In spite of being only a few hours, the rest of the time spent on Noveria's surface seemed to drag on into eternity. There had been a quick flyby to ensure that the Neutron bomb had indeed gone off, and that all contaminants within the facility were dead, before they returned to Port Hanshan. In spite of the damage, and the presence of Alliance troops, the port did seem to be struggling back to its feet. It was open for business again, and the guards now stood to their posts with a little more pride, though there were fewer of them. They had stood in the fires of battle and they had endured, no longer were they second rate soldiers in the eyes of the Alliance Marines. A new Administrator was due within a week and Anoleis was on his way to the Citadel to answer for the blood spilled in the name of his own petty ambition. Whatever his motivations had been, whatever higher purpose he believed he had been serving, no one here was particularly interested nor empathetic to his plight. The rumours spreading through the Port were that the Council would be no more lenient.
They had brought Benezia's body with them and left it at the port, the last courtesy they could give to the Asari. It was really the only reason that Shepard had returned to Hanshan. If it had been up to her, she would have gone directly to the Normandy, fired up the engines and been gone from that frozen hell forever. Duty had compelled her back. It always did. She smiled with the victorious security forces, she laughed with her fellow marines, she spoke solemnly and at length with the Commodore in temporary charge of security. She was confronted by the media, who were taking advantage of the rupture in Noveria's normally watertight security and pawing over everything within reach. At the same time, the Board of Directors wanted to lavish her with medals and ceremonies, awards and prizes. She politely brushed them all off, directing the praise towards local security, that they deserved all the money and attention. As soon as the heat has been deflected from her, she had returned to her ship and departed, leaving behind the foul memories.
The mood on the Normandy could be said to be grim by those more optimistic, those more pessimistic would have called it poisonous. The Spectre could taste it in the air. Most of the crew were not truly aware of what had happened at Peak 15, for none of those who had been there were keen to recount the story, though incomplete pictures, fuelled by hearsay and rumour, began to emerge. She went about her duty as normal, cursing the three days it would take to reach the Relay. It was the first time in her life that she had accused the instantaneous Mass Relays of being too slow. She was heading to the communications room slowly, taking time to take to various on-duty crew members even if she did avoid questions about Noveria. When she reached the communications room, she stopped.
"Joker," She pressed her communicator into her ear, "did you send my report to the Council?"
"Yes, Commander." The bodiless voice of her pilot replied, sombre, "there's an incoming transmission from the Citadel."
"Patch them through, I'll be there in a moment."
She stood reluctantly before the holographic transmitters, inhaling deeply. She could guess what their response was going to be. She was not disappointed.
"Commander," those three familiar figures appeared before her, the Asari Councillor standing in the middle and taking the lead as always, "we have read your report. First of all, allow us to extend our congratulations for the successful defence of Port Hanshan. No doubt Noveria's research projects would have been valuable tools for Saren and Benezia."
"Their legality notwithstanding," the Salarian added. Shepard glanced at him but the male's large eyes were as empty as ever, uncaring of his snide remark. She did not reply, the politics of Noveria were complex and she was not interested in engaging with a politician on a matter.
Unheeding of her fellow, the Asari continued, "and we are glad to see that Benezia has been removed as a threat."
Shepard's stomach knotted at those words, at the memories of what had happened in Peak 15, "Councillor," She began, speaking slowly, "did you read the rest of my report? About what the Matriarch said?"
"We did, Commander," The Asari replied. The Turian shifted beside her but bit his tongue, "we...are not convinced by what she said."
"I can understand that Councillor, but I believe she was telling the truth and if not," Shepard protested, scanning from one flickering, translucent face to the other, "we have to at least be wary of the Sovereign and consider that it may not be of geth origin."
"Commander Shepard," the Turian finally snapped, "what are you proposing? If the geth did not build it, this large dreadnought with advanced technology then who did? Where do you propose it came from?"
Shepard shook her head, "It could be a Reaper artefact for all we know, Councillor, a remnant left over from the Prothean war?"
"I thought we agreed Commander, that the Reapers were not a part of this operation and that what you saw in your head cannot be taken as solid evidence. Your priority is Saren. It sounds to me like you've had your head turned by Benezia." he continued with the same contradictory tone, "she was serving Saren, she had betrayed her own people," A nod of the head to the Asari beside him, who did not acknowledge his words, "even if, if, she did repent with her final breath there is every chance she has been fed misinformation by Saren."
"I am aware of that Councillor," Shepard stared at him, sincerely hoping that her dislike was transmitting across the galaxy, "and I can't say for certain that what she said was true, but it is certainly worth following up on."
"In defence of the Commander, STG reconnaissance of the co-ordinates provided by Benezia have shown there to be a relay there. However, it links to over two dozen systems. To check them all would take months."
"We don't have months," the Spectre informed them, "Saren already knows what he's looking for."
"As soon as we have any more information, Commander we will let you know," The Asari assured her calmly, "In the meantime, we have something else in your report we wish to discuss with you."
She nodded, the churning in her gut increasing in intensity. This was it.
"We were shocked to find evidence of rachni on Noveria of course. We were also surprised by your decision to release the Queen..."
"Surprise is the wrong word," the turian Councillor could no longer contain himself, "horrified would be more suitable! What the hell were you thinking Commander?! You let a rachni Queen loose on Noveria! Do you know what you've done?!"
"I did what I thought was right, Councillor," Shepard tried to retaliate to the furious politician but found that she had very little to offer him, "She wanted to rebuild her people and make amends for what happened in the war-"
"-Oh I see," the Councillor snorted with such cynicism that even Shepard blinked, "and just because she told you whatever you needed to hear, that was enough for you to unleash them on us again? Do you have any idea what happened the last time?"
"Of course I do."
"Yet you thought it suitable to introduce them back into the galaxy!"
"I made my choice, Councillor and I will stand by it. She said she understood the mistakes of the war and I believed her."
"Then let us hope for the sake of our children's children that you were not fooled. Otherwise it will be another genocide." The transmission ended.
For a long while, Shepard stayed where she was and stared off into the void, trying to get herself back in order. How much she wanted to snap back at the Turian, to ask him what he knew of genocide. Did they question and second-guess all of their agents or was she a special case? Where they regretting their choice? Anxious that she was going to make a mistake, a blunder? Was she an accident waiting to happen? She tossed her head to rid her mind of those heavy thoughts. They weren't going to help now and she had other things she needed to concentrate on.
On the way out, she caught sight of a crewman heading from the bridge. For a moment, she tensed up, her sapphire eyes flicked panicked from side to side as if suspecting a trap, as if expecting to see someone else there. When there was no sign of that person, she relaxed, breathing a low sigh of relief. Then she caught herself and administered a mental admonishment,
'What the hell is wrong with you? You're not hiding from anyone on your own ship!'
It didn't stop her tensing when the next person passed in the corner of her eye. She realised she was fooling no one.
-–
"Well, what about this one?" Shepard pointed at the galaxy map from her position overlooking it. She was pointing towards a highlighted star. Pressly obligingly increased its size so it was not just one of a million little balls of light dotted across the galaxy, "the Obran System, could he be hiding anything in there?"
"I doubt it," Kaidan peered at it, scratching his chin in thought, "Turian patrols use the Altran System nearby regularly to refuel, he'd have to be suicidal to try and hide a ship nearby."
"I don't know, do Turian ships check the system regularly?" Pressly asked.
Kaidan looked at a readout, "a probe sweep every other week and a vessel every month. And fighter sweeps...
"Someone's paranoid," Pressly muttered under his breath, "I think we can assume that there's no two kilometre long super-dreadnought in the Obran System."
"Alright," Shepard ran a hand through her hair, "we can cross it off the list then. How many more systems are there that the Mu Relay can hit?"
"We're making good progress," Pressly glanced at the screen in front of him, "only another thirty one to go."
The human made a noise somewhere between a groan and a growl of frustration. It was the final day of their three day trip to the mass relay and she could honestly say she had never looked forward to a jump more, "this is going to take hours."
"With respect, ma'am," Kaidan looked at her, "you could go and do something else. The Navigator and I have this covered."
"I'm good thanks, I'll help a little longer." It was true she had been spending a lot of time on the bridge over the past few days but she was in no great rush to spread herself around either.
The door behind her to the right hissed open and Shepard tensed briefly before seeing that it was Ashley who walked out. She relaxed again.
"Ash!" She trotted from her platform and approached the dark-haired Marine who snapped to attention. In spite of the salute, Shepard to see she looked tired. It was hardly unsurprising, "how's she holding up?"
Ashley exhaled, "all things considered? About as well as we could expect really. She let the Doctor in to look at her and she is eating. I don't think she's planing on coming out of hermit mode but that's to be expected. Tali's in with her now. She doesn't say much but I think she appreciates the company."
"Yeah," Shepard replied a little guiltily and glanced back at the map, "We're playing hunt the Dreadnought. It's going about as well as you'd expect."
"So the Council weren't lying about the 'needle in a haystack' business," She glanced at the map.
"Turns out that finding a two kilometre dreadnought in thirty one galaxies 120,000 light years wide each is a bit difficult. Who knew."
"I hear they were pretty rough."
"No worse than usual," Shepard shrugged off her concerns, "it's becoming routine you know? I do something, they call me out on it. The Turian calls me a tosser because he can and we agree to talk again. Such is politics I guess."
"And you think Benezia was telling the truth?"
"I can't really explain it Ash, I just...it's a gut instinct and right now we have no other leads. I'll chase any breadcrumb I can find." a pause, "how's the arm, by the way?"
"It's fine ma'am, the Doctor said it's healing well." Ashley flexed it and winced, "how about you? Biotics settled down yet?"
"Only barely. Chaskwas has had me on special Asari nerve dampers to control the worst of it. The side-effects include drowsiness in humans, which I think I'll count as a blessing."
"Sounds...annoying."
"Well, if it means I don't shock everyone in the room when I pick up something metal, I'll be grateful."
Kaidan turned around, "it was an incredible achievement, if I do say so ma'am. Breaking out of a Matriarch's lift? Very difficult thing to do."
"I wish we could have helped her," Shepard closed her eyes, wishing to god that those images and the sound of the pistol shot would just leave her head.
"Don't worry, Saren is going to pay for all this. I would love to meet that bastard face to face right now. If he was in front of me, I'd smash him to bits." Ashley clenched her good fist.
"If only," Shepard sighed. Anything more she could say was drowned out by the sudden ringing of an alarm.
"Security alert," The toneless voice urged, "Security alert. Hangar. Security alert. Hangar."
Shepard and Kaidan looked at one another.
"Wrex." He said. She nodded. Then turned for the door. Kaidan followed her, both officers half-running down the stairs.
"I'll go see what's happening. You get the duty marines together and follow." She ordered. He nodded.
"Armed ma'am?"
"Armed." She confirmed as they reached the second deck. Kaidan broke off to round up the on duty marines. She jumped into the cargo lift and punched the button for the basement floor. She wondered what the hell was going on, if the Krogan had finally snapped. The sense of dread that thought brought made her shudder, unseen in the slowly descending metal crate.
As the door ground open and she rushed out into the hangar. There was a loose ring around the the centre of the wide, open space; all engineers who were fidgeting and looking around nervously.
In the centre, circling and prowling, was Wrex. His reptilian eyes were fixed on Garrus who looked just on the right side of calm but with his armoured form side on to the Krogan. One hand raised.
"-what were we supposed to do, Wrex? You were going to destroy us!"
"You condemned my people to a slow death! To waste away on mountains of dead children!"
"I'm not sorry," the turian said stubbornly, "we did what we had to to survive."
"That's why I'm going to enjoy this." He stepped forward with a low, primal growl.
"Wrex!" Shepard pushed through the ring, "What do you think you're doing? Stand down!"
"Stay out of this Shepard!" Wrex did not take his eyes from Garrus, "my problem is with this turian, not you."
The Commander hesitated for a split second, before she pushed forward in front of Garrus, taking a fight stance.
"Commander, what are you doing?" Garrus hissed into her ear while Wrex paused, watching her darkly, "you can't take him on unarmoured. I can fight my own battles."
"If you've got a problem with one of my crew, Wrex, you've got a problem with me." Shepard turned side on to the Krogan, bouncing on her toes, "and we both know who you're really mad at. So bring it, Dinosaur. Give me your best."
With a roar, Wrex rushed forward, a fist raised like a giant, armoured wrecking ball. Shepard waited until he was close before she moved, contracting one knee so she rolled forward, letting Wrex rush past her, unable to change his course in time. She lunged out with her other leg, kicking him hard in the back of the knee. The Krogan snarled and spun to face her again just as the Commander got to her feet and readied herself again.
Wrex lunged forward, again going with the fist. Shepard went to dodge but as she did, the Mercenary changed his attack, darting forward with his other fist. She barely avoided it, feeling the kiss her skin as that wrecking ball flew by. She had no chance to counter this time and instead took a step back, creating space between them.
"Come on Wrex," Shepard was blowing hard, both from the physical activity and the absolute concentration required to fight an armoured Krogan when unarmoured, "what's your problem? A turian not sorry for genophage? You've got to have heard that one before."
"My species is doomed!" He shouted, his voice echoing in the enclosed space along with his heavy footsteps as they circled one another, "we destroy ourselves while the turians watch! No mercy, no regrets. We are condemned for the rebellions!" He struck forward, striking first with one hand then the other. Shepard ducked backwards to avoid the flurry of blows but again saw no opening. So she hung back.
"Our only achievement was the extinction of the rachni!" He attacked again, Shepard could see the fist coming for her, with all the power behind of it of a runaway express train. If it hit her, it would powderise her. She evaded again, using her reflexes and speed honed over a decade of warfare to her advantage. This time she lashed out with a kick to the krogan's side, just under his arm. It forced his arm down, away from her.
"So you think I've undone all your good work huh? Your legacy?" She panted.
"You took away our one glory! We destroyed the rachni!" Wrex was also panting hard. He was no longer carelessly lashing out but taking his time, watching her for weaknesses. Shepard felt uncomfortably like an ant under the magnifying glass. She kept her arms up, she kept her balance. She stayed on her toes and she waited.
"Why did you destroy the rachni, Wrex?" She asked.
Wrex looked at her as though she had taken leave of her senses, "they were going to overrun the galaxy and destroy everything within it."
"And yet, when your people did it, how was it diff-" She didn't even get to finish the sentence.
"-we are nothing like the rachni!" Wrex howled as he came forward again. Shepard suddenly found he had blocked both her ways out with his imposing bulk, a hand coming down on her like the blade of a guillotine. She twisted her body to let his hand brush off her shoulder, sending a flash of pain through her side. Using his momentum against him, she kicked hard at his face, sending him back, giving her space.
"You're right," she panted, her face covered in a sheen of sweat, "the rachni were hunted to extinction for their crimes. The turians gave you a chance, a chance to learn from your mistakes and start again."
"That's not true-" Wrex began, but Shepard was in full flow.
"-did the turians make your people leave their planet? Did they force you to become mercenaries? Did they send legions of you into private armies? Did they demand you kill one another?"
"My people do it because they have no hope!"
"Then give them hope, Wrex! Give them hope!"
Anything the Krogan could say was interrupted by a dozen clicks from the elevator. Shepard turned around to see two rows of six marines standing there, fully armoured, rifles levelled at Wrex. Kaidan stood beside them.
"Stand down Wrex." He said softly, pistol raised, "it's over."
The Krogan looked genuinely conflicted for a moment, as if dying under the fire of those Alliance rifles was the more tempting option. Then with a snarl he put his hands down and stormed into the corner of the hangar, out of sight.
It seemed as though everyone else in the hangar breathed their relief at the same time. Garrus glanced at Shepard but said nothing, turning back to the Mako tank behind them and beginning to work on it again.
Kaidan approached Shepard, the marines departed their two rank formation, but kept their weapons levelled and pointed in the direction Wrex had gone.
"Commander, are you okay? What were you thinking? Taking on a Krogan like that?" he was pale, "he could have shredded you."
"He held back," She took a deep breath, feeling around her shoulder. It was bruised, but no worse than that, "that could have been a lot more nasty." There was a pause, "Kaidan, can I ask a favour of you?"
"Anything, Commander."
"If I ever try to do anything that stupid again, please let me know, will you?" She nodded to him, walked past the saluting troops to the elevator and disappeared behind lowering metal door.
Shepard rotated her shoulder, arm straight as the elevator raised. She winced at the dull pain that went through her body but kept exercising the muscle. She had not been lying when she said that Wrex had been holding back as he could easily have shattered the bone with his chop. That did not mean it was not hurting like an absolute bitch. She knew she should really go the med-bay and see Doctor Chakwas but the thought sent a shiver through her spine. She had painkillers in her quarters. If that did not help by the morning then she would go to the good Doctor, who would no doubt scold her for leaving it so long. Oh well, so be it.
The lift creaked to a stop on the second deck of the Normandy and Shepard stepped out. She fastidiously ignored the medical bay to her right and headed for the stairs that led to the bridge.
"Commander?" She heard Pressly's voice, "Commander, you have an incoming transmission from the Council. Top priority."
She frowned, but replied nonetheless, "Put them through to the comm room, Pressly. I'll be there in a moment."
"Ma'am."
Well, this was unusual. The Council had never initiated contact with her without cause. Normally, it was after she had sent a report about a mission that they got in touch to shout at her. She couldn't think why they had decided to speak to her now, especially after she had spoken with them only three days ago. What had changed in the last 72 hours? Her optimistic side hoped they might have caught Saren themselves but she quickly dismissed it. If Saren was gone, it would have been spread across every communication relay in the galaxy. Information maybe? God forbid it would be an apology. Well, whatever it was, it was important.
She jumped the steps two at a time and passed into the comm room, just as those three figures appeared once again,
"Commander Shepard, we may have found information critical to your search for Saren." The Asari began before Shepard could even say so much as hello.
"Oh?" Shepard looked between the three of them. The Turian was as immovable as ever, but the Salarian and Asari both seemed keen to share what they had learnt, "Well, I'll take any lead I can."
"We've received an urgent message from one of our infiltration units out in the traverse. They were investigating Saren." the Salarian reported, "we believe they may have found something."
"What did they find?" Shepard folded her arms, trying to keep the excitement and disbelief from her voice. Could they have found Saren? After all this time searching? She tried not to get her hopes up; there had to be a catch was bound to be a catch.
"We don't know," there it was, "all we received was static, but it was sent along a channel reserved for mission critical updates. Whatever they found, it was obviously vital. The message came from Virmire in the Hoc System. Given your mission, we thought this may be of some use to you."
"Yes, thank you Councillor," She nodded to the Salarian, "it is. I'll set a course immediately."
"A warning Commander," The Asari interjected as she went to cut the transmission, "The Hoc System is beyond Citadel Space, between our territory and that of the Terminus Systems. Any evidence of Citadel or Alliance intervention there could lead to a major diplomatic incident."
"I understand, Councillor," the redhead replied with a nod of her head, "I will be discreet."
The Asari seemed satisfied, "Good luck Commander. We look forward to your next report." The three beings fizzled out.
Shepard hurriedly typed at the console, her fingers slipping in her excitement. Once she had brought up the data she wanted to see, she spent a few minutes looking over it. It was as the Council had said, Virmire was perched between Citadel Space and that of the Terminus Systems. A good site for a major flashpoint if she did not handle this delicately. How one was supposed to handle a two thousand metre long Dreadnought delicately was something she would have to think about. That was if they had found Saren. It was just a scrambled, static transmission after all. For all she knew it could be a false alarm and she had been in this job long enough to know never to count her chickens before they had hatched. Still, it was very hard not to be upbeat.
Content with her background reading, she activated her communicator,
"This is Commander Shepard," She heard her voice bounce off the walls, words echoing through the entire ship, "Joker, set a course for the Hoc System. Will my team come to the Comm Room immediately." She paused for a moment, "no exceptions."
The first in was Kaidan, who had been standing in the CIC. When the doors opened to admit him, the human was wearing a look of concern. That look morphed quickly into one of confusion as Shepard nodded him down to one of the chairs. Ashley, Garrus and Tali were not long in following. Each took a seat with similar looks of confusion but Shepard did not say anything. She was waiting.
"Uh, Commander," Kaidan coughed beside her, "I wouldn't be waiting for the others to show, I mean-"
He was cut off as the doors hissed open once again. The deck shook as Wrex thudded in, very clearly ignoring the side of the room in which Garrus sat and where Ashley was shooting daggers at him.
"Take a seat Wrex," she nodded to a chair. Wrex spent a moment looking over her, eyes narrowed in distrust, before he slowly lowered himself into the chair. She did not have the same confidence about the final member of her team, "I called you here because I just received information from the Council relates to our mission. One of their teams has-"
The door hissed open.
Six pairs of eyes snapped to the figure that stood there.
"-I believe you said, no exceptions, Commander," Liara whispered quietly, her voice hoarse.
"L-Liara," Shepard's mouth had suddenly dried up. There was an agonising silence. "...take a seat."
She looked terrible. Her eyes were blood-red, her face streaked with trails of shining tears. There were large bags under her eyes while she looked unsteady on her feet. Shepard actually felt her breath catch in her throat as the Archaeologist settled down next to Wrex. The Mercenary glanced at her warily, but not unkindly.
"...uh...well, anyway," Shepard tried to regain her composure and get back on her train of thought, "yes, the Council just relayed to me information that be the breakthrough we are looking for. An STG Team out in the traverse has sent a scrambled transmission to the Citadel from the planet of Virmire. Now we don't know what they've found but we have been sent in to investigate."
"So...we've got nothing?" Garrus asked sceptically, "a burst of static is our breakthrough? No offence Commander but...it's hardly the find of the century is it?"
"It was sent on a mission critical channel so we can assume it was important. Virmire is in the Hoc System; located between accepted Citadel territory and the Terminus Systems. Citadel patrols never go that far out and the Terminus pirates wouldn't dare get so close to Council space without reason. It's the perfect place to hide a Dreadnought."
"It's not one of the systems connected to the Mu Relay, Commander," Kaidan informed her.
"So if he is there, it's not because of what Be..." Ashley started to speak then immediately her voice drained away to nothing, with a quick glance towards Liara as if afraid of physically harming her with her words. Shepard also looked to her, much for the same reason, but Liara remained steadfast and quiet.
"well, we're on our way there now. Our ETA is 18 hours so we can ascertain his motives when we get there. Fortunately, the message gave a location for the Council team so we can set down next to them and find out what's happening. As soon as we drop in, we go to stealth mode. If that dreadnought is there, I want to avoid contact for as long a humanly possible. In the meantime, I want you all to get ready." She looked at Wrex as she spoke, but he avoided her gaze. "You're dismissed." Everyone went to leave, "Liara, can you stay back for a minute please?"
Everyone looked at one another but there was silence as everyone shuffled from the room, everyone save Liara. Shepard waited until the door had closed tight and the sound of footsteps beyond had faded away before she took the still-warm seat next to the Asari. She tried to look into those tormented eyes but found she couldn't, as if it was actually painful to do so.
"...how are you feeling?" She asked awkwardly, for lack of anything else to say.
Liara looked at her, Shepard found herself staring at the woman's chin. She just could not bring herself to return her gaze, "I..." she croaked, "...I have been better, Commander. But I have also been worse. Those days by myself have helped...as have Tali and Ashley...they have been very kind." there was another pause. Shepard was sure her gaze was going to start boring through her skull so intense it was, "why didn't you come visit?"
At that, the Commander instinctively looked up into her eyes and what she saw was completely different to what she was expecting; there was anger there, pain and anguish, but they were joined by hurt, a real hurt in her features that she knew had nothing to do with Benezia's death.
"I-I..." Shepard stuttered, fighting to get her thoughts in order so she may voice them coherently rather than as a mumbled mess, "I thought you wouldn't want to see me...n-not after what happened on Noveria...I thought you would have b-blamed me for..."
"Lauren. Stop," Shepard abruptly closed her mouth, "I never blamed you for what happened at Peak 15. Did I hate you for it? Yes. For a time. But sitting in the dark, I came to terms with what happened. My mother chose her own fate; she chose to go along with Saren for just reasons, to try and save him from himself. She ended up getting swept away in things she had no control over. What you did...it was a mercy for her. You freed her from the madness, you gave her peace."
Shepard nodded, but that guilt writhing in her chest refused to go away. Again, she found that she could not keep contact with the young Archaeologist and she again looked at her own boots. She found herself saying the words she had wished to say for three long days but never had the courage to actually do so,
"I'm sorry." her voice broke a little.
"Don't be," Liara shook her head, her own reply heavy, "I will remember my mother for who she was, what she stood for, not how she died or why. Maybe, in time, the pain will go away."
"It never goes away," Shepard whispered, so quietly that she wasn't sure Liara had even heard her, "you will wake up every day and you will feel a pang, a longing in your heart that tells you that person is gone, forever. You will feel a pain that you cannot speak to them, you cannot share with them, laugh with them, cry with them. And some days you will miss them so much that it will physically hurts...and you wonder why you're still going, why you don't just give up and join them...but then you realise that every day you've been given is a gift, not a curse. Every day you have is a day to make the universe that took them from you a better place, so that others won't suffer the same pain you do," Shepard took Liara's hand in her own, holding it, her voice soft but determined as she finally looked the Asari in the eye, "and then you might find someone else in this big, wide galaxy. You might someone else that made you feel a little like they did, and that person will drive you on, they will give you something to keep fighting for."
"Thank you, Lauren," Liara murmured, keeping her hand in Shepard's for a moment longer before pulling it away, "I just, I want you to know that I really like you...a lot...and there is something between us...but not yet...maybe when this is over...when I've had time to grieve..."
"I understand," the Commander nodded and found that she did not feel let down or upset over Liara's words. She knew the Asari was speaking sense. There was a hesitation before she continued though, "I also wanted to talk to you about Virmire...about deploy-"
"-I know what you're going to say," the Archaeologist interrupted her, that visage suddenly fierce and hard, "you want to keep me aboard the Normandy. You think I might be a liability on the ground. You won't be the only one who thinks so," she added before Shepard could reply, "Commander, I want to be on the ground team. I need to see this through. For my mother. For what she represented. To make the galaxy a better place..."
Shepard considered that, the silence drawing on as Liara watched avidly for a response. When it came, her voice was weak and tentative, "I'll think about it, Liara. That's the best I can do."
"That's all I ask," The woman nodded as she stood up, "I'll return to my office, Commander. If you want me to help the others then I will. I would prefer to be busy for these few hours."
The Spectre nodded, slumping in her seat as she watched Liara leave. She turned her eyes upwards to the ceiling. It felt as if solid ice had formed around her heart and she willed it to stop, but it no more answered her commands than the stars themselves. With a loud, pained grunt, she stood and headed for the door. Now was not the time to be feeling sorry for herself.
She had a job to do.
