's a girl." Steph hands me the picture back and unpauses the episode of Saturday Night Live we were watching before I had the idea to show her the picture.
"I won't be mad if it's a girl. If it's a girl, she'll be my little twin." I poke my lip out just thinking about how pretty my girl would be. "And it's okay, because I call it a boy and Alex calls it a girl. He's always referring to it as 'his girl' or 'baby girl'. One of us is bound to be right." I shrug my shoulders. "But we can't agree on shit for the girl name. Which is why I'm kinda hoping it's not a girl. We can't agree on a girl name to save our lives. He likes Harlow and Brody. BRODY, Steph. BRODY. Brody Jo, he wants to name her."
"…Oh my goodness." She shakes her head. "…Do you need some help? I mean, I can try. I'm no good with baby names myself but I can try. Is there anything in particular you want? Like… any inspiration?"
"…No. I'll take anything at this point. Just not Brody. Harlow's pretty… we're thinking Harlow Kate. I want something…unique. Something nobody has but it's not too unheard of, you know? Like Jacey. Jacey's not too unheard of but it's unique. But I don't like Jacey."
"Okay, so… I knew this girl in high school named Layla. It's not unheard of."
"…No. Layla Karev… no thanks to that."
"I knew another girl in school named Shyla."
"…I said not ghetto. I mean… Shyla's not really ghetto but…it seems like something's missing. Shyla… what? Shyla…Marie. Shyla…Rae? Ehh…no. Not feeling Shyla. Next."
"Cameron."
"No." I shake my head. "But I like the whole 'Cam' thing. That's starting off pretty."
"Cambry?"
"C'mon Steph."
"…Camilla then?"
"…Something about that name just doesn't feel right." I shake my head at that. (A/N: lol, just a little lighthearted humor)
"Reese? Regan?"
"…I like Reese and Regan." I try them out. Reese Karev…Regan Karev… "No they don't sound right, never mind."
"Kylee?"
"No Ks. No Ks and no Os. I'm not having a K.K. or an O.K. My baby will not be made fun of."
"Ariel?"
"Not naming my baby after the Little Mermaid, Steph."
"Jeniya?" She's reading off her phone. No wonder that was stupid. "It's French for genie."
"No…"
"Angelle?" She looks up. "It's French for Angel. But pronounced like 'On-Gel.'"
"You're really not helping, Steph."
"I'm in the Ms." She shows me her phone. "Marcy, Mariah, Margot, Margaret, Maxwell…Maliah, Mary, Marie, Melanie, Myla, Mylani, Mercy…"
"Wait…Mercy." I try it out aloud. "Mercy… Mercy. How about 'M-E-R-C-I?" I sigh. "Nevermind. Keep going."
She starts rattling them off again. "Stefani. Like… Gwen Stefani." I bust out in laughter at that. "Skylar, Samantha, Summer, Sophia…" She scrolls all the way back to the top. "Oooh, I like Ellisyn. Call her 'Ellie' or 'Ella' for short."
"Why is picking a girl name so much more stressful than picking a boy name? I don't even get it." I shake my head. "I'm really struggling with this, Steph." I'm starting to get a headache so I'm done thinking about names for the night. "I'm done with this for now. Maybe it'll just come to me." I sigh and start watching the TV. "…I'm never gonna be able to go out with you and Leah and Heather and Shane again, you know that? I'll be all mommied out."
"That's not true." She points the remote at the TV and turns it up. "You can still be a good mom and go out with us sometimes. Just don't make it a habit to go out." She looks over at me. "You're gonna be a total MILF, Jo… you're gonna have to come out with us."
I laugh at that. "I'm gonna be a MILF?"
"Total MILF." She smiles, shaking her head at me like I'm too much for her to handle. All of a sudden, music starts playing off the TV and she gasps. "I LOVE THIS SKIT!"
"Me too!" I really do love this one. It's my favorite one. With Justin Timberlake and The Lonely Island in it. I memorized all the words. "Wait….wait…" I'm gonna sing it for her. And lucky for me, it looks like she's gonna sing with me. I clear my throat and make my voice real deep so it sounds like I'm singing in a guy's voice. "Girl you know we've been together…such a long long time."
Steph makes her voice all deep too and sings along with me. "AND NOW I'M READY TO LAY IT ON THE LINE…"
"Well…you know it's CHRISTMAS…AND MY HEART IS OPEN WIDE…" I snap my fingers, acting like I'm really performing. "Gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind…"
Steph is dying of laughter. "A gift real special… so take off the top…. take a look inside…"
We both say the next part together. "IT'S MY DICK IN A BOX!"
"Not gonna get you a diamond ring…that sort of gift don't mean anything… not gonna get you a fancy car…girl you gotta know you're my shining star…" I'm having fun with Steph. Just sitting here and singing along to a stupid skit with her. And I'm having fun…but now I'm scared.
"Not gonna get you a house in the hills…a girl like you needs something real. Wanna get you something from the heart… somethin' special girl…it's my dick in a box." She finishes off the last singing part. I'm scared now. Like…what if I can never do this again? With a baby? What if I'll never be able to have fun with Steph like this again? I'm gonna be a mom…that doesn't leave any room for me to be immature.
What exactly does being a mom mean?
A/N: Sorry if the story's a little slow for you. But I have something planned to happen that'll add a couple chapters worth of drama here in a little while. Any guesses? Hint: It happened in the show.
