Chapter 13

'Once more with Kuno'

"Sasuke!" Shouted Tatewaki Kuno. "Where is that worthless retainer of mine?"

"Master?" Replied Sasuke as he swung down from his hiding place in the ceiling. "How may I serve you?"

"Ah, there you are Sasuke." He said calmly. His mercurial temper soothed by the proper show of humility from his servant. "Tell me what news you have of my two loves."

Sasuke bowed low. "As you have instructed master, I have been watching the Tendo household."

"And?" Kuno said imperiously.

"It is as you have surmised." Said Sasuke. "The okonomiyaki chef has taken up residence in the Tendo home."

"It is as I have feared." Intoned Kuno. "Not only is my poor sweet Akane besieged by that fiend Saotome, but now she is being subjected to the unnatural advances of the cross-dressing chef as well." He began to pace. "It shall not be countenanced." He shouted. "Do you hear? It shall not be countenanced." He stopped to pose in front of a mirror. "So say I, Tatewaki Kuno, scion of the clan Kuno. The rising star if the Kendo world, the Blue Thunder of Furinken High." He drew his katana and held it over his head. "Age 18."

"What will you do, My Lord?" Asked Sasuke.

"Yes Brother what will you do?"

Kuno broke out of his pose in front of the mirror. "Ah my twisted sister." Said Kuno. "It's good to see you."

"Never mind that." Snapped Kodachi. "Your precious Akane has allied herself with that androgynous peasant of a chef and have ensnared my darling Ranma." She shrieked. "I demand you do something about it." Her voice was shrill with anger. "Now!"

"Don't worry, dear sister." Said Kuno arrogantly. "I fully intend to do something." He said. "Starting with the chef"

Ukyo sneezed.

"Are you all right Uk-chan?" Asked Ranma. She was currently in her female form. "You're not coming down with something are you?"

Ukyo rubbed her nose. "No I don't think so." She said. "Now where were we?"

"Okay, after the priest asks for Amerterasu's blessing." Said Akane. "That's your cue to pour the sake into the cup."

"Got it." Replied Ukyo. "Oh, Akane I cant believe we're really going to do it."

Akane grinned happily. "I know what you mean, Ukyo." She sighed. "I never thought it would ever happen." She smiled at Ukyo. "And never in my wildest dreams did I ever, well you know."

"Akane?" Said Ukyo in a small voice. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Her voice trembled slightly.

Akane put her hands on her hips. "We've been over this before Ukyo." She scolded lightly. "It's too late for cold feet."

"But."

"No buts, Ukyo." Said Akane firmly. "We love you and we want to share our lives with you."

"And we aint gonna hide it neither." Stated Ranma firmly.

"Ranma's right." Agreed Akane. She knelt down in front of Ukyo and took her hand. "We need you Uk-chan."

Ranma knelt in front of Ukyo as well and took her other hand. She reached over and took Akane's free hand in her own. "We're a team, Uk-chan." She said. "Remember when you asked why I picked Akane?"

Ukyo nodded. "You said she 'completed' you." She felt a momentary twinge when she recalled that time.

Ranma looked over and squeezed Akane's hand. "She does." She said. Akane smiled back. Ranma turned back to Ukyo. "But Uk-chan you complete US." Ranma raised their linked hands. She smiled.

Ukyo looked back and forth between Ranma and Akane. She looked down at her hands feeling the warmth of their hands. "Husband? Tai Tai?"" Said Ukyo softly.

Akane and Ranma glanced briefly at each other. "Yes Wife?" They responded.

"Nothing." Ukyo said with a smile. "I just wanted to say it."

Nabiki entered the Nekohanten. She walked over to a corner table 'Her' table. Xian Pu saw her and gave a tentative wave. Nabiki smiled back drawing a small smile from Xian Pu. Xian Pu turned and must have said something because Muu Tse came hurrying out from the back. The two of them walked over to Nabiki.

"Nabiki." Said Muu Tse when he neared. "It's good to see you."

"Hey Muu Tse." Nabiki responded with a smile. For Nabiki it was almost a shy smile. She looked at Xian Pu and her smile dimmed slightly. "Xian Pu." Nabiki examined her sisters' one-time rival. Nabiki knew that Xian Pu was seeing Dr. Epstein regularly and the results were beginning to show. Her hair was still cut in the same spiky lavender brush but it was now more styled. She was dressed in a knee length skirt and blouse combination. Attractive but definitely considerably toned down in comparison to her former Chinese outfits. "If you don't mind me asking, Xian Pu." Said Nabiki. She waved one hand to indicate Xian Pu's dress. "Why the change in look?"

Xian Pu smiled slightly. "Old way remind Xian Pu too much of what she lose." Xian Pu sighed. "Xian Pu not Joketsuzoku should not look like one." Suddenly Xian Pu's smile broadened. "Xian Pu decide look like Xian Pu." She chirped. She looked at Nabiki sternly. "Now you no keep Muu Tse too long. He still have work to do."

Xian Pu laughed at Nabiki's blush and walked away.

"Damn that old ghoul." Muttered Nabiki. She turned her attention to Muu Tse. "Hey stud." She said to Muu Tse in a low throaty voice. Nabiki smiled at Muu Tse's blush. "Are we still on for dinner tonight?"

Muu Tse nodded. "Seven?" He asked. "I made reservations at La Maison."

Nabiki smiled. "Ooh nice." She said. "I love French food." She tapped her chin with one finger. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a calculator. She began tapping in numbers. Nabiki held out the display to Muu Tse. "This is the most you can spend on us tonight."

Muu Tse looked at the small numbers of the display. He reveled in his ability to read the tiny characters from so far away. He smiled. "Why set a limit?" He asked. "I'm willing to spend more than that." He smirked slightly. "Besides, can't I afford it?"

Nabiki shook her head firmly. "That's not the point." She said. "I don't want you wasting money on me."

Muu Tse frowned. "I wouldn't call it wasting." He protested. "I-I really enjoy being with you."

Nabiki reached over and squeezed Muu Tse's hand. "Same here, Muu Tse." She said. "But I didn't mean it that way." She rested her chin on her hand, her other hand made a throw away gesture. She took a breath. "I don't want to be the 'mercenary girl' any more." She said in a rush. "Not with you."

Muu Tse sat back and regarded Nabiki. "Okay, we'll do it your way, Nabiki." He took Nabiki's hand in his.

"Muu Tse." Called Xian Pu. "It getting busy."

"I guess I have to go back to work." Said Muu Tse releasing Nabiki's hand. "Seven?"

Nabiki nodded. They both stood. Nabiki impulsively leaned over and kissed Muu Tse on the cheek. Without another word she sauntered out the door. Her hips swayed hypnotically. Muu Tse stared after her.

"Muu Tse." Called Xian Pu again. "Get to work."

Muu Tse shook himself and went back to work.

Dr. Epstein was strolling along the streets of Nerima in the general direction of the Tendo home. It was late afternoon and he had no need to be anywhere for a couple more hours. As he walked he opened his mind to the surrounding emotional tumult.

Nerima had a different emotional tone than most cities he had visited. Unlike other cities there was an underlying feeling of expectation and amusement. Dr. Epstein chuckled. Considering the frequent visitations of the strange and bizarre it was understandable that for anyone to remain in Nerima and remain sane such an attitude was necessary.

Dr. Epstein frowned as he picked up a pair of particularly disturbing emotional flavors. He focused his extra sense to locate the individuals. From the way the two minds flared in apparent synchronization it was clear the two were together and talking to each other. The two were ahead of him and Dr. Epstein picked up his pace to close the gap between them.

The doctors' frown deepened as he realized that the direction of his quarry would lead them directly to the Tendo home. He quickened his pace even more. Suddenly his senses picked up the agitated emotional signatures of the Saotome 'family' in proximity to the people he was following. Dr. Epstein began to run.

Bursting through the gate of the Tendo home he saw Ukyo being attacked by a maniacally laughing, leotard clad young woman while a sword wielding young man was attacking Ranma and Akane.

"Stop it Kuno." He heard Ranma shout. "Quit it already."

"A Kuno knows not the meaning of quit." Responded Kuno and attacked Ranma viciously.

"Quit." Responded Dr. Epstein from behind. "Meaning to cease, to stop, to surrender."

Tatewaki Kuno spun around to see his sister unconscious on the ground and a strange foreigner standing next to Ukyo.

"Who are you barbarian and what right have you to interfere in an affair of honor?" Growled Kuno.

"A friend of the family." Replied the doctor casually. "I suggest you put the sword down, take your sister and leave."

"Is that a challenge?" Asked Kuno haughtily. "Methinks one of your advanced years would know the folly of challenging ones betters."

"Oh you are certainly correct." Replied Dr. Epstein. "But what does that have to do with you?"

"Outrageous." Growled Kuno. "So be it. Prepare yourself cretin." Kuno raised his sword over his head and prepared to charge.

Dr. Epstein smiled and exerted his mental abilities. "Boo." He said softly.

Kuno screeched in fear, dropped his sword and ran. Straight into a tree knocking himself out.

"Boo?" Said Ranma in disbelief.

Dr. Epstein shrugged. "It worked didn't it?" He said. "So what asylum did these two escape from?" He asked examining the unconscious Kuno siblings.

"Kodachi and Tatewaki Kuno." Replied Akane. "They've been a thorn in our sides for over a year."

"Yeah." Added Ranma. "Them and their father."

"Yeah, he's the principal at our school." Finished Ukyo.

"So this is the famous Kuno family." Remarked the doctor. "To be perfectly honest, when you first described them I thought you were exaggerating." He rubbed his chin. "Considering some of what I've seen in Nerima, I suspect you've been kind." Dr. Epstein sighed. "Can I use your phone?"

"Of course, doctor." Replied Akane. "Come with me."

"What'ya want to do with them?" Asked Ranma.

"Just keep them there for the moment." Replied the doctor and then he followed Akane into the house. "Where is everyone?" Asked the doctor.

"Mother went to the store to get something, Daddy and Uncle Genma are out drinking." Akane frowned at that. "Kasumi is with Dr. Tofu and Nabiki is getting ready for her date."

"Hmm." Murmured the doctor. "So it will just be the five of us for dinner?"

Akane nodded. She led the doctor to the kitchen where the phone was. The doctor picked up the telephone a dialed a number. "Toshi? It's Robert." He listened for a moment and then laughed at something the person on the other end said. "No sorry I'm busy tonight. Listen the reason I called was I have two people that need to be put under observation." He paused again to listen. "That would be fine." Replied the doctor. "I'm at the Tendo home, yes Soun Tendo, you know him?" Pause again. "Ten minutes? Excellent." He said finally. "Thanks again Toshi."

"Observation?" Asked Akane.

Dr. Epstein nodded. Akane started to giggle. Just then Nodoka burst into the kitchen.

"What happened?" She asked. "I leave for a few minutes and when I return it looks like a battlefield out there."

"Hello Nodoka." Said the doctor with a smile.

"Dr. Epstein." She replied in a flustered tone. "I didn't expect you for another hour."

"It was a good thing the doctor was early." Replied Akane. "The Kuno's attacked Ukyo." She smiled at the doctor. "Dr. Epstein put a stop to that."

Nodoka ran over to Dr. Epstein. "You didn't get hurt?" She said worriedly. Nodoka started checking the doctor for injuries.

"I'm fine, Nodoka." The doctor said laughing.

Nodoka looked unconvinced. "It's all well and good for my son and his wives to fight." She said sternly. "That's what they train for."

"Wives?" Asked Dr. Epstein curiously.

"Akane and Ukyo." Replied Nodoka in a matter-of-fact tone. "Well that's what they are, aren't they?" Nodoka would have said more but she was interrupted by Akane's hug.

"Thank you Mother." Said Akane quietly. "Oh, I have to tell Ukyo." Akane released Nodoka and ran out of the kitchen.

Dr. Epstein regarded Nodoka. "That was very well done, Nodoka."

Nodoka snorted. "For what? Accepting the truth?" She replied. "Besides." She said with a smile. "My son is a very manly young man."

"And your daughter?"

Nodoka gave a very theatrical sigh. "I guess I'll just have to accept the fact that Ranma is always going to be a bit of a tomboy." She laughed. "Now get out of the kitchen, I have some cooking to do."

Dr. Epstein chuckled, sketched a short bow and exited from the kitchen. He walked through the main room and back outside to check up on Kodachi and Tatewaki Kuno. A few minutes after a couple of men in white coats and one man in a business suit came into the Tendo courtyard.

"Hi Toshi." Greeted Dr. Epstein.

"Robert." The man in the suit replied. They shook hands. "What do you have for me?"

Dr. Epstein led Toshi over to the unconscious Kuno siblings. "Tatewaki and Kodachi Kuno. They attacked one of my patients with this." He picked up the katana and handed it to Toshi.

"Kuno?" Replied Toshi. "Not principal Kuno's kids?" He started to laugh. "Oh this is too funny."

"I gather you know of them." Replied Dr. Epstein dryly.

Toshi wiped at his eyes and nodded. "The whole family." Toshi grinned. "Standard forty-eight hour observation?" There was an almost begging tone in Toshi's voice.

Dr. Epstein nodded. "Where do I sign?"

Toshi quickly handed Dr. Epstein a clipboard. Dr. Epstein signed the paper and handed the clipboard back. Toshi turned to the two men in white coats. "Okay, it's official. You can load'em up." The two men went back to their truck and returned pushing a pair of wheelchairs. They loaded the Kuno's on to the wheelchairs and trundled them back to the truck.

Toshi and Dr. Epstein shook hands again. Suddenly Dr. Epstein stiffened. "Wait a minute Toshi." He said. "I think there may be one more." Dr. Epstein started scanning his surroundings. Finally his attention focused on a small bush near the front gate. He caught Ranma's eye and indicated the bush with a small movement of his head. Ranma nodded and leaped into the bush, emerging a second later with a small black clad man dangling from one hand.

"Hello Sasuke." Said Ranma.

"Let me go!" Screamed Sasuke. He tried to wriggle free from Ranma's grasp but was unable to. After a while he calmed down. "What are you going to do with my master?"

"A couple days of observation." Replied Dr. Epstein. "Then we will see." He gazed hard at Sasuke. "Go home." Said the doctor firmly. He nodded to Ranma who released the diminutive ninja. Sasuke stared as the van carrying the Kuno's drove away. Sasuke sighed and then left.

Dr. Epstein stared pensively into the setting sun for a moment then shook himself and turned back to the people assembled in the yard. "Well I don't know about the rest of you." He said. "But I'm hungry."

End Chapter 13