Here is some more insanity that came out of my brain as I was looking over some of my old fics. He he he he he he. I love torturing people. I do! It's so much fun. And I just felt like doing it. I don't want to get to the hard stuff just yet. It's my fic gosh darn it and if I want to drive certain people nuts I will!

"You usually do," Xavier sighed. "And I'm usually one of the unfortunate ones. And from the looks of this chapter it seems that this chapter is no exception to that rule."

Quiet! And now dear friends witness the madness of...

The Return of the M Squad And Other Disasters

To say that the night's events at the Stregga Rossa were upsetting to Xavier was an understatement.

Especially when he found out that not only was Scott and a few of his pupils drinking, Bobby had provoked a fight, Rogue and the other girls had beaten up Starla for her appalling behavior and that Jean had admitted later that she might have mentioned something to the police about Starla having some kind of drug problem as they were being transported to the station.

Starla quite vocally and drunkenly protested her situation in a loud manner not befitting the lady she thought she was. She also threw up on an unlucky police officer's shoes.

It didn't help matters that Xavier was already at the police station on another matter. Namely little Penny had performed one of her infamous breakouts and broke into a deli store downtown. Apparently the little pink mutant had gained a fondness for pepperoni and had devoured a pound of it as well as a few other meats before throwing up all over an unlucky robber who made the mistake of trying to score some quick cash at the same time Penny was trying to score a quick snack.

The only reason the police caught her was that she had attached herself to the robber's leg with her teeth and refused to let go. Even when they had arrived at the police station she would not release the robber up until Xavier arrived and told her to let go.

While Xavier was bailing Penny out and trying to persuade the court appointed attorneys for the robber and the deli owner to not sue him for damages, yet another unexpected meeting had happened. Apparently Shipwreck had convinced Logan, Spirit, Low Light, Cover Girl, Warren, Hank, Ororo and the Blind Master to go for a night on the town as well.

If their kids could go out and have some fun why not them? Right? What harm could it do?

Three guesses where they ended up.

When the police had arrived at the bar, the roof was already full of holes and there was snow all over the floor with quite a few bikers half frozen. Not to mention two motorcycles stuck in one of the walls. From what he could gather, the chaos was the result of a bar bet between some gentlemen (for lack of a better word) trying to hit on Cover Girl and Storm with the two women hitting back, the Blind Master insisting on a drag race with a biker, Shipwreck trying to tango on top of a few tables, Logan not taking other people cheating at poker well, and several people disagreeing very loudly to Warren and Hank's boisterous and rather drunken rendition of the Pussycat Dolls song 'Don't Cha'. (Also backed up by Shipwreck on vocals).

As you can imagine the three of them did not take too well to several suggestions from some Simon Cowell wannabes. Especially since one of them was Low Light. He was the first one Hank hit in the brawl.

To the officers' surprise they also managed to bring in sixteen men with outstanding warrants and one person who confessed to robbing a few convenience stores earlier that week. Between insane drunken brawling mutants and GI Joes and jail, the robber wisely realized that jail was much safer.

Not to mention healthier, as in the brawl he had lost a few teeth thanks to a few punches from Logan's adamantium fists.

So when Xavier saw his students being brought in by the police right after his instructors were brought in, he was not a happy camper. He was not in any state resembling happiness. He was especially unhappy since Penny had escaped the holding cell and was currently chasing a few drug dealers and 'playing' with them in another cell.

To top off the evening it seemed that the officer booking the adults had uncovered the fact that Xavier was owing the city several hundred dollars in unpaid parking tickets. This was due to several secret joyrides Jamie, Madelyne, Spyder and the Triplets were doing under the cover of darkness and sneaking around different areas of town having whatever demented kind of fun they pleased. That and of course every time Kitty insisted on having a driving lesson.

And guess who was brought in for joyriding in one of Xavier's limos right as he learned that fact? Jamie, Spyder, Madelyne, Trinity and Taylor. They claimed that they had done it to look for Penny. However the large quantities of root beer, potato chips, pixie sticks and other candies indicated otherwise.

They would never have been caught if they hadn't gotten into an accident with another suspect the police were looking for who was wanted for murdering his wife. Five minutes with the kids and he confessed to everything and begged to be locked away.

The Chief of Police told Xavier he didn't know whether he should lock them all up and throw away the key or just take them along on a few drug busts and patrols. Some hard negotiations, a promise to assist the police on any future manhunts and a hefty contribution to the police retirement fund finally sorted everything out.

Tim and Dead Girl's comments on how they were the most normal acting students of the entire evening didn't sit well with everyone. Especially since it was revealed shortly after they made those comments that the two of them had taken a few 'personal gifts' from the restaurant. Mainly some pieces of silverware and a bottle of wine hidden in Dead Girl's...

Well, you really don't want to know where Dead Girl hid it. Or how she hid it. Let's just say even the police didn't want it as evidence and let them keep it.

But Shipwreck had no problem wanting to drink it. Ororo had a problem keeping in her temper and soon the gang had another problem as another small fist fight broke out right there in the police station.

This was also solved after another contribution by Xavier to the police fund. That and the police decided they really didn't want to lock up the mutants and the Joes because they were afraid the other crimminals they already had in custody would sue them for deliberately putting their lives in danger.

Not to mention they wanted to keep the walls of their police station intact.

Xavier was so upset that he didn't even bother disciplining either his students or his staff. He did however spend a few minutes talking to himself. He kept muttering phrases such as: mind wiping, making something look like a host of murder slash suicides, insurance policies and taking off to Bermuda for the rest of his life and allowing the world to burn in a fiery pit of Hell which it most likely deserved.

Both students and teachers agreed to put themselves on probation and be extra careful around the Professor for the next week or so. At least long enough for him to cool down. And maybe get him a prescription for Prozac.

But of course the following afternoon, another disaster reared it's insane head. As disasters often do around the Xavier Institute.

The mansion would be under attack.

Sort of.

By a dangerous enemy from the past.

Well, dangerous if you had an IQ lower than an eggplant's that is.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"In the long shadows of the afternoon it sits…" One figure spoke as he gazed at the Xavier Institute from the woods through a pair of binoculars. "A cancerous sore on the pimply face of humanity. No wait…Make that a giant zit. Yeah a giant zit on the pimply face of humanity!"

"It is the time of darkness…" A female figure spoke.

"What are you talking about Doctor Phelps?" Another figure looked at his watch. "It's nearly one in the afternoon."

"I was speaking metaphorically Doctor Majors!" Doctor Phelps snapped. "Where was I? Oh right. A time of darkness as the world trembled in fear of the creatures that walked among them."

"Oooh that's good," Dr. Majors replied. "It's your turn Doctor Farr!"

"But amid the darkness a blazing light of justice still burned through the evil dark night!" Doctor Farr, the first speaker spoke. "A band of brave proud men of science…"

"Ah hem!" Dr. Phelps snorted.

"Oh right," Doctor Farr corrected. "Men and women of science. People of science. Human people of science. You get the idea. These individuals formed a band to rid the world of darkness and burn it with the pure bright light of truth and knowledge and safety and all that other good stuff. They would be the light that would burn brightly in the dark and bring forth a new age of peace and freedom. And science. Can't forget the science. This group, this band of freedom fighters was known throughout the world as…As…Doctor Majors turn on the CD player, that's your cue."

"Oh right, sorry!" Doctor Majors hit the button and heroic music played. The three figures stepped out into the sunshine.

"THEY ARE THE M SQUAD!" They shouted as one. They were wearing bright orange jumpsuits with black boots, bright green goggles over their eyes and a huge M blazed in green on the front of their jumpsuits. On their backs were some kind of backpacks that looked more like a silver vacuum cleaner and had long attachments at the end of them with a hose like end they held in their hands.

"Dr. Farr!" A forty year old man with long wild white hair and thick glasses spoke.

"Dr. Phelps!" A twenty year old Japanese woman with black hair in a bob spoke.

"And da, da, da, da! Dr. Majors!" A short plump balding man in his thirties wearing a gold cape with his uniform struck a dramatic pose. "DA! TA DA TA DA DA! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"What's with the cape?" Doctor Phelps asked.

"It makes me look more heroic," Doctor Majors told her. He made some more poses. "Like a hero!"

"I think it makes you look more idiotic," Doctor Phelps stuck her nose in the air. "It's not very practical."

"Not practical? It's a cape! Of course it's practical!" Doctor Majors twirled around in it. "And it's rather slimming if I do say so."

"Really?" Doctor Phelps blinked. "I'm not so sure. I think you've gained weight."

"Good I've been bulking up!" Doctor Majors made some more he man poses.

"Another difference between men and women rears it's ugly head," Doctor Phelps sighed.

"Doctor Majors! Practice your poses later!" Doctor Farr ordered. "We have work to do! Important serious scientific work! Or have you forgotten?"

"Oh right," Doctor Majors blinked. "What's the plan again?"

"Shut off the music first," Doctor Phelps sighed. "Doctor Farr explain the plan."

"The plan is simple," Doctor Farr explained. "This is the Xavier Institute. Home of the evil X-Men, the most dangerous mutants alive. We are going to capture them with this!"

He took off the cover of a large device. It looked like a giant vacuum with a giant clear bubble inside. Attached to it was a giant hose with an opening big enough for a person to be sucked in. "Behold the Mutant Container 3000! It will suck up those dangerous mutants and contain them safely in this mutant proof chamber."

"And if they try to break out not only will the built in mutant inhibitors stop them but they will get a nasty shock," Doctor Phelps nodded. "Thanks to the electric shocks we built in there."

"Yes with this device we can safely contain and study the mutants we capture. So all we have to do is wait for a mutant to come along and…" Doctor Farr leaned against the device. He hit a lever and it turned on. "Ooops."

"You turned it on!" Doctor Majors shouted. "You…MY CAPE!" To his horror his cape was being sucked into the hose. "MY CAPE IS STUCK!"

"I told you these things were impractical!" Dr. Phelps grabbed him by the shoulder trying to keep him from being sucked in.

"HELP ME! HELP ME!" Dr. Majors screamed like a little girl. "SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

"Don't worry," Dr. Farr told him as he went to turn off the machine. "I'll just shut off the…"

Suddenly the hose jerked up and pulled Doctor Farr towards it as well. "AAAAH!"

Soon all three of the scientists were inside the machine. "Well this is a fine mess you've gotten us into Doctor Majors," Dr. Phelps grumbled.

"Me? Doctor Farr's the one who turned on…" Dr. Majors snapped.

"Calm down! Calm down! Not to worry," Dr. Farr held up a remote control. "I have this under control. Fortunately I carry a remote with a button for occasions such as this. All I have to do is push the correct button and we will be free. I just have to remember which one it is. Now I think it's the red one."

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAPPPPPPP!

Everyone in the bubble was zapped with a mild discharge of electricity. "AAAHHH!"

"Okay maybe it's the green one…" Dr. Farr coughed. He pressed the button.

ZZZAAAAAPPPPP!

"AAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The men and woman of science were shocked again.

"All right…So It has to be the yellow one…" Dr. Farr coughed again.

ZZZZZZZAAAAPPPPPP!

"AAAAHHHHH!" Again the scientists were litteraly shocked that this was the wrong button.

"Sorry! Sorry about that!" Doctor Farr coughed. "I'm sorry! I got a little excited about our attack this morning and I forgot to read the manual. But I'm certain that the correct button is this pink one right here."

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPP!

"AAAAHHHH!" And once again the scientists were scortched. "OWWWWW! OW! OW!"

"Did I do red?" Dr. Farr said in a wobbly voice. "Let's try it."

ZZZZZZAPPPPPPPPP!

"AAAAAHHHHHH!" And yet again...Well you get the picture.

"Give me that!" Dr. Phelps snatched the remote from his hand. "It's obviously this purple one right here!" She pushed the button.

ZZZZZZAAPPP!

"AAAAHHHHHHHHH!" It seemed Dr. Phelps was no better at picking buttons than Dr. Farr.

"Okay, so it wasn't the purple one," Dr. Phelps coughed. "Anyone could make a mistake."

"Anyone named Phelps! My turn! Maybe it's this gold one?" Dr. Majors took the remote and pushed it.

ZZZAAPPPP!"

"AAAHHH!" It seemed that Doctor Major's taste in buttons coincided with his taste in capes.

"THAT'S NOT GOLD! THAT'S YELLOW YOU FREAKING IDIOT!" Dr. Farr shouted.

"WELL SORRY FOR BEING SLIGHTLY COLOR BLIND!" Dr. Majors screamed.

"Okay, hold it! Hold it! Hold it!" Dr. Farr held up his hand. "Let us think rationally about this. If it's not the red one, and it is not the green one, it is not the pink one, and it's not the purple one and it's definitely not the yellow one…That leaves only black, white, purple, turquoise, teal…"

"I thought teal was turquoise?" Dr. Majors asked. "I mean aren't they the same color?"

"No, no they're both completely different colors," Dr. Phelps told him.

"What do you mean?" Dr. Majors asked.

"What do you mean what do I mean?" Dr. Phelps asked in a huffed voice. "Look at it. Teal is a dark greenish blue color and turquoise is a dark bluish green color. Any idiot can see that!"

"I can't see it," Doctor Majors blinked.

"I rest my case," Doctor Phelps snorted.

"Turquoise isn't that dark," Dr. Farr told her.

"Well granted it's not as dark as teal but still," Dr. Phelps said. "The point is that there are five…six…seven...Eight...Nine more buttons to press and one of them has to be the release button. I say teal."

"Teal sounds good to me," Dr. Farr scratched his head. "In fact it sounds right. Okay I'll push the teal button."

ZZZZZZZZZAPPPPPPPPP!

"THAT WAS THE TURQUIOSE BUTTON YOU MORON!" Dr. Phelps screamed. "OW THIS REALLY HURTS!"

"I thought it was teal! It looked like teal!" Dr. Farr shouted. "I COULD SWEAR THAT WAS TEAL!"

"You can't tell what the colors of your own remote look like?" Dr. Majors yelled.

"AAAHHH!" Dr. Phelps shouted as she snatched the remote away from him. "What is it about men that they can't distinguish between simple colors? That was turquoise! This is teal!"

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPP!

"Okay…" She coughed. "Neither of them work…Did we try fuchsia already?"

"What's fuchsia?" Dr. Majors blinked.

"I think it's this purple like button right here…" Dr. Farr pressed the button.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAPPPP!

"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" It was the purple button, however it was not the correct one.

"This...could take a bit longer than I anticipated," Doctor Farr coughed.

Twenty minutes later…

"All right now let's try this again shall we?" A slightly singed Dr. Farr sighed. "Now we wait for a mutant to show up and then…"

"Then maybe I should find a better tailor to sew my cape back on," Doctor Majors looked at his torn cape in his hands.

"Will you forget your stupid cape and concentrate on the mission Doctor?" Doctor Farr snapped. "We are already behind schedule as it is!"

"Shouldn't we get closer?" Dr. Phelps remarked. "I mean the mutants are right behind that wall over there."

"Hmm," Dr. Farr thought. "I know! There's a hole in that wall over there. All we have to do is push the Mutant Container 3000 close to it. We can suck up the mutants as they walk by it." He held up the remote. "Now how does this remote work? I know one of these buttons pushes it forward."

"That hole is awfully small," Dr. Phelps looked at the hole in the nearby wall. Dr. Farr was trying to figure out the controller.

"I'll move it," Dr. Farr pushed a button.

SUCCCCCKKKKKK!

FLOOOOM! All three scientists were sucked back into the machine again.

"Doctor Farr…" Dr. Phelps held her head in her hand. "WOULD IT HAVE KILLED YOU TO PUT SOME LABELS ON THAT THING?"

"IF YOU DON'T NEXT TIME I WILL!" Dr. Majors shouted at him.

"Look all we have to do is push the right button again!" Dr. Farr told them. "Anyone remember what it was?"

"Uhhhhh…." Dr. Majors blinked. "Try yellow?"

ZZZAAAAAAAPPP!

"AAAHHHHHHHH!" And once again the scientists got a shock.

"Now I know what it is like to be shocked by a pikachu," Dr. Majors groaned.

Meanwhile in the X-Men's security room. "What are you doing?" Scott asked Logan as he walked in.

Logan was sitting at the security monitors with a bowl of popcorn. "Watching the best new reality show I've ever seen."

ZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAPPPPP!

"AAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The scientists screamed again as they were shocked.

"What is that?" Scott blinked at the strange machine.

"Some kind of moron catching device," Logan explained. "It already caught them before. At least we know it works."

"Try the blue one!" Doctor Phelps shouted.

ZZZZAPPPPPPPP!

"AAAHHHHHH!" And yet again the inept mutant catchers were shocked by their own mutant catching device.

"Who are these idiots?" Scott asked.

"They looked familiar so I did a little research," Logan pointed to his files on the computer. "Remember when we broke Jubilee out of that research facility with Firestar and the others? These are the same nuts that were working for Trask and created Doop."

ZZZZZZZZZZAAAPPPP!

"AAAHHHH! THAT HURTS!" Doctor Majors whined.

"These are the people who created Doop?" Scott blinked.

"Yup," Logan nodded.

"OW! OW! OW! THESE ELECTRIC CHARGES REALLY HURT!" Dr. Majors whined."OW! OW! OW! OW!!"

"They're only supposed to give a gentle zap to the mutants that are contained in here," Dr. Farr told them.

"WELL THEY DON'T!" Dr. Phelps shouted. "TRY ANOTHER BUTTON!"

"They made Doop?" Scott spoke again, still not believing what he was watching.

"Well it was by accident," Logan pointed out.

"AAAAA! THAT HURTS!" Dr. Farr yelled. "THAT REALLY, REALLY, REALLY REALLY HURTS!"

"NEXT TIME DON'T DESIGN SOMETHING THAT REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY HURTS!" Dr. Phelps yelled at him.

"Oh that's right," Scott nodded. "I thought they were arrested years ago. What are they doing here?"

"Apparently a few months back they escaped from a minimum security mental institution," Logan pointed out.

"How did they get out?" Scott asked. "What the guard left a door open or something?"

ZZZZZZAAAAPPPP!"

"YEOW!" Dr. Farr yelled. "It's not supposed to really, really, really, really hurt! It is only supposed to only really hurt! There is a difference you know?"

"That would be my guess," Logan remarked.

"So they're like some kind of mutant hunters now?" Scott asked.

"Apparently," Logan nodded as the so called protectors of humanity electrocuted themselves again.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! I TOLD YOU WE ALREADY HIT THE RED BUTTON DOCTOR FARR!" Dr. Phelps shouted. "OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

"Uh shouldn't we do something?" Scott asked.

"I am," Logan said. "I've got popcorn and I'm eating it. Want some?"

"No, I meant something else about them," Scott pointed to the idiot scientists being electrocuted outside their walls.

"Like what?" Logan asked.

"Like I don't know, call the police? Or the Joes or anyone with some authority to arrest these people?" Scott asked.

"Are you kidding? These jokers are funnier than the Three Stooges," Logan chuckled.

"Try the blue one! The blue one!" Dr. Phelps shouted.

ZZZAAAPPPPPP!

"AAAHHHHHH!"

"That's turquoise!" Doctor Phelps snapped as she grabbed the remote. "This is blue!"

ZZZZAPPPP!

"AAHHHHHH!"

"What about this button?" Doctor Farr tried again. "No wait...I think that one..."

ZZZZZZZZZAAPPPP!

"GIVES OFF ELECTRICITY TOO!" Doctor Farr screamed. "WHY DID I THINK THAT MAKING NEARLY ALL THE BUTTONS ACTIVATE THE ELECTRIC SHOCKS WAS A GOOD IDEA? WHAT WAS I THINKING? OWWW!"

"I think I should make my next cape resistant to electricity," Doctor Majors thought aloud. "Ooohhh on the plus side all this static cling is really clearing out my sinuses. What about you Doctor Phelps? Doctor Phelps?"

"Oohh look at the pretty lightning birdies..." Dr. Phelps said in a dazed voice. "Hello birdies...Tweet, tweet, tweet..."

"You're right Logan, these guys are funny," Scott grinned. "Pass the popcorn will you?"

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Half an hour later…

"All right," A very shocked and insane looking Dr. Farr panted. "This time, this time we are going to get this right! When I press this button…"

"Hold on!" Doctor Phelps stopped him. She looked rather worse for wear as well. "Are you sure that this is the correct button?"

"I'm sure," Doctor Farr nodded.

"Are you sure that you are sure?" Doctor Phelps asked.

"Yes I am sure that I am sure," Doctor Farr nodded again.

"Just want you to be sure, that you are sure, that you are sure that this is the right button," Dr. Phelps pointed out. "Because before you were sure but you weren't really sure that you had the right button..."

"Well now I am sure, that I am sure that this is surely the right button," Doctor Farr told her.

"You said that before and you weren't sure," Doctor Majors pointed out.

"Well this time I am," Doctor Farr told him. "Sure that is."

"I just want you to be absolutely sure that this is the right button you are pressing," Doctor Phelps told him.

"I am sure that this is the right button that I am pressing," Doctor Farr glared at her. "I'm not a complete moron you know?"

"I'm just saying considering the past thirty or so minutes..." Doctor Phelps told him. "Or more my sense of time is a little off...Now you are sure that this is the right button?"

"Yes! Yes! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! FOR THE TWENTY FIFTH TIME YES!" Doctor Farr yelled at her. "DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT I WOULD NOT KNOW MY OWN REMOTE CONTROL AFTER TWO MINOR INCIDENTS WITH ELECTRICTY SUCH AS WE HAD NOW?"

"I am just saying..." Doctor Phelps went on.

"And I am telling you that this is the correct button! Once and for all!" Doctor Farr pressed it

SUUCCCCKKK!

FOOOM!

"Wrong…button," Dr. Phelps grunted. "Not again...Not again!"

"To be fair Doctor Phelps it was the right button," Doctor Majors moaned. "It was just that we were standing in the wrong place! Again! My cape is never going to be the same!"

"Oh what a tragedy!" Doctor Phelps snapped at him.

"Okay…Maybe we'll just sit here for a moment and think about this…" Dr. Farr moaned as the three members of the M Squad once again found themselves inside the vacuum.

"At least we know this time it's the black one that deactivates the machine and allows us to escape," Dr. Majors sighed.

ZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAPPPPPPPP!

"Or not…" Dr. Majors moaned. "You know we should really invest in some kind of label thingy."

"I knew he wasn't sure..." Doctor Phelps groaned.

"Mommy I wanna go home..." Dr. Farr whined.

By now the main team of X-Men were watching the show in the security room. "Unbelievable…" Remy groaned. "This is freaking unbelievable!"

"Should we tell them what button it really is?" Peter asked.

"No, if we do they'll never learn," Kurt told him. "Not that I do not think that they will learn if we tell them anyway but still..."

"I must admit this is the most entertaining invasion we have ever had," Hank agreed while munching on some popcorn. "Someone is taping this right?"

"Yeah I've got the security cameras on record," Logan nodded.

"Mutant hunters my eye!" Rogue snorted. "The only thing these bozos could ever catch was a cold! And even that I've got my doubts!"

"You know we should send this to one of those home video shows," Bobby suggested. "I bet we'd win at least second prize!"

"The teal! Try the teal button!" Dr. Phelps shouted.

ZZAAAAPPPPP!

"AAAHHHHH!" Once again the scientists were eletrocuted.

"Maybe first prize," Bobby blinked.

"I SAID TEAL NOT TURQUOISE!" Doctor Phelps shouted.

"THEY BOTH LOOK ALIKE!" Doctor Farr screamed. "DON'T BLAME ME! BLAME THE IDIOT WHO MADE THIS REMOTE!"

"THAT WAS YOU!" Doctor Majors and Doctor Phelps shouted.

"Oh…Right," Dr. Farr blinked. "What does turquoise do again?" He pressed the button.

ZZZZZZZZZAAAPPPP!

"YOU PRESSED TEAL AGAIN!" Dr. Majors screamed like a little girl. "THAT'S IT! I AM PRESSING ALL THESE BUTTONS AT ONCE! ONE OF THEM HAS GOT TO DO IT!"

"NO!" Dr. Farr screamed. "DON'T DO IT!"

ZZZAAPPPPP!

"AAAHHHHHHH!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

The machine exploded and the three scientists were thrown out of the machine. They lay around the broken machine as it burned itself out. "Well…at least we got out this time…" Dr. Majors moaned. "Oh wait, I just remembered it was the white button!"

"Oooh pretty, pretty, pretty birdies..." Dr. Farr said in a faraway voice. "And I see stars and bunnies...Lots and lots of stars and bunnies..."

"My brain hurts..." Dr. Phelps moaned.

"Okay if that doesn't win first prize I dont' know what will," Bobby declaired.

"These are without a doubt the dumbest enemies we have ever had," Jean was stunned at their sheer stupidity. "The Misfits have more well planned attacks on the Institute!"

"I wish all our enemies would take themselves out like that," Scott shook his head.

"Yeah but now the show's over," Logan sighed. "I guess we gotta go out there and get 'em ready for the cops."

"No wait, one of them's still twitching," Remy pointed out. "Oh look they're up again."

"Not for long," Rogue grinned. "Those knuckleheads wanna go against a mutant? I sent 'em one."

"What do you mean?" Scott asked. "Rogue what did you do?"

"See for yourself," Rogue pointed at the screen with a grin.

"Rogue you didn't?" Kurt gasped in shock.

"She did," Remy grinned. "Good work."

"Oh this we gotta see," Bobby cackled. "Zoom in Wolverine!"

"Okay…This plan was not our best work…" Dr. Majors moaned as he leaned against a tall tree.

"You think?" Dr. Farr groaned. Suddenly he heard a rustling in the bushes. "What was that?"

Just then Penny bounded out of the trees with a big smile on her face. "Oh look at the cute little pink…" Dr. Phelps said in a dazed voice.

SHRED! SLASH! SHRED! SLASH! SLASH! SHRED! SLICE! SHRED! SHRED!

"AAAAAAAAAAH!" She screamed. "THE PAIN! THE PAIN! OH PAIN HURTS!"

"STOP BITING MY LEG!" Dr. Majors screamed like a little girl.

"I GIVE UP! I GIVE UP!" Dr. Farr screamed in agony. "SWEET DEATH TAKE ME NOW!"

"Just what I thought," Rogue shook her head. "Some mutant hunters."

"To be fair Rogue," Hank said to her. "Penance is a challenge for even the most experienced soldier."

"Oh come on Beast," Rogue scoffed. "Penny's still a little girl. How much of a challenge can she be to someone with half a brain?"

"OWWWWW! MOMMY! I WANT MY MOMMY!" Doctor Majors screamed. "MOMMY!"

"Okay maybe that was a little rough," Rogue admitted as she winced.

"You all know the drill," Logan got up. "Colossus you and I go get Pinky while someone calls the cops. And an ambulance."

"Why do I have to go?" Peter protested. "I went last time! Rogue sent her out. Let her go!"

"No way!" Rogue shook her head. "I ain't going out there."

"What are you worried about?" Peter snapped. "You are invulnerable!"

"So are you with your powers," Rogue told him.

"You would think so but in this case, no!" Peter remarked.

"OW! OW! OW!" Dr. Majors screamed. "THE PAIN! THE PAIN! THE PAIN REALLY HURTS! I MEAN REALLY HURTS! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! THAT PAIN REALLY HURTS! OH BOY DOES IT HURT! OW!"

"I am not going out there," Peter said emphatically. "Not again!"

"Well I have a healing factor but I don't whine about it!" Logan barked.

"Yeah you just whine about everything else," Rogue grumbled.

"MOMMY! MOMMY! I WANT MY MOMMY! WHERE OH WHERE IS MY MOMMY?" Dr. Farr wailed. "I'VE GOT BOO BOOS ALL OVER ME AND I NEED HER TO MAKE THEM ALL BETTER!"

"I do not, repeat, do not whine!" Logan snapped.

"Logan who are you kidding?" Hank gave him a look. "You complain about everything!"

"I make observations on how annoying people can be and how crazy it can get around here," Logan pointed out. "That is not whining!"

"That kind of sounds like whining to me," Peter said.

"Who asked you?" Logan snapped. "I don't whine! Unlike some other people I could mention." He looked at Scott.

"Was that a shot at me?" Scott asked, his tone indicated that he did not appreciate the remark.

"In a word, yes," Logan remarked.

"What? That's crazy!" Scott snapped.

"OW! OH MY THAT HURTS! OW! OW! OW! OW!" Doctor Phelps screamed.

"To be fair Scott you do tend to whine a little," Jean shrugged. "Sometimes."

"I do not whine!" Scott snapped. "Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaannn!"

"AAAAHHH! THE AGONY! THE AGONY! NO! NO! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE! SOMEONE HELP US! AAAAAAAAA!" The scientists screamed for help.

"Uh guys," Kitty pointed at the monitor. "I think we'd better do something before Penny kills them."

"Yeah it looks like she's gonna gnaw that one guy's leg off," Bobby pointed.

"We'd better go out there," Ororo sighed.

"That might be a prudent idea!" Xavier said as he wheeled himself into the room. "I can't believe that all of you would simply sit around and let this happen!"

"What? You wanted us to take bets on this?" Remy asked.

"Just retrieve Penny…" Xavier groaned.

"YEOWWWW!"

"And call for an ambulance as well as the police…" Xavier sighed. "Considering last night's escapades with the authorities the last thing we need right now is a potential homicide charge!"

"AAAHHHHH!"

"Make that a triple homicide charge," Xavier put his hand on his head.

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A few hours, an ambulance and several more 'discussions' and 'contributions to the police fund' later…

"I can't believe you actually bribed the police again to keep that incident quiet," Jean grumbled. She and the other X-Men were in training uniforms in the control room overlooking the Danger Room. "Not that it was a major attack but I still can't believe your policy of bribing the authorities!"

"If I didn't how long do you think this school would have lasted?" Xavier gave her a look. "As repellent as the idea of bribery is, unfortunately it has become a necessary evil considering our circumstances."

"You really think a lot of senators and politicians vote against the Mutant Registration Act and things like that out of the goodness of their hearts?" Logan remarked. "Get real."

"Let's not dwell on that and start with the training," Scott said diplomatically. Down in the Danger Room Starla and Taylor were dressed in trainee uniforms with Rogue.

"I don't know about this uniform," Starla looked at herself. "It's slimming but the colors are so wrong. Can't I change mine to pink and white? And these boots? Yellow? Please! That is so last season!"

"Oh brother," Taylor rolled his eyes.

"My thoughts exactly," Rogue gave him a look that conveyed sympathy.

"And why are we the only ones who have to be here in these bad outfits?" Starla kept complaining. "What about that Autumn girl? Why isn't she here?"

"Autumn ain't exactly up for Danger Room practice," Rogue told her diplomatically.

"That's right she's anorexic," Starla realized. "Poor girl. Now that is a serious condition. I mean it's one thing to be thin but looking like a stick is so unhealthy. Not to mention women that look that thin only attract real perverts. I guess if she did try to exercise too much she's just break in half. Okay her I get but what about that other boy that arrived the other day? I haven't seen him. What's his story?"

"HE'S IN A COMA YOU SELF CENTERED DITZ!" Rogue shouted.

"Oh right, I forgot," Starla sniffed.

"You forget anything that isn't about you!" Taylor told her. "I swear the moon would explode and you'd complain about it not complementing your hair or something!"

"Well moonlight does bring out my highlights," Starla admitted.

"Professor can we please start this now?" Rogue shouted. "Before I make the Danger Room really dangerous!"

"Tell me I was not that bad when I did my first Danger Room training," Kitty rolled her eyes. No one said anything. "Well? Somebody say something!"

"It's still kind of too close to call," Scott quipped. Kitty gave him a look. "But Rogue is right we should start the training now."

"Okay it's quite simple," Logan called out. "Gossamyr all you gotta do is fly around and pass through those rings in the air."

Several large rings appeared through the walls. "That's it?" Starla asked. "Piece of cake."

"There's a condition," Logan told her. The rings started to glow at the push of a button. "You gotta fly through 'em perfectly otherwise you might get a bit of a shock."

"No problem," Starla huffed. She flew through the first set of rings without a problem. "Ta da! Easy as pie."

"Then let's make it harder," Rogue grinned. She pushed a button on a remote control she was holding onto. Several small plane like objects took off. "Okay Static, using your powers I want you to control these planes and try to knock your sister off course."

"With pleasure," Taylor rubbed his hands.

"What?" Starla blinked as the planes headed towards her. Then they started shooting off some tiny paintballs. "YEOW! WHAT THE…?"

"Oh I see you found the paintball darts without my help," Rogue said cheerfully.

"MY CLOTHES!" Starla shrieked. "MY HAIR! I HAVE PAINT ALL OVER ME!"

"Calm down Tinkerbell it washes off," Logan barked. "Now you gotta fly through that set of rings fifty times!"

"WHAT?" Starla screamed. "YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME?"

"This will burn off any extra energy you have," Jean told her. "So you won't have any left over for kissing strange waiters and getting drunk!"

"OH COME ON!" Starla shouted as the tiny planes chased her. She got a little too close to one ring and got a mild zap. "OW!"

Taylor took the opportunity to shoot more paintballs at her posterior. "OWWW!" Starla screamed in pain.

"Thanks for letting me be part of this," Taylor grinned.

"No problem," Rogue grinned.

"OW! OW! THAT HURT!" Starla screamed. "YEOW! TAYLOR YOU LITTLE JERK!"

"Have I mentioned how much I love it here?" Taylor grinned.

"YEOWW! HOT! HOT! TOO HOT! YOWZA!" Starla screamed as she flew around trying to avoid the attacks.

"And have I mentioned how much I love having you here?" Rogue grinned back.

"Don't you think this is a little excessive for a first training simulation?" Ororo asked.

"NO!" Jean, Logan, Kitty and Scott shouted at the same time.

"Compared to what we wanted to do, this is mild," Jean told her.

"I wanted to throw grenades at her," Kitty grumbled. "And use the flame throwers."

"Yeah she's getting off easy," Scott agreed.

"OW! OW! OW! THAT REALLY SMARTS!" Starla screamed. "MY HAIR IS GETTING ALL FRIZZY!"

"BZZZZZZZZZ!" Some giant buzz saws appeared.

"WHERE DID THOSE BUZZ SAWS COME FROM?" Starla barely avoided them. "AAAHHHHH!"

"This is easy?" Ororo blinked.

"Don't look at me," Jean blinked.

"Me neither," Scott said. "I didn't set this up. In fact the controls seem to be going on their own!"

"Oops," Taylor remarked. "I guess my powers must have triggered a few other things in the Danger Room."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN OTHER THINGS?" Starla yelled. "WHAT OTHER THINGS?"

FOOM! FLAME!

"AAHHH! FIRE! FIRE!" Starla barely flew out of the way of the flames of a flame thrower coming out of the wall. "THERE IS FIRE ALL AROUND ME! WHAT KIND OF TRAINING SIMULATION IS THIS?"

"Well what do you know Shadowcat?" Logan remarked. "You got your flame throwers after all."

"Wishes do come true," Kitty grinned.

"AAAHH! TENTACLES! BIG METAL TENTACLES WITH SHARP POINTY THINGS! AAAAHHH!" Starla screamed.

"Okay Kitty I admit even you didn't scream that much when you first went through the Danger Room," Scott remarked.

FOOOOOOOOOOM!

"OWW! OW! HOT! TOO HOT! YEOW! THAT'S IT! I AM NOT FLYING THROUGH ANY MORE RINGS! OWW!" Starla screamed.

"Of course we did't use that many weapons on you the first time but still..." Scott amended.

"Tinkerbell's pretty agile, I gotta give her that," Logan admitted.

"All right stop the session!" Xavier ordered. "I think this has gone on far enough."

"Not just yet," Logan held up his hand.

"Logan," Ororo folded her arms.

"One more second..." Logan told her.

"YEOWWWWW! TAYLOR!" Starla screamed in agony.

"Now it's gone on far enough," Logan grinned. "I gotta tell you Static impresses me."

"Is she all right?" Ororo asked.

Starla was lying on the floor, covered in pain, her hair was all stuck out and frizzed and twitching. "No, she's still alive," Rogue called back at her.

"My hair…My hair…" Starla twitched. "Bad room…hurt my hair…My beautiful, beautiful hair…All frizzy…Pain! I'm actually in pain! Everything hurts! WHAT KIND OF PSYCHO SCHOOL IS THIS?"

"A fun one," Taylor grinned.

"Okay I know I didn't complain about my hair that much!" Kitty blew out a breath of annoyance.

"Oh dear," Xavier sighed. The phone in the control room rang. "Beast could you please get that?"

Hank picked it up. "Hello? What? She did what? What happened? I see. Oh dear. Oh no. No, no…We'll be up right away. I'll bring the first aid kit. And I'll have the Professor call the lawyers." He hung up the phone. "We have a problem."

"Only one?" Logan asked sarcastically.

"Penny got out again," Hank coughed.

"Already?" Logan asked. "Are you sure that Pinky doesn't have any teleportation powers Charles? Because even Houdini had his limits compared to her!"

"Where did she end up now…?" Xavier sighed.

"Not far actually," Hank told him. "Right in front of the mansion. She was having some fun shredding a few squirrels when...There was a slight…altercation."

"She got hit by a truck?" Scott asked.

"No…She tackled the truck…" Hank sighed. "And the driver…"

"Oh no…" Xavier groaned. "She didn't!"

"She did," Hank told him. "Better get out the checkbook again."

"So much for keeping a low profile for the rest of the day," Logan grumbled.

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Not much later Xavier was making a phone call in his office. "I'm sorry. I understand there was a lot of damage involved to your truck. Penny didn't mean to cause the accident. She can't help…No, I don't know off the top of my head how much it costs to have claw marks removed from the side of a truck."

"Listen please…Do I know what you have to go through?" Xavier's voice grew higher. "Do you have any idea what I have go through? Do you? I have to take care of and teach control to over thirty teenagers with varying powers of amazing abilities? Do you have teenagers? Do you? Two? And it's not a picnic raising them is it? Yes they probably get into quite a few situations don't they? Oh yes. Uh huh. Right! Well imagine thirty of them being able to blow things up, teleport and ice over the bathroom and you might get some idea to what challenges I have to face every day."

"Do you give your children driving lessons? Well imagine one of them thinking that just because she can walk through walls it's okay to drive through them!" Xavier said into the phone. "Or another one accidentally melting the steering wheel? Not so easy is it?"

"Not to mention that there is this one student…" Xavier sighed. "I swear it is his life's mission to create these machines whose only purpose is to make my life miserable and more complicated than it actually is!"

"And don't forget there are people out there who want to hurt and exploit my students," Xavier went on. "I've lost count of the number of attacks and hate mail delivered here. Practically twice a month some mutant hating mad man shows up at our door trying to kill us or another mutant that hates the idea of peaceful coexistence and wants to ruin it tries to get us out of the way. And often at the expense of the mansion! I've had to rebuild this place at least three times in under five years! Do you have any idea how difficult that is?"

"And to top it all off," Xavier kept ranting. "I have to put up with the Misfits popping in and out of my home at all hours of the day like it's a hotel or their own personal clubhouse. It doesn't matter, day or night they are there! And I can't get rid of them! Have you ever had a neighbor child that you just can't stand or annoys you to no end just come over and drive you insane? That's right! That's what I have to deal with! A pack of Dennis the Menaces, Eddie Haskells and those darlings from the movie Children of the Corn pop over and eat my food, break my things, steal my things, burn my furniture, put holes in my walls…And worst of all encourage my students to act like them!"

"I tell them not to come over, but do they listen? No, they don't listen! They have little to no boundaries!" Xavier's voice went higher. "They do what they want when they want and whatever they want! And if it's not bad enough that they wreck the place and act like animals but they also get you involved in the most inane…bizarre conversations known to man! For example how would you like to spend hours listening to a debate on why there are no bathrooms in Clue! Bathrooms in Clue? Can you imagine…?"

Xavier stopped for a moment and listened. "No. I don't have any idea why there are no bathrooms in the game of Clue. It is an oversight isn't it? No I don't think the same man who designed the Brady Bunch set designed this game. Yes I'm aware of the similarities but still when you consider…WHAT AM I SAYING? Do you see what I mean? It's contagious! The Misfits' insanity infects everyone they come in contact with!"

"But you can't blame them when you see the kind of home life they have! It's like they went from bad to worse overnight! I'm going to give you a piece of advice, if anyone ever suggests to you to send your children to military school to give them some discipline…Ignore them! That is a bald faced lie! At least from my experience! Oh little Suzie has a problem with authority! Let's teach her how to kill people and give her a gun! Little Johnny likes to set fires! Let's send him off to boot camp and give him a flame thrower! Toad loves to blow things up! LET'S GIVE HIM SOME GRENADES!"

Xavier paused a minute. "Yes, yes I realize that some people do very well in military school. No…No I wasn't passing judgment on all of them…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...Yes I said I was sorry. I was in the army myself and...Really, your son passed with honors? Top of his class? Well that's...Yes, yes I agree they are fine institutions when they are not being run by alcoholic maniacs with all the discipline of a two year old!"

"I am not exaggerating!" Xavier shouted. Then he calmed down. "I am serious! These people are more out of control than their students. And believe me, that is no small achievement. I know they mean well but...but they're just plain insane! I believe in human mutant cooperation but these are not the type of humans I had in mind! You think we're bad? That the Xavier Institute is out of control? Oh no, these Misfit Handlers are much worse! I swear it's like they said 'Who can we put in charge that has the least amount of sanity and can cause the most amount of damage'? And that's what they did!"

"First there's their leader, a man who rhymes like Doctor Seuss, fights like Rambo and cooks like an Iron Chef! The reason he is in charge is that he is the most sane member of the group! His staff run around fighting and drinking and just basically act like maniacs! Do you know that do their dishes by using them for target practice!" Xavier continued. "I've seen it. They just take the dirty dishes and throw them out the window while a few others use guns to blow them up! No wonder the Misfits have no guidance! Their handlers just shove them out the door and shove a bottle down their throats every chance they get!"

"And let's not forget their pet, an insane drunken parrot," Xavier groaned. "I swear I never thought it possible for an animal to possess such evil intelligence until now. You don't even want to know the trouble that bird has caused me."

Xavier paused for a moment. "Well yes we do have a dragon here. But he is not half as dangerous...What do you mean there's no comparison? I don't care if he does breathe fire the parrot is much more...I am not being irrational! It is possible for a parrot to cause more trouble than a dragon! The dragon has never stolen my alcohol and thrown wild parties and...That is not crazy! It is the truth! I swear! No I am not making this up! But I...Look I'm getting off track here. The point that I am trying to make is that the parrot is crazy and it belongs to the Misfits, okay?"

"But as bad as they are…And as crazy as they can get," Xavier had a faraway look in his eyes. "The worst of the lot is that ill mannered, foul mouthed crass drunken sailor! Yes, Shipwreck that's the one! Yes he's probably mooned nearly all of America by now! Along with Mister McCoy but that's a whole other story…I mean no wonder his own children are so out of control! No I take that back, they are in control compared to their father! In fact he is not raising those children, those children are raising him!"

"And every day, every week, every month and every year they come over to my house and dump off a truckload of their lunacy in the middle of my home! You know what a typical day at the Xavier Institute sounds like? DO YOU! IT'S SOUNDS SOMETHING LIKE THIS!"

"BOOM! KABLAM! 'Hey Chucky you got a beer? Oh look there's some in your drawer I see! Let's have a party!' BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Tabitha blew up the bathroom! Bobby froze my dragon! Professor my powers are out of control! Professor, Blob ate the entire kitchen! Kitty crashed the car into the kitchen! Pyro set fire to the kitchen and the car that crashed into the kitchen! Professor, Penny left some dead squirrels in my shoes! Professor the parrot threw up all over the rug! Professor Toad threw up slime all over the rug! Professor Pyro set fire to the rug! Professor there's a giant robot attacking the mansion on the front lawn! AGAIN! Professor there's another threat to the world we need to take care of before it blows up and destroys all of civilization as we know it! Professor, Forge sent half the living room into another dimension and there's a giant squid in it's place! Professor we're out of bandages! Hey guys I stole some beer! Let's have a drink and party! Oh look there's another hole in the wall! THAT'S A TYPICAL DAY AROUND HERE!"

"So in conclusion let me tell you something," Xavier was shouting now. "Unless you have walked a mile in my shoes…Unless you have any clue what it is like to deal with these people day after day, week after week, year after bloody year you'd better not tell me about your hardships! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE ME! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I THINK I AM DOING A DAMN FINE JOB CONSIDERING THE CIRCUMSTANCES AND THE FACT THAT THE TOWN IS STILL STANDING SHOWS HOW MUCH CONTROL MY STUDENTS HAVE! IN FACT THEY HAVE BLOODY SAVED THE BLOODY WORLD TIME AND AGAIN SO IF ONE OF THEM ACCIDENTALLY SCRATCHES YOUR VEHICLE CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY THAT YOU HAVE A VEHICLE TO SCRATCH BECAUSE OF THEM!"

Xavier stopped ranting and listened on the phone. "All right. Thank you. Good bye." He put down the phone. "Well that went well..."

Ororo, Hank, Warren, Shipwreck, Cover Girl, Low Light, Roadblock and Logan walked in. "Professor, are you all right?" Ororo asked in a concerned voice.

"We could hear you down the hall," Warren said.

"We could hear you outside," Logan remarked. "Are you okay? You seem kind of upset."

"Oh yes. I'm quite fine. However there is a bit of bad news," Xavier sighed. "We are no longer going to have our groceries delivered. Oh and I think I may have left myself open to at least one more restraining order."

"You're kind of losing it aren't you?" Shipwreck asked him. "How about a drink?"

"I don't need a drink Shipwreck," Xavier sighed.

"I meant for me," Shipwreck corrected. "You got any of that old bourbon left in your drawer?"

"The party never stops for you does it Shipwreck?" Xavier asked in an acid tone. "Don't the words 'personal responsibility' mean anything to you?"

"Xavier you are asking a man who's vocabulary is rather limited to what can be read on a bottle of beer and a package of pork rinds," Hank gave him a look.

"Well somebody's cranky today," Shipwreck snorted. "What's gotten into you?"

"Other than a few more run ins with the law than I would have liked in the past few days as well as paying for my staff and students' irresponsibility which you and the rest of your pack of freeloading lunatics have encouraged?" Xavier gave him a look.

"Yeah besides that?" Shipwreck asked. "You haven't been eating enough bran in your diet have you?"

"Again Professor you really shouldn't have asked him a question like that," Hank gave him a look.

"What was I thinking?" Xavier groaned.

"You should have learned this by now," Cover Girl remarked. "In Surviving Shipwreck 101. But the sailor does have a point. You do seem a bit more keyed up than usual. What's gotten on your nerves?"

"Nothing except for the fact that ever since Shipwreck and the Joes came into our lives it's been one insane episode after another!" Xavier snapped. "And I am not blaming your charges. I know they have had problems long before they met you but their behavior or lack of it has tripled since you became responsible for rehabilitating them. Rehabilitating them…What an idea that was! It's like sending Ma Barker and her gang to supervise Fagin's orphan pickpockets!"

"You mean before we came you never had problems like people attacking the mansion, traveling accidentally into different dimensions, getting kidnapped to strange bizarre locations, demons popping up out of nowhere and things blowing up?" Low Light asked sarcastically.

"No, but they happened a lot less often than they do now!" Xavier gave him a look.

"They did?" Logan asked him.

"I'm just saying that perhaps we could attempt to keep the insanity to a minimum around here?" Xavier told him. "Instead of going full blast like it's been going on for the past few years?"

"You know not everything around here is our fault," Shipwreck stood up to Xavier. "For example do you remember the other week when a certain pink haired living knife got out and made a little trip to the zoo? Remember that? You didn't mind calling us in to help you there now did you? And I didn't hear you complaining when we had to come up with the solution so that the authorities would never find out what really happened that night. Do you have any idea how hard it is to frame a polar bear for attacking an aligator pit?"

"Getting that aligator tail into it's mouth was not as easy as you would think it would be," Low Light agreed. "Apparently polar bears really don't like the taste of aligator meat. Bet you didn't know that either did you?"

"No, but I do know how much I had to pay for the dry cleaning of those people you threw up all over when you had all those beers in that bar," Xavier fumed. "And I also know how many people I had to change memories of so they would think it was you that threw up in that bar and not that giraffe Toad likes to play with! How he managed to ride that thing out of the zoo without anyone noticing I will never understand!"

"Oh relax," Shipwreck waved. "You know perfectly well those ladies calmed down once they got their genuine alligator handbags."

"Which your daughters made from the dead alligators!" Xavier snapped.

"The hides were already sliced off and half the meat was already eaten," Shipwreck told him. "I figured why waste anything?"

"See this is what I'm talking about!" Xavier snapped. "You just…You just exaggerate the problems to be ten thousand times worse than they already are!"

"Charles I think you might want to watch your blood pressure," Hank cautioned. "Before it explodes?"

"I'm sorry it's just that I feel so frustrated with everything lately…" Xavier sighed. "We've barely been back in Bayville a week and already we are on the bad side of the police and the city council."

"We weren't exactly the city darlings to begin with," Logan pointed out.

"Yeah like they were gonna give you the keys to the city or something! What is up with you Xavier? This stuff has been going on for years and you choose now to freak out about it? It's like the only reason you're tolerating us is that you think you're doing penance for some kind of horrible secret from your past," Low Light said sarcastically.

"Please this is Xavier," Shipwreck scoffed. "What could he have done?"

"Besides having an affair with his nurse, bribing public officials and the police, mind wiping a few dozen people, having a kid no one knew about, a secret student or two…" Logan counted off.

"Are you trying to help me Logan?" Xavier gave him a look.

"I'm just saying you're acting a little...stressed," Logan said diplomatically.

"I'm only human so to speak," Xavier gave him a look. "Can't I have a bad day every now and then? Actually it seems like I've been having a lot of bad days lately."

"Professor," Jamie entered the room. "Are you done yelling now? Because we have a problem. Kitty decided to practice driving the X-Van and she kind of crashed it."

"Please tell me it was not into the kitchen," Xavier groaned.

"No," Jamie shook his head. "It was into the pool."

"How did she get it in there?" Ororo was stunned.

"She kind of drove through the kitchen," Jamie said. "But she phased it the whole time so the mess isn't as bad."

"And she wonders why the Department of Motor Vehicles refuses to grant her a driving permit," Hank sighed.

"On the plus side it did help put out the fire," Jamie added.

"Pyro?" Xavier sighed.

"No, Tabitha," Jamie said. "She was trying something new with her powers and it didn't work out. Bobby helped put out the fire too but kind of iced up the whole kitchen when he did it."

"Of course…" Xavier closed his eyes in pain.

"You were saying Chuck?" Logan gave Xavier a look.

"Logan…" Xavier sighed. "Shut up and get me some aspirin."

"I will if you bribe me," Logan smirked.

"There are days when taking off to another country does sound appealing…" Xavier groaned. "Maybe the next time this school burns to the ground I'll simply leave it in rubble."

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Meanwhile thanks to Selene's magic both Selene and Apocalypse were witnessing this latest batch of insanity at the Xavier Institute. But right then they wished they weren't able to.

"There are times I find it difficult to believe that these…idiots have defeated me time and again," Apocalypse grit his teeth and clenched his fists. "Especially when I watch their antics. Their…buffoonery truly…annoys me!"

"They do tend to have that habit don't they?" Selene sighed. "It's not the fact that we've each lost once to these morons that bothers me. Anyone could have beginner's luck. It's the fact that we continually lose to these maniacs that is getting on my nerves! I often wonder why I bother sometimes. I mean, why in the great scope of the universe are great people such as ourselves plagued and encumbered by fools?"

"Perhaps it is an inevitable burden that we must bear," Apocalypse sighed. "And yet…"

With a wave of his hand several monitors clicked on. There were images of several mutants: Todd, Althea, Wanda, Warren, Rina, Roberto, Logan, Lorna, Alex Summers, Scott, Jean, Autumn, Jesse, Angelica, Amara, Low Light, Larry, Bobby, Betsy, Penny and Rogue.

"As inane as their antics are, some of their actions in battle manage to impress me," Apocalypse narrowed his eyes. "They are getting stronger. More powerful every day. And yet these fools have not even begun to scratch the surface of their true potential."

"Then perhaps all they need is a bit of guidance," Selene told him. "You never know, they may have their uses yet."

"Yes, some of them do interest me…" Apocalypse's lips formed a cruel smile. "There is potential among them. Potential that I may use. I must observe and study them. For some of them may be the keys to my success after all."

Now before anyone says anything let me make it perfectly clear that I do not condone killing alligators for their skin to make handbags. I also don't condone framing innocent polar bears to cover up the crime.

"SQUEEEEEEE!" Somewhere a squirrel met it's maker.

Unfortunately Penny has not yet learned this lesson.

"SQUEEEEEE!"

And another squirrel bites the dust.

"Well at least she eats what she kills," Logan shrugged. "Most of the time. You don't want to know what she does the other times."

"AAAHHHHHHH!" Starla ran by screaming. "THERE IS A DEAD ALLIGATOR HEAD IN MY ROOM! AAAAHHHH!"

"See what I mean?" Logan remarked. "Looks like someone got a little welcoming present from Penny."

Next up, it's exam time at the Institute and things are going to get hotter than ever! If you think your tests are tough wait until you find out what these kids have to go through! Until next time keep on reading and reviewing!