***posting a day early again because I'll be out of town tomorrow***
We spent close to two hours cuddled in bed together and watching old videos. The kittens demanded to be let out halfway through. I opened the door for them, and Jason ran in to take their place, but he was only interested in trying to catch the stray rainbows shimmering against the walls from the crystals Ryou hung in the window. Ryou had a new video to add to his collection before we managed to watch another one of our old ones.
We could hear Marik in the bathroom, but neither of us dared to poke our heads out of the bedroom. The apartment had a tense, awkward energy. The type of feeling that used to make me want to gouge out eyes and listen to people scream, but now I just wished I could stick my head under a pillow and never have to get up again.
After we'd gone through a pile of videos, Ryou and I exchanged a look. My stomach was rumbling, and I knew Ryou was hungry too, and we never even got to finish our coffee. It was time to own up to our awkwardness and venture into the rest of the apartment. I nodded, and Ryou closed his lap top. He tied his hair up in a bun and changed out of his pajamas. I just swapped out to clean boxers and sweatpants because I hadn't showered yet, so I wasn't going to bother with a proper outfit. We paused in the doorway for a moment, staring at each other. not wanting to cross the threshold.
"Are you awake?" Marik called from the other end of the hallway.
We both jumped.
"Yeah," I called back.
"Um, could I ask you guys something?" Marik was staring away from the hall. I was pretty sure it was because Ryou's hall didn't have any lighting in it and he didn't want to look at the darkness.
"Sure." I grabbed Ryou's hand and lead him down the hall so Marik wouldn't be uncomfortable talking to us- well, at least to minimize the discomfort.
He hugged himself, staring at the carpet. "First I just wanted to say, I'm sorry I slapped you, Ryou-"
"No." Ryou shook his head, his face a twist of regret and misery. "Please don't apologize. I'm the one that's sorry. I had no… right…"
Ryou bagan to sniffle, and he hid his face.
"Hey, hey, it's not that big of a deal, so…" Marik half reached out, but didn't quite touch Ryou. "Don't worry about it, okay?"
He looked a little afraid of touching him, like Ryou was a doll too fragile to be handled. It made me a little mad, because I knew Ryou was stronger than that. He just wasn't afraid to show his feelings, whether it was with a kiss or with tears. As much as I wanted to hold Ryou and carry him away again, and smooth the tears off his cheek, I stepped back and watched how they handled it themselves. It seemed important to let them do it on their own.
"I feel so awful." Ryou shook his head. "I can't believe I- and I feel terrible for it. I had no right."
"Ryou." Marik's expression cracked, as sad and regretful as Ryou's. "I think in the grand scheme of crossing boundaries, you're still way behind before you can even come close to what I've done… to everyone I recruited into the Ghouls… to you."
"That doesn't make what I did right." Ryou wiped his cheeks, his eyes gleaming like lacquered teak wood. He bowed low. "I'm sorry I kissed you, Marik."
"Ryou, don't." Marik held Ryou's shoulders then, and straightened him. "No harm done, okay? Gods, it wasn't even bad, it was- I mean- it's confusing, you know? Bakura used to be in your body, when I met him." Marik hugged himself, looking away again. "That makes it confusing… that's why- could you watch the kittens for a week?"
Ryou and I both blinked, glancing at each other and then Marik.
"Sure?" Ryou asked though he was supposed to be answering Marik's question.
"We're going to spend a few nights in a hotel." Marik dragged all his fingers through his hair. "Kek, I can't go back to Egypt until we've talked about… that day. But I-I need some time, in a hotel, and getting one that accepts pets will be a hassle, so-"
"It's no trouble." Ryou shook his head. "We'll be happy to watch them as long as you want. It's going to be a shame to separate them as it is."
"Yeah… yeah." Marik hugged himself again, repeated a third time. "Yeah. I know. I know and I'm sorry."
He was talking about Bakura more than the kittens, but I couldn't process that at the moment. because, because, because I didn't know what to call the brown tabby! We just called him Marik's kitten, or the brown one, or the tabby! Panic shot through my entire body. almost blinding me, but I should my head and ran into the living room.
"Wait, you can't leave yet!" I found the little fishpole that the brown kitten loved and dangled it in hopes of luring him out into the living room.
"We're all packed, and Bakura is outside waiting for the cab, so-"
"Marik, no!" I growled, still frantic with the toy in my hand. "Not yet!"
"Kek? What's wrong?" Marik asked.
The tabby pounced from the shadows, biting into the toy and rolling onto his back so he could kick at the toy. I scooped him into my arms. He mewled, but I couldn't let him go just yet. I shoved the cat towards Marik.
"Name him."
"What?" Marik asked, clearly confused.
"Fuck you, Marik. Fuck you! I've forgiven you for a lot of things, but I will not forgive you if you walk out that door before naming this kitten! He shouldn't have to go without a name- he shouldn't have to name himself."
"Kek." Marik's face fell. He finally understood.
My eyes burned. Did it bother me? That he never named me? I never thought about it, but… guess that would explain why he was about to walk out with Bakura with him and I was having a panic attack about a kitten instead of what I should have been upset by.
"It's fine." I grit my teeth. "I'm fine, but… it's important, that you name him."
"I've been thinking about his name, I just hadn't use it yet."
"What is it?" I asked, bringing him closer to my chest and stroking his brown fur for my own comfort. He started purring in my arms. Diabound VII purred the most. She was the sweetest of the four, but the brown tabby purred the loudest, like he was bragging about the fact that he was in a good mood.
Marik reached out and pet him with me. Marik hair fell down as he leaned over the kitten and the tabby batted at the strands. Marik laughed, and he had a wonderful laugh, and a wonderful smile. I understood why Ryou kissed him the moment he did. Marik had been laughing then, too.
"Hear him? Sounds like an engine, doesn't he?"
"Yeah." I sighed.
I was so sad he was leaving. Sure only for a week, but he was only sticking around for an awful conversation that would make us both cry more. He wasn't staying for Monster World, or more movies, or going to the mall with the rest of us, or any of the other things I'd like us all to do together. He was leaving. Bakura was leaving.
"So I wanted to name him Ducati. That's my favorite brand, and he's as loud as one."
"Okay." I nodded. "That's a good name."
"Kek-"
"It's fine." I shook my head. It was fine, though, but there was not fixing all the little things that were wrong, so I lied because it was as fine as it was going to get. "I'm fine."
Marik's phone beeped and he checked it. "Cab's here. I need to go."
"Tell Bakura goodbye for us?" I asked.
"You'll see him again. We're just two blocks away. I'm sure he just-"
"We know." Ryou shook his head. "We know why he ran downstairs without saying goodbye, but please make sure he knows… we thought of him."
"I will." Marik nodded.
"Thank you." Ryou turned to leave.
"Ryou." Marik reached out again, touching the back of his shoulder.
"Yes?"
Ryou stopped, turned to face Marik again, and looked up at him questioning. Marik looked out of place. Not his usual, confident, kingpin self, but someone far less confident who wasn't sure why he'd called out.
"I'm not mad, okay? So don't worry, it's… it's fine, and I'm fine, everything is fine, okay?"
"Yes, all right." Ryou nodded and Marik rushed out of the apartment.
I set Ducati down, playing with the fishpole for an extra second before going into the kitchen to wash my hands and get breakfast going. For the love of the gods I needed egg whites and oatmeal.
"You're both bad liars," Ryou said as he poured us two fresh cups of coffee from the second pot Marik had started before the day went insane.
"You're wrong. We're good liars." I handed Ryou a cup and kissed his forehead. "So you caught that he said he was fine too, huh?"
"Wasn't hard. You'd said it right before then, and I could tell you were upset."
I stared at the coffee. Black. Like Ryou's beautiful eyes. If I downed the coffee, could Ryou use the loose ground to read like tea leaves and tell me my own emotions? There were so many all at once. Monday was going to be a long, long day at the gym as I worked all this out.
"I'm better now, but when I thought he'd leave without giving Ducati a name, I panicked."
"I know."
"And-" I set the cup down on the table so I could clench my fists. "And who the hell does Bakura think he is not saying goodbye?"
"I know." Ryou stirred in milk and sugar into his coffee, sitting down and looking at me. "I didn't get to say goodbye the first time either. But the thing about Bakura is…" A small smile slipped over Ryou's face. "He always comes back, so don't worry. We'll see him again."
