"Mama."

The weight of sleepiness weighed heavily upon her as she fought against waking by burrowing further into her pillow, seeking out the sleep that was slowly slipping away from her.

"Mama, wake up."

The urgency in the voice calling to her combined with the small hands pushing at her shoulder brought her bolting upright in her bed only to find Jeremy kneeling over her; his young face etched with worry.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" she asked as she quickly slid her hands over his face and arms. "Are you alright?"

He pointed toward the door with a sense of urgency. "Father's crying again."

Lost at his words for a moment, she blinked at him before she finally came to her senses and realized what he meant. "Alright. Why don't you go back to sleep? I'll tend to your father."

Without missing a beat, his forehead wrinkled and she could practically feel the protest building on his lips.

"Will you stay with Kahlan and make sure she continues to sleep well?" She smiled and pushed his hair back. "It would help me a great deal to know she's not missing my presence. I'd hate for her to awaken all alone."

She could see the idea swirling in his blue eyes, causing a smile to stretch her lips. All it ever really took was permitting him to feel important and useful.

"Alright, I can do that, mama," he said as he crawled back into his place on the bed.

As he did so, she tossed the covers from her body and sat on the bed's edge for a moment in an attempt to gather herself. Exhaustion clung to every part of her and all she could really do was pray this was an easier night than the last.

Finally standing, she turned back to Jeremy and pulled the covers over him before casting a searching glance at Kahlan who was still asleep on the other side of the bed; her dark hair fanned over the pillows as her small form curled in on itself. It wasn't abnormal for her children to sleep with her on cold or stormy nights, but, lately, it had become a regular habit. The various episodes they all endured every night seemed to be ensuring they never returned to their own beds again.

Once she was sure they were both fine, she made her way down the hallway, the sounds of Ichabod's gruff whimpers making her footsteps quicken. No matter how many nights she did this, she always found herself woefully unprepared for the struggle he endured.

The sight of his body thrashing beneath the thin sheet covering him, his form sticky with sweat and tears, made her wonder how he even managed to remain asleep while in this state. Surely, he should wake himself up with all the movement.

"Ichabod," she called from a few feet away, not wanting to get too close.

She'd made that mistake before and now sported a bruise along her right cheek; one that stung with every brush to it. It had been an accident, of course. However, their first night home had proven to been a real struggle; one that ended with Ichabod refusing to share a bed with her due to his nightmares. That was the way it had been for the last five nights with little hope of things ever getting better.

"My love," she said again with a little more force. "Wake up."

Still he thrashed, his moans filling the room and sinking her heart. It tormented her to watch him relieve the horrors he'd experienced due to Abraham's actions. She'd trade places with him in a heartbeat if only to give him a few hours of rest.

Her name slipped from his lips; the sound filled with torture and near panic. His fingers were now gripping the sheets; the white linens sure to rip at any moment.

Taking a careful step toward the bed, she grasped his ankle and applied some pressure.

"Ichabod, please, wake up."

His body suddenly bolted upright; his eyes darting every which way as he fought some unseen foe. The dark hair matted to his face gave him the look of a madman on the verge of destruction.

"Ichabod..."

Like a shot, his head swiveled toward her; his blue eyes seeking her out in the dimly lit room.

"Katrina," he whispered as he pushed away some hair stuck to his face. "I'm sorry."

Sensing it was now safe to approach him, she took a seat on the edge of the bed and reached for his hand. "There's nothing to apologize for."

A defeated expression crossed his face as he hunched over his arms and knees. "He was hurting you again."

Already knowing what he meant, she adjusted herself so she could curl around him; draping her arms over his back and shoulders to pull him close.

Dreams of Abraham hurting her seemed to plague him more than any other and, for the life of her, she couldn't decide what to do to help him. If it was a matter of waiting the dreams out, she wasn't sure any of them had the strength or patience to endure it. Each of them were already hanging on by a thread.

"He's gone, my love," she whispered as she pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "He'll never hurt any of us ever again."

The scars along his back were rough under her fingers as she stoked his skin, leaving her with the urge to weep. Regardless of how much she understood his reasoning behind keeping them, she truly wished he would allow them to be healed. Feeling them, looking at them, was a constant reminder of Abraham and what he'd done; the evil he'd sought to rain down on her family. It was moments like this that caused the selfish part of her to want to be rid of that monster forever; to put him behind her and their family. However, she knew that was a fix it solution that would last no longer than a spring shower. It would wash the filth away for only a momentary time before it all returned in full force; likely worse than before.

No, there had to be a more permanent way to be rid of him. She simply hadn't found it yet.

"Is Kahlan alright?"

His soft whisper pulled at her heart as she answered, "She's fine. She's still sleeping peacefully."

"And Jeremy?"

Eyes falling closed, she pressed another kiss to his shoulder before her gaze journeyed to the brand of Jeremy's initials on his neck. It was times like these where she wished she had the strength to lie to him.

"He woke me."

A ragged sigh left him as he pulled from her and moved to the bed's edge where he hung his legs over the side and turned his back to her. "We can't keep this up, Katrina."

Not wanting to be parted from him, but knowing that following him would only agitate him more, she remained still as the distance between them seemed to grow.

"I know."

The muscles in his back visibly tensed at the two syllables she'd uttered. She couldn't blame his reaction. For so long now, she'd been denying that they were broken. She'd been attempting to pretend that love and love alone would mend them, but she was coming to the conclusion that love simply wasn't enough anymore.

"I love you, Ichabod," she whispered as she twisted the sheets in her hands. "I simply don't know what to do any longer."

"Perhaps, I should leave," he softly offered.

Eyes burning, she swallowed at the knot in her throat. "Please, don't do that."

A moment of silence passed before she added, "I know I can't stop you if that's what you choose to do, but I'm begging you not to do it. I can't bear to be parted from you ever again. I'm not sure I can survive any more loss."

"It wouldn't be forever," he said as he stared at the wall across the room. "I could return after I'm better."

"And what if you never get better?" she asked as her eyes danced over his scarred back. "Would you leave me forever? Would you leave me to raise our children alone?"

"Katrina-"

"You're not the only one suffering," she steadfastly went on. "Kahlan has nightmares, too. She wakes up screaming for me because she thinks Abraham has returned for her, and Jeremy... he wets the bed nearly every night."

When he made no move to respond, she said, "I have nightmares, Ichabod. I have nightmares about my children dying, about Abraham raping me, and... I have nightmares about you leaving me alone to face this by myself. The only thread of hope I hold onto is the fact that my nightmares don't feel like premonitions. Please, don't change that."

The room had become so thick with tension and loss that she found herself struggling for her every breath.

"You didn't tell me about Jeremy," he whispered. "Why?"

Weariness consumed her as she said, "Because I didn't want to burden you any further. You already have so much on your shoulders. I didn't want to place even more worry upon you."

A heavy sigh left him as he turned and moved close to her once more. The candlelight illuminated his tear streaked face, causing it to glisten as he cupped her cheeks. "So you took the burden as your own?"

"There isn't anyone else to take it," she said through a choked sob. "I'm the only one."

He pressed his forehead to hers as he raggedly breathed against her. "I'll do better," he whispered. "I swear, I'll do better."

"Oh, my love," she breathed as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Just stay with me. That's all I need from you."

She could feel the shake of his body as he held onto her, prompting her to tilt her head to have the advantage she needed to kiss him.

This was something they no longer partook of freely. With her constantly at either Kahlan or Jeremy's side, dealing with the questions in the aftermath of Abraham's death, and doing her best to run a household, little time was left to simply kiss her husband. Even when she did manage to find a minute in her day, he always seemed too withdrawn to even want her near. He rarely left his room and when he did, he remained quiet and closed off. The result of such limited time together hadn't helped the lack of communication between them that seemed to be growing greater in size every day. Usually by this point during the previous nights, he would have already sent her back to her room with her obeying due to the helplessness that consumed her. Perhaps, tonight, just by them actually talking to each other, a small bit of healing had already occurred.

His hands were now squeezing her upper arms as he delved deeper into their kiss; his lips caressing hers with careless abandon.

However, it wasn't to last as he abruptly pulled back from her with panted breath, his eyes closed as he ceased touching her completely. "You should return to bed."

"Ichabod," she whispered as she reached out to him, but he only pulled further away by backing up against the headboard.

"Jeremy and Kahlan will be missing you soon," he reasoned as he avoided her gaze. "You should return to them and acquire some rest."

Unable to bring herself to move either way, she said, "I won't rest without you."

His eyes slid to hers; that haunted look dominating his features. "Katrina-"

"I haven't slept through the night since you died," she cut in before he could further push her away.

"I'm not dead," he whispered as he shook his head.

"To me, you were," she said as she wiped at her eyes. "You were dead for nearly seven years and I mourned you every single night. I wept and screamed and beat the walls all the while cursing God and anyone else I could think of for taking you from me."

"I'm sor-"

"Stop apologizing," she bit at him as she straightened herself. "Stop saying you're sorry for something you had no control over. This is Abraham's fault; all of it. Nothing that has happened to us before now has been your doing, but... Ichabod, we have to recover together. You can't push me away."

The sheets were now twisting between his fingers as he clenched them in his grasp. "I'm broken, Katrina. Everything within me is just as scarred as the outside."

"Having scars doesn't mean you're broken, my love," she pressed as she attempted to cease her own crying. "They mean you survived and, while they may never disappear completely, they do fade with time and care."

Tears began to fall down his face again. "I can't-"

The tremble in his voice prompted her to crawl toward him, needing to comfort and find some way to ease his suffering. Taking his tear-streaked face in her hands, she straddled his lap and leaned her forehead to his.

"Please, let me help you," she all but begged. "There's nothing we can't overcome together, but we both have to be willing to try."

His fingers found her waist and clutched at it as he caught her gaze; his glistening blue drawing her in. "Tell me what you want. I'll do anything for you."

Overwhelmed at having him open up to her, she asked, "Will you please stop shying away from my touch? You have no idea how deeply you pain me when you do such a thing."

"I don't mean to," he whispered as he pulled her closer; their chests now flush. "I just don't want to hurt you, Katrina. Sometimes, I can't..." He sagged against the headboard, bringing her with him. "I can't control myself."

Brow knitting, she asked, "Is that why you avoid the children as well? Because you're still afraid you'll hurt them?"

His fingers found her cheek; the one still bearing a small token of his nightmares. "I did this to you, Katrina; not Abraham, but me."

"It was an accident," she reasoned as she covered his hand with her own. "You didn't purposefully do it."

"And what if I have an accident with Kahlan?" he quickly asked. "What if I do something similar to her? Will you be so apt to encourage my spending time with our children, then?"

Everything within her fought for her to say yes, that she would never keep him from their children, but the words never came.

"It's not safe," he softly concluded when she gave no response. "I'm unpredictable; almost like a wild animal you've attempted to tame."

"You're not an animal, Ichabod," she said with a measure of sternness in her voice as she grasped his hands to bring to his chest. "Your heart beats for me; it always has. You have the power to overcome this; if not for yourself than for me; for our children. You have to put fear away; we both do."

"How do I do that when every time I close my eyes, it all returns?"

"I don't know," she replied honestly. "But right now, in this moment, we can take comfort in each other. Isn't that the purpose of a husband and wife? To not only love each other, but to also support and be there for each other? We were created to be helpmates to each other, my love. If we ignore that, how will we ever survive this life?"

As she spoke, she slid from his lap and laid back against the mattress.

"I might hurt you," he whispered in near panic as he stared at her. "I can't- we can't."

"I promise I'll leave as soon as you fall asleep," she assured as she reached for his hand to pull him down to her. "Please... We have to start somewhere."

With a great deal of hesitation still present in his eyes, he settled next to her on his back. Taking what she could, she rolled to her side and laid her head on his shoulder.

"Are you comfortable?" she asked softly.

"I'm afraid," he answered so low she almost couldn't hear.

Burrowing further into him, she wrapped her arm around his waist. "Do you know what I like to think about when I'm scared?"

"What?"

"The night I told you I was pregnant with Kahlan."

His body relaxed under her slightly as his hand rested on her arm, giving her the security to continue. Perhaps, if she could distract him with better times, he might be more comfortable and cease worrying about something that may or may not happen.

"Why that night?"

Unable to help her smile, she glanced up at him. He was staring at the ceiling with a creased brow, waiting on her response.

"Because I awoke in your arms only to find you worshiping me like I'd given you the greatest gift in existence. I've never felt more beautiful; more loved." She sighed and slid her hand along a rather thick scar on his chest. "In those times where I could barely remember your face or what you felt like, I would seek out that memory. It was always the brightest of them all."

After a moment, he shifted to where he could gaze down at her; his blue eyes softer than they'd been in a long time. "I thanked you for giving me the second most precious gift I'd ever received."

Lifting her hand to stroke his cheek, she whispered, "You made me so happy that night."

"I want to make you that happy again, Katrina," he softly declared as he tangled a hand in her hair. "It's my greatest desire in this life."

"Tell me you love me," she said while adoring the way his eyes never stopped taking her in.

A small smile creased his face. "I love you, Katrina; more than anything in the world."

"Well, your wish came true," she whispered as she trailed her fingers over his lips. "Nothing makes me as happy as hearing you say that."

Turning on his side, he pressed close to her; so close they were breathing each other's exhaled breaths. "Then, allow me tell you over and over again because nothing makes me as happy as making you happy."

Unable to help her laugh, she said, "I suppose we're both happier than ever right now."

He pressed his head to hers; his smile still present. "We are."


Sorry about the long delay with my updates. I've been super busy with life and stuff. Plus, I had to decide if I wanted to keep with writing since I've pretty much quit watching Sleepy Hollow due to the show's current pattern of writing. Anyway, I decided to at least finish all of my ongoing stories and see where I am after that in regards to writing more. Thanks for sticking with me and I hope you all continue to enjoy my stories :)

Updates to both It's Complicated and Begin Again will be posted either today or tomorrow. Have a great day:)