Uh...hiya strangers. God, I doubt anyone even remembers this shite, but I've recently started thinking about how much I want to finish it. So here you go, I'm back. I'm aiming to get the epilogue uploaded tomorrow sometime. I've also recently started up a new spn tumblr in my absence, so if anyone cares I'm carry-on-wayward-angel.

"No, you did what was best for you."

I didn't say it harshly, didn't snap, or glare. I refrained from cussing her out, despite a colourful combination of words resting on the edge of my tongue, waiting patiently to break through and pollute the air further. I was pissed, sure, but my time in England, with Cas, with my brothers, hell even time spent with John and Kate, had changed me. I was no longer that lost , damaged little boy anymore, with fury in his veins and defiance in his heart. The past few months had equally been some of the hardest and most rewarding of my life, but I was different now. Changed. I had grown into a young man fuelled by something other than my pain. My love for my family, for Cas and my desire to do better, be the better person made me the person I was today. And here I was, staring down Mary, looking right into the raging eyes of the woman who had given up on me and I wasn't frightened. I was me and I knew in that moment that I was the better person. Better than her anyway. I might have given up on myself, but I would never give up on someone I claimed to love more than anything.

"Darling, don't be ridiculous," her voice is grating, insistent as she pleads with me to understand.

It was obvious by my disinterested face that I didn't. How could she expect me to? This was the woman who was destined to love me, to care for me, and she gave up on me. Dumped me. Threw me away as if I was nothing. I know I'm not always an easy person to love, and I'm fully aware of just how out of line I was, but what she did, they way she just turned her back on me and washed her hands clean, that was wrong. I didn't deserve that.

And yet, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be the man I was today. I never would have found it in my heart to move on, to forgive and to love. I'd never have met my brothers, and as annoying as they were, what with their big mouths, Adam's constant need to cling and Sam's A-plus bathroom hogging abilities, I love them. I need them. They're my family and I'm theirs. I'd never have had the chance to see my dad again, to scream at him, tell him exactly how fucked up his actions were and how much he hurt me. But I'd also never have been given the opportunity to move past all the crap and have a family again. And I was grateful for that, even if we still weren't quite there yet.

If it wasn't for this woman in front of me, and her betrayal, I would never have met Cas, and I don't have it in me to consider just how bleak my life would have been without him by my side. How empty and cold and lonesome. I picture his smiling face and the way his eyes light up, the comforting rise and fall of his chest when he pulls me in close for a hug and refuses to let go, and of the way he saved me, despite his refusal to take credit for his role in the reconstruction of my life. In the short time I had known him, I had felt what I had been certain would always remain closed off to me. And I loved him for it immensely.

"Tell me you're sorry."

The room goes still.

Her eyes narrow in confusion. "What?"

My voice never wavers. "Tell me you're sorry. Apologise. Admit that what you did was wrong, then we can talk. Until then," I trail off, waving at the door with one hand.

"Dean, I did what was best for you. If you don't think that it was the hardest decision I have ever made, then I don't know what to tell you." She dabs at her eyes and dumps a black stained tissue in the side pocket of her designer bag. I was no shrink, and maybe it was just my cynical mind, but it sure seemed more like an award winning performance than a genuine act of remorse. She catches my eye for a second before turning away with a sigh.

I copy her, pinching the bridge of my nose sharply. "I'm not trying to deny that it was hard for you." Though you certainly made it look easy. "I'm just asking you to acknowledge the effect that it had on me." I press my right hand against my chest. "Because I was a mess, mom!" My lips form around the unfamiliar word shakily and I silently curse myself for the audible break in my voice. I glance over at her, hoping she might be doing the same. If she heard it, she wasn't letting on. Awesome. "I was a mess and you acted like you didn't care, or even notice half the time."

This time she does turn her head, and when she does, she looks possessed. Her eyes are narrowed slits, her mouth an unattractive red scowl. "Didn't notice?! How could I not? You were a wild, uncontrollable little demon. You were failing half your classes, getting kicked out of the others. And that's when you even bothered to turn up! Your idea of a good time was slowly poisoning your liver, staying out all night and not giving two shits about how worried I was. And to top it all off, you were this close, that's this close," she pauses her rant to hold up her left hand and measure a tiny gap between two fingers. "To becoming a father at sixteen! When that girlfriend of yours had that damned pregnancy scare I told you that was the last straw. But no, silly me, I still gave you another chance."

I sit there in silence as she calms down once more. When she eventually seems to tire of hurling insults at me, I speak again. "Look, I'm not saying I wasn't all those things, I'm not trying to defend it. I was out of line, I know that."

Something in my voice catches her off guard and her expression softens ever so slightly. Blink and you would have missed it. "But I was hurting and nobody seemed to care. Dad was gone and you refused to even talk about it, you just buried yourself in your work. From the ages of twelve to sixteen I was practically raised by your voicemail! I get it, you were hurting too, but I was the kid and your were the parent. I deserved protecting, I needed you to hold me and tell me that it was alright, that he hadn't left because of me."

"Dean, us splitting up had nothing to do with you." John Winchester said in a low voice. I hadn't heard him return, and judging by the barely concealed look of horror on her face, neither had Mary. He walks over to the side of the bed, completely ignoring her, and perches on the edge of it. "I loved you very much, and if I could go back I'd do things so much differently. And I'm sure your mother would too."

We both turn to face her. She sniffs and tucks a soft wave of blonde hair behind her ear. "Don't turn this around on me, John. I'm not the one who had an affair. And I'm not the one who up and moved to a whole other country, abandoning my child in the process."

"No, you're just the women who forced her son on an airplane to a whole other country, against his will, to live with a man he wanted nothing to do with. And you know what? I'm glad you did it, because it gave me the chance to fix my stupid mistakes."

"Yeah, well you know what, John Winchester?"

I can't listen to anymore of this crap.

"Enough, both of you."

They turn to stare at me, both wearing marching expressions of shock. A quiet cough from the hallway alerts me to Cas's presence, which thankfully appears to go unnoticed by John and Mary for the time being. He smiles at me, and he looks proud.

"Enough. What happened, happened. And yeah, at the time it was a total crapfest. But it's done, it's over." I turn to address Mary. "I'm sorry I was such an asshole, you didn't deserve it. Well, not all of it." Outside, Cas chuckles, a gravelly sound that makes my heart a little lighter, and the words I have to say next a little easier. "You probably did think you were doing your best at the time, but you have to see it my way too. I thought you sending me off was your way of throwing in the towel."

At least she has the decency to look slightly ashamed. It wasn't much, but it was a start.

"But it wasn't. I see that now."

Suddenly Cas is at my side, arms wrapped securely around my shoulder, and I feel safe. Needed. Loved. As though I'm worth something, and let me tell you, to be something so important in the eyes of an actual freaking angel, well that feels pretty damn awesome. I pick up his hand from its resting place on my shoulder and lace our fingers together. "You said I'd blown my last chance, but I still had one left, and this was it. And I'm happy here."

Her eyes fall on our intertwined fingers. "And yes, Cas is part of that. Like it or not."

Her face is unreadable. I watch her as she struggles to process what she had just heard. Her eyes widen in confusion, before clouding over in confusion as Cas gently lifts my hand in his own and presses a tender kiss to the palms. They eventually settle on something that resembles resignation.

"I see." She sounds uncertain, unhappy, but no longer furious. "That you have made your choice."

I nod.

She gets to her feet and walks towards me, wobbling unsteadily on her heels, bringing with her the scent of her expensive perfume. I'm hit with a waft of wildflowers and sweetness, memories of being rocked in her arms as a child as she sang me lullabies and kissed my forehead tenderly. She gifts me with one of those kisses now, a delicate whisper of a kiss pressed against my cheek. My eyes close against my will and I'm back in my childhood home, with the memory of how things used to be enveloping me. I can tell she's remembering too, her eyelashes are damp, glittering with sorrow. She backs away slowly, silently, taking the wildflowers and memories with her. She collects her bag from under her chair and leaves without another word. I don't know it then, but it will be a long time before I lay eyes on her again. When the time comes, we will both be very different people to those in our memories.

Shortly after, the doctor comes in to tell me I'm free to go. He warns me against the dangers of the sea once more and then he's gone. Just like Mary. Nobody quite knows what to say. Somewhere, a clock ceases its ticking.

John's the one to finally break the silence. "Let's get you home. Everyone's been worried sick about you . Jody says Adam refused to go to bed last night. She had to send in Bobby to get him to sleep."

Despite it all, I laugh. "I guess I'd better get home then."

Dad says a quick goodbye to Kate and the baby, promising to be back soon with some bits she wants from the house. He calls us a taxi, and we wait in the hospital grounds, which actually isn't as awkward as I feared it was going to be. Cas and John both stare each other down for a very long minute, but eventually come to some sort of silent agreement with a gruff nod aimed in the other's direction.

"Dean, what I said earlier, if I could change things I would. I never wanted you to feel abandoned, or unloved and I'm sorry." The words come out in a tone I'd never heard him use before, that of a broken man.

"I know. And I'm still working on the whole forgiveness thing, but I meant what I said too. I'm happy now. We all fucked up, but it led us to where we are now, and I'm starting to think that's maybe not so terrible."

The taxi pulls up to the house and Sam runs out with the items Kate had requested, before he takes a running leap and jumps at me, his legs and arms wrapping themselves securely around me in what had the be both the worst and best hug I'd I've received.

"Dean! Thank god you're alright! Ellen wouldn't let me come see you, she told me you had to rest." He pouts. "I talked to mum earlier though and she sounds better, tired, but well, better. And-"

I put my hand up to silence him. "Easy, Sammy. Calm down. I'm alive, it's all good. And Kate, I saw her, dad brought her round before I fought with Mary."

"Wait, what?" his eyebrows knit together in confusion, making him look like a lost little puppy dog. "Mary? You mean your mum is here, in England?"

"She is, or at least she was. I dunno, she left just before I was released." I shrug to hide the sting.

"What happe-" he cuts himself off for fear of upsetting me.

"It's fine," I tell him, and I'm suspired when it doesn't hurt too badly. While it was far from the truth, it wasn't as far as it had been previously. I wasn't fine yet, but I was going to be. "We spoke, I told her some few home truths and that I'm happy here, and she left." I squeeze his shoulder, his answering smile is blinding as he pulls me in for another bone crushing hug.

Hearing the commotion outside, the extended family make an entrance. Jody rushes out, a kitchen apron tied haphazardly around her waist, a cooking utensil in her hand and a small child clinging to her leg. Even with Adam attached, its still the fastest I've ever seen a grown woman move before. Ellen and Bobby follow, with him grumbling that it was "about damn time he got to see that Dean was alright". Ellen shushes him, but she elbows Jody out of the way to get the first hug . I'm momentarily stunned by the knowledge that these people care so much about someone like me. I hug them back tightly, trying my best to convey my feelings of gratitude and love in my touch.

"Thank goodness you're home safe." Jody releases me from her hug, but still holds me at arms length.

Bobby pats me gently on the back. "It's damn good to see you home safe and sound boy, Sam here was this close to doing a runner off up to the hospital to drag you home himself."

John sighs. "What did you do?"

Sam laughs sheepishly, raking a hand through his windswept hair. "Well they said they weren't gonna take me to visit yesterday, because Dean and Kate had to rest. But I really wanted to see them, so I snuck out after I pretended to be asleep."

"Mhhmm," Ellen wags a finger in his direction. "Bobby caught him shuffling down that blasted trellis outside your window." The tone of her voice says she's unamused, but her eyes say differently.

"Come here, you." I smile, pulling Sam and Adam in for another hug.

Dad leaves shortly after, promising to call should Kate or the baby's conditions change.

"Is your friend staying for some food? I was just making something when Sam tore outta there like a hound from hell was after him," Jody said, shaking her head fondly.

I turn to Cas, a hopeful expression on my face.

"Only if you're certain."

Jody chuckles. "Of course, I think Dean would skin alive me if I said no."

"Shut up," I mumble, leaning into Cas' neck to hide my reddened cheeks.

We all spend the next half hour shoving food into our faces and chattering away. Afterwards, Ellen ushers Sam, Adam, Cas and me upstairs to watch a movie and get out of her hair for a few hours while they all caught up on a little sleep and checked on their own kids. Sam puts some random Scooby Doo cartoon on for Adam, but we all end up watching it.

"I don't understand why no one is questioning a talking dog?"

"It's because they're stoned, Cas."

Sam chokes on his drink, his throat burning as he splutters up his juice. "You can't say things like that in front of Adam!"

I slare a glance over at the entertained child and shrug. "I think he's fine."

"And you?" Cas questions carefully. "Are you fine?"

And in that moment in time, sprawled out on my bed with my brothers, watching cartoons with my boyfriend curled around me, I was. I really was.