Chapter 53

"So you were kissing Clarke?" Madi asked when Clarke joined them in the living room.

Madi was sitting on the couch, while Clarke took a seat next to her, and Lexa sat on the center table before them.

Lexa was trying so hard to read her baby girls expressions. Was she upset by what she saw, was she neutral towards it? Was she okay with it? Did it seem normal? Well of course it wouldn't have felt normal, right? Hell! It didn't even feel normal to her. It felt…. All kinds of crazy. Especially after all these years, that level of intimacy, she didn't even know how much she had wanted it. The feeling of Clarke's cheeks against her lips, it was like…time travelling back to when they were learning each other.

"Yes, I was kissing Clarke's cheek" Lexa admitted.

"So I was right" said Madi.

"Does this mean you're in love? With Clarke?" she continued.

Lexa sneaked a glance towards Clarke and then back to Madi.

"Honey, it's more complicated than that" Lexa hadn't meant to upset Clarke, but it was the truth, and she tried to feel nothing when Clarke shifted uncomfortably in her seat at hearing her say that.

"Then why were you kissing her?" Madi asked. Madi quickly looked at Clarke then,

"Are you in love with Mommy?" she asked Clarke. Clarke opened her mouth to say something, but Lexa interrupted.

"Let me explain this…" Lexa said.

"Honey, I'm going to tell you something, and I want you to listen carefully before reacting okay…"

"okay…"Madi looked confused.

"Remember when we first met Clarke, and I told you we're old friends from the time we were kids?"

"yea"

"All of us, Raven, Clarke and I studied in the same school, grew up together…"

"Well, I didn't tell you the entire truth…" Lexa admitted.

"You lied to me, mommy?"

Lexa reached out to hold her hands in hers, and Clarke put a protective arm around the little girl.

"No, I didn't lie to you baby, we really were the best of friends back then."

"Then what didn't you tell me?" Madi asked, utterly confused.

Lexa took a deep breath then. "Clarke was my girlfriend too."

Madi looked at Clarke and then back at her mom. Clarke had a sheepish smile on her face.

"Clarke was my friend first. My best friend. And then we fell in love. We grew older together, we were there for each other through college years and even for a few years after that…"

"Then what happened?" Madi asked.

Clarke began "I did something wrong. Something that hurt your mommy a great deal. And she was right to end things with me."

"What did you do?" Madi asked.

Clarke looked shameful. But she also looked determined to be truthful to this little angel and Lexa didn't want Madi to know all the details just yet.

"It doesn't matter. The fact is, it's in the past now. And we've both been able to put it behind us… mostly." Lexa said as she looked at Clarke, she nodded in acknowledgement.

"So now, you're back together? Is Clarke your girlfriend again?"

"No! No Madi… Clarke's not my girlfriend." Lexa said immediately.

"I don't understand…"Madi began.

"We're not dating, if that's what you need to know, baby." Clarke said to Madi. But we are trying to be friends again.

"Friends don't kiss each other like that."

Lexa had to laugh.

"You're right, they don't. But your mommy means a lot to me, and hopefully, I think I still mean a lot to her too. We care about each other a lot. And we care about you and Aden even more… What you saw… was just your mommy's way of showing me she cares… right Lexa?"

"Right" Lexa assured.

Madi seemed to be in her own thoughts then.

"Is that why there's a picture of you in the locket mommy gave me?" Madi asked Clarke, while playing with the locket in her hand.

Clarke took it from her then, opened it gently and said "Your mommy gifted this to me a year after we started seeing each other. She said it could work as a promise, to symbolize her commitment to me, until she could get me a real ring that is."

"A ring? To marry you?" Madi said. This moment was the first time they saw some kind of reaction in her. There was a sparkle in her eyes.

Clarke looked up at Lexa and saw her wiping a tear from the side of her eye.

"We were young. And in love. Anything was possible then…"

"If it was given to you, then why was it with mommy? She gave it to me and explained to me that it meant a lot to her that I kept it safe."

"When I made that terrible mistake that tore us apart, I mishandled the locket. I didn't deserve the love it stood for. When I knew Lexa had it back in her possession, I was glad it would stay sacred and safe."

Madi was lost. But she realized that Clarke was looking at Lexa while explaining that last bit. So she let it go.

"I guess what we're trying to tell you, baby, is that we're working on our friendship again. Learning to trust each other again, one tiny step at a time."

"Do you care for my mommy like you used to?" Madi quickly asked Clarke. It caught Clarke off-guard.

"Honey, I don't think it's nice to ask..." Lexa tried to intervene so that Clarke didn't have to feel obliged to answer that right now.

"I do. I care for your mommy now, more than I ever have before."

"And mommy, do you still love Clarke?"

Lexa was silent. Clarke knew Lexa wasn't ready to answer this.

"Your mommy's doing what's best for her heart right now, honey. She can't know yet, so early on in this if… if all that care for me can still mean she's in love with me."

It was a smart answer, Lexa had to admit. Clarke was being truthful, but careful. And also trying to not put her in an awkward spot before her daughter.

Madi stared down at the locket, traced the word 'Always' that was engraved on it, and then shifted, knelt on the couch right next to Clarke, and put the locket around her neck.

"This belongs to you" she said.

"No Madi… it's yours…" Clarke tried to argue.

"I have mine." she said proudly as she reached for the locket that Clarke had gifted her on the night she won at the school talent show.

"I knew I was holding on to this for someone. Now I know who that someone is." Madi said. "And anyway, I had wanted to give this to you on your birthday."

Clarke was moved. And speechless. The locket felt heavy resting on her chest. After all these years.

She looked at Lexa, needing to know if Lexa was fine with this, with her having this locket again.

"I don't know, Lexa, maybe I shouldn't have this yet" she said.

"It's perfect. It's yours. I want you to have it too." Lexa said.

Madi looked between both of them and smiled proudly.

"Now, who's going to make it up to me for keeping this secret from me?" Madi interrupted the love- gaze between the two women.

"Make it up to you?" Lexa said. "Well I guess it only seems fitting that I do it, since I was the one who kept this secret from you."

"I shall accept all peace offerings in the form of strawberry ice cream cake only" said Madi with an air of confidence.

Clarke laughed

"Ice cream cake, huh?" Lexa asked as her hands found Madi's sides and began tickling her endlessly. Clarke joined in on the tickle fight until they were all pretty much out of breath from laughing.

"Come on, it's time for us to head home, you need sleep" Lexa said.

"You just want another chance to share cooties with Clarke again in a goodbye kiss"

Clarke laughed out loud.

"Madi!" Lexa scolded. I told you, we were not kissing.

"But you would have, if I had not interrupted"

"That's not true" Lexa said at the same time Clarke said "Touché"

Madi giggled.

"You're getting too smart for your age" Lexa teased running behind her to chase her.

"It's late anyway, you guys can crash here tonight" Clarke said.

"Really? You don't mind"

Clarke almost said 'This is your home Lexa' but caught herself before she could cause more questions from Madi.

"Of course not. Please, make yourselves at home. I haven't shifted the extra bed out of Aden's room anyway. And since she's slept her before I don't think she'll have a problem getting sleep"

"I love sleeping here" Madi said quickly.

"Alright come on, head on upstairs, I'll come tuck you in"

"Goodnight Clarke" Madi called out when she reached the top of the stairs.

"Goodnight, honey."