The dude in the four-wheeled device had two large horns that stuck far out to the sides and then went up like a bulls'. He wore a black jacket over his shirt, which had an orange astrological symbol of Taurus on it. And as it so happened, his name was similar to Taurus. It was Tavros Nitram.
Tavros was known to be heavily arrested by fairy tales and fantasy stories. He had an acute ability to commune with the many creatures of Alternia, a skill he'd utilized to capture and train a great many. They were all his friends, as well as his warriors, which he pitted in battle against each other through a variety of related card and role playing games. He'd engaged in various forms of more extreme role playing with of his friends before he'd had an accident.
He also liked to engage in the noble practice of Alternian slam poetry, possibly the oldest, most revered, and certainly the freshest artform in his planet's rich history. He had a profound fascination with the concept of flight, and all lore surround the topic. He believed in fairies as well, although they weren't real. His trolltag was adiosToreador, and he uHH, sPOKE IN A SORT OF, uHH, fALTERING MANNER,
Tavros cut to the chase and kickstarted a rousing match of Fiduspawn, with the only friend he had to play with in person, his loyal lusus Tinkerbull. The white monster was about the size of his head.
He looked at the favorable hand he'd dealt himself and cracked a mischievous smile. With a host plush at the ready, he quickly lobbed an Oogonibomb and caught his adversary off guard! The bomb landed the ground with a "pyoof" and cracked open. A purple spider creature emerged from the slimy wreckage and lunged at an orange-and-red bear called a host plush. It latched on to the thing and inserted its eggs inside. The plush grew and its stomach began to bulge before bursting open and revealing another purple creature. This one was horse-like.
"Horsaroni, I choose you!" he exclaimed excitedly. With a brooding whinny, Horsaroni shuffled his mighty purple hooves and made short work of the spider, called a fidusucker. It boosted the horse's vitals! Horsaroni was now primed and ready for battle. "Look out Tinkerbull!"
Tavros used his awesome bestial communion abilities and bent the ferocious stallion to his whim. Tinkerbull couldn't stand the suspense! Horsaroni reared as if to attack, but then curled up on the floor. Nap time! Tinkerbull joined him as well. Everybody won. Horsaroni gained a bunch of levels. In no time he'd be ready to breed and Tavros could put him out to stud.
Tavros clapped appreciatively. "Good game, everyone," he said. "That was a lot of fun." Time to do some other stuff, he guessed.
He rolled up the ramp that he used to get up to his recuperacoon when it was time to rest. Because he was paralyzed from the waist down, it was kind of a production getting in and out. He hopped in, but his huge horns got caught on the edges of the entrance hole, as usual. He could never fit all the way in, which made it difficult to get some solid shuteye.
Oh great, now he was covered in slime. Why had he done this? He was going to have to change his clothes. Another solid hour, down the tubes. Aw damn. And there went his four wheel device down the ramp. That happened a lot.
A bit later, after a major cleanup rigmarole and a lot of crawling around his respiteblock, Tavros was back in his wheelchair. He grabbed his jousting lance and put it in his lancekind specibus.
He liked to practice his jousting outside. One day he hoped to prove himself worthy of recruitment into the halls of the dreaded Cavalreapers. Assuming he wasn't slated for culling first on account of his disability. Or really any other arbitrary reason.
Someone was trolling him, but he didn't notice.
He wheeled over to his favorite poster featuring Pupa Pan, which was his favorite thing. He'd always fantasized that one day intrepid young Pupa would come and take him away and together they'd fly to a beautiful paradise planet of legend, that had all sorts of fanciful stuff like pirates, treasure, a cruel villain with a missing arm and a missing eye, and these weird aliens called "indians." He'd left his window open since he was very young, just in case Pupa stopped by one night and decided to splash a pinch of Special Stardust in his face. He'd had this interest long prior to his accident. Being paralyzed wasn't what had made his want to be able to fly. That would have been dumb and it made no sense. Being paralyzed did sort of make him want to be able to walk, though.
Way in the future, Tavros stood in a computer lab. Over the course of his long journey, at one point he'd been fitted with a cool pair of robolegs. The guy who liked to build robots had built them for him. But then, he did like to break them more than he liked to build them. It was usually why he built them in the first place. Occasionally, though, he allowed philanthropy to override misanthrobopy.
He'd been lucky enough to have a friend who didn't mind getting her hands dirty on account of his best interest. A smiling but still crippled Tavros lay on the ground, a smile on his face, unbothered by the sound of a chainsaw roaring. A troll girl in a red skirt and with one droopy horn stood over him with the weapon in hand. Behind both of them, a pair of shades belonging to a troll with a dark blue zodiac symbol of Sagittarius watched as the troll girl cut the sleeping Tavros's legs off. This was the troll who liked to build robots. It always made everyone uncomfortable whenever he would just stand there. And watch.
Sometime in the future (more specifically exactly at the time mentioned in the first paragraph), in the computer lab, Tavros was surrounded by three of his friends. They were all talking feverishly. They were comprised of Gamzee, Karkat, and the cat troll girl that the narrative had shifted to before Sollux's introduction. Who was she?
The narrative cut back to the cat troll girl. Okay. Good. Now what was her name?
Oh god, another shift. Back to Tavros. In the past again. Right, someone had been bothering him on Trollian.
Before having his robolegs… installed, he'd had to scoot around in his wheel device throughout the worlds of The Medium. He'd had to endure all sorts of follies related to his disability, which on account of their great plurality and marginal relevance we will not get to see. Just as well, probably.
Oh wow, someone else was trolling him now too. See? This was what happened when he spaced out and contemplated the future like that. The messages started to pile up.
arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling adiosToreador
AG: Taaaaaaaavros.
AT: hEY,
AG: Red team is going to 8ite the dust!
AG: And I know you are on the red team.
AT: wHOA, rEALLY,
AG: Yeah, you totally are.
AG: My team's got no use for a 8oy that can't make no use of his legs!
AG: You were f8ed for a team of losers, full of 8lind girls and lame 8oys and cranky iiiiiiiim8eciles.
AG: ::::)
AT: oK, yOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT ABOUT THAT,
AT: bUT i SHOULDN'T BE TALKING TO YOU,
AG: Oh?
AT: i PROMISED I WOULDN'T TALK TO YOU ANYMORE,
AG: Whaaaaaaaat. Promised who?
AT: rUFIO,
AG: Omg, who's that?
AG: I h8 this guy already!
AT: hE'S, uHH,
AT: oKAY,
AT: sOMEONE SAID i SHOULD GIVE MY SELF ESTEEM A NAME,
AT: aND TO BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT i SAY, tO MAKE SURE i DON'T HURT HIS FEELINGS,
AG: Haha! So he's imaginary! A fake.
AG: Like a made up friend, the way fairies are.
AG: Made up make believe fakey fake fakes.
AG: Who told you to do something so fraudulent?
AT: gA,
AT: bUT i DON'T KNOW IF SHE WAS JOKING ABOUT IT,
AT: iT MIGHT BE A JOKE, uHH, i DON'T KNOW, bUT i DID IT ANYWAY,
AG: Oh maaaaaaaan, what a meddler.
AG: I h8 her meddling! Why is she always meddling?
AG: I don't know if it was a joke, 8ut man.
AT: uH,
AG: I don't think it was a joke. It was more like...
AG: Ok, complete this analogy.
AG: Laughing is to a joke as meddling is to ...?
AT: uUHHH,
AG: Exactly! That's what she just did to you.
AG: It is worse than a joke. It is worse than anything you can do.
AG: Next time tell her to can it! That's what I do.
AG: But she keeps 8ugging me. 8ugging and fussing and meddling. What's her deal!
AG: I guess it's flattering that she wants to talk to me so much though. I guess I don't mind. It's cool.
AG: Anyway Tavros, you've been amazingly 8oring as usual, so I'm going to go.
AT: oKAY,
AG: This show needs to get on the freaking road.
AG: 8elieve it or not, the 8lue team doesn't have a single player in the session yet!
AG: While you guys have like two or three or such!
AG: Un8elievable, I wonder what the holdup is. Oh well, let's face it! You guys need the head start.
AT: uHH,
AG: Ok, anyway, good luck to you. It will be just like old tiiiiiiiimes.
AG: :::;)
AG: Adios, Toreasnore!
arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling adiosToreador
AT: bYE,
terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling adiosToreador
TC: mOtHeRfUcK mY bRoThEr, Im So SoRrY i KiNd Of ZoNeD oUt ThErE.
AT: hI, tHAT'S OK.
AT: i WASN'T EXPECTING YOU TO NOT BE ZONED OUT FOR ANY REASON.
AT: sO i GUESS, i DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR APOLOGY.
TC: AlRiGhT, fUcK yEaH, iT's AlL gOoD aNyWaY.
TC: i JuSt ZoNeD oUt WhEn I wAs SuPpOsEd To Be AlL aBoUt BeInG tO tElL yOu YoU'rE aLl On My TeAm.
AT: uH, yEAH, tHE RED TEAM YOU MEAN,
TC: ShIt MoThErFuCkIn YeAh My WiCkEd MoThErFuCkEr!
TC: :o) hOnK hOnK hOnK
AT: oK, tHAT'S GREAT, i JUST HEARD ABOUT THIS,
AT: fROM SOMEONE i DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT,
AT: bUT IT STILL BASICALLY QUALIFIES AS GOOD NEWS,
TC: :o) HoNkHoNkHoNkHoNkHoNk
AT: }:o), hEH,
TC: hAhAh FuUuUuCk, YoU sToLe My FuCkIn NoSe BrO!
TC: WhAt GoT yOu EvEn Up ThE gUmPtIoN tO aLl FuCkIn Do ThE sHiT lIkE tHaT?
AT: eRR, i DON'T KNOW, iT'S JUST,
AT: kIND OF THE OBVIOUS THING TO DO,
AT: sTICK THE CIRCLE IN FRONT OF THE DOTS, aND, bEHIND THE BENDY ONE,
AT: pLUS, oH YEAH, mY HORNS,
TC: hAhAhAhA.
AT: mAYBE WE CAN SLAM ABOUT IT,
TC: YeAh, I cOuLd KiCk ThE sHiT oUt Of SoMe RhYmEs BrO.
TC: aLl StIr Up SoMe FuCkIn HeLl MiRtH aNd RiP oPeN a FuCkIn BaG oF hArShWhImSy.
AT: yEAHHH, yOU CAN TALK ABOUT THE CLOWN THINGS, wHICH,
AT: i DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND EVER, bUT THAT'S OKAY,
AT: bECAUSE IT'S KIND OF FUNNY,
AT: wHEREAS, i'LL ADDRESS SOME TOPICS PERTAINING TO MY INTERESTS,
AT: aND i GUESS, pERSONAL MOTIFS,
TC: YeAh! FuCk YeAh, ThAt Be HoW sHiT's AlL uSuAlLy Up AnD fUcKiN lOcKeD bRo.
TC: bUt FiRsT hErE's ThE tHiNg WiTh ThE gAmE.
AT: oH YEAH, i ALMOST FORGOT, aBOUT,
AT: tHE RED TEAM GAME,
TC: YeAh Ok If I rEmEmBeR rIgHt ThIs Is HoW wE'rE jUgGlInG tHiS sHiT.
TC: lOt'S oF fUcKiN bAlLs In ThE aIr, HaHaHa.
TC: TeReZi CoNnEcTeD tO kArKaT, sO hE's FuCkIn ChIlL.
TC: tHeN i'M sUpPoSeD tO cOnNeCt To HeR sOoN tO gEt HeR aLl ChIlL tOo.
TC: BuT sHe'S iN tHe WoOdS dOiNg SoMeThInG.
TC: wHeN sHe CoMeS bAcK sHe StArTs PlAyInG.
TC: So In ThE mEaN mOtHeRfUcKiN tImE i'M sUpPoSeD tO gEt YoU tO cOnNeCt To Me.
TC: bUt I fUcKiN sPaCeD oUt AnD fOrGoT.
TC: BeCaUsE i GuEsS i WaS wAy ToO mOtHeRfUcKiN cHiLl AlL uP iN tHiS sHiT, hAhAhAhAhA!
AT: yEAH, i UNDERSTAND,
TC: sO jUsT dOwNlOaD tHiS mOtHeRfUcKeR i'M sEnDiNg YoU sO wE cAn KiCk ThIs BiTcH dOwN tHe StAiRs.
AT: oKAY, i'LL DO THAT, aND,
AT: iN THE MEANTIME, sHALL i,
AT: cUE UP THE,
AT: sTRICT BEATS? }:D
TC: AwWwWw BrOtHeR nOw YoU aLl FuCk AnD uP aNd DoNe It.
TC: yOu ArE fUcKiN wHeEl DeEp In A bIg SlOpPy MaSsAcRe PiE tOpPeD wItH mOtHeRfUcKiN wHiPpEd RhYmE.
TC: HoW sTrIcT aRe ThOsE bEaTs At, MoThErFuCkEr?
AT: wELL, i,
AT: tURNED UP THOSE BITCHES TO PRETTY STERN,
AT: sET BEATS TO LECTURE, aND, i'M KIND OF GOING HOG WILD ON THE CURMUDGEON KNOB,
AT: wHICH, i HAD RECENTLY INSTALLED,
TC: gOd DaMn!
TC: TeLl Me MoRe WhIlE i GeT mY rEaCh On FoR tHiS fRoStY bReW.
AT: oKAY,
AT: iMAGINE AN ARRAY OF BEATS THAT SET LIMITS,
AT: tHEY GOT A RULEBOOK, iT DOESN'T PAY TO SKIM IT,
AT: bECAUSE, tHERE'S NOT A LOT OF LATITUDE,
AT: tHEY WON'T STAND FOR AN ATTITUDE,
AT: aND, cROSSING THEM'S A HABIT YOU'D,
AT: (nOT REALLY WANT TO GET INTO BECAUSE, uHH),
AT: tHEY'D GET PRETTY MAD AT YOU,
TC: fUuUuCk, So FuCkIn FrEsH.
TC: YoU nEeD tO bE sLaPpEd FuCkIn SiLlY wItH a MoUtH lIkE tHaT! hAhA.
AT: aND, iF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT,
AT: tHEN i SUGGEST YOU GO AND RAP IT DUDE,
TC: oK i WiLl.
TC: JuSt LeT mE sNeAk Up On ThIs BoTtLe Of FaYgO aNd SnAp ItS nEcK lIkE iM a FuCkIn LaUgHsSaSsIn.
TC: oK.
TC: ArE tHoSe BeAtS sTiLl ChIlL?
AT: yEAH,
TC: aRe ThEy MoThErFuCkIn StRiCt?
AT: yEAHHHHH,
TC: AiGhT.
TC: cRaCk...
TC: HiSsSsSsSsSsSsSs.
TC: mOtHeRfUcKiN kIcK iT!
Tavros and Gamzee then proceeded to have one of the worst rap-offs in the history of Paradox Space.
Terezi made her way through the burning woods around her house to meet the lusus she'd never had. It was time for her lusus to hatch. It was now or never.
Since the world was about to end anyway, Terezi supposed it no longer mattered if the doomsday scale was tipped. One side of the scale had an egg on it and the other the old skull of an ancient Mother Grub who'd been slain thousands of solar sweeps ago. The skull hovered over a large black button on a device with a spirograph on it.
The egg contained a rare species of dragon which remained blind until maturity, using its other senses to survive. It had balanced the skull here for millennia, waiting for the warmth of a meteor-sparked forest fire before hatching. Oh, and in case it hadn't been clear, dragons were real.
While the dragon lusus had slumbered away in her egg, she had communicated with Terezi while the troll girl was asleep. And after Terezi's accident, the lusus had used her dreams to teach her to detect the world around her without vision.
As she had learned, her dreams had become strikingly more vivid. Where before there'd been darkness, odors and flavors painted a striking picture. Terezi had found herself surrounded by the bright honey walls of a golden kingdom, and in the sky was a huge tasty ball of blue cotton candy, which was this sweet troll delicacy that we wouldn't know anything about. The first time she'd glimpsed this world in her dreams, there'd been no turning back.
The young dragon lusus hatched from her egg, tipping the scale and lowering the skull onto the button. The lusus would take to the skies and promptly get herself killed. This would have been much more shocking and maybe a little more sad if we didn't already know it was going to happen. We already knew this, but Terezi didn't.
The dragon took to the skies. Suddenly, a meteor crashed into her and she fell to the treehouse, dead. See, for us it was an unsurprising development because I explained this all a paragraph ago, but Terezi was in genuine distress. The dragon had never smelled it coming!
Thankfully, though, because the dragon had landed in Terezi's treehouse, she'd be scooped up by her sympathetic ally, the leetspeaking troll, and deposited into her kernelsprite. Then they could talk to each other! There would be plenty to discuss.
The doomsday device that had just been started by the tip of the scale counted down from 6 minutes and 12 seconds. This was the amount of time Terezi had to get back to her hive and enter The Medium before the entire forest was destroyed.
At the time, it didn't occur to her to wonder whether the device was directly responsible for the apocalypse, or merely served as its precisely calibrated harbinger. And it certainly didn't occur to her to cast doubt on any perceived difference between the two. It didn't until later, when she better understood the game she was about to play.
