Chapter 45

I woke up each morning late. Feeling that feeling of satisfaction waking up four hours later than I would if this weren't a winter vacation. As the weeks tread on I feel myself moving on completely from Dave. His name barely registers in my mind now. I stumble acorss little things sometimes. But they never stop me anymore. Because even if it still hurts it doesn't sting long.

It's easier now for me to accept that Bennett is my boyfriend. The word "boyfriend" means nothing to me suddenly. We had been like this so much longer than we've been boyfriend and girlfriend, now jsut everyone knows. Which is the only hard part. But accepting that he feels the same way about me as I feel for him, is getting easier. I spend a lot of time with Cass. Alone now. Now everything is back to the way it was. But yet so far from it.

I look into the mirror and see myself. My face the same. But what's different is under my skin. Something deeper. And somehow I can't see it but other people can. The people I love the most can. It's jsut that I can't at all.

Whenever I'm home alone now I make CDs. The periods when I'm alone at home are shorter. Almost rare. But I try and do the same I had done before Bennett had come into my life. I make CDs that are full of songs I had never known before he showed them to me. Songs I used to listen to when I first thought I was in love with Dave. Songs I never heard on records I haven't listened to for years. Everything in my life is so refreshing and new. Happier on so many levels.

The days went by one their own. Time going fast. I always had somewhere to go. I never once had a situation where I wasn't going somewhere.

On Thursday there was a party Bennett was playing. It was at Jonah's house. The one I recognized from the first night Bennett and I kissed. There were a few minutes alwyas beofre Bennett played that I hated the msot. It was when I was alone in a crowded room. Walking around. People looking at me and talking. Those the whispers were dying down. People still talked a little.

Seeing me. Small and shy and Elisa Simmons. And seeing me as Bennett Williams' girlfriend.

It never seemed to click in their minds right. Same as it never did in my mine at first.

I saw Rainie across the room. She was waving to me. Paul beside her. His arm around her waist. Talking to some other guy. She turned back ot the conversation and I kept walking. But I watched them for a few short moments. They just stood there. Even when they were focusing on different things you could see it. They were in love. I envied them of that.

I'd always go downstairs though. Tonight, not even being able to see him through the crowd. But I was there. Invisible. And unnoticed. But he knew I was there. And he played a song with pretty chords. Except it wasn't the one I knew right off the bat. It was a new one. And this one tore me to pieces. It was better than I've ever heard him sing. It never came into my head that that song was another one about me. I didn't care about that. It was beautiful. The type of song that moved me and tore me down all at once. Giving me an emotion I could never relate to anything, much like the first song he wrote me with pretty chords.

But through it. People turned once or twice to look at me. I was just listening. Aware that I was in a group, not even seeing Bennett's eyes as he sung this. I saw everyone else's. And I wished I could onyl see his. Because those eyes ate away inside. While this song made my heart sing for the rest of that night.


Bennett kissed me. His lips staying agaisnt mine longer than they normally did in front of people. Especially with them watching. But I fell a million feet for him. And I kissed him back. Feeling butterflies in my stomach and my hands shaking. He never did this on purpose, but somehow he did.

"How was I tonight?" He asked me still holding me close.

"Amazing," I said.

He kissed me. His lips soft agaisnt mine. And then he pushed hair out of my face. Just lookign at me. His unreadable eyes. Whatever he was thinking I knew had to do with me. That's all I could understand now. His eyes were still mysteries. I always wondered if mine were easy to read to him. They probably were.

We hung around downstairs on these two couches that faced each other. Jonah was there and Sean and Becky. But after about twenty minutes Paul and Rainie came over and sat with us. Paul telling Jonah and Bennett about these kids he got together to play music with.

Rainie started turning away from the conversation between the boys. Sean sitting detached from the guys next to Becky. But he was silent like he had been before. "Paul left his band?" Becky asked Rainie.

Rainie nodded. "There was so much drama and everything." She said. "Plus they had to play shows with complete assholes Paul said."

My mind flashed to Dave. "Three Cheers?" Becky asked.

"Yep." Rainie said. "All of them were such little bitches."

"Whose in that band again?" Becky asked. She didn't know.

I spoke up when Rainei shrugged a little. "They're a Kerrington band," She said. "Paul didn't tell me their names."

"Do you know?" Becky asked me.

There was no lying. I had Dave behind me right? "My ex-boyfriend," I said quietly, so it didnt' catch Bennett's attention. "Dave Madeville. He sings for them. And his friends."

The conversation got really awkward. I saw Sean though. Sitting there silently looking at me shortly. Everyone knew by now. I had left Dave for Bennett. Dave wasn't known for being in his band. He was just known. Rainie pulled the conversation back up. Within a few minutes it was normal again. I was sort of out of it. When everyone was back into one big conversation, Bennett leaned in to my ear. "What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing." I said.

He moved his hand to my lower back and leaned me agaisnt him liek I was really hurt. I think by now he could tell if I was lying. If he knew what to do now when I was telling a small lie, I figured he'd always know now. And somehow he made me feel better. He always did.


At his house I saw myself in the mirror. He was putting on a new record, and I saw my hair. Tomorrow was Friday. I was supposed to dye it tomorrow. I hadn't told anyone because I hadn't come up with whether or not I still wanted to. I wasn't nervous or worried about tomorrow at all. In fact I just looked at my hair. And made up my mind.

He came back over to me. Something Corporate coming out of the stereo. I didn't remember this record well but it had been a favorite last year. He came over and pulled me in to his arms. And we jsut lay there listening. He held me. Breathing even breathes. His heart beat soothing and reliable.

I closed my eyes for a few minutes. To wake up a little while later. His arms still around me, but the record ending. The last song he kissed my forehead on the last note of piano. His lips staying agaisnt my skin. Knowing I was probably asleep.

That was where I belonged now.


Cass looked at me. Her red hair bright and fitting. She smiled a little. Excitedly. "Are you ready?"

I sighed heavily. Looking at my light brown hair again. "Let's get this over with."


A/N: How has Elisa changed from the beginning of the story? Why? Predictions.

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