She had passed the same bench covered with red graffiti for about the 9th time and, despite the terrible heat of the dying afternoon, it felt as if she had not being walking around the deserted square for almost an hour now. Except for the sky, rapidly going from clear blue to crimson and now to deep blue, it could have been not time at all, not even a second Tonks had spent circling that particular place. But she had indeed been pacing… and thinking… That, of course, if the mess of ideas and the flow of memories dancing in chaos inside her head could be considered as "thinking".

At first all their thoughts had been self recriminating. She had been quite obnoxious indeed, thinking she was the only one knowing about Remus Lupin's monthly problem. She could feel her face burn thinking about Sirius reaction… luckily it has been only in front of him that she had made such a fool of herself…

Now, however, many laps later, her thoughts were circling a very different path. It was not about her knowing something she believed nobody else knew and finding out how mistaken she was; it was about the nature of that particular piece of information,

He is a werewolf.

He is supposed to be dangerous only to himself.

Dumbledore knew... everybody knew!

He is a Dark Creature.

And there was that especially heavy question, the one that had acted like a trigger, making her leave Number 12 Grimmauld Place and all her work behind and, almost automatically, go for a long walk: Why.

If I was convinced I was the only one who knew something this important, why haven't I revealed what Remus is to the other members of the Order?

And even though the answer was glowing inside Tonks' head, she was doing her very best to try to ignore it.

Because you feel attracted to him.

There was no way she was going to admit that, she thought the 10th time she passed the vandalised bench. Not even to herself, not under any circumstance.

"Because it isn't even true", she whispered angrily to herself.

So, if that was not the reason for her not turning Remus in – because it honestly could not be – then… why? And what was she going to do now?

She could not just go to the Order meetings pretending her last conversation with Sirius had not occurred, not only because she was sure he would make her recall it on any possible opportunity, but mostly because she had now learned a few things about Remus' position inside the Order, she could not ignore in the future.

Maybe Moody was right and this is too much for me, she thought, sitting on the nearest bench and sighing loudly.

There actually were many things going on, a lot had happened since she joined the Order and yet… after talking to Sirius… being almost attacked by him, really… she had felt as silly and inexperienced as the first night at the Burrow. The only difference had been that on this particular situation there had been no excitement at all, just an overwhelming feeling of insecurity and stupidity.

On that previous occasion she had been so quick and sure when stunning Sirius and disarming Remus, and after, when Moody had explained the situation, she had felt – even though she was not keen to admit that either – really stupid and humiliated.

And on that previous occasion it he had been there, Remus, looking at her, half cautious and half amused. She remembered the exact shade of his brown eyes dimly illuminated by the light coming from inside the Burrow, and the way they twinkled when she gave him his wand back, as if he were fighting an urge to laugh.

Tonks realised she was smiling at the memory and tried to force herself to her previous train of thoughts, the one in which Lupin was just another dangerous Dark Creature. But this time she could not. Her brain stubbornly refused to go to that safe path and, for some incomprehensible but very irritating reason, Remus' eyes kept coming to her mind.

And then there were not just his eyes, but also his smile, his elegant hands when drawing his wand, his voice…

She looked at the velvety blue sky and sighed again.

What if…?

"What if…? Ok, let's pretend for a moment, for argument's sake… just a theory… that I do feel attracted to him… to the man…"

But he is not a man, he is a werewolf!

Not all the time.

But he is one, all the same!

But what if I do fancy him? Let's say… 27 days out of 28?

That's stupid… Do you?

Do I?

Well… it's just a theory, right?

Then, what?

"Then," Tonks whispered out loud, "that would explain at least my behaviour. 'Cause if I fancied him, I would not have turned him in. I would have wanted to protect him… but also…"

But I would also be very hurt, because he didn't trusted me enough to tell me the truth about him.

Tonks dwelled on this thought for a while, a known feeling of indignation resurfacing inside her. She junpted to her feet again and resumed her furious pace.

He should have told me! We were friends! We were really good friends!

"And what would you have done then?" a very nasty voice seemed to ask inside her head.

Would I have understood him then?

Tonks stopped again, and looking down at her boots, she took a deep breath. No, she would not have, there was no point trying to pretend she would have acted differently. She could now imagine the scene in which Remus would have told her that he was a werewolf; she could almost hear the concern in his voice, maybe even the shame. And what would have been her reaction?

She would have been horrified, just like she had been when finding out by herself. And she would not have been able to hide that from him. Not the grimace of disgust, nor the look of fear in her eyes.

And then, Remus would have been hurt. By her.

That's why he didn't tell me.

And now…

Now I'm rejecting him all the same, because he is a Dark Creature, maybe a very dangerous one. She thought fiercely.

The problem was that last idea did not sound right at all. Remus, dangerous? The ever returning image of his eyes told her, yet again, what she had known all along.

He is not dangerous, he is a good man. A man, not a Creature. Remus Lupin is a very good man, who just had bad luck once. Like many others, he had been in the wrong place at the wrong time and had being bitten by a werewolf. And now he is not only trying to live a normal life among wizards, but he is actually fighting to make a better life for others.

And even more.

"I do like him. A lot."