Chapter Fifty-Five

Lost Innocence And Loss Of Self

I meant to go to bed, I really did. But it was 4 o'clock in the morning - I was tired, sue me. The stairway up to my dorm just looked so long and labourous, I couldn't face that particular foe. So I just stumbled over to my armchair by the fire and curled up in a ball. I fell asleep almost instantaneously.

It was a mere 4 hours later that I was shaken awake.

"Huh. Wha-?" I mumble, rubbing sleep out of my eyes. I look down and see Rose kneeling at my feet, her hand on my shoulder.

Her eyes are bloodshot, and she seems to have been crying. Her hair is a mess, her clothes are crumpled and, in general, she just looks to be in the worst state I have ever seen her. I can feel her hands shaking.

"Rosie? What is it? What's happened?" I ask, sitting up straighter. She leans forward and buries her head in my lap. Great heaving sobs escape her, and I rub her back as she cries, as calmly as I can despite the panic errupting within me. Is someone hurt again?

"Sor-rry I woke you. I - I just need... needed..." More sobs.

"Oh I don't care about that Rosie, just talk to me."

"I - I ... oh, Lily. I d-did so-something ... aw-awful." She cries, clenching her hands into fists and rubbing her wet eyes, when she finally is able to talk again.

"What, Rose? What did you do?" I ask.

"I- I ruin-ruined everything." Her voice trembles, she seems not to have heard me. I grab her face between my hands and force her to look at me.

"Rose. Calm down. Tell me, slowly." I whisper, in soothing tones (I hope).

She pulls herself up from the floor, wiping her eyes with the back of her shaking hands, and I move over so that she can squeeze herself into the armchair with me. She reaches out to hold my hand, for support.

"I cheated on Scorp -" She admits, looking at her feet, ashamed.

"Oh Ros-"

"With Frank." Oh. Oh Merlin. Frank. Frank Longbottom?

She looks up at me, all wide-eyed and apologetic, as if she's expecting me to slap her, disown her or judge. I won't but ... crap. She and Dom have been getting better recently, more like their old selves. And now she's slept with her boyfriend. The only boy I've ever seen Dom this happy with.

I realise now that I've been too quiet for too long. She's waiting for me to say something. What do I say?

"Um ... when?" I murmer, giving her hand an encouraging squeeze.

"Last night."

"Didn't you have plans with Scorpius last night?" I ask softly. Her eyes well up again.

"We did. There ... there was an argument. I stormed off. I -I found Fr-Frank and ..." She starts hyperventilating, punctuating every sentence with a sob. "Dom caught us. (SOB) This morning(SOB). In the Room of Requirement. In bed, all ... naked and (SOB) ... We were drunk, Lil. I barely remember (SOB)... but she- she doesn't care. (SOB) She ha-hates me. We were friends again and now (SOB)... I've ruined it all (SOB)." I pull her towards me and hug her as she cries.

All of a sudden I hear the stairs creak behind me. The two of us turn, Rose's sobs silencing. A boy is coming down the stairs from the girl's dorm (though Merlin knows how he got up there in the first place without it turning into a helter-skelter) and there's a girl in her pj's behind him. Roxie.

She catches our accusing and slightly amused gazes, and she blushes, her jaw dropping in embarassment and shock.

"We didn't do ... anything. We - we didn't..." Then she spots the state that Rose is in, and stops rambling. "Hey Ethan, I'll come and see you later, kay?" She kisses his cheek and he leaves, looking more than slightly uncomfortable.

As soon as the fat lady closes behind him, Roxie rushes to our side, perching on the edge of the chair. Wow, it's getting crowded.

"Rose?" Roxie asks, no more words than that needed. Rose seems to have taken on an emotionless, indifferent calm.

"I told Scorpius that I loved him last night and I wanted him to meet my parents and he told me he "wasn't sure" and we had a fight and I ran off. Got drunk with Frank and we shagged in the Room of Requirement. Dom came in and found us, hungover and naked, this morning. She screamed at me and I left and then I bumped into Scorp. And he was saying all this stuff - he loved me, wanted to be with me - I had to tell him. I coul-couldn't look into his eyes and lie to him forever, it just wouldn't be fair. Then he ... he went to the Great Hall to punch Frank in the face."

"He what?!" I shriek. They both shush me.

Roxie and I share a look and I understand it totally. What do we say to comfort Rose without Dom thinking later that we were choosing sides? What Rosie and Frank did was wrong, but she knows that and she's sorry. And she's our cousin - we love her unconditionally. But ... Will Dom still feel that way?

It's as if Rose can read my mind.

"Dom hates me. She'll never forgive me, guys." Then she groans and drops her head in her hands. Roxie pulls over a footstool and sits in front of us, putting her hand on Rose's knee, with a sympathetic smile.

"She loves you Dom - we're family. And you two are best friends. It'll just take her some time - what you did was ...-"

"- Slutty? Despicable?" Spits Rose. Roxie sighs.

"I was going to say, that what you did was probably one of the reasons Dom was trying avoid serious relationships in the first place. She didn't want to have her heart broken again."

When Dom was fifteen, she had her first boyfriend, Leon Reardon. He was a total idiot - he had to repeat first year and everything - but for some reason Dom was infatuated. He convinced her to give him her virginity and dumped her - found someone new to play with. That's when Dom decided that sex didn't really mean anything and neither did guys. She steered way clear of meaningful relationships after that.

"Oh Merlin, I didn't know it was possible to feel worse." She gasps, covering her face. " What am I going to do?"

"Here's what we're going to do-" I start, my brain working logically for once. "You're going to go shower and change your clothes and calm down, Rosie. Then we're going to call a family meeting. Everyone has to know - no secrets, remember?"

Rose shakes her head, but stands up reluctantly.

"She won't come. I know her. She'll avoid me as long as possible." She whispers.

"Of course she'll come, it's a rule - she has to." Say Roxie, but even as she says it, I can see she doesn't really believe it. Dom is ... stubborn, to say the least.

Rose turns to us, just before she climbs the stairs, and the purest look of devestation I have ever seen is etched on her face. It's heartbreaking.

"You guys want to know the worst part? She called me a fucking slag ... and she was right. I don't know who I am anymore." She murmers, more to herself than us. Then she turns and goes up the stairs.