Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders This chapter his dedicated to all my loyal and kind readers.

"On the charge of drug trafficking the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."

"On the charge of trafficking to minors the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."

"On the charge of child trafficking the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."

"On the charge of child prosatution the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."

"On the charge of child abuse we the jury finds the jury find the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."

"On the charge of neglect the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."

"On the charge of assault of a minor the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."

"Guilty, Guilty…." I could not believe my ears. Nothing ever goes this right for me. I have never had anything go my way. How was it that this was happening?"

"On the charge of attempted murder the jury finds the defendant, Richard Davenport Guilty."

The cameras flash bright and quickly making my eyes blink and water. I stared blankly a head with a hand on either of my shoulder. I tried to let my mind go blank and my body to calm; but it didn't work. My heart was still racing, my breath heaving. The trial was over. Richard Davenport would never bother me again but nothing felt different.

No matter how many years Richard Davenport spent in jail, no matter if he was dead or alive; he would always have a hold of me. He couldn't touch me anymore but he was always there, would always be there.

Whenever I fell asleep it would be his voice filling my nightmares; yelling at me, reminding me just how worthless I am. It would be his face I saw when the memories hit me. Whenever I wanted to have a meaningful relationship but couldn't; it would be the fear he instilled within me. No matter how much I wanted to trust someone, told myself I did, I never would be able to.

Richard Davenport stole a lot from me over the course of eight years. He stole my innocence, my ability to trust, to form relationships. He stole any feeling of self worth .But he stole something worse. He stole my chance of a happy life with my family.

Less than a month ago I tried killing myself. And there is still a part of me that wishes I was dead. I want so much to be a part of my family, for us to be happy and normal. But things will never e normal. A part of me is still a stranger in my own house; a part of me doesn't belong. There is so much I still don't know and never will. There is so much they experienced that I never will. The thing that kills me the most though is the fact that I can't remember very much of my life I did have with them.

I was happy. I must have been. I wonder if I'll ever be happy again.

Three Days Later

Sodapop Curtis yawned as he laid down a run. He leaned back in his chair. "Geeze, Pony still laying down?"

His mother yawned in reply and rolled her eyes drawing a card. "He's had a hard day Sodapop, we all have."

"I just was hoping this would make everything easier. Davenport's in jail. There should be fireworks or something."

Darrel shook his head. "There should be but most things aren't that easy son."

"Well when will they start getting easy. Pony's home, that bast…" Darry grunted when his mother stared at him. "I mean that creep is in jail. When will things start getting better."

Margaret sighed. "I wish I knew. We just have to be patient. Its still going to be a long time before Ponyboy can ever get settled. If I had known this trial would have bothered him so; I would never have let him testify."

"He needed to dear. We wouldn't have been doing him any favors. It was better to face it head on."

Margaret shivered. "I just don't want another repeat of last time. I never want to see him like that again.

Soda exchanged looks with Darry. They didn't need their parents to paint a sign. The time they were referring to was obvious. Neither of their parents slept in their bedroom anymore. The sofa sufficed. And their dad had sold the guns. They'd never be going near a gun again. Darry and Soda even were forced to hand over their blades. Ponyboy was not to have access to anything he could, he could try again with.

Darrel put down his last card. "I'm out. I'll go check on Ponyboy." He stood up and kissed his wife's cheek. She gave a rueful smile and squeezed his hand.

"I love you."

"Love you."

He walked back to the room. He hadn't finished the new bed yet so Ponyboy was sprawled awkwardly his arm propped on a nightstand. The lights were dim and Babar lay on Ponyboy's stomach. "He's too old for bears." Darrel thought sadly. But maybe the bear was a comfort, a reminder that at one time things had been happy, peaceful even.

"Alright Ponyboy, its time for bed."

"But what about monsters."

Darrel smiled and smothered his son's hair. "Now you know there is no monster that's gonna come in this house. They're all too scared of your old dad. Who told you there were monsters?"

"Soda and Dawwy."

Darrel laughed. "They were just trying to scare you baby. Older brothers like to do that sometimes. You know we'd never let anything happen to you."

Ponyboy hugged Babar. "Are you sure."

Darrel pulled his son into his lap. "Absolutely Posolutely"

"That's not a wood."

"A word? No I guess not."

"I love you daddy."

"I love you too Ponyboy. Are you ready for bed now?"

Ponyboy nodded. "Kay, kiss daddy." Darrel kissed his son's forehead then squeezed him tight. He smiled.

"Better."

Ponyboy held out his bear. "Baba too."

Darrel smiled. "Babar too." He kissed the bear. "Now off to bed."

"Kay. Night."

Darrel pulled the covers tight over his tiny son. "Good night buddy….."

Darrel stared at his son, his poor son. He had failed to protect him. He failed to keep him safe and sound. He failed to protect him from Davenport. And in doing so he failed to protect Ponyboy from himself. Darrel stroked his cheek softly. Ponyboy's eyes popped open and his breath heaved. His eyes were wild and startled.

"Easy buddy. It's just me; its dad."

Ponyboy sighed. "I'm sorry I scared you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You are okay, aren't you?" Ponyboy sat up. He grabbed the bear and picked at the fur; not daring to gaze at his father.

"Pony?"

Ponyboy grunted and Darrel sighed. He looked down at Babar. He gave a nervous laugh. "You know you got that bear the day you were born." Ponyboy looked up cautiously and Darrel gave a small smile. "I took your brothers down to the gift shop to buy some flowers for your mother. They saw the bear and said you ought to have a toy. "He laughed.

Ponyboy stroked Babar and bit his lip. His face was set curious and somewhat eager. "They fought and fought over the name. Finally Darry decided that maybe you should have too gifts. He picked up a Babar book. So we ended up naming the bear Babar. You loved that bear. It was always in your crib, then in when you outgrew the crib he was in your bed. Then there was the book, your mother and I must have read that book to you a thousand times. Funny isn't it?"

"What?"

Darrel started. Ponyboy had talked. It was at least something. "That you have a bear named after an elephant. Kind of tiny to be an elephant don't you think?"

For the first time in a long time Ponyboy found himself amused. Who had ever heard of such a thing. He fought a snicker. His face fell glum once more.

Darrel sighed. "We were very happy once; you know. You were happy." He reached out to stroke his son's hair but Ponyboy and he edged away. "And we're back to square one."

"I thought maybe if Davenport was found guilty it would make me, would make us feel better son. But nothing feels different does it. It feels the same…"

Ponyboy looked at his father again. Darrel's fists were balled. "I want so much to kill him. Just to have five minutes to myself with him…" His voice deepened. Ponyboy gulped. And just like that Darrel was calm once more. "But no matter what I do to him I can't get it back?"

Ponyboy closed his eyes. "Get what back?"

Darrel's eyes crinkled He ran a hand threw his hair. "I can't get back the eight years I missed with you. I can't get back those hunting trips we could have had, football games we could have played; hearing you call me daddy or just dad. And I can't get back your innocence for you."

He closed his eyes. "I don't even want to think about all the things you have seen, were forced to do; had done to you… And I can't get the image out of my head of you lying with that gun…." Darrel's voice caught in his throat. "I thought I was going to lose you forever this time."

Ponyboy's stomach dropped and he looked down once more, ashamed. "Can't you do anything right. You worthless piece of shit. Look what you did. You selfish little brat. You worthless pig. You really screwed up…." And this time it was his own voice berating him.

Darrel put a hand on his shoulder. "I have three sons Pony. I have Darry and Soda then I have you. But you know what…"

Darrel sighed. "Just because I have one or two of you doesn't mean I'd miss the other any less. A body don't have a limit on what they can love. I love you so much Ponyboy. If I ever had to live any more years without you… I… I don't know what I'd do."

His father was crying, crying. That big , hulking guy was crying. Ponyboy felt horrible, just horrible. He didn't know what to do.

Darrel laughed. "They were just trying to scare you baby. Older brothers like to do that sometimes. You know we'd never let anything happen to you."

Ponyboy hugged Babar. "Are you sure."

Darrel pulled his son into his lap. "Absolutely Posolutely"

"That's not a wood."

"A word? No I guess not."

"I love you daddy."

Ponyboy opened his eyes. The memory had hit him clear and fast. It was if the ghost of his younger self, of his innocence and hope was telling him what to do.

Ponyboy gulped. He put a good hand on his father's knee. "I love you dad."

Darrel gasped. He felt hot tears in his eyes as he pulled his son to him. Ponyboy didn't fight it. He just closed his eyes. His dad's arms were warm, strong. He smelt like aftershave and freshly mowed grass. He didn't smell like booze or smoke or cheap perfume. His arms were not strangling him. It felt…. It felt nice, safe.

"Dad."

Darrel sniffled. "Ya buddy?"

"Stay awhile."

"Anything you want buddy. Anything you want…….."

Like my fanfiction? Check out my blog and see my own novel work. The link his on my profile.