"I have three conditions: The first one is you prove to me that you can actually keep yourself on your own feet long enough to participate in any sort of fight."
To her great surprise, her husband's body language seemed to change rather rapidly as he rose, seemingly without any difficulties what so ever, before performing a perfect handstand.
"That's impossible! You were having trouble just with riding and the infection has to have taken a tone of strength! I know you have lost some muscles."
Zuko nodded. "Yes, I have and you are right, if we were to spar right now I would be nowhere near my normal level, but that doesn't mean I'm completely helpless. I've fought with injuries before. It's not comfortable, it will set me back several weeks in recovery time, but it is possible. My stamina though is completely gone. Chances are I won't be able to keep going for long, which is why we will have to end this quickly."
"But if someone even touches you wrong, you will collapse from the pain. Not even you can work against the very essence of your body. If someone hits you anywhere close to your wound it will be over!"
"Which is why I will be drinking several teas from my uncle to strengthen my pain resistance. It's not perfect, I know, but this isn't my first time fighting under bad conditions, Katara. I'll manage. So tell me your second condition."
For a moment Katara wanted to refuse. Who knew what he was intending to drink and what kind of consequences such 'teas' would have on his already damaged liver. She had to admit thought that she did not really seem much of an alternative either. If they saw him weak when he returned, someone would most likely attempt to kill him anyways!
"My second condition: If you want to risk everything with this crazy plan of yours, you are the one who will stand court at the end. You will be the one telling every single noble of their fate."
She could see how much he wanted to refuse, how it went against everything he was, but perhaps it truly was time for him to take responsibility not just for the bad, but for the good things as well.
It seemed forever, before he finally nodded. "Alright."
"And my last condition: According to all of your plans I should have become influential enough by now to hold my own even without your support, but I'm not."
Zuko was about to interrupt, but Katara silenced him with a severe look.
"Don't! It's a fact. I couldn't keep matters together even for a few weeks without your backing and no matter what, that won't ever change. Not even with the changes in the nobles power balance. I'm a stranger to them and always will be. Only a marriage with Royal Blood would ever satisfy any of them. In other words I would be forced into the next arranged marriage, once again depending on my husband's mercy and with only as much influence as he grants me, which most likely means none. I'm not willing to do all of THIS," here she made a large sweeping gesture "without at least some hope. The only way this country is ever going to stabilize is with a reliable, acceptable heir. The only one all of them would ever accept is obviously someone of royal blood, who can bend fire."
"What?" Zuko stared at Katara as if she had lost all rational thought.
"You heard me. I want an heir."
"No. Anything else, I'll consider, but not that."
She was surprised to not only find anger in his voice, but fear as well.
"Zuko, please. Think about it. A child would solve so many problems. It would give me the legitimation I need, even if you were to die soon. Even if it's only a baby, I would be able to act as regent for it until it's old enough to take the throne." She hoped to gain his agreement through logical arguments rather than the simple fact that she wanted children. Yes, they would give them a political insurance, but first and foremost she wanted to become a mother. Any other argument was but an excuse. She doubted though that her wanting a child would be reason enough for Zuko. Something told her that he desperately didn't want a child.
Her husband's next words seemed to prove her right. "No! I will not have a child. Besides there is no guaranty that the first born is both healthy and a fire bender. It could turn out to be a water bender or even a none bender just as easily. I won't have it! I won't have any child with such tainted blood!"
Zuko turned away as if to dismiss her.
"So that's what's really going on, isn't it? Here you are spouting all this nonsense about us being equal, about loving me, but in the end I'm too disgusting to carry your child? The least you could do is be honest with me! If I am so unacceptable, then take a concubine and have her child!"
This time it seemed as if Katara was about to end the discussion, but as she turned from her husband, she could not help but see the shock in her husband's face.
"How can you…, even after all this time… how can you not see the truth so clearly before you? How can you not smell the taint, not shudder at its mere presence. Any child of mine, will never leave this darkness, Katara. They will never be anything but tools, anything but monsters, raised to destroy."
Did he really see things that bleakly? Had she failed to bring any joy into his life at all? Maybe he had the right to some self-pity, all things considered. She had never thought him one to think of his fate as the worst possible though. Perhaps she had indulged him long enough. "There are much worse fates in this world than ruling the most powerful nation in existence! Have you ever thought of what it means to live in ice and snow, not seeing the sun for weeks? Or to grow up in one of those terrible workhouses? And yet, they are happy. And yet, life can be wonderful for them. So how dare you claim that our fates are so much worse than theirs! They bring children to this world and show them it's beauty, so why should we not be able to do the same?"
"But they are always their own. Royals are born to serve! We never belong to just ourselves. They will never be able to escape, never have a chance to hope for better, Katara! They will be pounced at until they fall only to be devoured slowly but surely, or they will turn into the very monsters, that wish them harm. How could I ever bring a child into such world?" Zuko sounded desperate, so very desperate. How long had he been considering things? When deciding to marry, he must have thought about future children.
"No one is truly just their own, where you have a country others have families or clans. But children have parents! What do you think they are for? To protect them until they are strong enough to stand on their own two feet. Before Ursa disappeared, was your life truly that bad? The child would not become a lonely ruler on an insecure throne in the middle of a war. The throne would be stable and it would have parents, a grandmother, uncles, aunts and nieces to help and guide it. Besides even if you die and I marry someone else as Fire Lady, any child born then would face the same, would it not? Only that things would be far more unstable."
"Yes, but it wouldn't be cursed!"
"What are you talking about, Zuko? No one is cursed!"
He looked at her cynically. "Have you forgotten? Though I doubt any one could forget the curse they married, so perhaps they never told you? The dragons they hunted? The cruse spoken? " He sneered.
"Oh,
To suffer for what you have done,
your clan's first born son,
for all generations yet to come,
be cursed!"
He had moved towards her with each verse, standing close enough in the end, for her to smell his breath.
"You can't really believe in that old tale, Zuko!"
"Who do you think killed her? Perhaps not in person, but at least by order? How else could it be possible for one family to be hunted in such a manner? How else would insanity have found its way into the palaces gates so easily? Every last one of those of royal blood was murdered brutally by their own family and I will follow in their wake, will I not? Even though they are dead, they will hunt me until my last breath. They will take my strength and my future for their pleasure. No, Katara. This cursed blood will end with me once and for all."
She had never considered how deep the scars could run. How imbedded the hatred. But how could he ever truly believe himself to be cursed?
"My uncle died, because he happened upon me, the very first time I successfully managed to get a lightning bolt to strike me, Katara. I had been searching for months! Never did I find one and yet, on the very day I succeed, he happens to notice? What are the chances of that? My uncle was incredible when it came to keeping out of notice. When we practiced tracking I never could manage to discover him, but on that day, for the very first time I succeed? Do you have any idea how hard it is to redirect lightning accurately? But yet again on just that day, on my very first try, I manage to hit him when I wasn't even sure where the threat was exactly? And you want me to believe it was but coincidence? Just as his son's accident? His wife's illness? My father's insanity?"
"Zuko, I know nothing of curses, but tell me: Is being married to me such a bad fate? Does your mother seem broken to you? What were the chances of your wife to be being compatible with you? Of us ever being as close as we are? How few arranged marriages ever turned out with such a positive result? What were the chances of your mother being so very strong? Of her managing to protect her children despite her husband's cruelty? And for your uncle? He might have lost a son, but he found another. How many are that fortunate?"
"Find a son?" He was shaking his head over and over again, as if the mere physical denial could change what was and what had been, seemingly hoping to distance himself from her words by moving away from her physically.
"If asked who your father was, not by blood, but by right, whom would you name? Would it not be your uncle? And did he not die a happy death amongst those he loved the most, far from those who wished him harm? A fast, painless death? If I could choose my end, what greater joy would there be but to be amongst those who love me, knowing I would meet those who left me on the other side? Especially considering how small his chances for survival were."
"You think he was lucky?"
"I never knew your uncle, Zuko, so perhaps it is not my place, but from everything you told me, I don't think he would have been dissatisfied with his ending. Perhaps a bit later would have been preferred, but Zuko what does it matter how long you lived as long as it was a fulfilling life? Don't we all die in the end? Your uncle did not sound like a man afraid of death."
Zuko stared at her as if she had grown a second head. "So what? You think it was all just coincidence?"
"Your family has lived in the middle of a storm for a very long time, Zuko. Is it really so surprising that the storm will not demand sacrifices? We might not be able to end the storm completely, but we can make sure that our children are protected until they are strong enough to no longer be stormbound."
Katara moved closer to Zuko. She was not sure, if she truly was as confident as she claimed. These last weeks had shaken her and drained her strength. Would she be able to hold on? Maybe not alone.
"Even if we weren't cursed, Katara, there are so many who hate the royal family and everything it stands for - so many who want to see the line of Asulon gone from the world. What about them? Would it not be best for the royal line to die out? For it to disappear together with all the hate?"
"Do you truly think people will stop hating, just because one person disappears? If it were that easy we would not have any wars. If people would only hate those truly responsible, they would not hate the royal family, but only the very Fire Lord who hurt them. But still they hate you for your forefathers' crimes. Even if they cannot hate the royal family anymore, they will hate the generals or the nobles. They will hate, since it is the only way to handle their own pain. Or they will learn to handle their pain and stop hating those who hold no responsibility. People can't be forced to stop hating by providing sacrifices, for if you give the fire of hate food it will only burn even higher. Whether to hate or not is up to them."
"So what, it's their fault for hating? It's a mother's fault if she hates the man who killed her child?"
"Not her fault, but her decision. No one but oneself can grant forgiveness. It might be easier to give it to one who is repentant, but it might just as well never be granted no matter what the killer does. The end of your family line might appease some, but I doubt it will be many."
"So we are doomed one way or another?"
"Time, Zuko. As those who were injured first hand die, some of their hatred will die with them."
"But that would take dozens of years, so any child of ours would suffer from the aftereffects. And although I'm sure you would do a wonderful job at shielding any child, a child would be so fragile, Katara! What am I supposed to do? I couldn't possibly … What do I know about being a father?"
Somewhere in the depths of her mind she remembered how her Grangran had told her of the jitters her own father had had before her and her brother's births. How he had worried about doing a good job, ironic how he could worry about something so normal while worrying about so many larger things.
"You do realize that almost every future parent feels that way, Zuko? Not feeling that way would be when you would have to worry."
"Maybe, but most had some form of decent role model. You know what they say about how children become like their parents!"
Maybe if she wouldn't have been so tired, so winded, this would have been a sweet, romantic discussion during candle light between two future parents. But perhaps that would never be her life.
"I'm not saying it will be easy, Zuko. But you lived a long time with your uncle as well and I personally think you will be a great dad."
"And what if I'm not?"
She should have been able to simply dismiss any such concerns, because she truly did not think it would ever become a true problem, but she realised that in his eyes it most likely would be.
"Then I'll protect my children no less fiercely than our mothers protected us."
It seemed to relax him somehow - almost as if this way it would not be his responsibility, when things went wrong.
"I'm warning you that this is a mistake, but if after this is over you continue to insist, I'll consider it." She couldn't help but feel depressed. She knew that Zuko would not use the vague confirmation as a way to escape the conditions later on, but when imagining her future, she had always expected a husband who would be excited at the idea of her being pregnant - someone who would discuss baby clothes and speculate about the child's gender with her. At some point the faceless man had become Zuko. Perhaps she had expected too much?
Deciding she would rather get out quickly, before Zuko had a chance to notice her own distress, she plastered a false smile on her face. "So I'll take care of matters as discussed and I'll be back tomorrow night for the final preparations."
On her way out, she turned around one last time: "By the way, who is the boy?"
She could see Zuko swallow, but was gone before he had any chance to reply. Later, she promised herself. Later.
A knock woke Zuko. For a moment he had to struggle with orientating himself. He most certainly was not sleeping in his own rooms or even on the ship he had been the last few nights. Instead he was lying in a very thin futon, in a rather small, traditional room. The tatami mats had seen better days, but despite their less than perfect conditions, they had obviously been kept clean with a great deal of effort.
Remembering the discussion he had had with his wife just last night, he groaned and fell back into his pillow. He had spent the rest of the already very short night pondering what his wife had said. The very idea of becoming a father sent icy streams down his back, even though the Fire Lord within him could not disagree with her reasoning. For the nation an heir of royal blood truly might be the best possible solution. He would have to get some of his spies' reports to verify if the situation had truly been as instable as Katara had suggested. In order to avoid the nobles poking their nose, where they didn't belong he had oftentimes used rather unofficial channels to gain contact with them. This coup might just give him enough of a pretence to gain the right to take actions even in the Earth Kingdom. At least unofficially. It might be his first and only chance to take out the Black Lotus.
"I'm so sorry, Sir. I just need to get my medicine and I'll be out of your hair again."
Right, Katara had left him with one of her servant friends, taking the young boy who had been accompanying him with her to send over with messages from her later on. The servant had gone to work, which should have left him alone in the small flat. He had intended to sleep for a few hours, before getting in contact with his informants. So that left the question as to who was currently knocking at the door. He remembered something about a younger sister, who had been shuffled off to neighbours, when he had been discovered. She had probably forgotten something in her room during the midnight rush.
As quickly as he could, he got up and unlocked the front door. The building had obviously once seen better times and had originally been intended for only one family. Light partitions were the only thing separating the different families today. He could not help remembering his at times rather noisy conversation with Katara yesterday. Hopefully no one had listened, since they had lost their composure on several occasions. Judging by his still undiscovered self he could only guess no one had heard or cared.
Judging by the suns position, it was still rather early in the morning. He had some time left.
When he opened the door he was surprised by the young girl standing before him. Suddenly he understood why Katara's friend had been anxious to get her away from him. She could not be any older than 12 and was very petite. Judging by her thin frame she was either truly sick or at least had been until a short while ago, since her sister showed no signs of starvation. She had been too thin as well, but not to this extent.
"Hello."
She seemed surprised, but smiled lightly, her face turning deep red. "Um, hello, Sir."
Stepping back so she could enter, Zuko tried to keep the mood light. "I'm sorry about getting you kicked out of your room in the middle of the night. I'm afraid we rather overran your sister."
"Oh, no. It's fine." The girl replied, ducking her head shyly. "I'm afraid Nayami can be a bit overprotective of me. She doesn't mean to, but I suppose it can't be helped."
Not sure what to say to that, he decided that a rather general answer might be best. "I'm sure she is doing what she thinks is best for you."
"Oh, yeah. Definitely. I'm very grateful for everything she has done for me. Without her I don't think I would even be alive anymore."
"I'm sorry to hear that. Have you been sick?" For a moment he worried if that had been the wrong thing to say, but the girl simply smiled.
"You could say that. Actually it's been a long time since I haven't been sick, but I'm getting better now."
"I am relieved to hear you are getting better... Forgive me, here I am asking you about your illness without even introducing myself or knowing your name."
"It's Tsumori, my name I mean."
Bowing slightly, Zuko couldn't help smiling: "I'm Lee, Tsumori. It's very nice to meet you."
"Oh, yes, of course." She too bowed, though it seemed more like a rather helpless stumble. "It's nice to meet you too, Lee."
Not sure what more to say, Zuko stepped further back, but the girl seemed rather interested in him.
Noticing his surprise and unease at her curious study, she smiled hesitantly. "I'm sorry. I just can't help but wonder if Nayami is in any sort of trouble?" Realizing how her question had to sound, the girl quickly back paddled: "I mean she isn't the type to get in any sort of trouble, it's just unusual for her to have visitors at all, much less so late at night. She seemed rather nervous and wouldn't explain anything at all."
"Oh no, not at all. Actually my wife and I are the ones who are in a spot of trouble, so we are very grateful for her help."
"It's not gonna get her in trouble too, will it? I don't have anyone but Nayami and if something were to happen to her, I don't know what I would do!"
"It will be fine, no one knows she has any real connection with us, so no one will suspect her."
"I hope you are right. She is already in so much danger every day, what with her working up at the palace, but she simply refuses to see reason. Though I suppose she was right in some ways, after all without her Mistress we would have never gotten out of the workhouse in the first place."
A workhouse? Katara too had mentioned something about them yesterday, but he hadn't expected someone from there to be now living in the Volcano districts. Most people, once there, never left them again and even if they did it certainly wasn't to go to some place better. It was one of the sad stories of a war torn country. Katara had found out about them a while ago and her mood had been darkened by the knowledge severely. He hadn't realised though how closely she had been connected to one. Had she helped her servant friend to escape the terrible fate awaiting one in such an establishment?
"So your sister's Mistress helped you two leave the workhouse?"
"Yeah. Healed me too and got us this wonderful flat. Haven't seen her since though. Nayami says she's really busy at the moment though I probably shouldn't tell you any more than that. I don't think I'm supposed to talk about it."
There was something surprisingly innocent about the girl. Perhaps it was the reason why she was a bit skittish. "Well I didn't mean to make you reveal any secrets."
"I should probably get my medicine and get out of here, too, before someone sees me here. Nayami would get a heart attack!"
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"Not your fault. She really is simply very protective of me. It's perfectly understandable, what with my brother and all."
"Your brother?"
This time, the girl obviously had said too much, as she clammed up and began sweating heavily. Afterwards she refused to say anymore, quickly grabbing her medicine and - without as much as a good by - disappeared.
Hi,
Well… I hope you liked this, let me know what you think! If you forgot about the proem (has been a while after all), check chapter 3!
As always sorry for the long wait and thank you for all of your reviews! I love them!
Greetings Yorushike
