Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction

I do not own the fabulous sensation known as Glee. Please leave reviews.

Dear Kurt,

It is currently three in the morning, eastern standard time. Here I am eating a PB&J sandwich when I could be enjoying the fact that it is President's Day, and I don't have to go to school. Except instead of being peanut butter and jelly, it's peanut butter and jam because Karlie ate the rest of the grape jelly. Which reminded me of this dirty joke Nick told me from How I Met Your Mother.

"What is the difference between peanut butter and jam?"

For the sake of my sanity, not that I have much left at this moment, I will refrain from telling the punch line. Otherwise I will choke from the thought of us in certain situations.

It's not even the good kind of jam. It's pineapple. Pineapples do not go with peanut butter. Is it so much to ask for a peanut butter sandwich at three in the morning?

I had this nightmare that I was being chased by a giant pair of lips like the ones from Rocky Horror. They kept calling after me "You're so cute I could eat you up!"

Then I'd scream. Blaine Anderson is not edible. And if I was, I can assure you that I'd only entrust my body to you. You can eat me up all you want.

Crap, I just choked on my PB&J.

Ctrl-A-Delete

Dear Kurt,

Now that I have washed my sandwich down with some water, seeing as Karlie took the last of the milk too, my airways are free again. I'm surprised nobody woke up at the noise I was making. Then again, my parents sleep like logs.

I love you dearly, but I think it was a bad idea to have a musical movie marathon with you. It gave me nightmares. About now you're probably imagining yourself in the Cell Block Tango, having the time of your life. I on the other hand, have been woken from a nightmare.

When I was younger I'd wake Nana and she'd stay up with me until she could coax me back under the covers. Only problem is now she isn't here.

I can't believe it's been four days since she moved to Primrose. She always told me she wasn't going to live in a retirement home. I guess Neville convinced her otherwise. He was all alone and depressed since his wife died and she wanted to help him out. I just wish she could've helped him out some other way, like bringing him a dish of her macaroni casserole. Everyone likes cheese. Unless they're lactose intolerant.

Then cheese isn't very friendly.

With Nana gone, there's no food in the fridge, nobody to poke fun at me or keep Karlie straight. Her room is so empty. I don't know what we're going to do with it. For all I know my aunt is going to move in and Karlie will share a room with me. Then the new baby will come and we'll be a crowded family like the Brady Bunch.

I'll need to buy myself some bellbottom pants.

Ctrl-A-Delete

Dear Kurt,

I feel as though I am babbling. At this point I'm half asleep and will most likely fall asleep in front of my computer. I'm finding the bed is getting more comfortable as I type, but the soft sound of my fingers across the keypad is enough to keep me awake.

That, and the phone rang. It was loud, piercing through my ears as I had almost fallen asleep. I should let the machine get it. But I'm already up, so I might as well answer it.

Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh my freaking dear.

My aunt's water broke. She had three more weeks to go, and her water broke.

With her husband visiting his mother in Florida. With nobody to drive her to the hospital. With Karlie up and wondering what the commotion is about. How do you explain childbirth to a child?

"Yes, mommy's water broke, and she's having contractions. Please call your aunt"

I promised Karlie that we'll find someone as soon as possible. My parents woke after many violent pokes to the side. Right now they're scrambling around to pull on pants and get to the car. I'm still in my pajamas and they're shoving me towards the car with my laptop and a coat shoved in my direction.

Yay, now I get to play babysitter. What a perfect way to spend my Monday off school. It's not like I wanted to go have fun with my boyfriend or anything.

See, this is exactly why Nana should still be home. Then she could watch over Karlie instead of me.

We should kidnap her.

Ctrl-A-Delete

Dear Kurt,

I am attempting to type from the back of a speeding car. By now it is four in the morning and there is not a chance at me getting back to sleep. We're almost at my aunt's house (I can see her yellow submarine mailbox from here) and I know that Karlie won't be asleep when I get there. Which means an early morning of whatever we can find on TV, most likely infomercials, and toaster waffles for her.

My aunt is still in her nightgown when we Karlie lets us in the house. My parents are in and out in a matter of minutes. Now it's me, my cousin and the laptop. Now she is reading over my shoulder. She asked to say something to you, so here she is:

Hi Kurt! My mommy's water broke. I asked her if she wanted a mop to clean it up. Instead she had me call Blaine and now he's playing babysitter while she goes to the hospital. I hope he doesn't just sit here and write you horny emails while I eat toaster waffles. Wanna come over and play with us? I know where she keeps all of the grown up toys. Why is Blaine blushing? He wants his computer back now.

Kurt, I assure you it's not what you think. My uncle has a kalaleng in their closet from the Philippines. They're afraid that Karlie will break it, so they stash it on the top shelf of the closet with all of the other non-replaceable things in the house.

Karlie wants to say something else: I know where mommy's other toys are too. They're in a box locked under her bed.

I really should stop giving her permission to type.

Send.

Dear Kurt,

I don't know if it's the peanut butter making me lethargic or if she's just that sneaky, but Karlie sent the email before I could type anymore. To be honest, I was probably going to delete that and just send you a quick message saying that my aunt's water broke, but as you can see, that did not happen. And I know that calling you will wake you from your beauty sleep, so I'll just pretend that last message didn't send and go about my business.

If you want you can come over to the house. If you don't remember the address I can text it to you. There's not much to do but sit and wait for news about the pregnancy, but I make for some good company. Right, I meant we. Bring Mr. Bear with you. In case she does have the kid and we end up going to the hospital we'll need to have him with us.

Yes, the moment has come for us to give up our child. Karlie thinks I'm ridiculous for being so attached to a stuffed toy. She doesn't understand.

If I weren't in my pajamas right now I'd go to the store to pick up milk and jelly. That way I wouldn't run into that creepy girl that works there. Nobody should be awake this early, so I suppose I could go in my pajamas, but I have no way of getting there and I am not borrowing my aunt's car. Even if Karlie is dangling the keys in front of my face.

Mom called from the hospital. She's being taken care of right now. Soon Karlie will have a little sibling to watch over.

I was just made aware we're going to color pictures to decorate the house to welcome her back home. So if you'll excuse me I'm going to trade this laptop for a purple crayon before I drain my battery.

This would be the end now,

Blaine

(P.S. Can you bring me a change of clothes? Or better yet, come in your pajamas and we'll make it a statement.)