A/N: A follow up to the previous vignette. Some fluffy angst.
A Woman By One's Choosing
It was just as well that it was already evening, one of the busiest times in Eponine's day. Yet despite the rush of preparing dinner while dealing with her brothers and Laure, it was still impossible for her to completely banish her aunt Veronique's words from her mind. 'At least no one else had to deal with her, so there won't be so many questions asked,' she reassured herself silently over the evening meal as she listened to Neville's lively retelling of his friends' misadventures at school.
Almost as soon as Neville finished his anecdote, Jacques wiped his mouth and looked quizzically at their older sister. "Ponine, why are you so sad?"
"I'm fine Jacques," Eponine said, smiling quickly at him. "I was just thinking a bit."
The little boy frowned as he broke off a piece of brioche. "Was that old lady who was here today mean to you?"
"What lady?" Enjolras asked, pausing in the middle of helping Neville refill a bowl of stew.
'Now Jacques has done it,' Eponine thought despondently as she bit her lip. "It's only an aunt who I haven't heard from in a long time," she replied.
Gavroche coughed. "Old crow, that's what she was."
"I heard what she said-something about you having to look out for us boys," Neville chimed in. "She didn't sound too happy about it."
Eponine's jaw dropped. "You boys were eavesdropping again?"
"He said that she was our aunt," Jacques said, pointing to Gavroche. "We were waiting for you to say we could go downstairs and meet her."
'Which would have been the ultimate disaster,' Eponine thought even as she took a deep breath to collect herself. "That was not going to happen."
"Why?" Jacques asked before popping the brioche in his mouth. "Will we get to meet her?" he asked, this time with his mouth full.
"Jacques, swallow your food first," Enjolras chided him. He looked seriously at Eponine. "Are we expected to return her visit?"
Eponine shook her head. "It is over and done with."
"I see," Enjolras said as he handed her the soup ladle. His fingers lingered for a few moments on her wrist and she looked up to meet his piercing gaze, which was now deep with a particular look of concern. He briefly squeezed her hand before letting go of it. "Speaking of visits, we have to call on the Sorbonne's chief librarian if we are to review the archives. When will your schedule permit it?" he asked more easily.
"I s'pose this weekend will do, in the afternoon once I finish copying out these books that Odette has out," Eponine said, now managing a grateful smile for this distraction.
"After that, can we please watch this new show in the Palais Royal?" Jacques asked. "Everyone at school is going to see it!"
"It's about acrobats," Gavroche said, feigning a bored look. "I'd rather see the fireworks."
Neville pumped his fist excitedly. "Maybe this time they'll come in more colors!"
"Such as?" Eponine asked even as she heard Laure beginning to stir and whimper in the wicker basket set up in the corner. She had to keep a straight face even as she picked up Laure and caught a whiff of the telltale odor of a soiled diaper. "Excuse us for a bit," she called over her shoulder before hurrying upstairs to get Laure cleaned up.
It took a while for her to accomplish this, by which time Laure was fussing once more and demanding to be fed. "Will you ever have enough?" Eponine wondered aloud as she sat down to nurse the infant. Inasmuch as she loved the fact that her daughter was becoming considerably vocal, there were still times that she found her patience and resolve sorely tried by the child's demands. 'Will I ever be enough?' she caught herself wondering even as she got Laure settled in her cradle near the bed. She sat quietly for a moment, watching the baby nod off to sleep. "You'll be a much better woman than I could ever be, petite," she whispered as she stroked her daughter's cheek.
She had to blink a few times in order to banish the hot feeling welling up in her eyes, more so when she heard the cadence of Enjolras' footsteps approaching the room. "So I s'pose we're seeing that show then?" she asked when she saw him open the door.
"That's up for further discussion," Enjolras replied as he stepped in and closed the door. He pulled up a chair facing hers. "Gavroche said he doesn't remember that aunt," he said in a matter of fact tone.
"Of course he wouldn't. He was so little the last time she cared to visit, at least before this afternoon," Eponine said. She bit her lip, wondering how to begin her explanation. "My father called her Veronique. I s'pose she's younger than he is."
"I take that they are not in regular contact with one another?"
"You can understand why. She said she cannot get into his business, but that's a different thing from staying away when we needed it the most."
Enjolras got up to light another candle on the bedside table before sitting down in front of her again. "That was not the only thing."
"She thinks the boys will run to the bad," Eponine admitted. The thought was enough to make her shudder but she willed herself to keep her voice level. "That was why I told her she wouldn't have to trouble herself with us."
"Rightfully so," he concurred as he touched her shoulder lightly.
She then leaned in to kiss him, prompting him to pull her closer so he could return this kiss more passionately. She felt his hands grip her back firmly, and even though she could not help the eager moan that left her lips, it still crossed her mind that it was wrong for her to demand such closeness from someone who was so earnest and pure. She pushed on her husband's shoulders and got to her feet. "Antoine, I can't."
Enjolras looked at her confusedly. "Is something wrong?"
Eponine nodded and took a few ragged breaths as she sat down and buried her face in her hands. 'How could he even love me in the first place, knowing what I am made of?' she wondered as she rested her forehead on his shoulder. "I know I've gone to the bad," she murmured.
"That sort of censure is meaningless," he said firmly as he began to trace circles on the back of her neck.
"It's the truth." She knew she was on the verge of crying now, more so when she felt his hand on the small of her back, pulling her to him once more. "I cannot possibly expect my brothers or even Laure to be good when they know how awful I really can be. Gavroche at least knows and remembers it."
"That, and the fact that you gave him reasons to choose to stay off the streets."
"He's here for the food."
"I doubt that's entirely the case, Eponine."
She couldn't help but smile at the straightforwardness in his tone, especially in the way he said her name. "Neville and Jacques will know someday. Laure too," she said wryly. "What will they think?"
"Let them be the judge of matters, all in due time," he replied. He pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "The point is that those aspects of the past do not negate your other choices."
Eponine caught his hand in her own twisted one, allowing him to wrap his callused fingers around hers. "I s'pose if I was truly gone to the bad, I wouldn't choose to be here," she said as she met his eyes and reached up to kiss his cheek lightly. "Nor would I be able to really love you."
"Now why would you say that?" he asked bemusedly, encouraging her with a light kiss on the bridge of her nose.
"Because it's a good thing to love you-and I want to do that, and more." She laughed out loud at his flustered expression. "You know it's true too!"
"Among many other things," he said before giving her a kiss to show her what else he meant. This time she allowed herself to return it wholly, letting go finally of the day's doubts.
