The party was small thank God. Emma didn't really want to feel like she was standing in front of an audience that was waiting for her to screw up. They had it at the diner; Red and Granny were there of course, Archie, Graham, Mary Margaret and a few other townspeople that Emma didn't particularly recognize had left their little houses despite their fear of Mr. Gold to welcome his daughter back home.
Or else they were just here for the food.
Everyone clapped when she came in and she felt heat rising to her cheeks. They were celebrating her return and it wasn't like she had done anything worthwhile that caused her absence so…just having a party felt wrong.
But for the sake of Mary Margaret and her father and a Mr. Clark (Who was still probably nursing the angry wounds Mary Margaret left him when buying party favors), she smiled and acted surprised. They had gone out of their way to get everything set up; she could at least enjoy it.
There was no one else that was her age here with maybe the exception of Ruby, who was closest to her age biologically. Emma didn't really mind that though…gone for two years, everyone she knew at school was still the same place in time and there wasn't anyone she knew at eighteen.
Mary Margaret hugged her first and welcomed her back. Ruby followed suit and pulled her into a crushing hug. Emma wasn't so sure that all the werewolf genes were gone in her Storybrooke self and she struggled to breathe afterwards. Ruby pulled back, it was hard to believe that she was the best friend of her mother, "Where's the baby?"
"I left him…," she gestured to the house, "he was tired and cranky so…
Ruby smirked, "Which one? The baby or your dad?"
"Ruby!" Granny scolded, "Why don't you go serve some drinks?"
Ruby scowled, "I should've gone with you."
"She would've regretted it," Emma told Granny who had heard the whisper, "I did."
"Well, you're back now," Granny said and watched her carefully, "Bring the baby by tomorrow, I'd love to see him."
Emma wanted to say that she didn't think that'd be best because she wanted to keep him out of the public sight as much as possible. But…it was Granny, not Regina, and it was hard telling Granny 'no'.
"I'll see what I can do."
Archie offered her therapy…discounted of course, which Emma politely told him she'd think about. After the talk she was expecting to have with her father tonight, she might need some professional help. Besides, she liked Archie; he was like the second on the list that she'd made as a little girl about who she wanted to marry.
And then there was Graham, he played darts for most of the night and stayed to himself. He only approached when the small party began to settle down and she'd gone to the bar for a refill of her soda.
"If this party gets any more wild then you may have to shut it down," she teased and accepted a full glass.
"Well I was worried there for a while when Mrs. Lucas had something in that punch, so I decided to stick around and make sure."
"Well," she leaned towards him, "We are very lucky to have such a caring man as you protecting our drinks from getting spiked."
"I do what I can," he said awkwardly and looked down at his own drink.
"Did you come to the party because you wanted something?" Emma asked, "And if you say that you're here to get my dad to discount your rent, please don't because I've already heard that one three times."
"Three?" he asked in faux disappointment.
She held up three fingers.
"Actually, I'm here to offer you a job," he said cautiously, "How would you like to come on as my deputy."
"Sounds intriguing," she said, "And why are you offering me this job on my second day home after I ran off?"
"Because you were out in the world, you'll know the signs more than anyone of crime and danger and our town spinning off the rails…"
"Ah, since I've been on the other side of crime."
"You're going to need a job," he reminded her, "Unless you plan to take over your father's business."
"Ugh, no," she said and took a sip. No, in more ways than one.
"Well, you know my number, hasn't changed…just…let me know if you think about it."
"I will," Emma said and took another sip when her mother came up to her.
"So the sheriff seemed interested."
"He's only interested that I do all his paperwork for him," Emma muttered and rested her head against her mother's shoulder when Mary Margaret gave her a quick embrace.
"I'm happy you're back," Mary said.
Emma grabbed a napkin and started fiddling with it, "How's he been?"
Mary pressed her lips together, "He's been…colder…more aloof. A bit more brutal-."
Emma straightened, "He hasn't hurt anyone has he?"
"No," Mary Margaret shook her head, "Nothing like that….it's just that…he missed you…and I missed you and don't' run off again because we didn't know where you were and-."
"I'm sorry," Emma said and wrapped her arm around her mother, "I won't leave again."
Mary Margaret wrapped a couple of stray tears from her eyes and smiled, "Well, you're back now, that's all that matters."
Oh, if it could only be so easy.
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Rumpelstiltskin played with the baby a bit more in hopes of making him more tired in hopes of talking to Emma in peace.
Little David had other plans though. He refused his early feeding and practically made Rumpelstiltskin dance for his own amusement.
It was late when Rumpelstiltskin fed him and put him in his crib. Emma was already pulling into the driveway when he got back downstairs. He barely made it to the living room when she came in, "Emma, how was everything?"
"Fine," she looked at him, he hadn't had time to sit down yet. Diving over the table might've been pushing it, "Leroy tried to spike the punch when I said I was done with it. I came home."
This felt so awkward, "Good call."
She nodded and shifted back and forth, "I should…check on the baby."
"Actually," he held out his hand, "I was hoping that we could talk."
"But-."
He couldn't let her get upstairs; if she did then he'd lose his nerve, "I just put him down, Emma. He's fine….we need to get this over with."
Emma put her hands in her coat pockets, "Alright."
He gestured to the chair, "Would you like to sit down?"
"I'm fine here," she said.
"Emma, it's a long story, just please sit down."
She reluctantly crossed over into the room and sat down on one of the winged chairs stiffly. Rumpelstiltskin sat down as well and folded his hands together, "You know I'm not a good man. I've always been honest with you about that since you were a baby."
She didn't say anything, she kept her face unemotional and she didn't argue. She just waited.
So he took a breath and he told her everything; he told her about being a poor sheep farmer and about Milah and her fate, he told her about Bae and the gaining of the dark power when he tried to save him from certain death. He told her about how he came to lose the very child he was trying to protect and how he lost his mind for the next 300 years trying to rectify that mistake. He admitted to the lives he ruined and manipulated. He made no apologies for it; he didn't try to excuse what he was. She wanted it out on the table and there it was.
"….and I told your mother that I would protect you and here we are," he finished.
Emma sat with her jaw clenched, "So…that's it then? Anything else I should know about ahead of time so I don't find it out from someone else?"
He looked humiliated, "That's everything."
"So you ripped apart my family to find your son," she said and felt tears surfacing, "All the while, you had plans to use me as your pawn."
"Not always."
"You adopted me," she stared, "Because I would be useful to you. You had no thought about whether or not you'd love me or care for me. As far as you knew, I'd grow up in an unloved home but hey, as long as I kept playing the destiny you assigned for me and you let my mother see me then you were fine with whatever mental or emotional problems I might have under your roof! Lucky for me you learned to care for me like a daughter!"
"I grew to love you, you already know that."
"That hardly matters; you didn't know that at the time you made the deal with my mother! And as far as you were concerned, then I'd never know the truth about-."
"Well of course I wouldn't want you to know everything because I knew that you would react this way," he said angrily, "And it's not like I didn't ever want to explain. I was prepared to do it but you ran away before I Had time-."
"You HAD time!" she snapped, "For sixteen years you had time. And don't sit there and pretend like I wasn't old enough because you dumped off all this savior stuff on me when I was seven. Seven years old dad. Most kids that age are trying to understand fractions and making sure their multiplication and division is correct! I got told that an entire world depended on me!"
"I wanted to tell you because you were starting to put everything together because of that book and I didn't want you to learn about your destiny from that thing. There were no good choices at that time-."
"I know that," she snapped and ran a hand through her hair in frustration, "But I wouldn't be in that position if not for you and what you did."
"Everything I've done is for my son. One day you'll understand that a parent does anything they can and you'll understand how far they're willing to go sometimes when that child is in danger or alone."
"That doesn't mean you have the right to rip everyone else apart," she screamed.
"And finding out things about me that you don't like even though I've always called myself a monster doesn't give you the right to run away. My God, Emma, You didn't even call your mother. None of us knew where you were; don't you understand how scared everyone was? How scared I was? You could've been hurt! And you knew your destiny and put yourself in a position to where you might get pregnant and bring a child into all this too! It wouldn't have hurt you to pick up the phone and let us know that you were safe instead of waiting until you nearly gave birth to ask for my help. You're right, I did not love you when I adopted you and I didn't care about who I would hurt when I was getting my son back. And in a lot of ways I haven't changed but in some ways I have. One of them being that I love you and I love that baby upstairs. Now I could have used him as leverage to get you to come home but I never did. I'm aware that one good deed doesn't change a man. I'm aware of that Emma, and I have a lot I need to answer for. But in the end, so do you. I abandoned my son for one second and people were hurt by that. I am NOT a good person and I never pretend to be. But you made a conscious decision to abandon our family and you hurt several others by doing that as well. You can sit there and judge me for the lives I've taken and ruined and you honestly wouldn't be wrong. You have every reason to keep the baby from me and to stay away from me yourself…but you do also need to understand that I am not that man anymore. Not completely. I love you."
"Not completely," she repeated his words with a tired sigh. He was just providing himself a way out of trying to do the right thing all the time, "That's what I'm worried about."
He rolled his eyes, "Emma."
"I can't do this without you in my corner," she said and drew in a breath, "I have Jefferson for a guide, and I have my mother for support but you're the only one there for me that is both. And while they both have each other's roles as well…neither one of them do it in the amount that you do. In 10 years…I know that something is going to happen to make me want to pick up the savior mantle so to speak…and I cannot do this without your support. But I will not be a pawn in your games and neither will my family be. I refuse. Don't you want to change from the man you used to be?"
"I can't change."
"Anyone can change," she said.
He scoffed, he didn't believe her. He still thought she was the same naïve little Emma, so Emma went straight to the heart of the matter, "Baelfire won't like what you've become either if you ever find him again. He was your moral center, the same as what you've made me into. You want to change? I think you do, you just don't think it's possible. If you want to change then you can do it. You want a reason then do it for us. And do it because you're sorry. Because if you're still the same as you've always been and Baelfire hates you for it then everything will have been for nothing…and then how will you look at yourself?"
He stared at her, "And why are you so confident that I'll be able to be better?"
The words hurt as they came out, "Because I want to trust you again, and I can't if we keep going like this. I don't want it to be how it used to be between us, I want it to be better than what we were. Now I know that I hurt you, and words cannot express how sorry I am. But I'm willing to be better…I want you to aspire for that too. And it doesn't have to be for me, and it doesn't have to be for Baelfire but you have to be better for your grandson because for ten years you're example is going to be the only one that he really knows."
He looked down, completely tense. Emma put her hand on his and moved to sit across from him. Didn't she understand that he WANTED to be better? He'd tried to so many times and it never worked. It never worked for Milah, it never worked for Bae, or Belle….
Or maybe he could learn from his experiences maybe he could disappoint and hurt her but maybe he could try. Maybe with the Dark One gone and a daughter and grandson and son somewhere in this world…with all this to lose then he could find the motivation to be a better man.
Emma sat on the coffee table and grabbed his hands. Her eyes were pleading, "I am so sorry…for everything I've done to hurt you."
His defense crumbled, much like it always did when she gave him those eyes that said that she'd been hurt. He knew that she would need time to forgive him for this but she was offering the branch…he tightened the grip on her hand and began sobbing. He'd done all of them a horrible injustice and he knew that he didn't deserve anything she was offering, "I'm sorry too."
Emma watched his entire demeanor as he put his head in his hands and she embraced him and held him as he realized all the wrongs he'd caused on his family.
It was a start.
A/N: I should start to say that Emma and Gold's relationship isn't going to be repaired THAT quickly or easily but I wanted to get everything they feel about each other and the mistakes they've made and what its cost them out of the way. I think they love each other, but they've also hurt each other in a way that can't be forgiven so easily and I'm not going to make it easy. Especially when Rumpel's method of dealing with threats clashes over how Emma thinks they should be dealt with but that's all I'm going to say about that….
On a lighter note: Graham or Jefferson?
