AN: Again in response to a guest reviewer wanting a "warning" on the last chapter: I appreciate that the topic of Ziva is a hot topic and those that don't like the character get annoyed when she is treated with kindness and liked by other characters but that IS how it is depicted on the show. Also, if the title of the chapter is Ziva David Pt ? then it is a pretty sure bet that it will have a large Ziva content.

However regardless of this I will not be posting "warnings" on my chapters for two reasons:

1. By saying Tony and Ziva have sex will ruin any element of surpise in the chapter and,

2. Where do you stop? Why would I warn about Ziva and not about any other character on the show. Do I need to start saying that Tony yells at Gibbs in a chapter, or Tony treats Tim as a friend and an equal? I didn't have anyone request a warning about Tony sleeping with Abby so why should I have to write a warning about Tony and Ziva getting intimate.

What I will say is I don't write "romance" and I don't particularly like romance stories. While I will go into the emotions Tony feels towards his afore mentioned wives (whoever they may be) I won't be writing it "icky". Ziva leaves NCIS on TV and she will leave in this story as well. Whether she returns or not… well you will just need to keep reading to find that out.

As I say, I appreciate that people have a dislike of Ziva but your feelings are not going to reflect the way I write my story, the way I would NEVER expect an author to put in a "warning" about any characters that I do not like (not that I dislike any of them). I hope you understand my reasoning for this.

PS: I apologies for the delay in getting this chapter out but I am currently suffering from strained discs in my back and I am not allowed to sit at a computer for more than ten minutes at a time which is not conducive to story writing. Be patient and I will return with gusto when my back repairs itself.

51 – Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

The way I found out I was no longer the MCRT team leader was even less spectacular than the way I found out I was. At least Gibbs said something to me when he promoted me. My demotions was indicated by the fact that all of my gear was dumped back on my old desk, McGee's gear was dumped back on his desk and Michelle was standing with a bunch of files in her arms not really knowing where to go next.

And you know what I found the most frustrating? Was that McGee was smiling! He was so happy that Gibbs was back that he didn't even realize he was now demoted back to fourth on the totem pole.

I threw down my gear behind my old-now-new again desk and walked over to Michelle, avoiding looking at Gibbs the whole time. She had come a long way in the last four months and while I still wouldn't consider her a friend I knew this would have thrown her for a loop. I took her into the break room and after a call with Jenny it was decided Michelle would return to the legal department until another field position opened up again. She was disappointed but one thing Michelle could do was follow orders so she went back to her old department with her tail between her legs.

I took a few minutes for myself before returning to my desk and sorting out my gear again. McGee and Ziva were happily chatting away; oblivious too, or disinterested in my aggravation.

Gibbs had been back and forth for the last few weeks, helping us out on a case involving Ziva (the fact that when she was in trouble the first person she called was Gibbs and not me still stung) and then again on a case he and Fornell had previously worked on. I mean it wasn't like he couldn't have told me he was going to come back. Last he told me was he was still heading back to Mexico! But then, I'm not high on his "must tell" list lately.

It wasn't long before we received our first call out. I was of course the person dispatch called but I informed them in a voice I knew would carry that Agent Gibbs was back and all dispatch calls should be made directly to him and then hung up. Gibbs looked up at me with a quirked eyebrow but didn't have time to say anything because his phone was now ringing and we were about to head out to a crime scene.

It was a small crime, sorted out in less than a day and by seven that evening we were ready to leave so I automatically said, "You're free to go when you want," before I realized my mistake. "Sorry Boss, should wait for you to say that."

He looked over at me with an unreadable expression and said, "DiNozzo's right, get out of here." Ziva and McGee jumped up and left immediately and I was just about finished sorting out my desk so knew I wouldn't be far behind them.

Gibbs came over to my desk, "Got a couple of steaks in the fridge if you want to bring the beer."

Having a one on one with Gibbs at the moment was the last thing I wanted. I was so confused in my head I didn't know if I wanted to hug him for coming back, punching him for leaving in the first place or ignore him the way he ignored me for the last four months. "Thanks for the offer but I have plans. See you in the morning Gibbs." I abandoned the remaining mess on my desk (no easy feat for someone with OCD) and left him standing by my desk as I walked away.

As it turned out I didn't have plans that night but socializing wasn't something I was in the mood for, not even with a no name pretty blonde, or brunette or even a red head. Ducky and Ziva both tried to call me but I chose to ignore them.

In fact I ignored all the calls that evening, except one from Jenny who wanted to see me in her office the next morning before work. Great, my demotion was about to become official. Rumors had already started flying around NCIS that the Director had called Gibbs back because I wasn't working out. Apparently the fact that our closure rate remained as high as it had when Gibbs was there, and there were actually less complaints lodged with HR about us didn't seem to rate when scuttlebutt was so much more entertaining.

I tossed and turned but sleep eluded me as it usually does when I am battling my inner demons. I was also still annoyed that I left my desk so messy so by one in the morning I had abandoned the idea of getting any sleep at all and headed back into NCIS to fix my damn desk that I couldn't stop thinking about. My desk was clear and sorted by two and I started to work through some of the paperwork McGee hadn't finished. By four I had run out of work to do so I headed home again to get ready for the workday.

I arrived again at 0730 and only Gibbs was present. I acknowledged him with a nod and headed up the stairs to the Director's office. I could feel Gibbs eyes follow me the whole way. Cynthia told me the Director had just stepped out but I was welcome to head in to her office.

Jenny and I had formed quite a close relationship in the last four months. While I was not sure I would call us friends, I do know that we got on well and often had a good laugh together; usually at Gibbs expense as we both told tales about his exploits. Jenny seemed to get me. She understood that what I showed was not really what I was and respected that. She confessed that she had grilled Gibbs about me not long after she started here, confused as to why the Gibbs she knew and worked with would have someone like me, not just on his team, but as his right hand man. In her words, "He set the record straight on you."

Jenny walked in and caught me snooping around some flowers she had received. It wasn't unusual for her to catch me snooping. She almost came to expect it now and had fun watching me try to talk my way out of it. But soon the fun was over and we turned to the matter at hand.

"Tony, how would you rate your recent performance as team leader?"

Better than expected but not as good as Gibbs. "I'd say it was a solid B." She looked up at me surprised. "… minus. I'm being fired aren't I?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes."

My heart sunk. Was she worried I couldn't work with Gibbs as my boss anymore? Was the scuttlebutt correct and she actually was unhappy about my work? I thought she was happy with me. She has me working undercover for her for christ's sake! "If this has to do with Gibbs coming back, I have no problem working for him." Really DiNozzo? Because it sure seems like you do.

She handed me a blue folder, "These orders are for you."

Ok, not fired… better but not great. I opened the folder and was confused by what I saw inside. "NCIS Rota… Spain?"

"Your own team. Congratulations."

I was surprised, shocked even. "Wow … I don't know what to say." This is a joke right!

"Your performance these last four months has been exemplary. You've earned it."

"What about La Grenouille? It took months getting in."

Jenny had come to me a couple of months ago about an undercover assignment she wanted me to participate in and if I left now we could just kiss all my work to date away.

"You're not getting too involved are you?"

"Only in the mission. If we put another agent undercover La Grenouille will smell it."

"So you're passing on a promotion that any other agent in this building would kill for because you're worried about some long shot mission? I don't think so." I knew from the look on her face that she realized there was more to my hesitation than my desire to complete a mission I had started.

"Ok," I took a seat opposite her and leant in, "I'm worried about Jethro."

"Jethro's fine."

"Then how do you explain that thing on his upper lip." You see Gibbs had grown a moustache. Gibbs … a moustache … did no one else get how worrying that was? "Looks like Wilfred Brimley Jr." (For those that don't know he was the old guy in The Cocoon … what am I saying, they were all old!)

"You're turning down a promotion because of a moustache." She laughed slightly at the absurdity of it.

But that wasn't all. "His memories still screwed up. He called Ziva Kate yesterday." And me McGee more times than I care to admit. "I just want to make sure he's a hundred percent before I leave."

"I see, and how long might that process take?" She asked, starting to understand my concerns a little better.

"I don't know maybe… a few months?"

"How does seventy-two hours sound?"

"Very fast."

"It wasn't a question. I need an answer by the end of the week. Tony, if you pass this up another opportunity like this might not come up for years."

I stood to take my leave, asking her to keep this between us. I had a lot of thinking to do over the next three days and I honestly had no idea what my answer would be.

We were called to a crime scene as soon as I left her office (I was still getting calls from dispatch rather than Gibbs) and thoughts of our conversation were forgotten… for about ten minutes. I don't know how many times I gave out orders only to have Gibbs, Ziva or McGee stare at me as if I was crazy. I had gotten into the habit of leading, and it was a hard habit to break.

The thing I couldn't get used to though, was the looks Gibbs kept giving me. They weren't the glare of death I would expect for overstepping my bounds, nor was it the pre head slap exasperation look. It was almost … sympathetic. I didn't like it and I certainly wasn't comfortable with it. I can't leave for Rota when Gibbs is obviously not himself.

And of course McGee and Ziva were in their element. As much as we had melded as a good team over the last four months, now they were enjoying watching me squirm at every turn. Were they as thrown as I was and they were just acting out or were they genuinely enjoying my discomfort? I could never tell. Ziva even called me a whiney bitch (she said snitch but meant bitch). Yep, Rota was looking better every minute.

We finished up at the scene and were showing Gibbs what we had so far, I continued to stumble over the 'no longer team leader' issue but again, Gibbs didn't get angry, didn't mock. He even complimented us. Something was not right. Nope, can't leave for Rota and leave Gibbs like this.

As annoying as Ziva was with this new development, I knew mostly it was just her getting under my skin. I knew she and I were good as we had kind of bonded in the last four months (refer to my previous chapter for the definition of bonded) but the person I was most disappointed in was McGee.

Firstly, he hadn't even batted an eyelid when Gibbs came back, in fact he seemed to revel in it. I thought that once he realized he was being demoted some resentment might kick in, but it hadn't. The only resentment he seemed to be showing was to me! Again, I was surprised as I thought he and I had worked well as SSA and SFA. He had been more relaxed with me than he was with Gibbs, wearing clothes more in line with casual Friday than a Federal Agency but he was doing his job and doing it well. I thought his relaxed approach was a reflection on how he felt of me as his boss; relaxed and confident. Maybe though what I took to be confident and relaxed was actually disinterested and insubordinate because now that Gibbs was back he was treating me like I had never had, nor ever would be his superior.

I was trying to get McGee's attention that night while I was on the phone with a contact, but he was completely ignoring me, "Probie." I threw a paperball that got him directly on the face. "I need you over here," but he still refused to acknowledge my existence.

I hung up and looked at him angrily, "You got a hearing problem?"

"Oh I'm sorry, were you talking to me?"

I stood and walked over to him, "There's no one else in the squad room."

He looked up at me from his desk, tension radiating off him, "Well I thought I heard you say Probie and since Agent Lee has been reassigned to the legal department I wasn't exactly sure who you were referring too."

"Oh I get it, you don't like being called 'Probie' anymore?"

"Things change," he said and returned his attention to his work. Hmm, maybe it was staring to hit him as to what Gibbs return meant.

"Yes, I know, I used to be team leader Pah-roo-ho-ho-bee." Maybe my larger fall from grace might make him smile.

"Temporary… team leader, and that was only because Gibbs quit." I knew he was hurting but this was nasty, even for an injured McGee.

"You don't think I rate my own team?"

"Wouldn't be here now if you did, would you DiNozzo." DiNozzo? Tim never called me DiNozzo. This wasn't him hurt and lashing out, this was him being honest… telling me what he really thought … Wasn't it? Who cares; just another misguided attempt at friendship I had misread; nothing new to see here folks.

"Yeah, maybe you're right," I had to leave. McGee's words had hurt more than expected because they were so un-expected. "If Gibbs asks tell him I went out for coffee." I walked to the lift. I heard Tim call out to me but it was too late. This time next month I will be in Spain anyway.

I went down to autopsy to talk to Ducky. I always valued his opinion and although I wanted to watch Gibbs interrogate our suspect I knew he would be keeping him on ice for a while so I had at least a half an hour.

"Oh hey Tony," Jimmy greeted me as the sliding doors parted. "Bet you must be happy to have Gibbs back hey." I tilted my head and quirked an eyebrow. "I mean, that he is back not that you lost your… ahem, well maybe you aren't so … I need to go and check on supplies."

"That sounds like a good idea Mr Palmer," Ducky scowled at Jimmy's retreating back. "Sometimes I wonder if that boy is aware of the things that come out of his mouth. How are you Anthony."

"I'm fine Duck."

"Really, so what brings you here then."

"OK, fine might be overstating it. Any chance you have tea on?"

"Of course," he crooked his finger and we retreated to his private office. "So, what's on your mind my boy?"

"I am actually after some advice," I accepted the fine bone china cup he presented. "I've been offered another position and I don't know what to do."

"Oh really, and what is the position?"

"Team leader in Rota."

Ducky was stunned, "Oh my, that is quite the honor Tony. That is certainly a coveted position. Congratulations my boy, you must be as proud as punch." He clapped me on the back. "Why do you not look as happy as I would expect?"

"I don't know if I should take it?"

"Why on earth not?" I looked up at him, "Ah, Gibbs."

I nodded, "He's still not … right Ducky."

"Hmm, well he certainly hasn't handled the last four months well. The way he has treated you and Abby, all of us is just appalling."

"That's what I mean Duck, he wouldn't do that if he was … Gibbs. I am worried he still isn't right in the head. He isn't acting his usual self and he is still calling us by the wrong name."

"Well, that is to be expected with a trauma such as his, but that doesn't mean you should throw away your career because he is a bit off. He is still recovering but I have every expectation he will be right as rain eventually. Trust me."

"So, you think I should take the job."

"I think you should make the decision based on what you want, not on what you think you owe anybody, not even Gibbs. Besides, the way he just up and left, I don't think you owe him anything."

I was surprised at the older man's attitude, "Wow, I thought I was bitter."

"Yes well, I may still have a few issues to deal with myself but that is not your problem." He took a sip of his tea. "You should be honored the director has considered you for this job. You have been an excellent leader these last few months and I believe you will be outstanding in any position you choose to accept."

"So in summary, forget about Gibbs, forget about anyone and just look out for me."

"Excellent summation Anthony."

I drained my tea, "Ok, thanks Ducky."

"Anytime, my boy. And if you do run into our new Mr Gibbs, please let him know I would like to speak to him."

"Should he be scared?" Duck looked at me over his glasses, "Yep, he should be scared. Will let him know Ducky."

How can I go to Rota and leave Ducky? He has been my rock these last years. But again am I reading too much into our friendship? It's not like he said he would miss me or anything.

It was late when we finally finished up for the night, after midnight and I was on my way home to try and get a few hours sleep (having not managed any the day before) when I was cornered by McGee in the lift who had ventured out of Abby's lab in search of caffeine.

"Tony, I wanted to apologize for before. It was wrong of me and I want to say … you know… sorry."

"Don't sweat it Probie… sorry, Tim. Never be sorry for speaking your mind."

"Well I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"Yes you did."

He sighed and stopped the lift between levels, "Yes I did but what I said … I shouldn't have said that."

"Can I ask you something McGee."

"Sure, anything."

"Do you really think I don't deserve my own team?"

"What, no, of course not… I mean yes… I mean, yes of course you deserve your own team Tony."

"You sounded pretty sure that I didn't deserve it a while ago."

"Look I was angry OK. I just got demoted too you know."

"Yeah, I know. You enjoyed being my SFA didn't you? I was OK to work for?"

"Of course you were. You sure aren't as scary as Gibbs."

"What if I told you there is a possibility you might get that job back."

He looked at me. "Well what … I mean how… You aren't thinking of doing anything stupid are you Tony?"

I smiled, "I always do something stupid Tim, but seriously, would you like to be SFA again?"

"Not if it means Gibbs leaves again."

"And if it's not Gibbs that goes?"

Tim paused, surprised but also choosing his words carefully, "Tony, I don't want either of you to go. I might not be happy about being demoted but I would be a lot more unhappy if either of you left. I know I get annoyed at you but you taught me this job and I actually…" he cleared his throat, "I like you. You're like that big brother I never knew I never wanted." We both smiled at that. "I would be extremely sad to see you go. You aren't thinking of quitting are you Tony?"

"All I am thinking about right now is a warm pizza, hot shower and soft bed." I flicked the switch and the elevator lurched on it's way again. I exited the lift on the ground floor.

"See you in the morning Tim."

"OK, goodnight. Oh and Tony?" I turned to look at him, "It's OK if you still want to call me Probie … you know … as a friend." I smiled and waved at him as I headed off. Maybe it was time to let Tim be Gibbs SFA. He deserved it… most of the time.

We closed our case the next day and it was also the deadline for my decision on Rota, and I still had no idea what I was going to do. If I didn't take the job I would be basically waving my chance of a decent career goodbye. I had risen through the ranks of my various PD's so quickly that leading my own NCIS team in only five years on the job just seemed like a natural progression. At this rate I could very well be sitting behind the Director's chair before I turned 45. Do I even want to be Director?

But then, I didn't get into law enforcement to 'get ahead,' I got in it to help people, to solve crimes, hell to stick my nose in other peoples business!

I wanted to talk to Gibbs about it, but then, I was still uncertain as to where I stood with him. Our 'bond', for want of a better word, was broken, maybe beyond repair. Did his opinion still matter that much to me after what he had done?

I spent that day jumping from "Yes I'll take it," to "Thanks but no thanks" so many times I lost count. Finally the time had come and I had to make the decision. I stood at the Directors door. Cynthia had left so it was just me, staring at a door, still uncertain.

And that's when it hit me. If I was still so uncertain, then I wasn't ready. If I was ready, I would know I was ready wouldn't I? Hell the whole world would know I was ready. I would be shouting from the top of the building that I was going to Rota, not wracking my brain trying to come up with excuses as to why I shouldn't.

Decision made, I knocked on the door.

Looks like I was staying in Washington.