CHAPTER XXXXIX
"Alright, by my count, you all owe me 25 grand."
It had been an uncharacteristically warm night for the season. Spring was barely there but bare for a slight breeze, they'd been comfortably sitting outside for hours enjoying themselves. Ginny had insisted to host a dinner party. She'd said she wanted to be surrounded by people she loved yet her list had only included Samson and his fiancée, Leslie and Michael as well as Ethan. Ginny loved them and was close to them but they were more Jo's people than Ginny's which had brought home the fact that Ginny was doing this more for Jo's benefit than her own.
Jo had played along though. She wanted to make Ginny happy and if this was the way, then she had no objections. Quite the opposite actually. Her friends had been her rocks in the last few weeks. Samson visited most days. Sometimes, Melissa would be with him, sometimes he'd be alone. Leslie tried to drop by whenever she could always bringing groceries, magazine and books with her and when he wasn't studying, Ethan had spent countless hours trying to beat Ginny at gin. He never did and had yet to figure out it was because Ginny cheated. Every time.
Samson threw his cards on the table. "Anyone ever tell you you're ruthless, Ginny?"
She winked. "Once or twice."
"Okay, what should we play now?"
It wasn't too late but they'd had dinner and played countless rounds of poker. Jo was worried about Ginny exhausting herself but before she could voice any concerns, Samson bit her to the punch.
"Ginny, sure you don't want us to get out of your hair? You should probably rest."
She waved a hand in the air dismissively. "Non sense. I have the rest of eternity to rest."
Jo cringed as an uncomfortable silence fell on the table. She had become accustomed to Ginny making quips about her impending death. The rest of the party obviously hadn't as they all shifted awkwardly on their chairs.
"What's with the grim faces? It's true. Now can we all please acknowledge I'm dying and stop with the loaded silence?"
Samsom opened his mouth to speak but he closed it. Ginny put her hand on his. "Samson, dear?"
"It's just sucks that's all. It feels wrong to be sitting here laughing and drinking."
"What exactly do you think we should be doing, Samson? It's just life. Laughing and drinking is exactly what we should be doing. Someday when you're old and wise like me you'll understand. You won't be as pretty as me but…"
Samson cracked up and the mood around the table seemed to lift a little.
"Now, new game."
Melissa raised a hand almost timidly. "I have one. Use to play it with my family. One song, one moment."
"Oh I like this game!" Ginny clapped excitedly. "I'll start. Janis Joplin, Piece of my heart. Summer 1973. Now I don't need to tell you, I was quite the hippie back in the day. I left home just after graduation to travel before I went to college in the fall. I joined this group and we travelled together in this mini van. We'd join protests against the war, we'd march to save the whales. Anything went really. We were all about saving the world. Mostly we were just a group of young kids who had no idea what to do with the rest of our lives, we enjoyed music, dancing and yes weed. Then one night, we were at this rally and I saw him. Clean cut, cropped hair, that Robert Redford air about him. I thought he was… well I thought he was hot. He looked more like the soldiers we were protesting against than one of us. But it didn't phase him. He wasn't trying to be one of us. As soon as our eyes met, it was like the whole world faded away. We didn't talk much, but we spend the night together. Janis Joplin was playing on the radio when…"
Jo closed her eyes and tried not to cring. "Ginny!"
"Oh sweetheart, you're old enough to hear that part of the story really."
Melissa leaned her elbow on the table her chin in her hand. "What happened?"
"He left in the morning. He was going to the war."
"You never heard from him again?"
"We never thought about exchanging addresses. But I never forgot about him."
Ginny had always been an amazing story teller. There was just something about the way she set the scene that made you almost believe you were right there watching it unfold. As Jo looked around the table, she realised with a smile they were as enthralled as Jo had been the first time she'd heard the story.
"Alright, I think I got one. " Samson started as he flashed a cheeky smile at Jo. "I want to break free, Queen."
"Oh, god." Jo groaned as she buried her face in her hands while the rest of them cheered Samson on, excited to hear the story.
"My first week at Norwood right? And this girl she had decided I was going to be her next best friend. And you know I get it, I mean what's not to love?"
Jo nearly choked on her wine. "Where do I start?"
"Ttttt, my story sista. You'll get your turn. Anyway, she hounded me for a week to go out drinking with her. I mean, girl was relentless! Finally I decided to get it over with and I agree to go to a bar with her. Now this bar, the crowd is -well it's a rough looking crowd. She starts knocking back tequila like there's no tomorrow, asking me a million questions a minute. Then this song starts and before I know it, she's on the bar, singing at the top of her lungs and the crowd man...they loved her."
"Well, I'm pretty sure they thought I was going to take my clothes off and as I remember it Sam you were right there on that bar with me!"
Ethan cackled. "So that's how the two of you became friends?"
"Nah. Owner was pissed. We got kicked out of the bar and Jo ended up puking on my shoes. That sealed it."
"Okay that was not my proudest moment I'll admit but hey we rocked that song."
Samson raised his fist for her to bump hers against. "That we did. What about you? Any song?"
Jo darted her eyes on each of her friends before landing on Leslie "Prom night. I'll stand by you by the Pretenders."
Leslie just grabbed her empty glass and shook it in front of her husband. "Babe, I'm gonna need more wine for that story."
"So Leslie had been pinning on our neighbour for months."
"Tommy Zanetti." Ginny filled in with a smile.
"I was not pining. It was a little crush!"
"Sweetheart, you spent so much time looking out Jo's bedroom window I considered asking your parents to adopt you."
"Anyway, prom night came and Leslie had decided this was the night Tommy was going to notice her. Except I get a phone call from Leslie's mum, telling me I need to get to their house right away. When I get there, Leslie is hysterical-"
"I was not-"
"She's hysterical, a real mess. I finally get her to calm down and tell me what's going on. And she removes the towel she has on her head. Her hair was orange. And I mean bright orange."
Michael erupted in a loud laugh probably picturing his dark haired wife with a mop of orange hair. Jo didn't need to picture it, she'd been right there and it had by all accounts been hilarious. "She'd heard that Tommy liked his girls blond so she thought that trying a home dye on prom night was a good idea."
"God I can not believe I nearly ruined my hair for that loser."
"Guessing your girls never made it to prom?" Samson hazarded.
"Nope. We told Leslie's parents we were going, but we scored some booze and spent the night in a park in our prom gowns, getting drunk and listening to that song on repeat. Worst part is a few days later, we found out that Tommy had been dating some girl from another school for like a year and they were going away to college together. And she was of course a brunette!"
Leslie shook her head derisively. "We all around here have things we're ashamed of. And Jo I can not believe you just sold us out to Ginny!"
"Oh honey, the two of you were so shit faced when you got home, you made a racket to wake up the dead. I just figured you'd had enough embarrassment for a while."
Jo turned a surprised look to her aunt. "You knew?"
Ginny simply winked and Jo just smiled. Ginny looked happy.
"We need some wore wine."
"I'll go get some." Jo announced as she got to her feet.
She made her way to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of white from the fridge uncorking it as she observed the scene outside. The last few weeks had been challenging for sure. It was horrible to see Ginny get weaker and weaker every day. Not that she was showing it tonight, but Jo knew the night would exhaust her. She'd kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and for the dark hole to swallow her back in but it hadn't.
She'd had to say goodbye to Happy which had been one of the hardest thing she'd ever had to do and soon she'd have to say goodbye to her aunt too. Yet somehow, Jo felt stronger than she had felt in months. It was a strange feeling really and she wasn't able to explain it but she was enjoy it because she didn't now whether it would last or how long. As she turned to go back outside, Samson appeared at the door.
"Hey, all good here?"
"You're checking up on me Sam?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Maybe."
She let out a chuckle."This tonight. She is loving it. I am too to be honest."
"Good."
"Now you didn't follow me to the kitchen just to check up on me did you?"
He darted a questioning look to her and she laughed. "Sam, you have a tell the size of Texas. So spill."
"Not sure this is the right moment to tell you this, but Melissa and I we decided we didn't want to wait to have that big wedding. We want to get married soon. Next month to be exact."
"Sam." She said with a smile before wrapping her arms around his waist. "I'm really happy for you."
"Yeah?"
She moved back to look at him. "This is the best news I have heard in a very long time."
"I'm glad you think so. Because you're my best man."
"You know, most people usually ask a guy."
"Most people don't have a Jo. You're my girl"
Jo felt tears and for once they weren't sad tears. "I love you Sam."
"Love you to sista."
As she lost herself in her best friend's embrace, feeling lighter than she had in a long time Jo let herself feel happy. She hadn't been so keen on tonight but she was glad Ginny had insisted. It felt good to be surrounded by people. Her people.
~oOo~
Jo closed the door on Samson and Melissa and went to join her aunt in the sunroom. They'd moved the bed there when Ginny had returned from the hospital too weak to make it up the stairs to her bedroom. Her aunt had always loved her sunroom with its perfect view on her beloved garden. As usual, Buster was curled up in the nook of her arm.
"You okay Ginny? Need anything? A blanket maybe."
"Stop fretting about me and sit sweetheart."
Jo knew better than to try and argue with her aunt so she did as she was told and took a seat in the loveseat near her aunts bed.
"Thank you for tonight, Jo. I had a lovely night."
"I feel like I should be the one thanking you."
Ginny had a tired smile. "Samson share his news?"
Jo wasn't surprised that her aunt already knew. "He did."
"Good, he's been nervous about it. I told him he had nothing to worry about."
Jo knew her friends despite being supportive were still walking on eggshells around her. She couldn't exactly blame them. She'd all but disappeared after the shooting, shutting all of them out.
"Jo, we need to talk about some things."
Jo braced herself. They'd been dancing around things for weeks now. They'd talked a lot but never about anything important. Both of them needing a respite from it.
"I don't want anything sad or sappy."
"Ginny…"
"Jo, we're talking. That means I talk and you listen."
"I don't want to talk about your funeral!" Jo ran a frustrated hand in her hair. "God, why can't you leave your instructions in a letter like normal people"
Ginny just smiled. "Honey, I'm dying. I'm getting more and more tired and we both know I don't have much time left. We have to face that reality."
Jo knew her aunt was right, but she didn't feel ready. She bit her lip nervously. "I've had enough reality for a lifetime."
"I know sweetheart."
Jo ran her hand over her face. "I'm just so sick and tired of feeling sad and angry all the time Ginny."
"Then don't be. At least not about me. I've a good life Jo. You made it great."
Jo blinked her tears away refusing to break down. She hadn't cried since Happy left that morning. That day she'd cried for hours sitting at the table he'd just sat at, grieving for what they'd had for they could have had. She knew she wasn't done crying. But she refused to do it now.
"Sweetheart, come here." Ginny moved Buster slightly and made some room for Jo to sit on the bed." Life has handed you a pretty raw deal Jo, but you have the fortitude to get past it. I know it. What you've been through with your mother? It would have destroyed most people. But it didn't destroy you Jo. You came out the other side. You'll do it again. The twins? You'll never get over it sweetheart but you will learn to live with it."
"I feel like I'm losing everyone around me."
"You're not losing me Jo. And you didn't lose those babies. You carry them with you every day. You can carry me too. But don't carry us like a weight sweetheart. Carry us like a gift. You will never be alone Jo. Tonight was proof of that. You have a family. They might not be blood but you chose them. Each of them for different reasons. They are your family as much as I am. Don't ever forget that."
This time Jo didn't even try to stop the tears that were flowing down her cheeks. "Everything is such as mess, Ginny. I've made a mess and I don't know how to fix any of it. I don't know how to fix me."
"You can't fix you because there isn't anything wrong with you Jo! You're grieving. It's okay to be sad, it's okay to be angry, it's okay to hate the whole world. Let yourself feel it for a while. And then move on. That's just life sweetheart. It's messy and it's complicated and it's painful and that's okay. Just don't close yourself off Jo. Don't be alone. You have a family here. I also know you have a family in Charming and you have a man that loves you more than anything."
At the mention of Happy, Jo looked down at her hands. She hadn't told her aunt what had happened between them before he left. She hadn't told anyone. "I'm not so sure about that anymore. I hurt him Ginny. I really did."
"You made mistakes Jo. You're not perfect. No one is. God knows I've made my share. You're not without forgiveness Jo. Happy knows that."
Jo smiled through her tears. "You sound awfully sure."
Ginny cupped her face between her frail hands. "That's because I am sweetheart. You are my daughter and you are going to have a beautiful life. You are going to have everything you have ever wanted Jo, I promise you that. Now you have to promise me that you won't let yourself be sad for too long. I say you've done enough of that for a lifetime."
Jo let out a sob. "Don't leave me now Ginny. Just not yet. Please."
"I'm right here sweetheart. I'm right here. I promise"
~oOo~
Ginny had kept her promise, she hadn't died that night. She'd just held onto Jo, cradling her hair the way she used to when Jo was a young girl until they'd both drifted off, closed in a tight embrace. She held out another week before she passed quietly in her sleep. So Jo kept her promise to her aunt.
As she watched the hundred of flying lanterns illuminating the dark night as they slowly ascended into the sky, each containing a message for Ginny, she hoped her aunt got her wish.
There hadn't been a funeral. Instead, Jo had spent a week planning a celebration of her aunt's life. Ginny had wished to be incinerated and for her ashes to be spread out to sea. Jo had contacted her friend Amanda who owned a B&B up the coast and sent out invitations to everyone Ginny had known.
Most of them had come and were now on beach, drinking, laughing. Some people had cried of course, but mostly it had been a happy occasion. And it was everything Ginny had asked for. As always, her people had rallied around her. They'd all been there. Even Graeme and Jackie had made an appearance despite the distance from Roseburg and Jo couldn't help but think it was a testimony to the person Ginny had been.
"Man, she would have loved this." Samson said as he handed her a beer and let himself fall on the sand next to her.
"Yes, she would have."
They sipped their beer in silence for a moment until Jo turned to him.
"I'm sorry Sam. For disappearing on you, for shutting you out, for…everything really."
Samson broke into a smile. "What am I ? The next stop on your apology tour?"
Jo couldn't help a laugh. "Something like that."
He slipped his arm around her shoulder and brought her close. "I don't need the apology Jo. I'm just fucking glad to have you back. Now tell me, how you holding up? Really."
"Really? It's going to sound weird but I'm okay. Getting this time with Ginny, being with her those last few weeks, I'm just grateful for that. For the rest, well… baby steps."
"Shit, it's good to hear you say that Sista."
"It's good to say it."
"I saw you talking to Graeme earlier. You know he'd have you back in a heartbeat if you asked."
She nodded. "I know. He offered actually. But I can't Sam. I can't be moving backwards, I have to move forward."
"Moving forward To California?"
She knew what he was asking and Jo realised she had to come clean. She hadn't told anyone about Happy. She hadn't really known what to say. To his credit, Samson hadn't asked any questions when she'd returned to the hospital alone. She'd just started the paperwork and he'd helped her bring her aunt home. "Happy isn't in Charming Samson. He's in prison."
"What? How? Why? For how long?"
"The why isn't important. As for how long well he agreed to a plea deal. Four years. Two at best."
"Shit Jo, I don't even know what to say."
"I know. I wanted to tell you but… I don't know it's stupid but not telling anyone, kind of made it seem less real. He doesn't want to see me. Can't say I blame him."
Samson squeezed her shoulder. "I'm sorry girl."
"Yeah me too."
Samson took her hand in his. "Shit that happened to you… I don't know how you deal with it Jo. I'm not even sure I can help ut I'm always here for you. You know that right?"
"I do know that. And you do help me." She let a comfortable silence fall betwen the two of them for a moment before she spoke again. "You know he was named after you? My son? Samuel."
It was the first time she'd talked about the twins to anyone. She thought about them all the time but she'd never talked about them out loud. She'd never even said their names out loud. For some reason, it made her feel closer to them.
"Jo, you know I'm honoured but you do realise my name is actually Samson."
She let out a chuckle as she remembered the conversation she had had with Happy on the subject. "I know but Happy argued that unless I planned to give birth to a three hundred pound black man, our son was in for a life of bullying. Samuel was a compromise."
Samson erupted in a loud laugh. "Asshole. He was probably right though."
"Maybe."
"You know I called it right at the time. He was the best and the worst thing that happened to you."
"Yeah you were."
"Knowing all you know now, would you do it differently? Would you take that case from Graeme?"
"You know I asked myself that question a lot and every time I get to the same conclusion. I wouldn't change any of it. Being with Happy, it wasn't always easy, but I could never regret any of it."
"So what are you going to do?"
"For now, I'm going to stay here." She simply answered with a smile. "Don't worry Sam, I'm not planning on disappearing again. I just…I need to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. This place is as good as any."
"If any place can do, why don't you come back to Roseburg with us, figure things out there?"
"Because I can't think if you're all watching me twenty four seven."
They had been. She had barely been alone since Ginny had passed. They were all watching her like a hawk, expecting…well she wasn't sure what they were expecting but it made it really hard to think when she had to constantly reassure them about her mental state.
"We overdid it a bit uh?"
Jo raised her hands bringing her thumb and index close together. "Just a tiny bit. I'll be fine Sam. I promise."
"Fine, but just so we're clear, I'm going to be calling you every day. "
"I'm counting on it. And it won't be long. I'll be back in Roseburg for the wedding."
"You better."
She meant what she'd told Samson. Despite the hardships of their relationship, Jo could never regret being with Happy. She couldn't pin point exactly when she fell in love with him but she had it had been unconditionally. Whatever wrong turn they had taken, wherever their roads might lead now, she would always love him and cherish her memories with him. Of that she was sure. Some people luck out and fall in love more than once. But not her. She knew Happy would be the only man she ever loved.
She hadn't heard from him since he'd left that day. She had words a couple of weeks before Ginny died that he had gone inside when Gemma left a voicemail. She'd thought about reaching out, writing to him begging him to visit him numerous times. But he had told her what he needed. As hard as it was, she needed to respect that. She had never seen the inside of a prison. It probably made it worse because every time she tried to picture him in that place, all she could conjure were images of horror of him being hurt or worse. But she couldn't spend the next two to four years torturing herself. So she decided to follow Ginny's advice. In the little box in her head where she now carried Ginny and the twins, she carried Happy to. Like a gift.
~oOo~
.
After saying her goodbyes to her aunt surrounded by her friends, her people, she'd needed to assess her life away from any distractions and figure out what her future looked like. Setting the mess with Happy aside, she'd been drifting professionally for months and her savings had dwindled at a rapid pace. She had to decide what she was going to do about it.
She'd stayed up the coast for a week, alone not talking to anyone but for a few evening conversations with her friend Amanda, the B&B owner and of course the daily phone calls with Samson.
When Graeme offered her her spot back at Norwood, she had considered it for a moment. She'd loved working there and she'd never experienced the kind of joy she'd had there in her Charming job. Not even close. But she couldn't go back. Norwood had been a great experience but it was part of the past. If she went back there, it would be a constant reminder of Happy. He was gone. At least for the foreseeable future. She had to put her own life back together before she could think about Happy's place in it. And now she had plenty of time to do it. More than that, eventhough she'd loved Norwood and Graeme, she'd always felt reigned in, limited in what she could achieve there. She wanted more.
Although she'd tried to keep her thoughts on her future, she'd quickly realised that she couldn't picture that future without Happy. No matter how hard she tried, he always found his way back in her mind. She wasn't sure what to think about the way they'd ended things. She couldn't help but think that if it hadn't been for him going to prison, they'd have had a chance to fix things between them. She'd understood what he'd told her before he left. Well maybe understood was a strong word, but she'd respected it was what he needed. But their story didn't feel finished to her. It was like the book had been left to the side without a proper ending.
She'd made a mess of things and although Happy had told her she wasn't to blame for what had happened, there was little doubt that if it hadn't been for her he wouldn't be in prison. She did carry some blame for that.
It had taken her a while to accept that her mistakes had led him to such a dreadful place. Her mistakes.
She knew there was a clinical term for what she'd been through. Depression. Ironically enough, it was the same thing Happy had been going through when they'd met, although she'd never dare use that term around him. It was also what Caroline had been going through when she'd killed herself.
As a medical professional, having seen it many times, Jo should have probably known. But at the time She had been too wrapped up in her own pain to see it and now she needed to forgive herself for it. She wasn't sure whether Happy could forgive her but she'd spent the months after the shooting beating herself up and being scared of everything and she couldn't do that anymore.
She couldn't change the past nor could she live in it anymore. She needed to be in the present. For now that meant being without Happy. But if he wasn't physically with her, he accompanied her everywhere, every minute of every day. Despite all her efforts, she never stopped thinking about him. That's how she realised she already knew what she was supposed to do.
Which was why she found herself pulling onto the TM parking lot. It had been two month since Ginny's funeral. One month since she'd packed up her meagre belongings and her keepsakes from Ginny in her new car and headed south. She'd been crashing in a motel near Berkeley until she could figure out a more permanent spot. Since then, she'd spent every day working tirelessly on her project, writing business plans, typing up financial projections and the works. Things were nicely taking shape and she was hopeful for the future. More than that she was excited. So she'd put off coming here as long as she could, telling herself that it was because of her workload but in all honesty, she was dreading it.
Samson hadn't been completely off base when he'd joked about her apology tour. Whatever the future held for them, if she wanted a chance for things to work with Happy, she had to own up to her mistakes and face up to the people she'd indirectly hurt. That meant making things right with the club and also Gemma. Which was the part Jo dreaded the most to be honest.
Since she'd left that message on Jo's voicemail, the woman hadn't been in touch. Not that Jo had expected it. Gemma had sounded pissed on the phone and Jo knew the conversation wouldn't be easy. Judging by the cold war between her and Tara, she was conscious that Gemma wasn't exactly the forgiving kind. But this was on her to make right and she could only hope that that bridge hadn't been completely burnt.
Weirdly, as she turned off the ignition, she found herself feeling less nervous than she'd expected to be. The place felt familiar and welcoming although Jo was aware that she might feel entirely differently in a few minutes. The club members weren't anywhere in sight despite the bikes on the lot so Jo figured they were in Church. But as she opened her car door, she saw Gemma Standing at the treshold of her office, a hand on her hip as she glared in her direction. Before Jo's feet hit the ground, Gemma turned on her heels and went back inside. Yep this wasn't going to be easy.
Jo made her way to the office and Gemma was sat at her desk, lips pursed as she pretended to look through paperwork. Gemma didn't even bother looking up as she heard her enter. "Didn't think we'd see your skinny ass around here again."
"Hi Gemma."
"If you're here for the house… "
"You know I'm not here about the house."
Gemma looked meeting Jo's eyes with a glare and raised a questioning eyebrow.
"How is he Gemma?"
"He's fine." Gemma answered sternly. "He's got his head in the right place."
Jo felt some relief from that. At least he was okay. For now. "Is he safe?"
Gemma looked at her pointedly. "He's protected."
Jo was smart enough to read the subtext in Gemma's words. He had protection inside but he wouldn't be safe until he was out and back here with his brothers to have his back. Although she hadn't been asked, Jo took a sit on the couch, nervously playing with her car keys. "He won't let me visit."
"He is doing the right thing. " Gemma retorted as she turned on her chair to face Jo. "Way that man he feels about you…Shit he can't think straight when it comes to you Jo. You walk into that visitation room, some asshole looks at you sideways and that four year sentence turns into thirty to life. You need to let him go sweetheart."
Jo looked up at that. She knew Happy didn't want her to be a part of his life right now and as much as it hurt she had to respect that. But letting him go was not an option. It had never been an option. "Is that what you would do?"
Gemma took off her glasses and threw them on the desk. "You and I are not the same sweetheart."
Once again, Jo read between the lines. "You think I'm weak."
"Don't matter much what I think."
"It does to me."
Gemma leaned forward, joining her hands as she rubbed her thumbs together. "You know Jax's father did the same thing you did. When my Thomas got sick, he ran all the way to Ireland and buried himself in Irish pussy to forget what was going on at home."
From the tone of her voice, Jo understood this was something that had hurt Gemma deeply but it didn't compare to what had happened with her. "That's not fair."
"Well fuck fair. You hurt him Jo. Shit you did? Turning your back, running away? It hurt him. It hurt his club and his family. My family. So I'm sorry if I'm a little short on sympathy right now."
"I'm not looking for sympathy Gemma."
"Then what are you looking for?"
"Some understanding. Maybe some forgiveness." Jo answered truthfully.
"In case you don't remember, I lost a child too Jo. That piece of you that got ripped apart? You can look for it until you're old and grey, you're never going to find it. So I do understand. But you ran. You left him." She pointed a finger to Jo's neck to make her point. "That ink? It ain't just here to make us look pretty Jo. It means something to us. It's a promise between you, your old man and this club. You turned that promise to shit."
The anger seemed to be gone from her voice but The words resonated deeply with Jo. She'd known it since Happy had left that morning. They'd been together that night and she'd told him she might feel different. She'd meant physically but in the end, he'd been the one who'd felt different. There had been a distance between them even as he was buried deep inside her.
She'd only understood it later. She'd betrayed her promise to him. She'd let other people get between her and her old man. He didn't trust her. None of them did. That realisation had hit her hard, harder even than Happy asking her to stay away. She wasn't sure where it left them. But if there was any way for her to earn that trust back, then she had to take it.
"I know you think I betrayed him. Maybe I did, I don't know. I could sit here and try to explain what happened to me Gemma, but it won't change a thing. I left yes, but he never left me. I went about it the wrong way but it was always about coming back to him, Gemma, always. I wasn't looking for a way to forget what was going on at home, I was looking for way to live with it. "
"Did you?"
"I'm getting there. It's probably not the answer you want but it's an honest one."
Gemma scoffed shaking her head "Shit, I think old age is turning me into a big softie.A few years ago, I'd have written you off, you pull that shit."
"So why aren't you?"
"Because he hasn't. He might want to think he did but I know him better than that. "
"What do I do here Gemma?"
"What do you want Sweetheart?"
This one was easy. There was only one thing she wanted now. "You told me one day that you'd loved everyone you were supposed to love? I love the man I was supposed to love too Gemma. Happy is the only man I'm ever going to love. He is what I want."
"And you're ready to wait for years for a man who might not want you?"
"I am."
The determination in Jo's voice made Gemma snigger. "You're no weak bitch Jo. Don't ever forget it again.
Gemma stood, pacing her office for a few minutes as she rubbed her temples. She leaned back on the corner of her desk, meeting Jo's eyes. You own your place sweetheart, that's what you do. You be here the day he comes homes. It's all the advice I can give you. Beyond that, I can't tell you what happens. But until then you stay close and that means getting right with those men out there and trust me they're no softies."
Jo took it all in and stood. "Thanks Gemma."
She made her way out of the office and was surprised to hear Gemma call out to her " Jo? I'm sorry about Ginny. She was a good woman.
"She was."
She saw Gemma jerk her head towards the clubhouse. "Good luck with that."
Jo slowly turned around and realised the men were all standing by the clubhouse watching her. Letting out a deep breath, Jo headed in their direction. All eyes on her. If they were surprised by her presence, they didn't show it. As she got close, Jax stuck a cigarette between his teeth.
"Long way from home, ain't it Doc." he said as he lit it taking a long drag.
"I was in the neighbourhood. Give or take a few miles." She answered risking a glance towards Parker who looked down trying to hide a smile. " You're gonna tell me I'm not welcome?"
"Family is always welcome darlin'. The rest, that's on Hap."
The mention of his name reminded her of his absence but she shook it away. "Listen, I never got to thank you guys for everything you did. You rallied around me and Hap and you put your club on the line several times. So i guess this is me saying thanks."
None of them gave any indication they'd actually heard her. Their faces were closed off but their eyes on her weren't unkind, they were watchful.
Not wanting to overstay her welcome, Jo decided it was time for her to go. "I should get going."
Jax scratched his head. "Got somewhere you need to be Doc?"
Jo frowned, unsure what he was getting glanced at his brothers and Jo didn't miss the imperceptible nods they gave in response. "Something we need to show you."
Without waiting for her response, he headed towards the door of the clubhouse, holding it open for her. Jo had a moment of hesitation and Quinn spoke for the first time, laying soft eyes on her. "Nothing to worry about Doc."
Jo wouldn't say she was close to any of Happy's brothers aside from Parker. She'd found a love for them as she got to know them but they didn't have a relationship beyond their connection to Happy. But Quinn was Happy's closest friend by a long shot. That hadn't surprised her. His quiet nature and love for the road were a match to Happy's and although Quinn had a calm demeanour that Happy didn't have, they seemed to understand each other to a deeper level than the others. So she inherently trusted Quinn as much as she trusted Happy. If he told her she had nothing to worry about, then she believed him.
He held out his hand to let her go through before him and she found herself in the clubhouse. It was still early and aside from a couple of crow eaters lazying on the couch, the place was deserted. With one pointed look from Jax, the crow eaters left the bar and headed out as he took a seat at the bar whilst Parker handed him a beer. She watched as Bobby hurried towards the Chapel, alone and wondered what the hell was going on.
"You want a drink?"
"Never before noon, thanks."
Jax chuckled. " Yeah, we don't have that rule."
Jo wasn't sure what to make of all this but if they were trying to make her nervous, they were clearly succeeding. It felt so weird to be standing here without Happy by her side. She'd never been here without him and that fact only made his absence more obvious.
"You look nervous Doc."
Jo met his stare but she couldn't see any malice in it. "Should I be?"
Before he could answer that, Bobby came out of the Chapel, a USB key between his chubby fingers. He handed it to Jax and took the beer Parker had set on the bar for him.
"You know what this is?"
"A USB key?" she answered deadpan.
" That's right. This particular one has hundreds of files on all your dad's dirty deeds. Proof of all the bad shit he's done going back his days as Mayor. All in one USB key. Corruption, embezzlement, blackmail. You name it, it's in there."
"How did you get it?"
"Pierce."
It had been over nine months since Mark had died. If they'd gotten it from him which Jax had no reason to be lying to her about, they'd sat on it for a long time. "If you've had this this whole time, why not use it?
"You're smart Darlin'. Think you can figure out the answer to that."
Happy. He had been trying to protect her from that knowledge. Knowing what she knew now, she wished she'd known before. Things would have been so different.
"Does he know you're showing me this?"
"He will."
She was having trouble seeing where Jax was getting at. She presumed this was some kind of test they were putting her through. "I'm not sure what you want from me here Jax."
"You tell us Doc. That shit becomes public, your old man is done. His career is over. He's gonna be making lawyers very rich for a long time trying to keep himself from the very place Hap's in right now."
"You don't need my permission to use this Jax."
"I know."
It was a test. They were looking to see if Jo would have an issue with them taking her father down. She didn't even have to think about it. She'd meant what she'd told Grayson in Sacramento. He didn't exist to her anymore and she did not care what happened to him. There was no love left but there was no hate either. He didn't even get that from her. He didn't matter. All she had for him now was indifference. "Use it. Don't. I honestly don't care what you do with it Jax. I have nothing good left for my father. Whatever happens to him, that's not my concern."
"Family is complicated Jo. I should know. You might say that now, you might even mean it, but somewhere down the line you might feel differently.
"You mean if Happy comes out of jail and decides he wants nothing to do with me?"
She probably shouldn't have been addressing the president that way especially when she was already on shaky grounds with the club and especially as she stood alone in their clubhouse but she was getting accustomed to reading between the lines and the subtext had been pretty clear. She figured she'd saved them all some time and get to the point. Jax didn't seem to take offence though, instead he just curled his lips into a smile.
"Something like that."
"He's not my family Jax. He hasn't been in a long time. It took me a little while to realise it but now I do. Whatever happens with Hap won't change that."
He held her stare for a moment before nodding.
She decided it was time for her to take her leave."I should get going."
"Hey Doc."
"Yes?"
"We'll keep him whole."
Jo felt a sudden lump in her throat and smiled gratefully. "You know I'm gonna hold you to that Jax."
"Sure you will. You take care, Doc."
She exited the clubhouse, the sun harsh onto her eyes and let out a deep breath. She didn't know if she'd made things right the way Gemma had intended but she was glad it was done. As she walked towards her car, she heard a familiar voice calling out to her. "Hey Doc!"
She stopped in her tracks and turned to face Parker. He was alone. He reached her scratching his head. "Sorry about... you know."
"It's okay Parker."
He looked down, nervous on his feet and finally took a step forward, wrapping her in a quick hug. "Anything you need Doc, anything."
"Thanks Parker."
She didn't have time to say anything else before he jogged back to the clubhouse.
~oOo~
This was it. Her dream. It wasn't much really. The owner had died the year prior and his children had been looking to sell the property every since. When she'd met them, they'd been quite honest about what she was getting herself into. But for Jo, it had been love at first sight.
The ranch needed a complete overhaul; the fields surrounding the property had been uncared for and nature had reclaimed the old paddocks, wild flowers and overgrown weeds covering them; the main house was literally falling apart and too small for her purposes and the roof barn had collapsed that winter. But none of it had mattered to Jo. It was remote, had lots of land and even an access to the nearby river. When she looked at it, she could actually see it the way it would look when she was done.
The old man had had horses, chickens, ducks and a pig in a distant past and Jo knew how much kids would love having animals around. So she'd bitten the bullet and put all the money she'd gotten from her aunt's inheritance towards hiring an architect to put her ideas into actions. She had gotten the green light for a massive loan from the bank and although she now needed to replace the two investors she'd lost a couple of them following the scandal surrounding her father, her share of the proceeds from the house she'd shared with Happy would give her a bit of breathing space while she secured new investors.
The builders were starting the following week and the whole project would take twelve months to complete. With so much money tied up in the new build, she wouldn't be able to afford the small studio she'd been renting in Berkeley while she got the project off the ground. Plus, she wanted to be on site as much as possible and this was a good hour drive from Berkeley. So she had started looking into buying an old airstream. She felt a smile creep up on her face at the thought.
"So you want to tell me what we're doing here?"
She looked to her side, smiling broadly as Ethan stared at her questioningly.
"Well? What do you think?"
"I have no idea."
She laughed at his obvious confusion and waved her arm around."Look around you, Ethan."
"All I see is a dump."
"I know."
"Sooo..."
Jo decided to put him out of his misery and tell him why she'd brought him here. "I bought it."
"You mean this is your place?"
"Well mine and the bank's. But yes."
"But it's a dump."
His confusion now gone, he looked at her as if she'd lost her mind. Maybe she had a little."So you keep saying. Try and use your imagination."
"Okay, what am I supposed to imagine?"
She tooka deep breath and smiled. She'd been so excited when she'd had the idea, that she had started jotting down her ideas on the spot. It felt like it had been staring at her for years, yet she'd never seen it. "I want to turn it into a rehab centre for disabled children. Graeme helped me put together the business plan. I've got the financial backing. The building work starts next week."
"Are you serious?"
"Yep."
"Wow that's...great."
"I think so too."
"Now not to rain on your parade but don't you think you could have told me all that over the phone?"
She'd called him a week ago asking him to make the four hour trip down to California because she had something important to discuss with him and she wouldn't take no for answer. She had needed him to be there when she asked him. "What are you studying Ethan?"
He seemed taken aback by the change of subject. "You know what I'm studying. Business."
"You enjoy it?"
"Not really. What are you getting at Jo?"
She kneeled near him and put her hand on his."This place. It's been a dream of mine for a long time. I want to help people , I want to make a difference. Sounds sappy but it's true. But I'm gonna need help. A lot of help. Managing a centre like that, it's a lot of red tape, a lot of admin and a lot of work all around. I'm gonna need all the help I can get."
"You offering me a job?"
She smiled at the disbelief on his face. She'd known she wanted Ethan to be a part of her team the minute she started planning her project. "I am. The kids I want to have here, they'll need someone to talk to. Someone who really knows what they're going through. No one's better placed to do that than you. You can understand them in a way I can't. And if you want to, you can still finish your degree. Or you can get a degree in something else. Something that matters."
He sniggered. "Gee, don't pull any punches Jo."
"What I mean is I think you'd be great at this Ethan. I wouldn't be asking if I wasn't a hundred percent sure of it."
"I would have thought Samson would be the on you tried to rope into this."
A grin spread on her face."I'm still working on him. But I want you here too. What do you say?"
He fell silent for a minute as he surveyed the ranch. She could see it in his face though, he was starting to see it the way she had. "Shit, my mum is gonna blow a fuse when I tell her I'm leaving the state."
"Can I take that as a yes then?"
"Yes. " he chuckled softly.
"Well, I guess it's our dump now."
Thanks for reading!
I know it's not the reconciliation most people were expecting in this chapter. I know epilogues usually come after the story has wrapped up and but I wanted to do it differently. But don't worry the epilogue will be up either tomorrow or Thursday so the wait won't be too long and hopefully you'll enjoy it.
I'm all about quotes lately so I leave you to ponder that one.
As always please do review and let me know your thoughts!
"Love knows not its depth till the hour of separation"
Khalil Gibran
