CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE

'And it feels like I am just too close to love you…

So I'll be on my way…'

Too Close-Alex Clare

"I haven't seen Remus in hours," Peter remarked as he, James and Sirius made their way up the stairs towards Gryffindor Tower.

"He's probably anxious about Wendy coming back tomorrow. You know he likes to be alone when he's nervous," James suggested.

Sirius groaned irritated and removed the Marauder's Map from his bag.

"Oi! Be a little more discreet, will you?"

"Oh, relax, James. Everyone is still at dinner," Sirius scoffed pointing his wand at the parchment. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Slowly the ink appeared featuring all their names then the map of Hogwarts. Sirius scanned the map for Remus's name.

"He's by the lake," stated Sirius finally locating Remus.

"Alright, let's go then," sighed Peter.

James, Peter and Sirius turned around and began to make their way down the stairs. Sirius halted causing the boys to stop too.

"Padfoot?" Peter said curiously.

Sirius ran his fingers through his hair, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"I should go alone. I really think the last thing he needs is a crowd of us ambushing him," Sirius suggested.

James and Peter looked at each other then nodded.

"You're right. We'll see you in the common room later?" clarified Peter.

Sirius gave them a fleeting glance and started downstairs towards the grounds.

Remus gazed out at the lake in a daze. He'd been sitting here in this exact position for hours. All he could think about was Wendy returning tomorrow. It felt like it had been years since she'd been at Hogwarts and he couldn't decide how he felt about her arrival.

Part of him was terrified. Would Wendy still be as understanding about the incident as before or would she finally realize that this was all Remus's fault and hate him forever?

Then there was the question as to if he still wanted to propose after this tragic ordeal. If being his girlfriend had already turned Wendy into a werewolf then what would being his wife do?

"Moony!"

Remus looked over his shoulder, finally moving for the first time in three hours. Sirius was jogging down the hill with ease. Remus forced a smile and wave limply at him.

"Hey, Padfoot," Remus replied.

Sirius reached Remus and plopped down beside him with a sigh.

"Is this where you've been all day?" asked Sirius.

Remus grimaced and fidgeted, elbows on his knees that he had drawn up, back slumped dismally.

"Not all day," shrugged Remus.

Sirius smirked at him and lounged back on his elbows. He could see the anxiety in Remus's tired eyes. With each day he seemed more wary, his light brown hair now flecked with numerous grey hairs.

"She won't be mad, mate. It's Wendy! She's a good girl. I know she doesn't blame you."

"Well, she should," murmured Remus.

Sirius scoffed at him.

"You know, Moony, for a brilliant bloke you can be pretty daft," Sirius snorted.

Remus exhaled loudly and crossed his legs Indian style, picking at the grass that soon ended on a pebbly shore.

"Sirius, my one horror has finally become reality. I have transformed the girl I love into a beast."

"No, you didn't. Greyback did that, Remus. Not you," replied Sirius pointedly.

Remus shook his head and gave Sirius a knowing look.

"I've been selfish, Sirius. I've known since I met Wendy that it would be unwise to be with her. Not just because...I'm dangerous...but because of society and specifically Greyback. I've been a fool. Her misfortune is my fault," Remus said solemnly.

There was a long silence between them where Sirius wasn't sure if Remus could be swayed, not only because he was incredibly stubborn but also because Sirius wasn't sure he had a valid argument anymore. Remus had made a good point, but Sirius had finally figured out a better one.

"No one doesn't deserve happiness, Moony. Especially people whose dangerous misfortune wasn't even their fault."

Remus looked up from his fiddling hands and met Sirius's gaze, his brows furrowed and he offered a sheepish smile.

"I think, sadly, werewolves are the exception. Especially ones that perpetually have a prize of revenge on their head. Wendy is much better off without me."

Sirius released a short burst of laughter and looked at Remus skeptically.

"You're clever, mate, but sometimes you are the daftest person I've ever met!"

"Your sympathy is overwhelming. Truly," Remus said, cocking a brow.

"Oh, come off it."

"Sirius, it's time I left her. All I do is cause her trouble. She would have never been injured at the Ivory Formal if it weren't for me. Dolores would have never threatened her if it weren't for me. Lucius would have never attacked her if it weren't for me. She wouldn't be a...a werewolf if it weren't for me," he said somberly.

The words felt weird being spoken. It had been difficult for everyone to address Wendy's new unfortunate DNA status. No one had really voiced it. The opinion he had openly and frequently expressed of himself as a terrible monster certainly contributed to their unspoken ignorance.

"Well, the Remus Lupin I know would be handling this a lot smarter than this miserable sod I'm sitting beside. He would realize that Wendy needed him now more than ever and that to abandon her would be cruel. He would understand how hard it was when he had to go through this alone and realize that Wendy could really use him, now more than ever. He'd figure out that he's a right, foul git if he left this wonderful, clever, funny, intelligent girl who had loved him even in the worst of times. The Remus Lupin that I know? He'd stick around and take care of Wendy Withers like he had promised," Sirius replied, his tone both understanding and furious.

There was a long silence between the two of them as Remus drank in Sirius's words. He was right. Wendy needed him. Only he could take care of her right now. Only he knew what she was going through.

He couldn't leave Wendy. He just couldn't.

"I can be pretty smart sometimes," shrugged Sirius.

Remus laughed softly, nodding.

"You really can."

They sat in silence, both watching the sun set upon the lake.

"How long has she got until her first full moon?" Sirius asked quietly.

Remus's eyes remained trained forward, he exhaled quietly and swallowed.

"Three weeks exactly."

Sirius whistled, glancing at Remus then looking back to the lake. He ran a hand through his shaggy, dark hair and shook his head.

"How do you think she'll handle the first cycle? I know you're always tired and in pain."

"You forgot an irritable prat."

"Didn't forget. Just didn't want to say it," shrugged Sirius.

Remus smiled warily and bit his lip, his eyes were sad though.

"She won't handle it well. The first few years of my transformations were almost unbearable. She'll be in an insurmountable amount of pain."

"Well, you were a child then. Maybe it'll be easier on an adult," offered Sirius.

Remus smiled sheepishly at Sirius.

"Sirius, I've been a werewolf for over a decade now. Trust me when I say that the pain I experience has hardly improved since I was a child."

Sirius felt a frown appear on his lips. He tried to fight it off but it wouldn't seem to wear away. To picture Wendy Withers, the girl who had been making his friend happy for years now, in pain was almost unbearable.

"Well, I'm sure if you're there to hold her hand through it all she will be okay. At least that future you both planned is still intact."

"Yes. I-"

"You better not wuss out of proposing, Moony. Her dad confirmed that it was still okay. Don't you dare w-"

"I'm not going to. I'm proposing tomorrow. A plain and simple proposal. No fancy show. I'm just going to meet her in the common room as usual and ask tomorrow night," Remus replied decidedly.

Sirius grinned and patted Remus on the back. Remus smiled softly.

"After this conversation, how could I not, Padfoot?"

"There's that Remus Lupin I know."

"It's gonna be a big day tomorrow. She has to meet with all her teachers individually AND Dumbledore then be proposed to. She'll be exhausted," Remus sighed.

"She's looking better at least."

"True, but tomorrow will really take it out of her. They offered to give her another week off or to split up meeting all of her teachers, but she refused. Said she wants to get it all done and over with."

"You're gonna propose to quite a woman, Remus Lupin. She's brilliant. You're lucky," Sirius chuckled.

"I know."

Just like that, Remus Lupin's faith was restored.