Chapter 48: Misallocation
"Hey Gin- you got a letter. Came for you last night but you were already asleep."
Ginny slowly sat up and glanced at Ron through sleepy eyes.
"Thank you."
"You okay?" He asked as he handed her the letter.
"Yes."
"If you hurry mum still has breakfast left out."
Ron closed her door and she got out of bed and stretched.
Ginny glanced at the letter and her heart fluttered. She recognized the handwriting immediately.
She carefully opened it and began to read:
Dear Ginny,
How are you? Not a single day has gone by where I haven't thought about you. I am so sorry about Percy. I would have written sooner but I wasn't sure you would want to hear from me. I have been here at St. Mungo's for over a month now and at first the days all ran together but now I feel as though I am accomplishing something. I feel good about myself some days whereas I never did before. I am learning a lot about myself since I have been here and also a lot about why I ended up here. One thing my therapist is having me work on is accepting myself and forgiving myself for any wrong doings.
I am writing to you hoping that you can work on forgiving me as well. Ginny, I fear I will never be able to make up for what I have put you through. I am so sorry and I know words can only go so far but if you would allow for it I would love to show you. My love for you is as strong as ever and the distance between us now has left a hollow space inside of me that will probably never be filled. My intentions are not to beg for you to take me back- you made the right decision to leave and I respect you more for that than you will ever know. Even though it felt as though my heart was being ripped from my chest I am glad that you walked away.
I realize now how selfish I was in my behaviors and especially in my actions. I longed to be everything you needed and to be your knight in shining armor, but this illness took that from me and unfortunately left you with a right brainwashed prat- so focused on myself that I couldn't support you in the way you deserved. Ginny all I have ever wanted was for you to be happy and I hope that you find happiness sooner than later- and if it isn't with me then I have come to the conclusion that it is for the best and I fully accept it.
However, I do not wish to lose you as a mate. What you and I had before we even became involved was something indescribable. It was like nothing else I have ever been apart of in my entire life. You truly understood me on a level that no one else had ever even attempted to. You were my reason for not trying to end it all again. I have been struggling so much with how to face everyone when I get released, but the thought of facing you and wondering if there is anything left has left me so scared. It keeps me awake at night, it drives me mad, it makes my blood run cold.
You tried so hard to help me and I was too far into this sickness to realize it. I have tried to put myself in your shoes- if it were me watching you slowly fade away right before my eyes and there was nothing I could do. I can not even imagine the pain and the frustration and the heart break. And that is exactly what I put you through and there is no amount of words I can speak or write that will ever take that away; the only thing I can do is make a promise to you that from here on out I will always be around to listen and support you in any way I can. I hope that together we can bury this- not to forget but simply so we can both move on with our lives.
Best wishes,
Neville
Ginny gently folded the letter and placed it back in the envelope.
She burst into tears.
Finally after all of this time- even though it was through a letter- she was beginning to see glimpses of the old Neville, the one she fell in love with.
She had already forgiven him but she was scared just like he was.
There was a soft knock on her door and Hermione slowly entered.
"I was walking by and heard you crying. Are you alright?"
Ginny nodded and waved for Hermione to come in and close her door.
"Neville sent me a letter," she replied between sniffles. "It's beautiful. He's starting to sound like himself again."
Hermione smiled and sat down next to Ginny on her bed.
"He really is, Ginny. Ron and I went to visit him yesterday and he was in good spirits. He was smiling and seemed really happy and he's put on weight and is doing everything that is being asked of him there. He is trying really hard."
"Here. Read it."
Hermione took the letter from Ginny.
"Wow..." breathed Hermione. "That is deep. So incredibly passionate and full of emotion."
"I still love him. I never stopped loving him. I was just so angry for so long. Now that I have let that anger go I am terrified."
"Think of how he is feeling. According to that letter he has every intention of believing you two are finished. And he said he is ready to accept it."
"I know."
"Are you going to write him back?"
"No."
Hermione's face fell with shock.
"Why on earth not? After a heartfelt confession and declaration of love like that? How could you ignore it?"
"I will respond to him whenever I see him in person," answered Ginny firmly.
"But who knows when that may be?"
"Trust me. If we have both waited this long we can wait a little longer. I don't want to respond because I want him to recover strictly for himself so that he doesn't have the idea of us to fall back on. Does that make sense?"
"But Ginny, he is recovering for himself right now."
"Hermione we were so reliant on each other. I want him to focus on himself like he has been and then he and I will focus on mending our relationship when he gets out."
"I just don't think it would hurt you to write him back. At least to let him know that you have received the letter. You don't have to write him a novel."
"I appreciate your input Hermione but I want him to wait."
It was obvious Hermione disapproved of Ginny's tactic but she did not speak up.
"When I see him again he isn't going to know what hit him. I'll run up to him faster than a nimbus 2000 and sweep him off his feet."
Hermione smiled.
"Well if that is the case maybe a little more waiting won't hurt him."
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As promised Remus offered to show Draco how to block out any traces of Lucius from his mind.
"Why don't you have yourself some breakfast and then come find me and we will begin."
Draco headed to the table and sat down.
"'Morning Draco," greeted Nelie with a wide smile.
"Hi," he murmured.
"Why so glum?" she asked.
"Do you really want to know or are you just making conversation?" He snapped.
"Draco! Look I made a dragon with my syrup. See," replied Ignacio proudly as he lifted his plate to show off.
"Looks more like a melting blob to me," Draco shot back.
"Be nice," hissed Nelie.
Draco took a bite of toast and carefully watched Valerio, who sat silently playing with his food.
"What's the matter with you?"
Valerio looked up.
"Nothing."
"Bollocks," added Nelie. "You have been so quiet since yesterday that I keep reminding myself to check and make sure you haven't run away."
"I'm fine. May I be excused?"
Nelie and Draco exchanged looks.
"Sweetie- you didn't touch any of your food."
"Not hungry."
"Okay. Yes you can be excused."
She waited until Valerio was out of sight and then a second later Ignacio quickly jumped up and ran after his brother.
"Draco...I'm worried about Valerio. This is highly unusual behavior from him. He isn't his normal smug and nasty self."
"So I've noticed..."
"Remember yesterday when you told me you thought you broke him? What did you mean by that?"
Draco rolled his eyes.
"Look- he has been nothing but a little brat since we met him and he needed a reality check so I gave him one."
Nelie set her fork down rather loudly and stared hard at him.
"What did you say to him Draco?" she demanded.
Draco groaned.
"I just- I informed him on what our father was really like. Our father painted me as less than equal to them even though he raised those two exactly the same as me. They didn't get any special treatment. He never loved them."
"And you told him all of this?!" she shrieked.
"He would have figured it out on his own eventually," replied Draco coldly. "Better to hear it now and deal with it than later."
"You are unbelievable!" she shouted. "Are you trying to ruin those boys forever?"
"They've already been ruined," he countered. "Ask Valerio. He still has bruises on his back from being beaten with our loving father's cane."
Nelie frowned.
"I should go talk to him..."
She started to get up but Draco stopped her.
"No. I'll go," he offered.
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Neville caught up with Gene in the rec room.
They had all finished breakfast and now there was some down time to relax and socialize.
"Hey Gene...I missed you at breakfast."
"I uh decided to eat alone."
"Oh..." replied Neville. That wasn't like Gene, especially since he was the one who had convinced Neville to begin having meals with everyone else in the cafeteria in the first place.
"So..." began Neville. "How did your talk with Ellen go yesterday?"
Gene frowned.
"It didn't exactly go as planned..."
"Why is that?"
"Because she fancies you."
"What?" exclaimed Neville with confusion. "But why?"
"Don't be daft," began Gene. "Most of the girls here do."
"What? Fancy me?" started Neville. "I'm afraid you are mistaken mate."
"I can walk around and ask any of them what they think of you and I'm sure I would then turn into a match maker."
Neville sighed.
"Well what else did she say?"
"I mean if you look past the fact that the girl I love fancies my mate then we had a decent chat..."
"Did you tell her you were sorry? And how you feel?"
"I did all of that."
"I'm sorry. Would you like me to talk to her? I-I'll tell her I'm taken...she doesn't need to know that I'm actually not."
"You would really do that for me?" asked Gene.
"Of course."
Gene sighed.
"I just- if she doesn't fancy me anymore then I can't force her. I don't want to be second best either."
"Let me talk to her."
Neville glanced around the room and immediately spotted Ellen and Veronica chatting away on the other side.
He made his way over to them.
"Ellen. Could I speak to you in private for a moment?"
She turned and her face lit up when she saw Neville.
"Sure."
Today she was clad in a lime green blazer with white polka dots and a matching pencil skirt. Her short red hair was curled into tight ringlets.
"What's up?" she asked.
"Well I just-"
"Before you finish- I just want to say if you are coming to tell me that you feel something between us then I feel exactly the same. Even from the first moment I saw you. Do you remember?"
"Er- what?"
"Remember- you mistook me for someone else."
Neville wracked his brain when suddenly it hit him. Weeks ago he saw a girl with red hair walking through the hall whom he had mistaken for Ginny.
"That was before I cut my hair obviously," replied Ellen with a smile.
"I um actually came to talk to you about Gene."
"Oh," replied Ellen with visible disappointment.
"He really cares about you and he wants to try and get back on with you. Even if it is just as friends."
"What all has he told you about us?" she asked.
"A lot."
"There is a reason we broke up and I feel that we need to keep it that way."
"What drew you to him? Do you still see any of those qualities in him? He is trying really hard to change and to see through his past mistakes. He's a good bloke."
"Gene is very determined isn't he? Look I am sure Gene means well but you don't know him like I do. He is the ultimate manipulator. When we were together we were both very sick and fed off of each other's eating disorders. It was a game almost- which one of us could lose the most weight. Then it became competitive. It was scary. I'm not sure it was ever really love to begin with but rather something to fill the emptiness..."
Neville's face fell with her revelation. He knew that Gene would be devastated to know this and he was afraid it would set him back in his own recovery.
"You know my ex fiancee and I went through the ringer with me. I couldn't imagine if Ginny had been sick like me and at the same time. I mean- she was sick but with guilt and grief and anger...all because of what I was doing. I am not sure how to face her or if I even can but all I know is that I love her as much as I did when we first got together. I doubt she feels the same but when you have something special like that you need to recognize it."
Ellen sighed.
"I don't know. When I look back I guess all of our time together wasn't so awful. Gene always made me laugh and was very supportive of me. Especially with everything that went on with my sister and our parents-" she stopped suddenly.
Neville remembered during his first group therapy session that she had such a dark past. Her parents were abusive death eaters and her little sister who she helped raise later became one.
"I have a hard time committing to things. Gene was my first real boyfriend. Even if I were to develop feelings for him again I don't think it would be wise for us to get back together. Do you understand what I am saying? What if one of us were to relapse? It is just easier to push people away."
"Maybe you should just take it slow? There is no obligation to get back together but just let him be your friend and then maybe see where it goes from there? You are both here for the same reason- you both want to get better. Why not be supportive of each other?"
"We'll see," she replied with a tiny smile.
Neville chatted with her for a few more minutes and eventually found his way back to Gene who was waiting eagerly.
"Well?"
Neville didn't have the heart to tell him what Ellen really said but he also didn't want to lie.
"We just chatted a bit. She told me a little about when you two were together. I told her you still care and she just said she would see what happens."
Gene's face lit up.
"Really?"
Neville nodded and felt a tiny pang of guilt but Gene seemed happier and that was good enough for him.
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Draco began searching through the various studies and finally found Valerio staring into an empty pensieve. He looked up and saw Draco.
"What do you want?" snapped Valerio.
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing."
"What is the matter with you?"
"Nothing."
"You know I am getting really sick of that word..." muttered Draco.
"Even if there were something wrong- why would I tell you?"
"Maybe because I understand what you are feeling?"
Valerio smirked.
"Father said to reveal your feelings is a weakness."
Draco rolled his eyes.
"How many times must I tell you? It doesn't matter what he said before. He isn't here anymore."
Valerio remained silent.
"Where's Ignacio?" asked Draco.
"What do I look like his babysitter?"
"I thought he followed you?"
"He's probably bothering someone else."
"None of what happened with our father is your fault. You know that right? He was a selfish man set in his ways. I mean- he is so vain he chose to kill himself rather than to live knowing he no longer had magic."
"I would too."
Draco grabbed the boy by the collar of his shirt and pulled him close- fire in his eyes.
"Don't you ever talk like that. You have plenty of time to see the world for what it really is but for now just focus on being a kid."
"We are purebloods, Draco-"
The older Malfoy looked surprised. He wasn't sure but he thought this may have been the first time Valerio had uttered his name.
"We have come from a long line of successful wizards," continued the brunette Malfoy. "To not have magic is-"
"Father deserved his fate," interrupted Draco. "He murdered my mother. He wouldn't even tell me what he did with her body. I hate him."
Valerio stared into the pensieve.
"Have you ever used one of these before?" asked Draco.
Valerio shook his head no.
"Would you like to see?"
"What does it do?"
"A pensieve is used to review memories. It allows others to see as well."
"Cool," replied Valerio. "Can we try it?"
"Alright," agreed Draco. "What would you like to see? Is there a favorite memory you have? Something good you would like to revisit?"
Valerio thought hard.
"I can't think of anything."
Draco sighed heavily.
"Really?" the older Malfoy questioned.
"I guess when father first got Ignacio and I our wands."
"Concentrate as hard as you can on that memory. Block out everything else and then I will extract the memory from your mind and place it in the pensieve. Ready?"
Valerio nodded and closed his eyes.
Draco placed his wand to the boy's temple and slowly a thin silvery thread began to intertwine around the wand as he slowly pulled it away.
"There. Now I'm going to place it inside."
Valerio watched with awe.
"Alright place your hands along the edges and we are going to view the memory. It may feel kind of funny- like you are falling but don't worry that is normal. You aren't going to be hurt. Are you ready?"
Valerio nodded.
Moments later they found themselves in Lucius' other manor, where Draco and Neville almost met their fates awhile back.
"Valerio! Ignacio!"
Suddenly Lucius appeared. He waited until both boys came running into the room.
They both looked considerably younger.
"How old were you then?" asked Draco.
"Seven. The same age Ignacio is now."
Lucius set a briefcase down and it opened with a resounding click.
"I have brought you both some wands I would like you to try out."
He handed them each a wand.
"Cool! I can't wait to-"
"Valerio. Do not speak out of turn unless I give you permission," hissed Lucius.
"I'm sorry father."
"I want you both to use this simple spell. Repeat after me. Lumos."
"Lumos."
"Lumos."
Immediately Ignacio's wand let out a brilliant ray of light while Valerio's barely lit up.
"Switch wands and repeat."
They did and said the spell again and neither wand properly lit up.
"Ignacio- I want you to try a few more wands."
Lucius handed the boy an assortment of different wands and had him administer a few simple spells although none of them had much effect such as the very first wand he was given.
"Congratulations Ignacio. We have found you a wand. 18" made from elm and dragon heart string. The same as mine. Impressive how you managed to find the right one so quickly," he paused and suddenly swept his eyes slowly over to Valerio.
"Unlike your brother who has barely managed to emit any sort of magical reaction from the wands provided. Shameful. How does it make you feel that your younger brother has already surpassed you in something so simple?"
Valerio's face fell.
"Please father- let me try out some more wands. I will not disappoint you."
"But you already have."
Lucius handed Valerio another wand and still nothing happened.
"Lumos!"
"Pathetic," muttered Lucius. "We are Malfoy's and we do not have time to waste. Much like Ignacio, this very wand I hold in my hand chose me and it was the first one I had ever touched."
Lucius handed Valerio every other wand until there was only one left that he hadn't tried.
"You have already failed Valerio. It is obvious to me that you do not take this seriously. You have wasted my time and you will face punishment."
Valerio looked visibly shaken but only nodded with agreement.
He closed his eyes and gripped the wand tightly, taking a deep breath.
"Lumos!"
A bright shot of light burst out from the tip of the wand and Valerio jumped with delight.
"I did it! This is the one! I finally found it!"
Lucius did not smile or rejoice in his son's happiness.
Instead he plucked the wand from Valerio and began to inspect it closely.
"10 3/4" made from larch and coral," Lucius' face expressed great displeasure. "How unfortunate," he continued. "I hope you are able to make use of such a less than substantial wand."
"Ignacio, hand me your wand. You may be excused."
Once Ignacio ran off Lucius began to pace.
"Valerio, hand me your wand."
Valerio handed it over and waited.
"What is my punishment going to be father?"
"You will go to your room and will not come out until morning."
"But father-"
"What did I tell you about speaking out of turn?" snapped Lucius.
"What about supper?"
Lucius took one step forward and slapped the boy hard across the face.
"There will be no supper for you. Now go."
Valerio stared at his father, his mouth open.
"I-I'm sorry father."
"Did I ask for an apology?" barked Lucius. "You have disappointed me tonight and I no longer wish to see you for the rest of the day."
"Fucking asshole," muttered Draco under his breath as he watched the scene unfold.
Valerio's chin began to tremble and a single tear rolled down his cheek.
Lucius glared.
"Are you crying boy? What have I told you about this?"
"I'm sorry."
"I think we may need to add to your punishment. Go to your room. I will be up in a few minutes with my cane..."
Valerio's eyes grew wide.
"No! Please father-"
"GO now!" shouted Lucius. "For each moment you remain here in my sight I will add more strikes."
Valerio ran out of sight and suddenly Draco and Valerio were pulled back to reality.
"I was proud of my wand," began Valerio softly. "I still am...that is one thing father could never take from me. That is one thing he couldn't convince me differently on."
"Were you punished often?"
Valerio nodded as a tear rolled down his cheek and he immediately turned away.
"Look the other day I was too hard on you. I just want you to understand that everything father did was wrong. He was a terrible man and he has ruined my life. I don't want him to ruin yours. It isn't too late for you or Ignacio. You can still lead a normal life."
Valerio finally turned to face Draco- his eyes were red and wet.
"Why do you care about how Ignacio or I turn out?"
Draco thought for a moment.
"Because I wish someone had cared about how I would turn out. I didn't have anyone looking out for me and I suffered immensely because of it. I am so-" Draco paused. "Fucked up. Damaged goods. I am haunted by father everyday. There is no escaping him."
Valerio wiped his eyes.
"Did he punish Ignacio often as well?"
"Yes but not quite as brutal as what I got. Father was a little bit more forgiving toward him and I am grateful for that because I don't think Ignacio could have handled it. He's just a little kid."
"So are you."
Valerio stared hard at Draco before finally shaking his head with disagreement.
"Not anymore," his eyes flashed darkly. "The things I have done...you wouldn't believe."
Draco stared back unblinking.
"Try me."
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"Dad I am going to have to gain Jessica's trust. I will find a way to alert you if anything goes awry."
Francis paced, hands over his face.
"I trust you Cornelia and have utmost faith in you but that doesn't mean I won't worry."
"I'll be fine. I promise."
"Dad she's already survived a potentially life threatening situation with that woman," began Maitland. "She can handle herself. Right sis?"
Francis gave them both a tiny smile.
"I'm very proud of both of you. So proud."
"Umm this changes the subject but how is Neville?" asked Maitland.
"He is in far better shape than he was a few weeks ago that is for sure," began Francis. "He seems to be doing much better. I am sure he would love for you both to visit."
"I saw him recently," said Nelie. "He looked good- seemed to be in high spirits."
"Listen I just want you both to know that I love you very much and I know sometimes we disagree and I am too overprotective but I only want what is best for you both. I know lately that I have been completely wrapped up in Neville-" he paused. "I just don't want either of you to think I have neglected you-"
"Dad. Stop," interrupted Nelie. "We don't think that at all. You have been great to Neville. He looks up to you. He never had his Dad or mum around to raise him. We understand."
"I just- I know you both are adults now but if anything were bothering either of you or you were struggling with something you would come to me. Right?"
Nelie pulled her dad and Maitland into a hug.
"Of course, daddy."
"Right son?"
"Sure dad..."
"What do you both have planned for today?"
"I figured I may leave sometime this evening and go to Jessica..."
Francis' face fell.
"Why wait?" she continued.
"I respect your decision. Please stay and eat supper with us first before you leave."
She smiled.
"Deal."
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The day passed by rather slowly and Neville found himself to be bored. He eventually lost count of how many times he checked the owlry to see if Ginny had responded to his letter and his heart fell with disappointment each time he left empty handed.
He was roaming the hall and figured he would spend some time in the garden when he passed by Zeremiah's office. The door was slightly ajar and he was about to enter to say hi when he overheard voices, although they were slightly muffled.
"I am sorry things have to be this way."
"I know. Me too. It gets tiring having to hide all of the time. I thought I was through being ashamed of who I am."
"There is no need to be ashamed. It just isn't the right time."
"It never is the right time with you. I am starting to wonder if it ever will be."
"Just be patient."
"I have been patient!"
Neville stepped back with shock. It had been Zeremiah's voice that had shouted. He was so used to his healer being understanding and soft spoken so to hear him visibly angered was different.
"I didn't mean to upset you."
"I need to get back to my rounds. I'll owl you."
Neville quickly took a few steps back and walked slowly toward his healer's office to make it appear as though he were simply passing by. Seconds later Charlie Weasley exited and slowly closed the door behind him.
"Charlie?"
"Hello Neville. How nice to see you."
"Hi. I umm. How are you? I'm very sorry about Percy..."
"Thank you. It has been difficult for all of us but we are managing day by day."
Neville stared at his feet trying to think of what to say next.
"I sent Ginny a letter...can you make sure she got it?"
"Of course. How are you doing, Neville?"
"Better...day by day. I still struggle with certain things but I am trying really hard. Zeremiah thinks I have made great progress."
"That's good," replied Charlie with a smile. "I am glad to hear that."
"Charlie?"
Neville was about to speak but he froze.
"What is it Neville?"
"Thank you," the brunette began, finally looking up into the older man's eyes. "That night at the burrow...when you confronted me...I was so angry at the time and felt so violated. I misplaced my anger toward Ginny when she was only trying to help me. I was angry at you for telling everyone else what was going on with me. I can see now that you were just doing the right thing. I-I would have done the same thing if I were in your position. I was scared of being found out for so long that I didn't think about how I would feel if it would actually happen. I was so caught up in it all that nothing else mattered. I loved feeling empty and if I was forced to eat I loved the purge afterward. How sick is that?"
Charlie observed the boy carefully.
"You were very sick and I am glad that now you can look back and see what we saw all along. No one was ever trying to betray you, Neville. We were all just very worried for you. You had a lot going on in your life and sometimes when that happens we lose track of ourselves and fall into some trouble. I am just glad you have finally gotten the help you needed."
"Thanks Charlie."
"You are very welcome. I better be heading. I am off to Germany to track the Firedrake Nidhogg. Wish me luck."
"Good luck."
Charlie gave him a wink and apparated.
Neville approached Zeremiah's door and softly knocked.
"Come in."
He slowly opened the door and closed it behind him.
"I just wanted to come say hi."
"I'm glad you did," replied Zeremiah with a smile. "Come. Sit down. Tell me about your day."
"Fine so far. I was just about to head to the greenhouse."
Neville observed his healer closely. He looked stressed.
"Umm is everything okay?"
Zeremiah smiled kindly.
"It is my job to be asking those sort of questions."
"S-sorry I don't mean to pry it is just..." Neville paused. "I ran into Charlie Weasley...I-I wasn't eavesdropping but I heard you two talking and I heard you yell..."
Zeremiah's face suddenly fell.
"How much did you hear?"
"Not much at all," assured Neville quickly. "I just- I guess I had no idea that you knew Charlie. He is my fiancee's...ex fiancee's older brother. He has always been very good to me. In fact, while we were outside talking I thanked him because he is the one who really confronted me about my eating disorder and at the time I hated him for it. Hermione was always nagging me and had confronted me before but not like Charlie did...he saved my life."
"Charlie is great," agreed Zeremiah. "I have known Charlie for years. We were actually school mates at Hogwarts. He is a very good care giver- which is why he was so difficult on you I'm sure. I tried to convince him to come into healing with me but he is so stubborn he chose to go down a more dangerous path...working with dragons."
"I went with him once. It was pretty cool...up until I fainted."
"Those days are long over with Neville. You are on the road to recovery and only have your life ahead of you. Great things will come. I'm sure of it."
"I uh...better go. I hope your day gets better."
"Thank you Neville. I do too."
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"Alright...gentlemen. The stakes are high. We no longer have the book of fears or the key to guide us. My dear nephew decided to destroy both...not to mention kill my father and our dark lord."
Jessica took long strides, closely inspecting the death eaters that were directly serving her.
"Our numbers may be small but we will grow- like a black mass," she continued. "We will finish what my father started and we will do so without measure. We will take out as many as we can- there will be no mercy. Does anyone object?"
When no one spoke up she continued.
"I need those two boys...Malfoy and Longbottom and I need them here now."
"That shouldn't be a problem," quipped a death eater with bright orange hair and thick eyebrows that were dangerously on the verge of being a uni brow. "Word has it that the Longbottom boy is at St. Mungo's. The other boy however has gone into hiding."
"Thank you, Sherman...however if I recall correctly there was a perfect opportunity days ago to capture Draco Malfoy at a small bar and grill in London. It should have been quite simple..."
Her eyes scanned the room until she honed in on the two death eaters guilty of failing to capture Draco.
"Vladmor...Thomas...please take us back to that day and relay to us what was so difficult about that task? It was the both of you against a stupid child. If I can not expect simple things to be accomplished what makes you two worthy of serving me?"
The two death eaters in question eye balled each other. Both waiting for the other to speak up first.
Vladmor, the death eater with the thick black beard stepped forward.
"Miss- we had every intention of taking him. We had been searching throughout London for days. It was a high risk that we were even out in public."
Jessica pursed her lips, waiting for him to continue.
Thomas, the death eater with dark blonde hair and an almost entirely grey beard and black eyes quickly jumped in.
"There was someone with him- an older lad. Before we could make a move it was obvious to us that he had Draco vacate the premises before we could even get our hands on him."
"I see," replied Jessica. "So you are admitting to your failure?"
"I will bring you the other boy," he offered. "No question where he is."
Jessica had no problem leading the death eaters being a woman. Her beauty and scare tactics were enough to have any man falling at her feet, willing to do anything to prove themselves worthy of her. Her silky brown hair was braided into an elegant bun and her bright red lipstick only drew out the perfection of her delicate features. Her almond shaped blue-green eyes were bright and her tan skin glimmered with the glow of pregnancy.
"And if you should fail?"
"Then we will surrender ourselves to you and face whatever punishment you see fit."
"Thomas- I see potential in you- bring me Longbottom. Do not disappoint me. Vladmor you will bring Malfoy to me. I want to finish them off myself."
Her heels clicked loudly as she rounded the room.
"Once those two are out of the way...we go after Dumbledore and the order of the phoenix. Those fools are strong when united but if we eliminate them one by one their defeat will be inevitable. Killing that backstabbing imbecile Snape proved difficult but was detrimental to our plan."
"Severus Snape lives."
Jessica's face fell momentarily.
"Impossible," she barked. "I was there."
She advanced on the death eater who had spoken up. He was younger than the others. He couldn't have been older than twenty five. He had jet black hair shaved to a low buzz and hazel eyes.
The boy shook his head as she closed in on him.
"I saw him with my own eyes just a few days ago. He was leaving the ministry. In fact he exited through a secret passage to avoid being seen."
"Are you sure it was him?"
"Yes. I would recognize that man anywhere. He was my potions professor."
"Well this changes things..." she began darkly. "Severus Snape is of top priority. Which ever of you can kill him and bring his body back to me will be generously rewarded."
The death eaters began quietly chatting amongst each other while Jessica pondered.
"This adjourns our meeting. We will lay low for the evening and tomorrow we go out for blood."
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"Are you familiar with occlumency, Draco?"
Draco scowled and then scoffed rudely.
"Of course. What do you take me as a complete idiot?"
Remus observed the boy and began tapping his wand against the palm of his hand.
"I do believe you have had some practice but have you truly mastered the art of it?"
The blonde rolled his eyes.
"I am only trying to help you Draco. I only ask because I feel if you have truly mastered occlumency on the highest level then you wouldn't be having any issues with your father invading your mind even when he is no longer here in a physical sense."
"Alright let's get this over with," replied Draco, failing to hide the boredom in his voice.
"Now Draco- I want you to focus really hard on your father. I want you to really envision his face- his voice and his overall presence. As you are doing this I want you to slowly begin to expel him from your mind. Not all at once- slowly."
Draco's mind was filled with his father's booming voice, threatening to beat him senseless. His face drawn into fury and disappointment as he constantly belittled him.
"You're a failure, Draco. What a shame. My first born. So much potential...gone to waste."
"I'm trying- it isn't working!"
"Try harder, Draco. You have to truly want all traces of him gone."
"I do!"
"This is no easy task, Draco. Keep at it."
Draco sighed and threw his hands up in exasperation.
"It is a process Draco- much like your father's control over you. It has been a lifetime worth of impression and abuse. He owned you for so long and really embedded himself into every fiber of your being...this can't happen overnight but we can make it easier."
"I'm glad he's dead," muttered Draco. "When Francis told me I wasn't even sad. He murdered my mother- I know he did. Now I will never know what he did to her- or where her body is..."
Remus' face fell.
"I'm so sorry, Draco."
"I'm not a good person. I have my faults. I have my weaknesses. I've lived my entire life being encouraged to hurt others and to walk around with my head held high with pride at being pure blooded and for being a Malfoy. I have hurt so many people and all at the expense of my father's love and acceptance except I never earned his love or acceptance..." the blonde trailed off and bit his lip.
"Eventually I only continued hurting people for the simple fact that it made me feel good- it made me feel better about my own pathetic life and the emptiness I carried inside of me. I know what I am and I will never be good nor do I want to be. I am just tired of living. I have nothing."
"Draco you aren't a bad person. You have been misguided your entire life and that is not your fault. Obviously you came around and realized how wrong your father had been. That makes you strong."
The boy slowly began shaking his head with disagreement.
"I'm not strong. I'm weak. My father was right about me. As much as I loved to hurt people- you know, I'm a bully. Fuck- I was horrible to Potter, Weasley, Granger...Longbottom and anyone else who I could target. That wasn't enough to satisfy my need for self-gratification. It worked for awhile. My biggest weapon was my choice of words- yes, father taught me how to throw a good punch but the things I have said to people were sharp enough to slice through the very tendon of someone's self-worth, deep down where it really hurts. I wouldn't say I am proud of this but it is who I am. I may be cruel but I have never nor will I ever be built to kill. My biggest downfall as the son of Lucius and follower of Voldemort- was that I could not kill."
"None of these things make you weak, Draco-"
Draco locked his grey eyes on the werewolf, his face slowly reddening with frustration.
"I'm weak because I have no fucking mechanisms on dealing with anything. I am not one to socialize. I am not a fucking bleeding heart- I have no friends. I have no passion for anything. My father has caused me to become a freak. I'm not normal and I never will be!"
Draco paused.
"The only satisfaction I get out of anything- the only time I truly feel anything...is when I bleed. Oh when father first found out he was livid. I don't think he knew the extent of it- probably thought it was a one time occurrence but he told me it was just another thing that made me weak. Just like the fact that I'm..."
He paused. His expression was truly showing the difficulty and the pain of what he was saying out loud or more so admitting to someone.
"Just like the fact that I'm...gay. I never told mother or father but they knew- at least father did. He always knew and he threw it in my face. I never wanted to be this way. I tried to...change it- I you know- tried dating girls..."
He pursed his lips together so tightly that the edges around his mouth went white.
Remus slowly approached the boy and placed both hands firmly on his shoulders.
"We have all accepted you Draco. All of these feelings that you speak of will pass if you allow. Someone as emotionally damaged as you it can take years to rebuild and gain trust within yourself. I am here to help you in any way that I can. But you are not a bad person- you are not a failure."
"Thank you for listening to me. I apologize for getting us off task..."
"I will listen anytime you need me to Draco."
The man smiled at the boy and gave him a pat on the back.
"I just get nervous with this cutting situation. Often times I can smell the blood so I know when you have been engaging in the behavior. A lot of people are worried about you including myself."
"I don't want to worry anyone."
"There are other ways to cope, Draco."
"Maybe."
"I think that is enough for now. I realize how overwhelming this must be but it will get easier as time goes on. I promise you that eventually your father will be a distant memory of your past. You just have to trust me on this. I won't give up if you don't."
Draco gave the werewolf a nod and wandered off.
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Neville had been working up a sweat in the greenhouse and completely lost track of the time. He estimated it must have been getting close to supper time. He had been so engrossed in his planting that everything else simply was released from his mind- it was quite a serene feeling.
"Hard at work in here?"
Neville turned to see Zeremiah enter.
"Yeah- I uh- lost track of time. Easy for me to do when I'm dealing with plants."
"Tell me a little about these breeds here. I'm afraid that even though my father is a world famous herbologist I don't know much about this subject."
"Alright- this is a rhododendron plant- it doesn't really have a purpose other than for show. It is one of Ginny's favorites...her family has a ton of them in their yard. I uh figured I would have them ready to present to her when I see her...if I see her," he paused and cleared his throat.
"This next one is a mimbulus mimbletonia- it isn't very pretty but it actually is incredibly rare and releases stinksap whenever it feels threatened. I actually won first prize last year in the exotic plant competition with this same breed."
"Very impressive."
"I have experimented with cross breeding and different planting mechanisms. I uh actually kind of created something...I don't have a name for it yet as I'm still playing with it a little bit. Would you like to see?"
"Of course."
Neville reached under the bench and pulled out yet another pot with a rather peculiar looking plant growing from it. The leaves were electric blue while the veins were a deep violet. There were bright yellow bulbs sprouting from the roots which also sprouted a variety of orange petals.
"Oh wow," replied Zeremiah. "I have never seen anything like it. I'm sure my father would be fascinated by this. What is its purpose?"
Neville blushed.
"Well- you see I actually- like I said I am still kind of experimenting with it. I don't think I have it quite right yet but it is an edible plant. I ingest it to help relieve some of my anxiety. It seems to help."
"I'm happy that you are working with plants again. I'm sure it is quite therapeutic for you?"
"Very."
"Listen Neville, I want to apologize if I seemed short with you earlier..."
"You don't need to apologize. I should not have butted in."
"You were just concerned. And I thank you."
"So you and Charlie were mates at Hogwarts? He is so cool."
Zeremiah's face suddenly went a little sour before his expression returned to normal.
"A little more than that actually. Charlie and I have been romantically involved off and on for over ten years."
Neville's jaw dropped.
"Oh wow. I had no idea."
"No reason why you should. Charlie is still very much in the closet- he refuses to tell his mum and dad. Hell I've but met them maybe twice in all the years I have known Charlie and it was in passing. I care a lot for him but as I'm sure you heard I am tired of hiding and being a part of his secret lifestyle. It has been a struggle for me for years. We have been through a lot together and I will probably never be able to let him go."
Zeremiah began shaking his head slowly.
"That bloke stole my heart and it is hard to stay angry at him. Same goes for you and Ginny. You two have been through so much but I can see your love for her remains unbroken. If she feels the same then you will fall right back into each others arms and if not then it simply was not mean to be."
"Why doesn't Charlie want people to know about you two?"
"He's scared and not much scares Charlie. He is terrified of breaking his mother's heart and of disappointing his father. Everyone sees Charlie as this golden child, he's a bloke's bloke, someone who has his life in order...I think that being gay to him is somewhat of a let down in how people see him. I've tried telling him time and time again that it doesn't matter what other people think- not anymore. We are both grown men for merlin's sake there is no sense in hiding."
"Charlie being gay doesn't change the way I look at him- and same with you. I would never look at you any differently. This has nothing to do with who you are as a person. I couldn't care less who you or anyone else fancies. It doesn't bother me. You have been so kind to me and I don't know where I would be without you. You are an amazing healer."
Zeremiah smiled.
"Thank you for those kind words, Neville. I wish everyone felt the way you did. It would make this world a lot easier to live in."
Suddenly the healer looked down at his watch.
"Oh goodness. Let's get you inside so you can eat some supper."
"Can I finish up here first? I promise I'll be inside in ten minutes."
"Alright. Not a minute later."
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The current mood around the supper table at grimmauld place was very bleak. Nelie was going to set off afterward to track down her mother and Francis' nerves were beginning to rub off on the others.
The soft clinking of silverware against plates was the only sound being made.
Even Ignacio was staying silent.
"So...Tonks- dinner is delicious."
"Thanks Nelie," she replied with a wink. "Seems everyone else agrees as no one has said a word."
"I appreciate you cooking my favorite- this is a nice going away gesture."
"Hey- we lasses have to look out for each other, yeah?"
"Cornelia if you are having second thoughts I just want you to know you don't have to do this."
"I'm not having second thoughts but obviously you are."
"She'll be fine dad," added Maitland.
"I understand son but I would be just as worried if it were you going."
"You are not going to kill my mother are you?" came a quiet voice.
Everyone turned to Valerio.
"No. I promise you love, I would never," answered Nelie. "She's my mother too remember? And Maitland's. And Ignacio's. Plus the baby who hasn't even been born yet."
"She will not be harmed," reassured Sirius. "But she needs to pay for her crimes."
"If you do not hear from me then that is good," began Nelie. "I will only be in contact if things go to shit."
Francis frowned.
"I do not like this idea."
"Dad- what if she or someone else were to see me sending out a patronus? The whole idea of this is to get her to trust me. I'm going to have to use every second I have toward convincing her that I am completely dedicated to her."
"She's right, Francis," agreed Snape, his tone low and matter of fact. "Jessica is very good at reading people- she can smell deceit from hundreds of miles away. I could not convince her myself that I was loyal to Voldemort. The girl has a shot simply because she is of Jessica's own flesh and blood- and only because. If it were anyone else I would not see this course of action succeeding at all."
Francis bit his lip and was deep in thought.
"I trust you...but I also trust my gut. If I have the slightest feeling that something isn't right I will intervene."
"I would expect this from you daddy. Trust me. I will be fine."
Nelie gave her father a kiss on the cheek and then Maitland.
She and Tonks began clearing everyone's plates.
"How do you plan to track Jessica?" asked Snape.
"Funny you ask," began Nelie. "Dad, Jessica, Maitland and I all possess these rings..."
She walked over to Snape and held it up so he could examine it closer.
It was the same ring Neville had noticed they all wore. The black pearl was shiny and telling.
"We used to be able to track each other with them...but we haven't been able to get a reading on Jessica so she must have disposed of hers. Don't worry- I have my connections."
"That's what worries me," answered Francis.
"If I may give some advice," began Snape, in a long, drawled out tone.
"Of course," replied Nelie eagerly.
He stood up.
"Keep a straight face. Do not allow your emotions to show. Jessica is one who thrives on power and control. She has no clear conscience or set stance on morals- these things simple do not exist to her. Think of it as playing a part- you need to embody her- cold, dominating and precise. Manipulation is the woman's game and she knows it well. I would also recommend going in with a blank mind- use occlumency so she can not invade your mind because if she does then you will have already failed."
Nelie gulped and nodded.
Snape glowered down at her, his inky eyebrows set low.
"You have just revealed your concern to me, girl- just what I just told you not to do."
Nelie took a deep breath and stared hard at Snape. Her eyes were blank- emitting no light or emotion.
"That's better," replied the former potions master. "Do not let her see you break. Ever. You must completely leave every good intention and belief behind you."
"I understand. Thank you."
Slowly the other order members present began to make their way into the group as they all gave Nelie words of encouragement.
Fred came up and hugged her and was followed by George.
"I'm going to miss you- please be careful."
"You act as though I'm going away for ever," joked Nelie.
"I love you, Nel..." George whispered into her ear.
Nelie backed away from him and stared- her mouth hanging open.
He immediately began to blush.
"I- uh...wow," she stammered. "Thanks."
She pulled him into a tight hug.
"I love you too," she whispered and then gave him a firm kiss on the lips.
"Good luck young lady," began Sirius as he took her hand. "Although I don't think you will need it."
"We're all going to be on our guard," added Tonks as she pulled Nelie into a tight hug. "We won't let anything happen to you and that's a promise."
"Show us what you are made of Cornelia. Good luck," replied Remus.
"I'll be in touch."
With one last wink at everyone Nelie apparated with a soft pop.
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When Neville came inside he immediately made his way to the cafeteria and Gene waved him over.
"Saved you a seat mate. Where ya been?"
"Oh just working in the greenhouse."
"So uh...I just wanted to thank you for earlier. Talking to Ellen for me."
"Oh not a problem mate. Glad to do it..."
"She actually approached me about an hour ago and we talked a little bit. At least it's a start."
Neville's face lit up.
"That's great! What did you two talk about?"
"She wants to try and work slowly toward rebuilding our friendship. Like I have told you a lot of damage was done but we are ready to let bygones be bygones. This is a new beginning for both of us. We are ready to support each other rather than work against each other."
"I'm happy for you."
"So have you heard anything from your bird yet?"
Neville's heart dipped.
"Not yet..."
"Don't worry you will- most likely when you least expect it."
Neville finished everything his plate and sat, allowing his mind to wander.
Since he was being weighed blindly he had no idea where he was at at this point but he knew he had put on quite a few pounds. He could feel it in the fit of his clothes, he could see it whenever he was brave enough to face a mirror. He understood this came with his recovery but he still had an immense fear of becoming fat again.
"What'sa matter?" asked Gene.
"Hmm? Oh nothing...just thinking."
Neville observed Gene closely. He was a handsome bloke. His honey blonde hair seemed to adjust perfectly into however he shaped it and his physique was lean and toned. Although he was gaining weight as well he still had a rather slim build and didn't look bloated and grotesque which is how Neville felt.
He cleared his throat.
"I think I am going to head to bed."
"Mate- it's super early."
"I know. I'm tired. See you tomorrow."
Neville quickly returned to his room and closed the door. He pulled off all of his clothes and began to inspect his body. He could no longer feel jutting bones in certain places. He began to grab what he thought were folds of fat. He began to panic.
'I'm still here, Neville. I never left. I will never leave. Just say the word and I will guide you back to where we were before. Everyone here thinks you are getting better. You have done as you were asked. Keep playing by their rules for now but I will get you through this until we are released. No one can stop us. Then you will be of legal age and no one can ever put you in here again.'
Neville began shaking his head furiously.
No. No. No. He could not allow the voice to take over him again. No matter how bad he felt he could not allow the voice back into his head. It took everything from him. It turned his life upside down. It caused him to lose the love of his life and after seventeen years of being a push over he was ready to fight back. And he was going to use everything he had in him.
'You know every trick and trade- you know how to manipulate those around you. Make them see that you are ready to leave this place. We worked so well together you and I. I gave you comfort, peace, control...I gave you everything that no one else could. We can have that back. Remember when you were fat? You were a joke, you were a terrible wizard, your gran hated you- EVERYONE hated you. You were a failure- a loser. A NOBODY.'
"No," replied Neville firmly. "I will not give in to you."
'You are weak. You will be begging for me to return soon enough.'
"No I'm not...not anymore. And no I won't. I don't need you. I never have needed you- I thought I did but I was highly mistaken. The only thing I need is for you to be gone."
Silence.
Had he really willed away the voice in his head?
Neville sighed heavily.
Just as everyone had warned him from the beginning this was not an easy feat for him to accomplish but he needed to stay focused in his recovery for himself, his gran, Francis...and Ginny. He had too much to fight for. He was being given an opportunity to get his life back and he wasn't going to blow it.
"I'm not done fighting," he said aloud even though he was alone in his room.
Deep down Neville knew that not only did he mean this hypothetically but also that he was not done fighting in this wizarding war. It wasn't over but he was ready to fight like hell.
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Author's Note: Not much to say other than Neville and Ginny will be reunited soon and there is one last physical battle against Jessica to fight and then my story will have reached its conclusion!
Thank you to my old and new followers for sticking with this- and all of the hiatuses- and so forth.
Thoughts? Concerns? Questions? Flames?
Come at me. :)
Chapter 49 to follow.
