Vive la Bastille!

Now that that's out of the way, on to the main event. This is the big one, folks (epic music please)! I always feel like Mike Rowe when I say this (those of you who have seen Dirty Jobs should know what I'm talking about), but without you my Readers, this monstrosity of a List would have ended ages ago. Honestly, I was planning to stop around 500, but man do plans change! Thank you SO much to all of you who have reviewed, favorited, followed, and submitted ideas, it means the world to me, really! You guys beat me: 500 reviews came before 1000 Rules (No. 500 was bina W).

Am I making this sound like this is the last update? Sorry, cause guess what: there are more!

So without further ado, here are some more Rules we would all love to break (and admittedly, probably would if any of us ever found ourselves on the Enterprise do to some freak Time/Space anomaly). Please remember to review, even if you don't have an account!


Rec. Room 4 was devoid of conversation. It had been for the last five minutes. For ten minutes before that, all conversation had taken place in hushed tones, trying to avoid detection of the sharp Vulcan ears that had come into the room. Evidently something had driven Mr. Spock out of his quarters, forcing him to pick up his lyre and find another corner to play it in.

Then Lt. Uhura came in, and the impromptu concert started.

"It's times like this when you remember he has a human side," Ensign O'Shea said as the song ended and the applause began.

"Yep," Sorren answered.

Spock acknowledged the applause with a curt nod, and began to tune his instrument for the next song. Uhura took a break and returned to her lunch.

Several PADDs went off across the room. Most noticeably four of them at the same table.

"Do we dare check with him in the room?" Billings asked.

"The others are," West said, and opened the message.


981. *Thylacines are not permitted on the Bridge. Neither are Lorises.

982. Yes, we have the capability to travel back in time. No, we will not travel back in time to resolve your dispute about a historical event.

983. *The phrase "I'm Sparticus" is not to be quoted or paraphrased in any form.

984. Mr. Spock does not need a sun lamp…?

985a. *You are not allowed to run around the halls singing "I'll Make a Man Out of You".

985b. *Or "Hakuna Matata".

985c. Or any old Disney song.

986a. *Stop calling Spock and Kirk "Sherlock Holmes" and "Watson", respectively. Despite all the similarities, Kirk doesn't like the implication that he's not as famous and important as Spock (even if, at least, the famous part is true).

986b. Same with calling Spock and McCoy "Sherlock Holmes" and "Watson". We covered this already with Dr. McCoy, but implying that Spock is Holmes just makes it worse.

987. We are permitted to hold Ship-Wide Olympics as long as the games do not interfere with the normal operations of the ship, do not damage any equipment, does not increase the amount of patents in Sickbay, or anything else along those lines.

988. Stop referring to Security/Engineering personnel as "the British". Yes, they wear red uniforms. Yes, it kind of makes sense with Security, but Mr. Scott is fed up with people calling him British. He's Scottish, there's a difference, we've covered it.

989. *Stop, just stop comparing Captain Kirk to Captain Malcolm Reynolds. Just because the guy is a captain, has a loyal crew/group of eight friends (seven if you don' count the girl), and his name (Mal) is drawing trouble to him, does not mean you get to draw similarities between the two of them. Plus, it's ticking Kirk off.

990. We would like to remind you that Mr. Spock's heart is located in a different location than that of a human's. Thus, in the unlikely event that something happens to him, do not freak out that you can't feel it beating and proclaim that he is dead or a vampire or something.

991a. *The ship-wide broadcast system is not a forum for expressing your views.

991b. *Nor is it a medium to broadcast incriminating footage of any officer, manipulated or not.

992. *Broadcasting the entire discography of Lady Gaga over the ship-wide system is not to be used as a morale-building exercise.

993. *Never play that old Earth song "I'm Sexy and I Know It" on the ship's speakers. It drives people insane.

994. *Never ever put food coloring in Chekov's vodka, give it to Scotty and then tell it's scotch. He will know.

995. *The higher in the color spectrum, the stronger the intoxicant (i.e. smelling one of Scotty's purple liquors can, and probably will, make you drunk).

996. Ultimate Frisbee maybe played in the cargo holds and hangar decks only, not the hallways.

997. You cannot yell "Thunderbirds are go!" when shuttlecrafts are launched.

998. *You cannot use Tribbles as currency.

999. Do not threaten Klingons with a foam sword.

1000. You do not have "minions" nor can you have "minions" or refer to Ensigns and lower officers as your "minions".


"How is it we have more Unofficial Rules than Official Rules?" Billings wondered aloud.

"Because we're on the Enterprise," O'Shea replied. "And we're special that way."

"Quite, they're starting again!" West hissed.

The room once again grew quite as Uhura opened her mouth. Delivery of the new Rules could wait until the next song, especially when this one was a classic that everyone knew the words to.


Okay then, #981 is from Vulcanblood, #983 is by twindaughterofArtemis, #985a-b are by Distressed Clover, Hermione-of-Vulcan came up with #986a, #989 is courtesy of Jedi Ani Unduli, #991a-992 and #998 are from TehWolfyBlake, #993 is by I heart Star Trek, and X-Men loving remi-it's-a-girl's-name gave us #994-995. Thank you!