Hang This Mess (Be Our Guest from the Australian Beauty and the Beast soundtrack starring (gulp) Hugh Jackman as…Gaston)
Firmin and Andre
Hang this mess
Hang this mess
Rather watch the brats undress
Tie the phantom's noose around our neck
Let the chaos start afresh
Firmin
It's so hard
To observe
All our junkyard cash be burnt
Andre
It's scrap metal
That's our business
Shouldn't have tried this Opera business
Diva's sing
Brats all dance
We speak English though it's France
Giry's accent is the only one possessed
We're giving up our tenure
Going back to debris
Hang this mess
Yes this mess!
Hang this mess!
We're both fools this charade
Has us on our knees to pray
Stages burn curtains tear
Because we challenged Erik's dare
Now alone and we're scared
Should have invested in Coke shares
Stop your glooming and complaining
At least the Ballets entertainingBoth
We've been had!
We've been tricked!
By that Freddy Candlestick!
And where Carlotta gets her taste we cannot guess!
Now we consort with class
To hide scrap metal past
But hang this mess!
Now we're stressed
And this house is cursed not blessed
Hang this mess
Hang this mess
Hang this mess
(Music)
Firmin
Hang this mess
Hang this mess
Get this Opera off our chest
Let us say for your memoirs sake
We've had a thief, may I suggest
Let the press get a scoop
Gluck can Handel all this gloop
No idea could be more finer!
Grab our money move to China
Singing Faust dancing Schielle
What an entertaining deal
Andre
Yet we find ourselves still gloomy and depressed?
The crowd all shout encore
So we'll charge them for more
Then hang this mess
Hang this mess
Hang this mess!
(More music…a cheesegrater dances past doing a level 5 tap solo)
Both
It's a mess!
It's a mess!
Saints alive Christine is dressed
Blood's been poured and help us Lord
We're being hounded by the press
We'll desert, leave them be
We'd rather keep our sanity
Firmin
While the brats do their soft shoeing
Andre's gone red and now I'm fuming
The place is burnt, flaming hot
And my pants are soiled you sot.
Clean it up! We want the Opera Ghost impressed!
We've got a lot to do
With a migraine or two
So hang this mess
Hang this mess
Hang this mess!
(Music changes to a mournful ballad)
The Ghost is so unnerving
And thinks we're paying for his service
He's so cold can't have a soul to pray upon
Ah those good old days when shows were fruitful
Suddenly those good old days are gone
Twenty thousand he's demanding
Not satisfied with just the dancing
We need whiskey – couldn't stand another thrill
Most days, we just hide within the office
Flabby, fat and lazy
He stalked in and ups-a-daisy!
(Another round of music, with a pair of tangoing cheesegraters)
Hang this mess! Hang this mess!
Ghost commands we recess
It's ten days since we had any hint of him
Phangirls
And we're obsessed!
Both
Let us go, kill us please
Erik
Yes indeed I aim to bleed
While the candlelight's still glowing
Let me help you please get going
Both
Act by act! One by one!
And we shout "Enough! We're done!"
Then we'll get right out of town as you digress
Tonight you'll prop your feet up
But for now lets get out
Hang this mess
Hang this mess
Hang this mess
Let's hang this mess!
(bows)
Erik: Gluck can Handel? That's just obscene.
Authoress: I know...but it worked (grin)
