101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, our heroes will visit Jurassic Park…suffice to say not all of them will be making it out alive…
Of course, we already know who one of the victims is going to be, so let's get this bloodbath started, shall we?
Chapter 54: Dinosaurs
For their next vacation, our protagonists decided to visit Jurassic Park, which was a very interesting place due to the fact that there were dinosaurs residing there.
"Yay! Dinosaurs!" squealed Jar Jar Binks, who apparently was having quite a good time.
"You certainly have a particular friend." John Hammond, the architect of Jurassic Park pointed out to them.
"Yes, we know." concurred Padme.
"I thought that dinosaurs went extinct…" pointed out Anakin Skywalker, who had been reviewing intergalactic history.
"I used frog DNA to bring them back to life." explained John Hammond.
C-3PO raised a robotic eyebrow. "Excuse me, but I don't believe that's scientifically correct."
R2-D2 beeped that using frog DNA would not work.
John Hammond rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say…"
Little did our heroes know that this vacation would once again end in disaster…however, at this point, they should have probably known better than to go on a vacation in the first place.
Thanks to a computer hacker known as Dennis Nedry who wanted extra cash to settle his financial problems, the carnivorous dinosaurs were released from their containment and began attacking everyone that was still on the island.
"What's going on?" wondered Padme Amidala, who almost immediately suspected that something was wrong.
Suddenly, they heard fierce roaring coming from outside.
"Why can't I shake the feeling that was a Tyrannosaurus?" wondered Anakin Skywalker.
As it turns out, it was a T-Rex…and she had already escaped from her imprisonment after Nedry had shut the power to its cage down.
"Run!" screamed Obi-Wan Kenobi.
As so they all did, except for Jar Jar Binks, who stupidly decided to greet the deadly, oversized, and prehistoric reptile.
"Hi giant dinosaur! How are yousa doing today?" the Gungan inquired, being far too dumb to live.
His question was answered when the Tyrannosaurus lowered her head and swallowed him whole.
"Holy shit!" screamed Anakin Skywalker, who soiled his pants.
"Why did he even create the carnivores?" bellowed Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"I can't help but shake the feeling that John Hammond wasn't as smart as he said he was." agreed Qui-Gon Jinn.
Suddenly, they heard a scream. As it turns out, Padme Amidala was under attack by the vicious Velociraptors, who were eating her alive.
"Why, author, why?" screeched the intergalactic princess as she was torn apart by the bloodthirsty dinos.
"No Padme!" screamed Anakin Skywalker. But it was too late, her fate was sealed.
Not long afterwards after they had gotten to a safe area, the Jedi apprentice broke down in tears.
"I can't live life without Padme!" screamed Anakin Skywalker, distraught at his girl's death.
"Calm down apprentice, there was nothing you could have d-" Obi-Wan Kenobi was cut short when Anakin Skywalker stabbed himself in the stomach with his lightsaber.
Thankfully, there weren't any more casualties after that (in part due to the fact that none of the dinosaurs wanted to eat C-3PO or R2-D2 as they were made of metal), and a rescue helicopter eventually arrived to carry our remaining heroes to safety.
Before actually getting on the chopper however, they made sure to resurrect their fallen friends using the Book of Resurrection…which unfortunately meant having more encounters with all of the carnivores.
"I love you…you love me…" sung one that curiously was purple.
"Make it stop! Make it stop!" yelled out Qui-Gon Jinn, covering his ears in pain.
After they were finally finished, they began to berate John Hammond for inviting them to a deathtrap.
"What the heck were you thinking when you designed this freaking place?" screamed Padme Amidala.
"Your dinosaurs killed my girlfriend!" bellowed Anakin Skywalker.
"Mesa had lots of fun!" cheered Jar Jar Binks, unaware of what had happened earlier.
John Hammond had no idea how to answer Padme and Anakin's questions.
Anyways, they all left Jurassic Park, watching as the dinosaurs reproduced thanks to the frog DNA which kept on changing their genders.
Once again another vacation becomes a fiasco…any suggestions to where our heroes should go for their next trip?
Or should our heroes just stay at home and use something crafty to kill Jar Jar Binks again?
The choice is yours!
