Hey everyone! Sorry it's been so long. I had a couple deaths in my family 3 days apart a while back and I just stopped writing for a bit. However, I feel bad because I've had these chapters written forever So I apologize for not posting them sooner.

Anyway, this is a 40 page chapter so far that's going to be broken up into parts because 40 pages is too long for one post. SO this is part 1 of I don't know how many...But this next group of chapters is going to give you a little bit of insight, hopefully tying things together better. :) And these chapters also change POVs quite a bit so just hang in there...I have my reasons...

For the record, this chapter is NC-17 but just a fair warning...I suck at writing smut, but I felt it kind of needed it. Usually I just imply that it happened but I figured what the hell... :)

Anyway, thank you all for reading this story again...your comments really keep me motivated. Enjoy. And I don't own anything but the story...


Chapter 40.1: Insight NC-17

ASHLEY'S POV

Where do I begin? On one hand I'm so happy that Spencer took me back after I walked out on her like I did. And on the other I'm upset because she shouldn't be this forgiving. I mean she's literally been to hell and back and I walked out on her just like everyone else did…AFTER I promised her I wouldn't. But she just forgave me. No real questions asked and I can't help but wonder what made me so deserving of this side of her. Because the last thing I feel is deserving of any of her attention let alone her love.

Now, you're probably wondering why I left in the first place. And the main reason would be that I'm a coward who can't deal well with extreme stress. I couldn't handle it. And I did the cowardly thing and walked out for no good reason at all. But, at the time it was what I needed to do. I needed to clear my head because if I couldn't be all there for myself, then I certainly couldn't be there for Spencer. And what I should have done was talk to her about what was going on with me. I should have opened up to her and trusted her because we should have dealt with this together.

I fucked up. I know that. And I'm going to spend the rest of my life making up for it if she'll let me. I just wish that she would yell at me or something. Tell me how horrible I am for leaving her when she needed me the most. Anything to show me it bothered her. Now, I know it hurt her really bad. I'm not that stupid. But it's like she just wants to forget the last few weeks ever happened. And maybe it's because of all the shit going on right now, but I know I did a shitty thing and I at least deserve to be yelled at for it.

I guess I just wish that she would talk to me about how she really felt instead of brushing it under the rug because it's clearly something we need to talk about for the sake of our relationship. We both need to express our feelings about this, honestly, because we're both going through it and dealing with shit and we need to let each other in on it. But, I suppose I can understand her wanting to wait. I mean she does have a lot on her mind.

When I came back and Taylor opened the door, to say she was surprised would be an understatement. I don't think anyone expected me to come back at all, but a part of me hopes that Spencer thought I would.

I'm walking down the hall to Spencer's apartment and the butterflies in my stomach seem to keep growing with every step that I take. I have a million thoughts running through my head and none of them are doing anything to calm my nerves. I have no idea what to expect when that door opens, and honestly, I'm keeping my expectations low. After all, it's not like I don't deserve it. I wouldn't be surprised if the door was slammed in my face but I have to try. I have to at least see if Spencer will still allow me to be a part of her life even though I walked out on her because I need her. I always have and I always will but I let my head get the best of me and I took the easy way out. And now, I have to find a way to fix what I have broken. I just hope it's not too late.

As I reach her door I start shifting from side to side on my feet trying to get my nerves to calm down as I lift my hand and knock lightly on the door. As I wait, every passing second feels like an eternity so I take a deep breath to try and calm my nerves a little more as the door swings open and I come face to face with Taylor. Her eyes go wide in shock at seeing me before they narrow and her protective mode kicks in as she folds her arms across her body. The two of us are having a staring competition and even though she is intimidating the hell out me right now, she is what stands between me and Spencer and I can't back down. I know I'm going to have to convince her that I'm never going to hurt Spencer again. I know I'm going to have to convince her that I am here to stay and I'm ok with that because Spencer is worth so much more than whatever Taylor has to throw at me.

After a few minutes I hear Big Joe walk out of the kitchen after placing something on the counter.

"T, who is it?" He asks coming into view behind Taylor and stopping when he sees me. "Ashley." He says evenly.

"What are you doing here?" Taylor asks firmly.

"I'm here to see Spencer." I say as evenly as I can.

Taylor scoffs and looks over her shoulder at Joe who is staring me down. And I don't know who is more intimidating at this point but all I keep thinking is that I can get through this weird interrogation because I need to see Spencer. I need to see my heart.

"Now, why would we let you do that?" Taylor asks in a challenging manner.

"Because I need to explain myself to her and I need to fix this mess that I have made." I say with conviction. "I need to let her know that I love her. I need her."

"You love her?" She asks condescendingly. "Really Ashley? You love her so much that you walked away from her when she needed you the most!"

"I know I messed up. I do, Taylor." I say pleadingly. "But I do love her. I do need her. She's everything to me and I was a coward. But I need to fix it. I need to make it right. And I can't do that unless you let me see her."

"And how do we know that you won't just leave her again, Ashley?"

"I won't." I say quickly. "I promise you. I won't."

I know I probably sound desperate and I don't care. I can feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes so I look down to the ground to try and maintain some control over my emotions. But it doesn't work as a tear rolls down my cheek. Taylor sighs heavily when she sees me and motions for me to come inside. I walk past her through the door and follow Joe into the living room. I figured that this was their way of saying that I could see Spencer but as I start making my way over to the stairs I am stopped by Taylor's hand on my shoulder. I turn around to look at Taylor with confusion clearly written across my face.

"Ashley, there's something you should know before we let you see her. That is if you don't know already." She says tiredly.

I start to feel sick to my stomach at the thought of something happening to Spencer.

"What are you talking about? Did something happen to Spencer?" I ask with nervousness noticeably lacing my voice. "Did…did someone hurt her?"

Taylor looks over to Joe conveying some sort of cryptic message that clearly states their shock at my utter confusion, before turning back and locking her gaze back on mine. I know they may be apprehensive to tell me anything involving Spencer, but I can't go into this blinded and I know a part of them sees that.

"Not directly, no." Taylor says as evenly as she can. "You might want to sit…"

"NO!." I say firmly. My nerves going a mile a minute. My heart aching to know the truth. "I don't want to sit! Just…just tell me what happened!"

"You really don't know?" Joe asks softly. Clearly sensing the frustration in my voice and trying to get me to relax. "I mean the media is having a field day with this and the timing of you coming back is just…"

"No Joe." I say tiredly. "Clearly I don't know what the hell you're talking about. I avoided the media like the plague while I was gone and now I'm beginning to regret it. So would someone please fill me in?" I say desperately as I sit on the back of the couch. "Please."

I know that I sound defeated and, honestly, I don't really care. I just want to know what they aren't telling me. I want to see Spencer. And I want this sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach to go away.

"Arthur's dead." Taylor says softly after a few minutes of the purest silence I've known for a while.

And now I want to kill everybody in this fucking town. Arthur's dead? What the fuck is going on?

"What?" I croak out barely above a whisper.

"Three days ago he was found dead."

"Hanging in the bandstand like a ripped up puppet for everyone to see." Joe adds sitting next to me on the back of the couch.

"I've never seen anything like it." Taylor continues. "But according to everyone who was there the night Maryanne died, it was an exact replication of the scene that night. All the way down to the puddle of blood on the floor."

"I think I'm going to be sick." I can only imagine what that day had to be like. What was going through Spencer's mind? Why'd I have to leave? I should have known that everything was going to get worse before it got better.

"Ashley." Joe says getting my attention. "There's more."

After that Taylor and Joe described everything in grave detail and the more I heard the bigger the queasy feeling in my stomach seemed to get. I felt like the worst person alive. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it, but I knew it was true. And when they told me that Spencer hadn't left her room for three days I felt like I wanted to vomit. I became so disgusted with myself that I had to find a way to compose myself before I went up the stairs to see the damage I had done to the woman I love. I started kicking myself for not being here to help her deal with this. And in that moment, I realized just how selfish I had been.

Now, I'm lying here next to her watching her sleep in my arms and all I can think about is how much I love her and want to protect her from all this pain. I can't change the fact that I left or anything that has happened. But I can keep my promise to never leave her again. And I fully intend on keeping that promise. I never want to see anything other than the calm look on her face that she has right now. I never want to see her in pain again. I never want to see her close herself off from the world because she doesn't deserve to be the one that's hiding from everything. She doesn't deserve any of this.

I place a soft kiss on the top of her head and she starts to stir as I pull her tighter against my body. She wraps her arm tighter around my waist as if she is holding onto me for dear life. And if she is then that's ok with me because I will always be here to hold her up whenever she feels like she's falling. She stirs a little more and I start rubbing small circles on her back because I want her to know that I'm still here and I'm not going anywhere.

After a few more minutes her eyes flutter open and lock on mine, causing a smile to form on my face when I see the pure calmness and contentment that seems to have over taken her features. She smiles back at me before placing a light kiss to my neck and laying her head down on my chest.

"Hi." She says softly; her voice still raspy from sleep. "What time is it?"

"Three am." I answer quietly into the darkness.

"Hmm." She says tiredly while tightening her grip on me and snuggling closer if that was even possible. "Go back to sleep."

"Can't sleep. There's too much going through my mind right now." I say honestly.

She lifts her head and rests her chin on my chest as her gaze meets mine again. I never wanted to wake her up because something tells me that she hasn't slept much over the last few days either. But, obviously that didn't happen. She looks at me with concern laced throughout her features and I know she's trying to silently figure out my thought process. Only problem with that though is that I don't think that she would ever be able to figure it out right now.

"What's wrong?" She asks softly. "What're you thinking about?"

I smile and wrap my arms tighter around her body.

"Nothing's wrong." I say placing a kiss on her forehead. "I'm just thinking about you…about us. About how I really don't deserve you."

"Ashley…"

"No, Spencer. I mean it." I say cutting her off before she could protest. "I was horrible to you and you just forgave me like it was nothing." She starts shaking her head 'no.' "And I know you have a lot going and don't want to deal with this right now but I don't want you to come back hating me after all of this."

She sighs visibly and tries to sit up but I hold her down. Once she realizes that I'm not letting her go anywhere she brings her hand up and lightly traces my jaw line.

"I could never hate you, Ash. I love you." I open my mouth to protest but she stops me by placing her index finger over my lips. "It's not like I forgot Ashley. I know we need to talk about this. I know that we need to honestly get past this. But, I have missed you so much that having you here again just seems to trump the conversation right now. But if you want to have it then we can because this relationship is about the two of us and I don't want it clouded by doubt."

I take a minute to compose my thoughts as I smile lightly at Spencer's calm composure. If it wasn't for the fact that I know she's slightly scared about everything, I might just think that she is the calmest person I know in the face of diversity. There's no doubt that she's the strongest but I've seen her temper and she is anything but calm about everything that is going on. She just knows how to keep it together long enough to get through each day. I just really wish it was all over so that she could move on. That's why it's important that I get this right. I don't want anything that I say to come out wrong or be perceived in the wrong way. The last thing I want is for her to have any doubts about the way I feel about her. And even though I know she does, because I walked out on her like everyone else, I can't blame her for putting on this façade because if the situations were reversed and she was the one who walked out on me, I would probably be the same way right about now. But I'm banking on the hope that our crazy love for one another is enough to overcome any doubts and fears we both may have. So why not start by asking the one question that's plaguing me.

"Do you think I'm gonna leave again?" I ask softly while tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Part of me does I guess." She answers in a whisper and I feel my heart constrict because I know I'm the one that did this to her. She clears her throat before continuing. "I guess I'm just worried that if I say the wrong thing or put too much on you then you're going to run again. So I've been avoiding it because having you here is more important."

I nod my head and lean forward slightly, placing a light kiss on her forehead.

"I'm really sorry for running out on you like that and I know that I sound like a broken record at this point but I don't think that I can say it enough." I start rubbing small circles on her back and smile slightly when I see her visibly relax in my arms. "I'm not going to leave you again, Spencer. I was a coward and instead of staying and dealing with everything together, I ran off because it was what I was used to…it was the easy way out." I release a breath I didn't realize I was holding and continue making sure to maintain our eye contact. "Growing up I never really had anyone to help me deal with my problems or life's unexpected twists. I was used to dealing with everything on my own. It was like second nature to me. And then you came along."

"Ash…" She starts but I mimic her actions from earlier and place my index finger over her lips to stop her before tightening my grip on her.

"Let me finish, Spence." I say softly and she just nods her head and waits for me to continue. "You changed everything. I have never felt for another person what I feel for you. And at first it scared me because the connection was so powerful. But, I told myself to go for it because I realized that if I just let you go then I may never feel this way again. I stopped listening to Kyla and everyone else and I got to know you on my own terms before I even knew anything. What they said didn't matter anymore. It never really did. And no one could have guessed that our connection ran deeper in more ways than one until all the pieces came together. It made me realize that I didn't need to run anymore as long as I have you. So, I can promise you two things. One, I will never leave you again no matter what. And two, I will always love you with everything that I am because you mean everything to me, Spencer. Everything!"

Silence resonates throughout the room as her beautiful blue eyes stare deeply into my own. I release a slow, jagged breath that I didn't realize I had been holding while she seemingly searches my eyes for the sincerity and honesty in my words. I know she is still a little skeptical but I can only hope that she sees the truth behind every word that I spoke. I don't know what I would do if she didn't believe me. I don't know that I could take it. And as the seconds tick slowly by I can feel the pounding of my heart speed up and it feels like it could pound right out of my chest. She really is everything to me and I just can't lose her. After a few long minutes I start to think that maybe I shouldn't have pushed her to have this talk because she still hasn't said anything. But just as I'm about to move and give her some space, she lifts her arms to wrap her arms around my neck with a small smile forming on her face. A sense of relief washes over me because I knew that she had heard the honesty in every word I spoke and that is all that matters to me in this moment.

She leans up slowly and places a feather light kiss on my lips before pulling back slightly and meeting my gaze once again. I feel my own smile get bigger as I lean in the short distance and capture her lips once again in a searing kiss filled with pure emotion. Each of us conveying to the other just what we mean to each other as our lips glide in sync. I flip our positions so that she's lying beneath me and bite down gently on her bottom lip before smoothing it over with my tongue, asking for entrance. She is quick to grant it and the second our tongues touch in a battle of exploration and dominance, I feel a fire ignite inside of me and I push my body more firmly into hers, eliciting a moan that reverberates throughout my entire body. Her hands slowly move from my neck down to my waist before sliding under the hem of my shirt and lightly scratching across the bare skin of my lower back. We break apart for air when breathing becomes an issue but I quickly begin trailing kisses down her jaw line to her neck as I begin sucking on her pulse point and biting down gently before smoothing the mark over with my tongue. She knows I'm marking her and she doesn't care. I want to mark her as mine. I want the whole world to know that she's my girl and I'm never letting go again.

She grabs my hair and pulls me back up to bring our lips together once again. Our clothed bodies molding together causing sensations to course through our veins that neither of us have ever felt before. And I think that if I was to die right now it would be the perfect way to go because I would be in the arms of the woman I love. It has been far too long since we have been this way and all it does is make me wonder what the hell I was thinking when I walked out that door. If she hadn't taken me back I would never have felt this way again and I can't believe how stupid I was. And how lucky I am to have this amazing girl still love me after everything I have done.

I feel her tug at the hem of my shirt and without hesitation I sit up a bit because I know what she wants and I am going to give it to her. She lifts my shirt over my head and throws it off to the side as I quickly rid her of her shirt and unclasp her bra before quickly taking off my own and looking down into her heavy lidded eyes. I trace her jaw line with my index finger before leaning down and capturing her lips in another earth shattering kiss. Her hands fly up and tangle in my hair as she pushes me down into her. Our naked torso's coming into contact for the first time in weeks, causing a deep throaty moan to escape through our kiss. I start rocking my hips into her making her arch into my touch as I bring one hand up to cup her left breast. Her scent is intoxicating to me and all I want to do is feel her.

I bring my hand down to the waist band of her shorts and silently ask for permission to take them off. She nods her head slightly and I waste no time ridding her of the rest of her clothes before quickly removing my own. I slowly crawl back up her body kissing her everywhere along the way except where she needs me the most. Tonight I want to do this together. I want it to be raw because anything less would seem inadequate. My center is now hovering slightly over hers. Our jagged breaths the only sound echoing in the room. I lean down and kiss her plump lips softly before sliding my hand down in between us and separating her folds as I bring our centers into contact. I start to rock my hips again and our clits rub together in perfect harmony. She arches off the bed and pushes her hips into mine trying to get more contact. It's not going to take either of us long to go over the edge. I quicken my place slightly as she digs her nails into my back, causing me to release a guttural moan.

"God, Ashley." She pants out.

I go a little faster and I know I'm close. She feels so good. Our bodies covered in a light sheen of sweat. Her breaths become quicker and I know she's only seconds away from toppling over the edge as she slams her eyes shut when I tweak her nipple in my hand.

"Open your eyes, baby." I whisper through jagged breaths before laying a gentle kiss on her neck and looking into her beautiful eyes.

She's looking directly into my soul as our bodies collide one last time, sending us over the edge. We scream each other's name into the darkness of the room as waves of pleasure continue to wash over us.

Once our breathing evens out a little more, I lean down and kiss her firmly on the lips before moving off of her and pulling her into me. I wrap my arms around her neck and place a light kiss on her bare shoulder as she settles into me. I feel my eyes get heavy and I know that sleep is going to overcome me soon. I just want to savor this moment for all its worth because as far as I'm concerned it can't get much better than this, especially when I have my girl in my arms.

"Ash?" She whispers sleepily into the night.

"Yeah baby?" I say pulling her even closer.

"You mean everything to me too." She says entwining my hand with hers clutching it to her chest.

I feel a smile cross my face as I place another kiss to her neck before resting my head in the crook of her neck and letting sleep over come me.


SHERIFF WHITELY'S POV

"Sir, we've been at this for three days straight. We all need some sleep. Why can't…"

"Why can't you just leave?" I say in a raised voice cutting off the Deputy. "You can't leave because this is a murder investigation and I will not allow it to get messed up like it did last time."

"But Sir, shouldn't we all be working with clear heads?" The deputy says motioning his hands over the paperwork.

"Look. We need to finish this research tonight and then you can all go home for a few hours and get some sleep. It's important that we don't leave any stone unturned. Understand? Innocent lives are at stake."

"Why do you believe that she was innocent?" He asks with curiosity laced in his voice.

I pinch the bridge of my nose and look around the room of Deputies and Detectives that are working on the case.

"None of you were here when Maryanne died. It's not a matter of believing that she was innocent. It's a matter of knowing she was and doing nothing to stop it. I'm just as guilty as the Mayor and everyone else. But my hands were tied. They got to the crime scene before I was able to and every piece of evidence pointed to her. I didn't have a choice then nor did I have the support to have the evidence looked over again. But that's changed now and I'm not going to allow them to do this to her again. Why else do you think that I put this team together? It wasn't because I didn't have other options. It was because I knew that you all hadn't been tainted by those people. I knew that you guys would put honest work into getting it right. That girl has been through hell and back without anyone there to help her or protect her. And this time, I refuse to turn my back."

"So…everything she's been saying is true then?" One of the detectives asks.

"All of it." I say tiredly.

I look around the room and I can see the pure exhaustion laced throughout their features. I wish that I didn't need to ask this of them but I know that the longer it takes to get this investigation done, the more time they have to try and botch it in one way or another. And I can't let that happen. It's time that things settled down here and people were allowed to live their lives without the fear of keeping up with the Mayor's demands. After a few long minutes, Detective Rawlings stands up with his file in his hands and makes his way over to the board.

"Ok guys. Let's finish this. A couple more hours and then we can go home and rest."

"All right. Let's do it." Deputy Wilkins says.

I shoot them both a small smile as the room gets back to work before heading into my office to check out the coroner's report on my desk. I've been so busy trying to get a timeline down that I haven't even had the chance to look at it. Taking a seat at my desk I remove the papers from the envelope and start flipping through them. With each turn of the page my blood runs cold. I cannot even begin to imagine what kind of hateful person it takes to do something like this. And when I reach the last page my jaw drops in shock.

"You have got to be kidding me!" I say to no one in particular as I quickly put the papers back in the envelope and run out the door letting the people in the room know that I'm following up on a lead as I continue running out to my car.

I throw the file onto the passenger's seat as I start the engine and speed out of the parking lot. Now, it's my turn for answers and I don't care if it is the crack of dawn...I will get them.