Hallelujah, by Rufus Wainwright

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah

Maybe I've been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you

I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

There was a time you let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?

And remember when I moved in you?
The holy dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah

Hatter sat on the roof, arms crossed and fuming. Bloody Alice. All he'd done was suggest that they move in together. After all, they'd been dating now for six months, and spent most of their time together. He didn't know what all the fuss was about, honestly, but Alice had looked almost horrified at the notion.

They'd had quite a row over it. Hatter felt that all the forward progress he'd made with Alice had immediately reversed itself. He'd accused her of being emotionally constipated; she'd called him arrogant and possessive. That had been two days ago, and Hatter hadn't seen or heard from Alice at all. And he flatly refused to be the one to give in.

"Bloody female," Hatter grumbled. He'd been up on the roof constantly, perched like a gargoyle while he rehashed the argument in his head. Loving Alice wasn't easy. He'd known it wouldn't be before he came through the Looking Glass. She had low self-esteem and was still struggling with the abandonment issues that had plagued much of her life. But there'd been progress for her, and Hatter liked to think that was largely due to his caring, patient influence.

"Arrogant. Possesive." He grimaced. Her words had stung him, it was true. Did she expect he would just let her have her own way all the time? He didn't have much experience with relationships, but he knew there had to be a give and take. And hadn't he given the most, coming to her world and leaving all that he knew behind? That certainly hadn't won him any arguments, and it should have been his ace in the hole.

Tired of thinking about it, Hatter went back down to his flat to make some tea. That was the best thing about this world – the abundance and variety of tea that was available. His cupboards were stuffed full of little boxes of green tea, herbal tea, chai tea, and any other kind he could get his hands on. Today he felt a nice, soothing cup of Earl Grey was just what he needed.

Hatter skidded to a stop when he stepped through the front door and into the living room. Alice was sitting on his couch, her arms crossed defensively and her eyes narrow with anger. If that's how she wanted to play it, fine. He closed the door and went into the kitchen without acknowledging her at all.

He put the kettle on the boil and got down a tea cup with a shaking hand. He was still angry, but now there were nerves as well. Why was she here? To tell him she wanted him out of her life for good? He found the prospect of that incredibly frightening – she was all he had here. Easier just to be angry, then.

Hatter carried his tea out to the living room and sat in the chair opposite Alice, going out of his way to strike a casual pose. He sipped his tea and waited, noting how tightly clenched Alice's jaw was, and how her eyes were red. Had she been crying? He stifled the need to comfort her and instead focused on the tea.

"So you're just going to sit there?" Alice asked finally, her voice clipped. Hatter shrugged.

"You're the one who came over. Uninvited, I might add."

If Alice's eyes narrowed any further she'd not be able to see out of them. That thought made Hatter smirk

"Why do you want me to live here, Hatter?" Alice asked.

"Why?" Hatter just stared at her, incredulous; was she deliberately being thick? "Because we spend all our time together. And I like how you snuggle up with me at night."

And now he sounded like an idiot. Hatter scowled and turned his attention back to his tea. "Why don't you want to?"

"Living with you scares me," Alice said.

Hatter jerked his head up. "What? I scare you?"

"No!" Alice hugged herself, looking less angry. "No, you don't scare me. The idea of living with you does."

"Why?"

"Because. It means giving up the last little bit of freedom I have. It means you knowing where I am and what I'm doing. All the time. It makes me completely dependent on you."

Hatter set his tea cup down to keep himself from throwing it across the room. "Well, thank you for painting such a lovely picture of me."

"Hatter…"

"No. What are you giving up to be with me? Your own bathroom? It's not like I'm going to be crawling up your arse, demanding to know where you are every second of every day." Hatter was up and pacing now, the unfairness of her remarks bubbling through him like lava.

"Hatter…"

"Dependent on me? For what? You think you'd be a kept woman, who didn't have to put in for rent or food? You honestly think I wouldn't let you go out with your friends, or do any other bloody thing you wanted? Have I ever once made you do something you didn't want to do? You make me out to be some kind of bloody monster, when all I want to do is love you."

Hatter came to a stop in front of the window and rested his head against the cool glass. "I thought we'd got beyond that, Alice. I thought you trusted me."

She was going to leave him. Hatter was sure of it. If she could think he'd treat her like that…well, clearly the past six months had been some kind of fantasy. He was destined to be alone, as he had been in Wonderland. All the anger drained away and he was left exhausted, and sad.

"I'm so tired of being alone," he whispered.

Alice came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She rested her head on his shoulder. "It's hard for me, not being alone. I've had to rely on myself for so long, it feels like giving up to hand the reins over to someone else."

Hatter closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of his Alice wrapped around him. This was all he'd ever wanted and it seemed incredibly unfair that he couldn't keep it.

"I don't want to control you," he said softly. "I don't want to own you. I just want to be with you. That's all I've wanted since the day you fell into my life."

"Oh, Hatter." There were tears in Alice's voice. "I'm sorry. I know I'm not an easy person. I can guarantee you this won't be the last time I screw things up."

And now Hatter turned, his hands on Alice's arms to keep some space between them. There were tears running down her cheeks, but she gave him a wavery smile.

"What? You're not…you still want to be with me?"

Alice frowned. "Isn't that supposed to be my line? I'm the one with the abandonment stuff."

"Alice…" Hatter was cut off when Alice pressed her lips to his, pulling him into a frantic kiss. His hands moved up her arms and into her hair, and he closed the space between them with one step. Alice clung to his neck, and her kisses tasted of tears.

"Keep loving me Hatter," Alice begged. "Even when you think I don't want you to."

"I promise," Hatter murmured. "There's no way I could stop loving you, Alice."

The kisses became less desperate and more passionate, until Hatter scooped Alice up in his arms and carried her off to the bedroom. He would love her in every possible way, show her with words and actions what she meant to him. And maybe she would stay the night with him, and let him hold her in the dark when the loneliness was the worst.

*o*o*o*

Night had fallen, and Hatter had only let Alice out of bed long enough for them both to get something to eat. They had made love fiercely, and tenderly, and every way in between. Hatter was relaxed and sleepy, Alice tucked up against his side. Everything was right in his world again.

"Hatter?"

"Yes, love?"

"Will you help me tomorrow?"

Hatter pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Yeah. What do you need?"

"I need help packing my things and moving them over here."

Hatter went still, the hand that was stroking Alice's hair freezing in place. "You sure? You don't have to."

Alice reached up to cup his cheek in her hand. "I know I don't have to. And that's the point. It's my decision, and this is what I want. To be with you like this every night."

"As long as you're sure," Hatter said, trying to sound nonchalant. Inside, his heart was racing and his eyes were suddenly wet. He blinked back his tears, grinning instead. "I love you so much, my Alice."

"I love you too, Hatter. Please remember that, even when I'm being awful."

"I'll not forget it again," he said.


AN: Special thanks to Alaina Downs, who suggested this song and only cried a little bit because it took me so long to use it. ::grins:: And big {{{HUGS}}} to duchessfaleen, who really needs them.

I bet you thought you'd be getting some smut. Ha! Fooled you! Just because I can write it now doesn't mean I'm always going to. So there! ::grins:: You'll just have to use your imaginations.