Hearing Cullen's muttered reply on the other side of the door, I push it open to find him staring intently down at the reports scattered atop his desk. "Just put the reports over there." He instructs, motioning to the small open area without looking up. "I'll probably get to it in the morning. "
"I'd hope not." I chuckle. "I was under the impression that this was strictly a nighttime activity for us."
Looking up from his reports, his brows jump up but he smiles. "Hey. I wasn't expecting you until later tonight."
"Oh?" I raise a brow as I close the door behind me and lean back against it. "The torches on the battlements have been lit for a couple hours now. I figured it was late enough." I frown. "Unless you changed your mind?"
"No." He sighs, holding up a paper to finish reading it before placing it back down. He rubs the back of his neck with a frown. "Forgive me. I seem to have just lost track of time. There's so much to do in so little time and it just keeps stacking up."
Pushing away from the door, I stride toward him and round his desk. Wrapping my arm around his shoulder, I lift onto my tiptoes to press a kiss to his jaw. "Sounds like you could use a break."
He turns his head as a smile begins to creep up. "I think you're right." He chuckles, shifting slightly to face me. His gloved hand reaches up to cup my jaw as his thumb moves across my cheek. "You look tired." He frowns. His hand drops from my face as he sighs. "You can head up to the loft; I'll be up in a few minutes. I need to finish a letter so I can send it out tomorrow morning."
"Or..." I begin, wedging myself between him and his desk. Perching on the edge, I smirk up at him. "You can wait to write the letter in the morning when you're fresh and join me right now."
He gives a low chuckle. "As tempting as that offer is, I really must insist. I'm sorry, my darling."
"Fine." I say with a mock frown. "I might be naked when you get up there though. My nightshirt and underclothes were taken by the laundress after my bath and I have yet to get them back."
His eyes flick down to my thin shirt and I smirk. He visibly swallows and I notice a blush beginning to creep up to his cheeks. "And as you can imagine, this shirt and my trousers aren't exactly comfortable to sleep in…." As I say this, I slowly start to unbutton my top. "So many uncomfortable buttons…."
"Lena…" He mutters, his eyes widening slightly as I pull back the fabric to reveal the smooth flesh of my collarbone and top of my breast.
"Hm?" I reply, looking at him innocently as my fingers gently drag over the exposed flesh.
His gaze breaks and turns up to meet my own. "What are you doing?" He huskily asks, his usual amber eyes darkening with desire as I feel his hand wind around my waist. His eyes flick down to my lips then back.
"Just warning you." I smirk, letting the fabric slide back into place. Lifting up onto the balls of my feet, I brush my lips teasingly against his and feel his hand tighten around me. "Don't worry, Cullen. I promise you that I will remain under the blankets so that I'm covered." I whisper.
Setting down the parchment in his other hand, he smiles as he brings it up to cup my jaw. "I could always lend you a shirt for the night." He offers. "It'll be a little big on you but it should work for tonight."
"I guess that could work." I shrug, masking my disappointment. I bring my hand up to trace along his stubbled jaw with my fingers. "Fine." I sigh. I lift up on the balls of my feet once more, intentionally grazing his groin with my leg as I do so. I suppress my smirk as he inhales sharply, pulling me closer once more as I give him a quick peck on the lips. "Don't keep me waiting too long." I grin.
Chuckling, he grabs my hand and kisses my knuckles. "Go on up. I'll finish as quickly as I can."
While I had hoped my little act would lead to a heated moment like the one we had back at Caer Bronach, I steal another quick peck on the lips before sauntering back toward the ladder.
Settling for a dark grey tunic like the one from my dream, I strip off my blouse and trousers and set them aside before pulling on Cullen's shirt. The shirt itself reaches halfway down my thigh, the top is so loose that the neckline keeps slipping off my shoulder. I pad over to his bed and climb on top. Leaning over the edge, I watch him through the gaps the wooden slats. Hunched over the papers on his desk once more, I hear him let out a heavy sigh before he grabs a blank piece of parchment as he looks for his quill. I hear him mutter something to himself before he finds it and takes a seat. He dips his quill in the inkwell and I half expect him to stare at the parchment for a moment then begin writing but his eyes flick upwards catching me by surprise. Can he see me? Given how little of him I can see, I doubt it. He sighs as he looks up at the loft before I notice a smile starting to form as he drops his head and begins writing.
By the time he finishes, I'm already fighting to stay awake. In fact, it isn't until he's halfway toward the bed before I notice him. I crack open an eye and watch as he pauses beside the bed. His eyes move along where the shirt is hiked up around my exposed thigh and I hear him mutter under his breath.
"About time you arrived." I chuckle, my lips curling up into a smirk. "Here I thought you were going to sleep on the cot in your office." Open in my eyes, I sit up.
He offers me a rueful smile. "I know. I'm surprised you're still awake."
"I almost wasn't." I chuckle. He walks to the side of the bed and lifts the blanket. "Wait."
He pauses, raising a brow. I feel my heart beating excitedly in my chest. "Is something wrong?" He frowns.
I shake my head. "No. I just have a request."
He drops the blanket he was holding. "Okay…"
"Take off your shirt."
For a moment he seems a bit taken back. "What?" He awkwardly clears his throat. "Why?"
"I want to feel you." I say, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks. "Please?"
He gives a curt nod as he steps back slightly. Taking off his boots, he averts his gaze and begins to tug his shirt off. I watch as his bare back and chest are exposed and I suck in a breath. Maker's Breath. I always imagined what his muscled body looked like without clothes on but to see it in person was something entirely. The man practically looked like an Adonis statue, flawlessly carved from marble. My eyes shift downward. I wonder if I can get him to remove his trousers as well….
He lets his shirt drop to the floor as he shyly turns to me, still unable to meet my gaze. There's a silence between us but I feel my heart thundering in my ears and feel my obvious arousal making itself known.
"Cullen?" Slowly, his gaze meets mine and, given what little light there is coming through few holes in the roof, I can only imagine how much he's blushing right now. Plastering a smile on my face, I pat the bed beside me. "Come to bed."
I wait as he stiffly climbs into bed beside me and lies beneath the covers. I frown as I notice how tense he is.
"Cullen, if you're too uncomfortable…" I begin to say before he holds his arm out. He glances at me with a shy smile.
"Come here." He says, huskily. I watch him with uncertainty. Seeing my own hesitation, he frowns. "I can put my shirt back on if you don't like it."
A hint of a smile plays on my lips as I shake my head. "It's not that." I crawl over to him and feel his gaze on me. I risk placing a hand on his chest and feel a thrill pass over me and go straight between my legs. "I'm loving every moment of this." I smirk. "I always imagined what you looked like beneath your armor and tunic…" I hear his breathing catch as I graze my fingers over the light, downy hair on his chest. Turning my head, I watch as my fingers roam downwards and graze the indents of his abs and hips. Recalling from our time in the tower adjacent to the tavern, I trail a finger down his navel and graze the light trail of hair leading down beneath his trousers.
"Lena." He breathes in warning as my finger barely nudges below the waistband of his trousers. I turn to look at him mischievously.
"I know. Not yet."
His arm wraps around me and he pulls me to him. Immediately, I place a hand on his cheek as his desire filled eyes watch me. A hint of a smirk starts to form as his eyes flick down to my lips before returning to my eyes. It's obvious that he wants more but I can see his hesitation. I lean in and brush my lips against his. "Thank you."
His brows furrow. "For what?"
My fingers graze his stubbled jaw as I look at him. "For doing this. I know you're uncomfortable but I appreciate you doing it for me." Giving him a peck on the lips, I smile and curl up to Cullen's side and close my eyes as I listen to his nervous heartbeat. His hand idly caresses my side as I feel him press a kiss to the top of my head. I smile to myself. I feel myself being lulled to sleep by the sound of his even breathing intermingling with his pounding heartbeat when I hear him mutter my name.
"Lena, we need to talk."
I incline my head to look up at him, his features barely distinguishable with the stream of moonlight coming through the corner of his tower. "Hm?" Noting his conflicted expression, my brow furrows. "What is it?"
His hand pauses its motion on my side. "Your other advisors and I had a small meeting this morning."
"Okay?" I ask, shifting to lean on my arm. "What about? We're not in danger again, are we?"
His hand slips down to my lower back as he pulls me closer to him, the warmth of his hand radiating through the fabric of the shirt he lent me. "No, but it did have to do with you…"
I raise a brow. "About me?" He nods and I sigh, resting my head back on his arm. "Let me guess; I'm to go to Orlais to speak with that Enchanter woman. Right?"
"Not exactly." He gently says, frowning. "More like we won't be sending you out on another mission for a while."
"What do you mean?" I frown. "Don't get me wrong, having a break would be nice and would give us some much-needed alone time..." I reach down and trace the outline of his cock, making him suck in a breath before he gently grabs my hand, lifting it to his lips to kiss my knuckle. I look up at him. "Have I done something wrong?"
His brows shoot up in surprise. "What? No!" He reaches up and traces my jawline with his thumb. He sighs. "It was brought to our attentions that you've been impacted more by past events the we had originally anticipated."
My heart pounds loudly in my chest as silence permeates between us. Shit. He knows.
When I don't respond, he continues. "After hearing about what happened at the rifts, we have decided that it would be best if you stayed here and recuperated a little bit after the traumas you faced." He glances down at my jawline. "In fact, Josephine has the perfect room for you—"
My brows draw together once more. "You're locking me up?" I shift so I'm hovering over him. A feel a surge of anger rush through me. "After all I've done for the Inquisition, I'm a prisoner again?"
He shakes his head. "You're not going to be a prisoner. I wouldn't let that happen." He sits up and faces me. "Your room isn't fully set up yet but when it is, you're not confined to it. You're more than welcome to walk around the grounds."
"But I can't leave Skyhold." I fume.
He sighs. "Lena… you've been through a lot recently…"
"I'm fine." I growl.
"Darling…" He reaches up to touch my cheek but I slap it away.
"I said I'm fine." I stand up and grab my discarded trousers and shoot him a glare. "So I had a lapse in judgement! So what? That's no reason to keep me from doing my job!" Pulling my trousers back on, I look around before picking up my silk shirt. "In case you guys don't remember, there are still rifts out there and I'm the only one we know of who can seal them." I turn to face him. "You told me once before that we don't exactly have time on our side. By keeping me here when I could be out there making allies and dealing with the rifts, we're putting people at risk!"
Had I not been so angry, I would have enjoyed the view as he removed the blanket from his lap and walked over to me. I glare at him as he takes my face in his hands and tilts my head up to meet his gaze. Lena, don't see this as a punishment. Think of this as a reward."
"Reward?" I say with a derisive scoff.
"Yes. While you recover, we can have some time together." His thumb grazes my lower lip. Noticing my unchanged stony expression, he frowns.
"Of course I've wanted a break but not like this." I hiss as I pull away from his touch. "I would rather have the break be when I choose and on my own terms. Besides, I freaked out once." I lie. "That's no reason to suspend me."
Once more he pulls me into an embrace. "Lena, I…" He stops and I raise a brow. He clears his throat. "I care about you." He frowns. He hesitantly brings his hand up to my face once more. "I know you still have nightmares about whatever happened at Redcliffe. Your companions have told me about how they've woken up to find you shaking and calling out in your sleep."
"If you're worried that I'll wake you up, I'll go find an empty room to sleep in instead of sleeping here with you. Problem solved." I say, folding my arms over my chest. "Out of sight, out of mind."
He looks at me incredulously. I know I'm being childish about all this and that this break is because he and the others care about me but, if I was going to get a break, I didn't want to spend it being pitied. If I got the break I wanted, I'd spend it drinking, relaxing and embracing the new phase of our relationship by locking ourselves in his tower for some overdue alone time; Not awkwardly wandering around Skyhold while people looked at me like I was an injured pup.
He sighs. "Darling, you know that's not the problem." He tucks a lock of hair behind my ear, his face contorting to a pained expression as he lowers his voice. "I understand what you're going through. Like me, I know you don't want to be coddled and will keep insisting that you're fine but…" He breaks off for a moment. His eyes search mine as he cups my jaw. "I hate seeing you being tortured by the past."
"Technically it was the future." I mutter.
"Past or future, I don't like seeing you hurt." He frowns.
Pursing my lips, I look off to the side for a few moments. "For how long?"
"While there's no say for how long you would need to recover, we can't keep you out for too long." He shrugs. "A week at most."
I let out a frustrated sigh. "And what exactly would I be doing during this break? Are there any tasks I would be in charge of? Will I get to look at reports and still be a part of the war meetings?"
I feel his other hand slide to my lower back as he pulls me closer. "Of course you'll be a part of the war meetings." He says, his voice low as his eyes travel down to my lips and linger there. "As for the reports, we can speak to Josephine about it later. Thus far, she has been dealing with most of the letters addressed to you to lighten your workload since you've been primarily dealing with matters out in the field." His thumb traces my lower lip. "As for tasks for the day-to-day, there's none that I can think of at the moment. I'm sure Josephine can think of some things." He leans forward and presses a light kiss to my lips. "We can talk about this all later though…" He says huskily as his hands wander under my shirt.
My heart begins to race as I wrangle with my conflicting emotions. I can feel the tug of wanting to know who told him at the corners of my mind but could feel my need for intimacy nudging its way to the forefront. Even as his lips move to press languid kisses along the side of my neck and the hollow of my throat, I needed to know.
"Cullen." I say, pulling away from him and see the confusion writ across his face. "It was only those on my team that knew what had happened at the rifts."
His gaze holds my own as he sighs. "Darling, come back to bed. We can discuss all this in the morning."
I shake my head. "Not until you tell me who told you." I frown. "Please Cullen. I need to know."
He purses his lips but says nothing. Pulling away from him, I hug my arms around me as I pace while my mind runs through the possible suspects and their motives. "Cassandra." I finally mutter, coming to a halt. I spin around to see that he had taken a seat on the end of his bed. He raises a brow.
"It was Cassandra, wasn't it?" I ask. "She's usually the one who wants to do the right thing and insists on me telling my advisors about everything that happens."
His brows suddenly furrow. "Wait, has other things happen while you were out there?"
I absently wave his question away as I start pacing once more, talking to myself. "I know it can't be Nevan. Cole perhaps? Blackwall?"
Cullen lets out an impatient sigh. "It was two of your companions." He says finally. "Dorian and Cassandra called a meeting and told us because they were concerned about you."
I feel the sudden sharp pain of betrayal in my gut as he says Dorian's name. Cassandra, I can see, but Dorian? I know he was urging me to tell everybody when we were in Edgemont about the marking on my side and how I was affected by the red lyrium at Redcliffe, but I specifically said I wanted to tell people in my own time. I steel myself against the arising emotions as I feel Cullen watching me.
Hooking the sides of my trousers, I start to wiggle them off.
"What are you doing?" Cullen asks, confusion writ across his features as he watches my trousers fall around my ankles. I move them aside with my foot and drop my silk shirt on top.
"Getting ready for bed." I shrug, nonchalantly, "I said I would come back to bed after you told me."
While I remained neutral on the outside, my anger and feelings of betrayal continued to threaten to swallow me whole. If only I had some alcohol right now. I thought bitterly. I need a distraction.
I stride toward him and halt before him. Leaning down, I take his face in my hands and press a soft, lingering kiss to his lips. "Thank you for telling me." I whisper. Without waiting for a response, I go in for another kiss. This time I don't hold back as I almost instantly deepen the kiss. As our lips move together in practiced rhythm, his arms encircle me as he pulls me onto his lap. His warm, strong hands slip under my borrowed shirt and move up along my sides and over my lower back.
Without warning, I break the kiss. I smirk as I have to resist when he attempts to pull me back in. His brows furrow as he shoots me a confused look. "What's wrong?" He asks, breathlessly.
"Nothing." I shrug." Slithering off his lap, I smirk as I feel his heated gaze follow me as I walk around the bed and sit on my usual side. My heart still pounding from all the excitement that just happened, I lounge back against pillows and beckon him over.
Part of me half expects him to back down as he usually does but he doesn't. Instead, he shifts onto his hands and knees and stalks over to me like a lion surveying its prey. Crawling over to me, he places a knee in the space between my legs and places a hand on either side of my head as he looks down at me. I keep my gaze trained on his as he leans down, his muscles flexing as he goes in for a kiss. Unlike mine, his kiss is soft and tender. He pulls back ever so slightly, his lips still brushing mine teasingly as I feel his warm breath. He lingers close for what feels like ages until I can't take it anymore. "Touch me." I breathe.
For a moment, he stays perfectly still and I worry that I was too forward. I'm about to apologize as he shifts his weight to one hand and I feel his hand on the outer side of my thigh, just above my knee. My breath catches and he pulls away to look in my eyes. "Are you okay?" He whispers.
Afraid to speak and ruin the moment, I nod. He smiles and leans in once more. "Good." His lips capture mine once more and I feel his hand slide up under the shirt to my bare hip and pause. His thumb moves in a slow arc before he breaks the kiss. "You're…. not wearing any small clothes." He says, his voice thick.
I bite my lip as I feel his growing arousal through his trousers as it begins to press against my other leg. "I told you that I didn't earlier. Remember?"
He doesn't move for a long moment and I begin to worry that he's having second thoughts. Bringing a hand up to his face, I cup his stubbled jaw and kiss the corners of his mouth. "Keep going." I whisper.
After a couple hesitant moments, his lips return to mine as his hand continues its way up my side. As his thumb grazes my breast, I raise my leg that rests against his groin and hear him groan. Smirking against his lips, I reach under the shirt and place my hand on his as I guide it onto my breast. His hand is warm as it envelops my breast and he gives it a couple gentle, experimental squeezes. Hearing my encouraging moan, he breaks the kiss for a moment. "Lena…I…" He begins, his voice husky. His thumb finds my nipple and I gasp in surprise.
"Yes?" I breathe, shamelessly grinding myself against his thigh as his calloused, weapon-honed fingers roll the sensitive nub between them.
He suddenly removes his hand from beneath the shirt and brings it up to gently cup my jaw. My heart beats loudly in my chest. "Please…" I beg, just barely above a whisper. "Don't stop."
From what little light we have, I see a smile grace his handsome face as his thumb grazes my lower lip. "Maker's breath…." He breathes. "I love you."
At this sudden admission, my eyes widen and all caresses come to a halt. "What?" The words tumble out of my mouth before I have a chance to stop them. For a few moments, all I hear is my rapidly beating heart in my ears and the sound of our excited breathing from moments ago. Did he just say what I thought he said? I think to myself as I wait for him to speak first.
His head bows like a scorned child while his hand drops from my face and rests on the bed beside my head once more. "Shit…" I hear him mutter with a sigh. "I didn't mean for that to slip out." His head raises once more to look at me, his eyes searching mine. "Forgive me."
My heart pounds excitedly in my chest. "Is that how you feel? Truly?" I ask.
"I do." He admits, his cheeks pinkening slightly. "I've wanted to say it since Crestwood but… I didn't want to say it too soon."
Pulling away, he turns to sit on the opposite end of the bed and I watch as he runs a hand through his hair. I prop myself up on my elbows. "Cullen… " I frown. "I didn't mean to put you on the spot—"
He shakes his head. "It's not that." He sighs. "I just keep finding myself wondering what will happen after…"
"After… what?" I ask. "After defeating Corypheus? After we finally have sex?"
He casts a brief glance at me and I see the blush sweeping across his cheeks. "I was talking about the war, but both I suppose."
He watches as I sit up and crawl over to him. Locking my arms around his, I rest my chin on his broad shoulder and press a kiss behind his ear. "Are you worried that things will change between us?" I ask. "That I will move on or you will?"
He pauses a moment before nodding. "Thing is that I won't want to move on…" He shifts to face me slightly as his hand comes up to gently drag the back of his finger over my cheek as his gaze meets mine. "Not from you."
I smile as his head dips closer and his forehead rests against mine. Once he pulls away again, he's frowning. "I... I just don't know what you…" He stammers, turning shyly away from me. "…that is if you…uh…"
Slipping off the bed, his eyes watch me as I climb onto his lap, placing a knee on either side as my arms encircle his neck. "Cullen, you should know by now what I want." I smile. His hands come to rest on my lower back as I shamelessly push against his tenting trousers. So close and yet so far. I think to myself as I feel the head of his clothed cock pushing against my bared slit. I run my fingers through the back of his hair. "I want you, Cullen." My smile falters slightly. "If I seem pushy with wanting sex, it's just because I want to feel close to you. With my duties constantly taking me away from you..." I press myself against him against him again with shameless need as I duck my head to brush my lips against his. "You have no idea how many nights I've lain in my cot thinking about you… about how it would feel for our bodies to finally touch and move against each other…." I nip at his lips as I feel his hands move down, his hands grabbing my ass.
His lips find mine once more and I moan against his lips he presses me against him while our lips and tongues move in passionate rhythm driven by primal need. Suddenly I feel him lift me up without breaking the kiss and turn to lie me back on the bed. He's positioned between my legs and I lock my ankles at the base of his spine as I try to push the teasing clothed bulb of his cock further into my willing slit. Pulling away, he chuckles as I give a dismayed groan. He leans back and I watch as his eyes slide over my flushed face and his shirt that is hawked up around my thighs. "Maker, you're beautiful…" He breathes.
I bite my lip as a thrill runs through me as I watch his hand move to the front of his trousers. He fumbles with the first button and it opens to reveal the continuation of the light trail of hair leading downwards. He starts to work on the second button when we hear the unmistakable click of a lock from his office below followed by the sound of one of the heavy wooden doors carefully being opened. Cullen stills as he looks off toward the ladder.
Silence permeates as neither of us move. Finally, he turns to look down at me. I frown as he rebuttons his trousers and leans down to me. "Forgive me, Darling." He whispers, giving me a quick peck on the lips. "I'll be right back."
"Nooo." I hiss, reaching for the front of his trousers to make him stay. "Please… we were so close!" My hand misses as he removes himself from the bed and retrieves his discarded shirt. Pulling it back on, I watch as he pads over to the ladder and leans over to look through the hole before descending. Sighing, I lean my head back. For fucks sake!
Cullen glances about the half-lit room. Half the candles from earlier had already sputtered and went out. Stalking over to each door, he jiggles it and finds each of the other three doors to still be securely shut and locked from when he locked them himself prior to joining Lena on the loft. His brows furrow as he glances around. Nothing seems out of place or disturbed. He thinks to himself as he walks toward the desk. Everything looks exactly how he left it. From the corner of his eye, he sees the small section of parchment placed near the far corner of the desk that wasn't there before. Picking it up, he walks over toward the dimming lights near the window and holds it up. He squints at the thin, almost spidery looking print scrawled across the sheet.
Cullen,
Tomorrow morning, gather Lena and meet us in the War Room. Josephine and I have come up with something special that will make Lena's recuperation week more enjoyable for all.
Zevran
Remembering the way Zevran acted toward Lena in their last meeting together, Cullen scowls as he feels a pit of jealousy settle in his stomach. After all, Zevran wasn't likely to not attempt to charm Lena into bed with him. He was practically known more for his lustful intentions than he was for being an assassin. Cullen's gaze shifts upward toward the ceiling, a smile beginning to form. He summons the image he saw just before he was drawn back down to his office. His arousal presses painfully against the buttons of his trousers as he thinks of Lena, her bare legs straddling his sides with his shirt hiked up around her thighs as her semi-tousled hair fans behind her on the bed. Affection seeps in and intertwines with his lust as his heart beats excitedly in his chest. He sets the parchment back down and starts toward the ladder. What are you waiting for? You love her. He hears his conscience urge him on. Why keep putting it off? Show her that her longing isn't one sided and do what you already dream of doing to her.
With a deep breath, a surge of self-confidence washes over him. His conscience is right. If he loves her, why wait? They're finally alone with no distractions, they have a bed, she's already half-undressed….
Stripping off his shirt, he smirks and begins to climb. "Sorry about that, Darling." He says, excitement coursing through him as he climbs. "Now, where were w—?"
As he reaches the top of the ladder, his smirk falls. "Lena?"
Rising, he carefully walks toward bed where Lena lying where he left her. Her lovely face is calm and her eyes are closed as a small snore sounds from her. He smiles as he feels a wave of affection wash over him. Another time, I guess.
