I do not love him because he is good,

but because he is my little child.

R. Tagore ~ The Crescent Moon

Memory Lane

Sean's pov….

"Do you want to explain what the hell that was all about?" Dean asked of our last adventure.

"I'm not really sure what happened; sometimes I think the more civilized man becomes the more fearful he becomes of his animal nature, the out of control beast within," I answered.

"So was Ted the one controlling it all?" Sam asked.

"I'm really not sure if it was evil from within or something from the outside. It will be something to figure out." I shared.

"Yeah we need to figure this out," Sam added.

"That is the difference between me and the two of you. We lift up a rock and I have a gut reaction to what is under the rock; where as you two want to study how it got under the rock," Dean told us.

"I think we have a gut reaction and want to study what is under the rock," I told him.

"So Bobby told you about my telekinetic incident with Dad? I asked my brothers as we collapsed in the latest motel.

"Yeah, he thought we should know." Dean said as he slung his duffel bag into the corner.

"It only happened then and I think with those three demons and of course at the farm," I assured.

"It happened one other time," Sam said as he looked at me sheepishly.

"Do tell," Dean asked his voice full of curiosity.

"Sean, you were only four and we were in the motel room while Dad and Dean were out hunting something. I was trying to get my homework done and all you wanted to do was go outside. I had to put the chain across the door to keep you from leaving.

You kept pulling on the door until the chain caught, but as long as I heard you, I knew what you were doing… until I didn't hear you anymore. I looked over the door was open, the chain hanging, and no you. I jumped up and looked down the landing and there you were heading for the stairs. When I caught up to you your explanation was you told the chain to unlatch and it did. I thought it was odd, but kept it to myself."

"Maybe somebody undid from the outside," Dean offered.

"It was a tight chain, the door would hardly open; besides where did they go? We were on the second floor and there was nobody else around," Sam explained.

"Between your story and Dean's earlier, I feel like I'm skipping down memory lane," I told them.

Sam looked at me quizzically and I filled him in on the earlier conversation.

"Tell us one of your memories," Sam asked.

"Why, most of them aren't happy," I said.

"Oh oh, I know tell us about summer camp," Dean said excitedly.

"Why would you want to hear about that dreadful experience; it is about as horrific as that Freudian nightmare in Pleasant Plains," I said alluding to the stepford-like occurrence that had happened to us one Christmas.

"You had to have had some fun while you were there, enough to get kicked out after two weeks. Boy Dad was pissed when he got that call. I had never seen him so mad," Dean said. "Come on, we've waited five years to hear about it."

"Fine then, if you want to hear it," I began.

Day 1. I walked in the entrance and discovered I was being dumped in a Disneyesque hell hole; I expected Tinker Bell and Cinderella to go flitting by at any moment. Then they did, two counselors they were named Trevor and Mimi and they smiled so much I was afraid their faces would crack. They were way too happy to be human. The atmosphere was great if you lived for rainbows and unicorns; but as for someone like me it was surreal, sickening and fake. Most of the kids looked like they should be named Biff and Muffy.

The camp was for 8 – 10 year olds and I was in the youngest category. The first night we were forced to sit by the campfire and sing the camptown races, sing this song doo dah, blah blah. I was already singled out because I wouldn't sing.

Day 2. We were divided into two groups for the upcoming competitions that we would have to endure. Group A was headed by Biff and Muffy and the teammates consisted of kids with names like Fritz, Meghan, Gavin, Mandy and Blair. Group B was headed up by me and a girl named Cara who I liked immediately. Kids in our group had nicknames like Booger and Spaz. In an effort to get to know each other better, we had to find a quote that described ourselves or how we felt about life. When circle time came we shared our innermost feelings. Group A began and their quotes were said with smiles and bouncy blond hair. I remember they sounded like this: Today is

the first day of the rest of my life. A smile is free. Please be patient with me, God isn't finished with me yet. The B team was giggling and gagging when my turn came. I had found a fabulous quote to share.

My soul is a dark ploughed field

In the cold rain;

My soul is a broken field

Ploughed by pain

- Sarah Teasdale

Mimi dropped her lemonade and sent me to talk to the camp nurse who doubled as the psychologist.

Day 3. Divided into our two groups as we began to prepare for the upcoming skit we were to perform. Group A was to be the upper crust and royal families welcoming the rest of us pagan peasants for a feast. We were to make some kind of large project and we were told to be creative but Trevor told us what our project should be; we were told to make a lowly hut like the one we would reside in as peasants. This was while the royals made a castle façade. Thankfully our counselor, Mike, was really cool and told us to do what we wanted behind the secret cloak that protected our project.

Day 4. We worked on our secret project and on changing the lines to the skit. The rest of my group, for the most part, was pissed that they were playing second class citizens to the rich. That night we had another sing-a-long and I was asked to lead a song. I chose Rock and Roll All Night by Kiss. My group picked right up on it and shouted the lyrics back to me. 'I wanna rock and roll all night and party everyday…' I was banned from sing-a-longs after that.

Day 5 I did the best in the archery contest getting nearly all bull's-eyes and winning the award for best marksman. Trevor thought I would now be on the right path. That night Jason and Cara helped keep watch while I picked the lock and snuck into the office with a bootleg copy of Marilyn Manson's Greatest Hits. I downloaded it into their computer system and played it over the campgrounds speakers. When we left I jammed a plastic knife into the keyhole and broke it off. We heard the entire CD before they finally broke the door down.

Day 6 I pulled off Gavin's swim trunks while we were working on our water treading skills. They said treading water could be an important survival skill; ha these people know nothing about survival. I was forced to make a birdhouse out of popsicle sticks. When I asked what I was supposed to do with it I was told to put in my backyard. I told them I didn't have one, they said hang it my house, I told them I didn't have one of those either. Mimi gritted her teeth and told me to give to my grandparents when I shook my head no, that I couldn't do that either, she sent me to the time out hut, a place I was already quite acquainted with. That was fine as it gave me time to set the damn bird house on fire. For dinner we were to cook over the open fire, my hotdog ended up in Mimi's lap and my beans in Blair's hair. Ooops.

Day 7. I was able to purchase some black market cherry bombs and made quick work of the counselor's latrine, while Trevor was in there. Mimi asked me if I wanted to be on the Sunshine Committee. I told her I would rather chew on broken glass. Then that night a mysterious flaming arrow hit the time out hut and it burned to the ground. I was really getting sick of spending all my time in there so I guess that was lucky break for me.

Day 8. We went on a bug hunt. Gavin accidently ended up in poison ivy, darn the luck. On a good note, Cara and I seemed to make a good team as we rewrote the script for the skit while on our hike.

Day 9. Was a free day and my posse and I worked like crazy on our project and it was coming along nicely. Trevor called me into his office to talk. He couldn't prove that I was behind all the problems but he certainly suspected it. He told me he was watching me closely. I didn't feel as threatened as he had hoped. That night as they were telling scary stories Cara, and I broke into the mess hall and scooped up the remaining chocolate pudding and filled Trevor's sheets with it.

Day 10. I was up at dawn as usual and as I walked the grounds, I heard Trevor singing in the shower. I snuck in and grabbed his clothes and tossed them into the trees all around camp. We had craft time again and I just couldn't see the point in making a picture out of macaroni. I was excused so Mimi didn't have a nervous breakdown. With Mike's help, I added some touches to our big project. That day we had the swimming races and I did well but still came in second after Fritz. Apparently back home in hoity toityville he was a champion swimmer. After lunch we played tug-o-war and the B team came up big. That night was the big capture the flag contest. I was so stealthy that I had their flag before they had even made their game plan.

Day 11. We went on a big hike. I actually enjoyed myself as Jason, Cara and I led the way. We found a nice place to stop and eat our lunch. I just wanted to keep going, run away from camp and back to you and Dad. I never stopped wondering why Dad had left me there and how he knew I'd be safe. I also never stopped wondering what it would take to get me kicked out of there.

Day 12. The day of the skit. The royals came out and blabbered on about how wonderful they were, taking mercy on us poor souls and how grateful we should be. 'Oh ye of little sustenance we take you under our wing and provide with your needs. Come and we will share our bounty with you.' Ha, we dressed in our rags acted our parts for a moment; then we broke from the program. 'We only suffer because of you, at your hands. You say we are the savages, but it is not we who take the land by force from others as you do to us, you filthy monarchs.' It got even better after that, but I won't bore you. They all stood shell shocked in front of their castle façade, their smiles drooping and their faces twitching. It was then we unveiled our project; a large rendition of Nessie of Loch Ness. We chased them around the grassy stage and laughed as they tripped all over each other. The best part was when I shot a flaming arrow that hit dead center of their project and it burned to the ground among their screams. When it was all said and done, several kids were tied up, their project was in ashes, Mimi and Trevor were hyperventilating and I had my ticket home.

Dad met with Trevor who held a tight smile during the meeting. I had to apologize and that was hard, but telling Cara goodbye was even tougher. After a few words as we started out, Dad remained quiet and I fell asleep for much of the ride. The only thing I have left that reminds that time even existed is this charred popsicle stick and a picture Mike took of Cara and me.

"Dad was pretty upset; we figured you were a dead man," Sam said.

"Yeah, after he told you two to take off he sat me down and we had a long talk about how he just wanted to give me some normal little boy time. That the camp was on the old grounds of a monastery and I was completely safe there. I figured he wanted me out of the way for some reason. I felt rejected and I was worried that he would need my help in some manner and I wouldn't be there. Anyway, I learned that he would never leave me anywhere that wasn't safe and that he just wanted me to have fun. The other thing I learned was if you get thrown out of summer camp, be prepared not to sit comfortably for a long time."

Later that evening Dean went out for a while leaving Sam and I to finish up the bucket of chicken we had been munching on.

"I have another memory I want to share with you," Sam said swallowing.

"What, did I make the coffee table levitate?" I asked slurping my soda.

"No, it's more serious than that. When you were a baby. Dad, Dean and I had come back for a visit. We were eating lunch and Dean kept kicking me under the table. I retaliated and got in trouble and sent to the small guest room that sat next to your nursery. You were sleeping in your crib but as I passed by your room I saw a bright light shining under your door. I opened it and…"

"I was pulled into the vision that yellow eyes showed you. I saw what he did to you, I saw what happened to your mother, that she recognized him. Did that happen to me?" I asked with my voice starting to crack.

"Whoa, slow down, you saw that? Your experience was different; first off, your mother wasn't killed in that room," Sam said.

"That's because she was already dead," I countered.

"Touché. No, your experience was your own. I opened the door and there was this light-filled figure standing by your crib. I couldn't make out any specific features; it was just too bright. But I could see that he was holding you and seemed to be breathing on you or into you," Sam explained.

"Whoa, I was getting mouth to mouth by a bright lighted stranger?" I shrieked.

"I had blood dripped into my mouth by a demon."

"Touché, what happened then?"

"He turned to me and smiled, I think. Then he cradled you in his arms for another moment and then laid you back in your crib. Then he just sort of vanished."

"You keep saying he, how do you know it wasn't a she or my mother?" I asked.

"I just knew it was a male figure," he told me.

"An angel?" I wondered.

"Maybe, who knows?" Sam said. "I just thought you might want to know."

"Sam, how old was I?"

"Three months to the day."

"What's wrong?" I asked an emotional Sam.

"Maybe you were born to cancel me out; the demon comes to me, the angel to you."

"What are you talking about? You're not evil; we share the same father, Sam."

"Do we or are we the products of what visited us in our rooms as babies, our rightful fathers bestowing their powers on us," he said with emotion.

"You can't really believe that. If it is so true then how can you be the sweet, helpful one and I the trouble making pain in the ass? It doesn't add up."

"You do what you do for a reason," Sam said.

"And so do you, none of which points to you being half demon."

"Why did that demon come to you? How is at your age you can summon him as if it was nothing? And how do you come away unscathed?" Sam asked in rapid fire succession.

"I can't say because I don't know. But it does make me wonder who my guardian angel really is." I said. How powerful was he and what lengths did he go to in order to protect me and my family? Was he friend or foe and what did this mean to me and my future?

What I never told Sam or anybody else was that on the day Dad left when I was eleven, he gave me more than my necklace; he also gave me a coin. It was silver and very heavy for its size. He told me it was blank but when I looked at it I saw a triangle on one side and the number 2 on the other; a gift from beyond I presumed. Dad told me he found it in my crib when I was three months old, left behind by the visitor Sam described I guessed. For some reason I didn't completely believe Dad. I knew it came from somewhere in the beyond but exactly how it came into our possession wasn't clear to me; having it drop into my crib just didn't sit right with me. But this mysterious coin has given me the desire and strength to help others. Whenever I was in doubt, I would reach into my pocket and hold it for only a moment and find the will to move forward. It guided me through so much; whether it held any special powers or was all in my mind I won't ever know for sure, but the item was very important to Scotty as he needed more than just my blood to agree to a deal that really was no deal at all. Whether the coin held some kind of special power from the other side I'll never know. I hoped the giver understood my predicament and that they didn't mind that I was using it as a get out of jail free card. The coin did seem to burn Scotty's hand but he just held it tightly and disappeared. I'm not sure why Scotty really wanted it; perhaps it was to see what I would sacrifice for my brother, because he would not move further on the non-deal until he held my precious possession. Even though Dean was still in the wind, maybe I proved something to somebody that mattered and I also hoped that I didn't sell anybody out other than myself. I felt exposed and alone for a long time; unable to tell anyone of its existence or the power I felt it held. But when I was really down I would just go hassle Dean and realize that in the end it is all about family.

Life was moving fast and Dean's time was winding down. In just a few short weeks he would not only be dead, but be in hell, a place that held more horror than he could ever know. Memories were flooding my brain quicker than I could sort them out. I was beginning to understand more than I had ever wanted to and it was scaring me. I recalled things I could never repeat, that I could never share, that could never be told; including who I truly was.