Chapter 54

"He's what?" Patrick exclaimed, taking the papers from Robin's hand. The muscle in his cheek began to twitch as he read, the only sign betraying his anger. "Fine. We'll give him a paternity test and he can fuck off" he said, throwing the document on to the table.

"We can't" Robin said, trying to hide her disappointment.

"What do you mean we can't?" he took her hand and led her to the couch.

"The only way to determine paternity in utero is through an amnio and that is just not a possibility with HIV. The risk of the exposure for the baby is too high, not to mention the miscarriage risk from an amnio is higher than what I'm comfortable with."

Patrick sighed. "Do you have Sonny's number?"

Robin arched an eyebrow. "Why?"

"I think it's time to call in a favour and have Sonny do what he does best."

"Stop it" Robin said in frustration "Jokes like that don't help"

"Who's joking Robin? I'm serious. I've never wanted to kill a man before but he's pushing my limits."

She stood up suddenly. "I will NOT have talk of killing or any type of violence. There is just no way for you to understand how abhorrent that is for me. Not in my name, not in the name of my child – just get off it!!"

"Our child" he said quietly.

"What?" she asked impatiently.

"Our child – you said your child – it's our child Robin and I'm entitled to want to protect you – both of you."

Robin's face softened somewhat. "Of course it's our baby and I love that you want to protect us but what you've just suggested makes you no better than him."

Patrick's mouth fell open slightly and was about to retort but decided to let it pass. "So what do you suggest then?"

"We need a lawyer and we'll fight him on it. I'm not submitting to a test in utero and there is no way a judge will make me."

"You're pretty confident of that."

"Patrick, people hate HIV and if there is a remote possibility that this test could pass the disease from me to the baby then everyone will back off. No one wants to be the one responsible for making a baby HIV+"

Patrick stood up and wrapped his arms around Robin. "I'm sorry" he said into her hair. "I don't want to upset you. It just….I'm just afraid he is going to dog us for the entire pregnancy."

Robin tightened her grip around Patrick. "We'll go see Ric Lansing tomorrow and find out what our options are. I guess this just isn't going to be easy."

"Then let's make a deal"

"What's that?"

"Let's leave the crap – the Bruce stuff, people's opinions, anything negative, outside. When we're together, in here let's just be happy"

"Deal" Robin muttered into his chest. They stood there, holding onto each other until interrupted by a knock at the door.

"If that's another process server, I'm going to make him go buy us a pizza first" Patrick joked as he opened the door. He retrieved his wallet from his pocket and paid the delivery guy.

"Let's eat" he said as he closed the door.

They sat on the floor, leaning up against the couch, eating their pizza. "Can I ask you something?" his voice was quiet.

"Anything"

"How long did you grieve Stone's death?"

Robin looked up at him in surprise. "Why do you ask?"

"I spoke to Nathalie today. I told her the news and she's thrilled but it was clear while we were talking that she wasn't doing well. She was yelling at Gracie, she was distracted and edgy. I've invited her to come and see me next week."

Robin nodded and took a drink of water. "Actively I grieved for years. I think when someone really important to you dies, there's a part of you – I don't know if it's in your heart or your soul – but there's a part of you that becomes frozen in time to that moment. There is a part of me that will always be a devastate 17 year old." Patrick watched her face with a mixture of curiosity and awe. "Don't you think there's a part of you that is stuck as the 17 year old you were when your mom died?"

He inhaled. "I don't know. I mean I still have days where thinking about her hurts."

Robin took his hand, lacing her fingers through his one by one. "We never really talk about your mom, you know."

He shrugged. "What's to talk about? She's dead."

"Patrick" Robin turned to face him. "Don't you think I've figured out one of the reasons you don't like to get attached is because of your mom's death? That between her dying and Noah taking off, you think everyone is going to leave you? And now with Andrew's death you feel like it's all happening again."

He stared wordlessly at her, shocked that she could see through his so well. To a certain extent he didn't know why he was shocked, she had seen through him from their first meeting. She had appealed to his ego to get him to take Jason's case and it had worked.

"I was talking about Nathalie" he said in a quiet attempt to change the subject.

"We can talk about Nathalie later – let's talk about you."

"I don't like to talk about me" he said, suddenly very interested in his pizza slice.

"On the contrary" she teased "when we first met the only thing you were capable of talking about was yourself"

Patrick smiled sheepishly. "I was trying to get you to go out with me"

"I had noticed" she smiled. "But let's talk about you a little bit."

"Robin, I'm a man, I don't do touchy feely."

"Oh I have been a recipient of your touchy feely and you do it quite well" she joked.

"I'd rather do that than talk"

"I know but Patrick, we're going to be parents together and we need to be able to talk because regardless of what happens between us, we are always going to be bonded by this child" her hand went protectively to her stomach.

"What do you mean regardless of what happens to us – are you going somewhere?" he did a poor job of concealing the anxiety in his voice.

Robin looked at him curiously. "I'm not going anywhere but we don't have a commitment Patrick – if anything, we've just started to date except we're having a baby. Who knows, after a while we may find out that we are better off as friends"

He stared at her intently. "We will never, and I mean never be better off as friends. I don't know how to explain Robin because I've never done this thing before but I'm in love with you – how we confirm that for other people – like with a wedding or something, I don't know yet – but for the first time I want to build a life not an existence. And I want you, I need you to be part of that life."

Robin lifted his hand and kissed it. "I love you" she said quietly.

"I love you too."

She took a long drink of water. "Do you think you'd be very different if your mom had survived the surgery?"

Patrick chewed on his bottom lip as he thought about her question. "I think I'd be nicer."

"You're pretty nice"

"No- I mean I can be but everything was easier when she was alive. You know that night on the roof, the night that Sam was shot and you talked about wanting to feel safe?" Robin nodded. "I never experienced violence the way you have – my life has never truly been in danger but when my mom died I felt like I had just been turned out into the world with a kick in the ass. My father was unreachable and other than Andrew I had no one I could count on. It was easier to be brash and rude and uncaring. Nothing could reach me and so I never worried about having to feel like that again."

Robin tightened her grip around his hand and took a deep breath. "Are you worried that by letting yourself love me that you'll feel like that again when I die?"

Patrick gasped as she finished her question. Inexplicably bile began to rise in his throat. "Robin – you can live for a very, very long time."

"We think so but Patrick, there's still no cure for what I have – there's no surgery – it's not like correcting an AVM. One day the medication will stop working and I will get sick. And then what does that mean for you and our child?"

He wiped his hand over his face. "Don't talk like that"

"We have to – we need to be honest here. There very well may come a day when me having HIV means more to you than buying the right condoms"

Patrick turned to face her and took both her hands in his. "Robin, that day is already here. It arrived a long time ago." She gave him a look of surprise. "During the encephalitis outbreak, we could barely stand each other and I was still scared for you."

She smiled shyly. "I remember, you tried to push me onto an elevator."

"That day in the locker room where you spiked a fever – I stopped breathing for a minute. And as your condition deteriorated, I felt panicked that I didn't have a cure for you, that I couldn't get more of the antidote." He exhaled, looking at the floor. "There's a small part of me that worries about you every day. I know I gave you a hard time about being a coward and hiding behind your HIV" he looked up at her "but a lot of that was because I wanted you to see what I saw"

"What did you see?" her voice barely above a whisper.

"I saw this beautiful, sexy, smart woman with a ton to offer and who could be a lot of fun, if only you let yourself. Your HIV didn't scare me from pursuing you" he swallowed "but it does scare me that it could take you before I'm ready for you to go."

Robin crawled towards him and climbed into his lap. She snaked her hand around his neck and played with his hair. "I don't want to go anytime soon" she said softly.

He bussed her lips. "Good. Because baby Scorpio/Drake and I need you." He gently kissed her lips again. "You're the first person I've allowed myself to need in a very long time. It scares me that I need you."

Robin smiled. "I need you too Patrick. I never thought that I would have love again. In fact I was sure I wouldn't so you are quite the surprise in my perfectly laid plans."

He nuzzled her neck and put his hand over hers on her stomach. "I think we both found what we were looking for"

"What's that?"

"Family."