As soon as he had put his jacket on a hanger and taken off his shoes, Hinata went to the closest bed and plopped down on it. It was so soft and comfortable that for a moment he felt like just taking a nap right there. But he sat up after enjoying the bed for just a small moment, looking at Komaeda who was still taking off his coat. Silently he just stared at the other, in thoughts.
Nap would be nice, but they had originally just planned to bring their belongings up and sit for a moment before heading to eat. Komaeda had said he was fine without eating, but that just didn't sit right with Hinata. Maybe Komaeda was used to eating rarely, but it must not be healthy at all. No wonder the other was so skinny…
"Hinata-kun?" Komaeda interrupted his thoughts, sounding a bit nervous.
"Oh, it's nothing. Sorry for staring," Hinata said, getting up from the bed and grabbing his bag to unpack some of his stuff. He could tell Komaeda looked at him for a moment, before taking his own bag to the other bed. A silence fell between them as they unpacked, and Hinata sighed quietly.
Could he be any more obvious…? He should hold back on the staring at Komaeda, especially when the other was awake.
It didn't take him long to unpack, and he lied down on his bed again since Komaeda had gone to the bathroom. He took out the phone to check if Asahina had sent a mail again. As he had expected, there was one and it even had a picture of a donut shop attached to it. He started to type his answer, and Komaeda walked out of the bathroom before he was done.
"Oh, I'll finish writing this message and we can go then," Hinata said as he sat up.
"Alright," Komaeda said with a smile, and began to put his coat on already. It didn't long to finish the message and Hinata joined Komaeda almost immediately.
"Is the place far from the hotel?" Hinata asked as they walked out of the door, and Komaeda shook his head.
"No, it's pretty close. Back when I was travelling, I stayed at this same hotel and ended up in that restaurant soon after wandering out of the hotel to get food… The smell just pulled me in," Komaeda explained with a small smile on his lips, and Hinata cheerfully returned the smile. Now he was glad he had chosen this restaurant out of the ones Komaeda had suggested, since it let him find out a little bit more of the other and seemed to make him happy too.
It was like a stroke of luck on his part.
Hinata set his chopsticks down and leaned back on his seat. That had been delicious. Komaeda was still finishing his own meal, so Hinata took this moment to look out of the window. It had been pretty windy outside, and with that he wasn't particularly excited about going back outside since the wind made the air feel even colder.
But then again, he still really wanted to go on a walk to the beach so he wasn't going to mention anything about it to Komaeda. Otherwise the he might try to move the visit to tomorrow…
Not that there probably was anything bad about that, but Hinata just really wanted to walk today. Somehow just seeing the ocean had made him feel really nostalgic, even though he couldn't really remember the last time he saw it. There were just vague memories, from a time when his hands been little chubby and his father still carried him to the car after a long day.
He pressed his lips together. All his childhood memories had turned so foggy after… after all that had happened. He could feel his body grow heavy just at the thought. No matter how much he had worked, he hadn't still been able to remember lot of the details from his childhood; in fact it seemed like they got more clouded as time had went by. Now he could barely remember what his parents had even looked like.
So maybe it was just because of the comparison to his earlier memories, but all his memories from when he had met Komaeda to this day felt crystal clear, and it felt like so much had happened in such a short time.
"Somehow it feels like…," he said before he even properly realized it. Komaeda lifted his eyes to him from the food, giving him an asking look. "Ah, I was just thinking that somehow the days have felt a lot longer ever since I, we left Kyoto," Hinata explained his thoughts, and Komaeda looked thoughtful.
"Have you been bored?" Komaeda asked and Hinata quickly shook his head.
"No, not long in that way! More like, it feels like there's just always so much happening each day, especially in comparison to before…," Hinata said, his voice fading out towards the end. He hadn't really ever talked about what his life had been before he met Komaeda, originally because he had been so suspicious of Komaeda and unable to trust him but…
He wondered if Komaeda was as curious about his life before as he had been interested in Komaeda's life. If so, then maybe Hinata had been slightly unfair but… It wasn't like Komaeda had asked about it. The topic had been hiding within their conversations a few times, but Hinata had always avoided bringing it up and perhaps Komaeda had picked up on his hesitation to talk about it.
But was there really any meaning to talk about it at this point…? He just didn't know.
"Ahh, I see!" Komaeda replied to his explanation, tilting his head slightly. "That feeling I can understand as well. Back in Kyoto, my days were really full of nothing but meaningless living, so in comparison to that it feels like I'm truly experiencing all the hope and excitement this world has to offer! And it's all thanks to you." Hinata gave a dry smile at the last remark.
Again with this… He still couldn't understand Komaeda's view of the world, and of him either. Komaeda's thoughts and feelings felt like an enigma, which was even more difficult to understand than if Komaeda just plain saw him as a friend. He kind of figured that Komaeda would have to feel normal emotions just as well as anyone, but it was so much harder to read those under all the smiles and worshipping words.
Maybe Hinata could feel with his feelings a bit better if he could just understand Komaeda better. But now, it felt like his feeling were rejected and instead he was being put on a pedestal of some sort of messiah, bringing hope along with him… This wasn't certainly how he had imagined how his first and most likely last love would go.
"I think those should be my words," Hinata said, resting his elbow on the table and leaning his head on his hand. "You're the one who took me away from Kyoto and allowed me to do anything at all except for running and hiding. If that happened to be something you were looking for, then it was purely accidental from my part so I don't feel like there's any need to thank me. But what you did to help me, it was purely intentional from your part so isn't this all thanks to you?"
Komaeda stared at him without saying anything for a while, and Hinata just avoided looking back at him to avoid eye contact.
"But you're the one…," Komaeda started, but it felt like he lost the words he was about to say in the middle of the sentence. "You saved me by just appearing in my life."
"Couldn't the same be said about you? You kind of saved me as well," Hinata said. "Besides, if we go by your words it was your luck that made us meet."
"But… you decided not to leave me behind even though I'm no good," Komaeda said, seemingly troubled by this conversation. In fact, whenever Hinata brought this topic up, anything good Komaeda had done, Komaeda always grew troubled and restless. Hinata didn't know if it was his luck that caused him to think so negatively of himself, but these conversations were somewhat satisfying to Hinata. It felt like he was shaking the foundation to Komaeda's lack of self-worth whenever this happened.
Not that he would probably have enough time to really make Komaeda appreciate himself, but at least he could try to make the other doubt it just a little bit.
… But Komaeda also seemed so troubled right now that he was feeling a little bad.
"Well, I suppose it's true there are some things I've done intentionally as well," Hinata said diplomatically, and Komaeda seemed slightly relieved by that.
They walked out of the restaurant and instantly the cold wind blew across the street, making Hinata shiver.
"Should we go to the beach now?" Komaeda asked. "It's already six p.m so I don't think we should visit the hotel in between if we're going today, since it would be quite late by the time we got back in that case… Unless you want to get the car."
Hinata shook his head.
"No, let's go now. It wasn't that far after all," Hinata said and Komaeda nodded, starting to lead them presumably towards the beach. Hinata walked next to him, pushing his hands into his pockets. It definitely was cold here, even though there wasn't nearly as much snow in the town as there had been on the way here.
They hadn't really talked a lot after the earlier conversation. Hinata didn't really mind the silence, since it gave him space to organize some of his thoughts that had sparked up because of their conversation. Komaeda seemed really thoughtful as well, so the silence between them felt mutual and calming.
These quiet moments really made Hinata feel safe. There was space for him to think on his own and not be disturbed, but Komaeda was still there right by his side. He hadn't even remembered silences this comforting existed. The town was relatively peaceful as well in comparison to Kyoto and Tokyo, so he was feeling somewhat invincible even. Everything was peaceful.
It was so hard to even imagine the end of the world might be approaching them soon, or the situation he had been just a few weeks ago, or… or all that had happened couple years ago. If he closed his eyes, he felt like he would be able to settle in this situation completely; the smell of the sea, the snow crunching under their feet and Komaeda's hand occasionally brushing against his when they had to give way to the people passing by.
"It's not far away now, just a few blocks away," Komaeda broke the silence, and Hinata nodded. He glanced at the road ahead, trying to see if he could see the sea yet. But instead of the sea, he could see a police officer walking their way, seemingly on a patrol. It felt like his blood stopped flowing for a bit, and he moved a little bit closer to Komaeda and cast his eyes down on the ground to avoid looking at the officer.
Komaeda seemed to notice this, as he moved to walk a little bit in front of Hinata, like he was trying to cover him up. It was a small gesture, but it made Hinata feel a bit more relieved. Most likely a normal officer patrolling the streets wouldn't even be looking for him, but the fact that the other was helping him hide even a little bit was making him feel better.
The officer passed by them, and Hinata let out a small sigh of relief. He turned to look at Komaeda and was about to thank him, when he suddenly felt his sleeve being grabbed.
"You're Kamukura Izuru, aren't you?!"
Thank you for reading all the way here! I have a small surprise about the next chapter: I know the election results have caused a lot of understandable fear and anxiety in people, and in trying to think of what I could do to help at least a little, I decided that I'll post the next chapter somewhere around this weekend already, and the one after that will be on 20th of November as per the usual schedule! I hope that'll at least cheer people up a little, and please know I'm always ready to listen if you need help.
I hope to see you in the next chapter, I'll try to finish it as soon as possible this weekend and post it!
