Seven Dwarves: Loss
The Exalted Plains, Orlais, 9:31 Dragon Age
Marian Hawke leaned back against her bedroll, quill in hand, parchment set before her.
The dark haired mage frowned.
Now, she thought…
…Where to begin?
The group had been staying in the settlement of Ville Montevelan for almost a month now. Thurimar's Independent trading company, muck like all the others merchants had found themselves stuck in Orlais with no place to go. All trade between Orlais and Ferelden had ceased since the first reports from the final battle of Ostagar. Even the monthly shipment for Orzammar had been turned back at the border by at least two companies of Ferelden soldiers.
Most of the dwarven merchants had been furious about that, they had contracts to fulfill. It wasn't like they were going to smuggle Cheveliers across the border inside crates of cinnamon and nutmeg, yet still…the border remained closed, by order of Regent Loghain MacTir of Gwaren.
Hawke sighed.
She knew that the rest of the company were livid about being denied the chance to go about their business, Thur most of all. They had come to this place hoping for news, not to mention perhaps get permission to proceed from the Commander of the Citadelle Corbeau. Alas, the Orlesian military could do nothing on this end, not with Ferelden sealing their border, the only way that it might be opened was by force, and for the moment the Empress did not seem that insulted to risk an armed confrontation, not with a Blight clawing at the very heart of Ferelden.
Marian shook her head. The dwarves she travelled with did not seem that bothered by the prospect of facing darkspawn. Those that had spent any time in Orzammar looked at the monsters the way a person might look at any other natural disaster, dangerous yes, but not insurmountable.
Thur and Aradun continued to press their contacts, hoping to find some way to get permission to enter Ferelden. In the dwarves eyes trade had to continue regardless of what was happening with the darkspawn. They were willing to risk the monsters wrath.
Business still had to continue, that was how Thur felt.
Personally, she found that she could not bring herself to care all that much, not after what she had heard yesterday.
Not after she had heard what had happened to Lothering.
Again she felt hot tears stinging her eyes, and again she fought them off. Her companions would not blame her if she cried, she had gotten to know them quite well in the last year and a half.
That being said, she still would not let them see her fall apart.
She…she needed to be strong.
There was nothing she could do now to help anyway.
The mage sighed heavily. She had too much going on in her head right now, too much anger, too much pain. It had been Aradun who suggested that she write this letter. Even if no one ever read it but her, at least she would manage to give voice to some of her pain.
It was likely all she could do given the circumstances.
She felt her fingers twist into angry fists. She had had several opportunities over the last year and a half to return home, but each time something had come up. The first time, Aradun's wife Kella had taken ill, and she had agreed to stay on and help her. The dwarven resistance to magic made healing one of their people difficult but not impossible.
Plus, she had liked Kella, the woman reminded her a little of her own mother. Seeing the old lady in pain had been enough to convince her stay.
In the end, she had chosen to save another rather than help herself. By the time the woman was on the mend, it was time for their little company to be back on the road.
It was a choice she would make again, in a heartbeat.
The second time she had made the attempt had been during a brief stop in Redcliffe village. A pair of Knight-Lieutenant Drusilla's bounty hunters had recognized her and tried to collect her head. The men had died without telling a soul about her presence, but it was clear by that brief in encounter that the Templar woman had not given up the hunt.
Not that Marian expected her to, oh no.
She frowned.
Drusilla would no doubt chase her until the end of time if needed be.
So great was her desire to avenge her slain brother.
The fact that the Templar order as a whole was not hunting her was likely a good sign. If Drusilla had told Ser Bryant back in Lothering, her face would have ended up on wanted posters all through the south. Yet, that had not happened, it appeared that the Knight-Lieutenant wished to handle this matter herself, that was both a good and a bad thing. Good because she was not running from the Templar Order as a whole, and bad because if the woman caught her, there would be no chantry oversight to stop her from collecting what she thought was her just revenge.
Hawke had explained all this to Thur, yet the dwarf remained insistent on protecting her.
She was useful to him, she knew that, but this went beyond simply business…
Thur had a tendency to view his employees as a part of his family, and for a dwarf, the bond of family was more important than anything else whether coin or honor.
Dwarves looked out for their family. It was an ideal that Marian herself agreed with.
Family had to be protected, no matter the personal cost.
That, after all, was why she was here with Thur and the others.
She would not bring Drusilla's wrath down on her family. She…
She shivered.
It did not really matter anymore did it?
Lothering was gone, and likely, so was her family.
It had been for nothing.
She had fled her home…for nothing.
The mage took a shuddering breath. If her family was dead, there was nothing she could do. All that was left was to let her guilt and anger eat her alive, or…
She sighed again.
Or…she could try and find some perspective, a way to deal with her loss.
She shook her head.
Mother would have agreed with that. She would not want her torturing herself needlessly…
She would have wanted her to move on, eventually. At least, Marian hoped that she would have.
Such thought were better than the alternative. If her family had died cursing her name… she…she would…
She shook her head.
She was trying really hard not to think about that.
She looked out across the water, it…it seemed so peaceful here, the water was glassy calm, its silver surface turning gold in the fading light. In the distance, the old Elven fortress rose up into the sky. The people of the Ville kept to themselves mostly, not bothering the stranded traders unless they wanted something.
For Marian Hawke, that was for the best.
She found herself thinking back to the events that had first stranded her here. Originally, she had planned to be with the dwarves only a single night, but Garrim's injuries had extended that stay. The arrow that had struck the young dwarf had been laced with poison, he might have died had Marian not intervened.
Magic was to serve, Father had made sure that she knew that above all else.
How could she not help those who had helped her?
That intervention had bought her place among the company. She had continued on with the group, offering both her magic, and her skills when she could, after all, magic was not the only thing she had learned from her father, not with his mercenary work, as for mother, she had taught her daughter how to handle herself around the more well to do in this world.
No, her parents had left her with useful skills, and she was more than happy to use them.
It was clear from their early encounters, that some of the people the group dealt with were far more generous when the offers came from an attractive young woman.
Thur was no fool, he saw her value to the group, a value that far outweighed the risk, at least in his eyes.
In the end, he took her on as a hireling, even offering a full share of the group's profits.
It was more than she could hope for. The job paid well, and she was safe from the Templars. She had even managed to send a little money home, last time, before…before…
Again she suppressed tears, a whimper escaped her throat.
What did it matter now.
Lothering was gone.
She shook her head.
She …was alone.
Again she loo ked down at the parchment, at the blank white page, there was so much to say, she was not even sure where to even begin.
She thought of Carver and Bethany, how could she possibly begin to explain all this? Bethany had been there when Drusilla's brother had died so maybe she would understand…Carver would…would…
A shiver ran down her spine.
What would Carver have said? Would he have condemned her, or considered her brave after everything that had happened?
She could not say for sure.
Garrett would…well, she had idea how Garrett would have reacted.
Her brother would not have been pleased.
Garrett was her twin, they had literally grown up together, but that did not mean that they always got along, in fact, the opposite was usually true. Garrett might seem easy going, but he was harder on her than he was on their younger siblings.
Marian shook her head.
Often, when arguments did take place, it was Carver who supported her. They had both inherited what their mother called the Amell temper, which besides their blue eyes, were there most direct link to their mother.
She sighed.
How many times had their arguments turned into her and Carver against Garrett and Bethany, too many to be sure.
She took a shuddering breath.
Knowing that they were gone, that her family, her very home was gone.
It… it was…
She stifled a sob, barely.
She picked up the quill, dipping it in ink.
She began to write:
Dear mother.
She sobbed, but managed to regain her composure.
She…she would not cry, not now.
She took a shuddering breath.
Not now.
Dear Mother.
I am sorry for not writing sooner, sorrier still for being gone for so long without real word. It was not safe to reveal my location, not even in a letter. There are still those that hunt me, those that would happily see you hurt to make sure that they find me.
I could not risk it, not if it meant hurting you. I am sorry.
I hope one day, you can forgive me.
I hope that this letter finds you all well. Know that I am well, the people that I have been travelling with these last few months have been more than kind. They have sheltered me from my enemies while at the same time given me the freedom I need to live my life. It has been strange travelling again, but now that I am grown I find that I have missed seeing the world, the world beyond Lothering.
I wish you were all here to share it.
If Bethany has told you what happened, then I hope you understand. I could no longer remain at home, not if it put you all at risk. Bounty hunters still pursue me, I had hoped that time would lessen my enemies resolve but that has not occurred.
So I must keep running and hope for the best.
My love to Garrett, Bethany, and Carver, I hope that one day, they will be able to forgive me as well. I did what I thought was best. One day, I hope to see you all again, so that I can explain beyond mere words in a letter…
Marian shuddered. She…she wanted to believe that she would see them all again, perhaps, Maker willing she would.
You are all in my thoughts. Please know that I miss you all, and love you more than I can say.
Her fingers curled into fists.
Tell Garrett that he was right, my temper did finally get the best of me. I did what I thought was right, but…
Tell Carver to be strong. He shouldn't let Garrett push him around all the time. He is his own man, and not some shadow.
Bethany…let her know that I made this sacrifice without fear. She is my blood and I would not trade her safety for anything. Tell her to be strong. The Templars are not all seeing. She can still keep herself hidden.
Marian sighed heavily.
And to you mother…I…please know that I tried. If you are still angry, know that I am sorry.
Know that I will see you again, one day.
Your loving Daughter.
Marian.
She lay down the quill, Aradun was right the words had flowed when she finally had let them. She…she…
Tears ran down her cheeks.
She…
Oh Maker.
It hurt so bad.
She put her head in her hands and wept.
She cursed the darkspawn. She cursed Teryn Loghain, but most of all.
She cursed herself.
She should have been there.
She could have done something!
"Lass?"
She sniffled and looked up. Aradun stood there. The old dwarf had a concerned look on his face.
She did her best to wipe her eyes.
"I…I am sorry," she sniffled.
"You…you should not see me like this."
The dwarf chuckled.
"My people know a thing or two about losing kin to the darkspawn."
He placed his hand on her shoulder.
"Just know lass, that you are not alone."
He gave her a sad smile.
"You're one of us now, part of the company."
He gave her shoulder a friendly squeeze.
"We are your family now."
She smiled wanly.
Of all the people in Thedas she could have met on the road that day.
She was grateful that it was this lot.
Thur didn't have to keep her on, but he had.
Now…now…
Whatever happened, she would make sure to never disappoint them.
She wiped idly at her face.
"Thank you," she purred.
"Thank the others too."
The old man snorted.
"Just know that you are not alone lass. The others appreciate what you do. Thur does, even if he doesn't show it."
She giggled.
"I wouldn't want to ruin his reputation. What would the other merchants say?"
"Nothing good, that is for certain."
Aradun left her then, leaving her with her words on the page, and the emotions that they contained.
She looked down at the letter.
It would likely never be read by anyone else, but at least it existed.
If her family still lived, perhaps they would get to read it one day, but for now…
Now…she had work to do. She had promised Chun a new batch of healing poultices.
She rose, carefully slipping the letter into her pack.
She had done what she could for her old family.
Now…she needed to tend to her new one.
