Episode 7: Blackout
Part III: Mirror Mirror
Terminal Dogma. Solitary Track.
"Now that is a door." The Doctor scratched his chin. "That is a serious door."
Shinji had to agree. It looked like less of a door and more like a solid metal wall, two stories tall and twice as wide. Only under close examination could one notice the nearly-invisible cracks that divided its surface into four parts. A sign off to the door's side read:
KEEP OUT
MAIN LCL PLANT: PRIMARY GATE
TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT ON SIGHT
VIOLATORS WILL BE LIABLE FOR PENALTIES OF UP TO 10 YEARS' IMPRISONMENT, $10000 FINE, OR BOTH
"Serious door for serious people." The Doctor tapped a finger against the card reader underneath the sign. "Signal's definitely coming from inside. Looks like a hardened tungsten-steel alloy over a carbon nanotube rib structure. Not skimping on the security budget around here, are they?"
Shinji glanced over at him. "How long do you think it'll take?"
"Eh. Call it at fifteen minutes? Ten if I don't break for snacks." The Doctor kneeled down and started pulling an access panel off the wall.
Shinji wandered off further down, running his hand down the length of the door. It was perfectly reflective, like polished chrome or a mirror...
"So. How's it feel to be a fraud?"
He turned. Asuka stood behind him with her hands on her hips, the same angry glint in her eyes. But she seemed more focused now. Somehow, he found this even more alarming than when she'd been throttling him. "Um... what?"
"A fraud. As in a liar." She crossed over to him. "Ever since I got here, people keep talking about the amazing Third Child. The hero of Uenohara and everything."
"They do?" Since when? He'd never heard anything like that...
"But it's all just been a big lie, hasn't it?" She leaned in closer to him. "You're not some big hero. You're just a pathetic little parasite, sponging off the efforts of other people. A worthless puppet, pretending to be a soldier."
He shifted his eyes away. "S-sorry..."
"You disgust me, you know that?" she snarled. "How can you even bear to live? Don't you have any sense of shame? Or pride? How can you just -"
"Why do you feel the need to do that?" The Doctor asked. "Tear him down over and over. Don't you think he's been kicked around enough in his life?"
They turned. The Doctor eyed Asuka from his position lying beside an open maintenance duct in the wall beneath the card reader. A few paces away, Rei leaned off to the side, wordlessly staring out into space.
"Well, obviously not." Asuka stuck up her nose. "Not if he's still this much of a weakling."
"Oh, so you're doing him a favor, then, is that it? Toughening him up or something."
"Somebody has to," she snapped. "The way you and Misato baby him, I'm amazed he can tie his own shoes."
"I'm standing right here, you know," Shinji grumbled.
Asuka didn't even look at him. "Cram it, Betty. The grownups are talking."
The Doctor sighed and rolled his eyes. "Oh, for God's sake - I've been helping him survive. It's not like I've been letting him have sweets before bedtime, or something."
"Well... we did stop for ice cream on the way back from Uenohara," Shinji admitted, before he could stop himself.
"Eh, that's different." The Doctor waved his hand. "Save the planet, get ice cream. Fair trade."
Shinji raised his eyebrows. "Really? Promise?"
"We'll see." The Doctor scratched the scar on the back of his hand. "Trust me, you gotta watch the whole post-rescue splurging thing. Had to deal with a Sontaran battle campaign this one time. I must've gained ten stone that week..."
"Unbelievable." Asuka covered his face. "God. Hanging around with a weirdo like you - it's no wonder he doesn't have any fight in him. He can't even stand up for himself, you know? He's got no spine at all."
"Yeeeaaahh, take it from someone who knows, fräulein." The Doctor pulled a wire from out of the back of the duct and studied it. "Just because someone doesn't want to fight doesn't mean they're bad at it."
"Uh-huh. Sure. So, tell me, 'Doctor'" - she raised her hands to make air quotes - "how many fights have you run away from in your life?"
"Oh, can't even begin to count. Every one I could, more or less."
She sneered. "I should've know. The big coward and the coward-in-training. The weak always flock to each other."
"You don't say." The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "So - if I'm weak, would that make you strong?"
She jutted out her chin proudly. "Of course!"
"Really." He looked away thoughtfully. "Betcha I could reduce you to tears in a hundred words or less."
She tossed her hair. "Oh, please."
"Wellllll, okay, one-hundred-eighteen or less," the Doctor corrected himself. "No reason to go overboard."
Asuka snorted. "Oh, what? You think I'm just gonna break down 'cause the big scary man hurts my feelings?"
"Basically, yeah."
She glared at him coldly. "All right," she snapped. "Go for it, then."
Shinji carefully edged away from her. Oh, boy...
"You sure?" the Doctor asked.
She folded her arms. "Yeah, I want to hear this. Come on. Give me your best shot."
"Well." The Doctor sat up straight and looked Asuka in the eye. "In that case..."
"You can't stand Shinji because you're just like him." It took Asuka a second to realize he'd switched into German. Why? What'd he have to say that he didn't want the other two to hear? Did he think she cared? "He reminds you that, deep down inside - underneath all that attitude and swagger - you genuinely don't think you're worth it."
She opened her mouth to fire something back, but the Doctor cut her off. "Don't bother denying it. You think you're hiding it, but it couldn't be more obvious. I know your secret: all I have to do to hurt you is choose not to like you. 'Cause in your mind, every rejection and setback reaffirms the nothing you really are inside. That you'll always be, no matter what.
"And I'm sorry, Asuka. I really am. But I can't stand bullies. You're alone."
The hallway fell silent.
"That's it?" Asuka smirked. "Seriously? That's the best you've -"
Her face suddenly twisted. She clapped her palms over her mouth, a mix of confusion and disbelief in her eyes. Then she noticed - at about the same time Shinji did - her hands shaking.
"Scheisse!"
She turned and took off running down the hall.
"Little bit of soul there, after all..." The Doctor stared after her. "Well, that, or she's changing up tactics..."
"Wow," Shinji said. "That was... um..." He couldn't find the right word. Come on, he thought. Why do I feel sorry for her? It's Asuka.
"Yeah, well..." The Doctor lay back down and turned to the duct. "She's a terror and all... but I wouldn't go ranking making a fourteen-year-old girl cry among my proudest moments, exactly."
"Oh." Shinji looked at him. "Um."
"What?"
Shinji scratched the back of his head. "Do you... really think I'm like her?"
"Wait, you understood that?!" The Doctor shot upright. Then he groaned and put a hand over his face. "Ohhh, right. 'Course you did... Look, in some ways, maybe. I'll explain later, all right? It's complicated."
"Okay..." It wasn't that the comparison bothered him, Shinji thought. Not really. He just really couldn't see it. At all.
"And I wouldn't go letting on that you heard that, by the way," the Doctor added. "Knowing that'll make her even worse, if anything. Her ego's bruised enough as is."
"Actually," Rei said, "I understand German as well."
The Doctor sighed and shoved his head into the duct. "Well, I tried. That's what counts - ooh. Wait. So if that holds the private key..."
He took out the screwdriver and held it against a circuit board above him. Shinji heard the whine of hydraulics. Things inside the door started to shift.
"Ha! What'd I tell you?" The Doctor grinned triumphantly. "Inside of ten minutes, even, minus distractions. And I didn't - ooh. Oh. Hold on." He stabbed his finger down on the circuit board. The sounds within the door stopped.
The Doctor ran his free hand over his face. "Oh, brilliant. Nice one, Doctor... perfect timing..."
"What's wrong?"
"Oh, it's the fräulein." The Doctor groaned and looked down the hallway. "We can't just leave her down here."
"... you sure?" Shinji asked darkly.
"Positive." The Doctor gestured with his chin towards the circuit board. "See the button I'm holding down? Soon as I let go, we've got sixty seconds, then the sentry guns reboot." Shinji winced. Yeah, okay, that would be taking things a little too far. "One of you'll have to go get her..."
"I can take care of it," Rei said.
"So when you say that, do you mean drag her back physically, or...?"
"If necessary."
"Yeaaaahhhh, let's call that Plan B." The Doctor looked over at Shinji.
Shinji dropped his arms. "Oh, come on. Really?"
"Sorry, mate. Process of elimination and all..."
"Well... couldn't I just hold down the button for you or something?"
The Doctor shook his head. "Too many moving parts here. Lots of networks and tripwires and encryption layers... I need to keep an eye on it."
Shinji narrowed his eyes. "You really don't want to have to apologize to her, do you."
"Yeah, that's not happening," the Doctor said flatly.
Shinji groaned. "Fiiiiiiiiine. You owe me, though."
"Yeah, yeah... just go find her already."
Shoving his hands in his pockets and slouching, Shinji set out down the hallway.
Halfway down the corridor, he stopped. He turned and ran back. "Wait, wait - that was in German?! Why do I know German now?"
"I'll explain later! Go!"
"All right, all right..."
Terminal Dogma. Lateral Column Pathway.
He found her three or four corridors back through the maze - or maybe it was the other way around. As he wandered past a dark alcove in the hallway, shielded from the dim glare of the emergency lights, he heard her growl: "Don't come any closer."
He turned and held up his hands. Actually, he thought, staying out of arm's length of Asuka suited him just fine at the moment. "Okay. Sure."
"And don't say anything," she added. "Don't even think about it."
"Okay." Lacking anything better to do, he sat down on the floor.
She didn't say anything for a while. He could just barely see her inside the nook, her face in particular hidden in shadow. She didn't make a sound. He could barely even hear her breathing.
"What are you even doing here, anyway?" she finally snapped. "You get bored with Robot Girl or something?"
Shinji hesitated. He had to be careful here. If he said the wrong thing, he'd just make everything worse. "He - the Doctor, I mean - he got the door open."
"So what? You think I want anything to do with that bastard?!" She slammed her fist into the wall. "Why don't you all just go off and leave me? It'll be great! You and your best friends, the freak and the pedophile! Go on! Go! You think I care?!"
Geez, he thought. It's like dealing with a wounded animal or something. "We can't do that."
"Hmph!" She snorted. "Whatever."
They sat there in silence for a moment.
When Asuka spoke next, she at least sounded a little calmer. "I'm going to destroy him for this, you know."
"Who? The Doctor?"
"No, the other arrogant bastard! Who do you think, genius?!"
"Yeah, that's..." He hesitated. "That's a really bad idea."
"I don't care. I'll crush him! I'll find a way."
He tilted his head. "Um. Is that really necessary?"
"Of course it is!" she snarled. "It's a matter of pride! Pride and honor! Don't you get that? I thought Japanese men were supposed to be all about honor!"
"Well... kind of, I guess..." Though, really, most of what he knew personally about Bushido and the like came from history class and a handful of samurai movies.
"Look. Let me break this down for you, Veronica..." She leaned forward and stuck her head out into the light, her eyes glaring into his. If her face seemed a little moist, he pretended not to notice. "This is a cruel and merciless world. If you don't pay back people a hundred times when they hurt you, they'll never stop. And if you don't show them your strength every single time, they'll never respect you. That's the way it is."
"I... um..." For some reason, Shinji's eyes kept getting drawn to a stray hair that hung right over her face. "I - I don't think the Doctor meant to hurt you. He's really not like that."
She sneered and leaned back, her face vanishing back into the shadows. "Pffh! As if he could!"
If that's the case, Shinji thought, what are you doing here? He bit his tongue.
"Gah." She shook her her head. "That stupid, self-centered, self-righteous, egotistical jerk... who does he think he is, anyway? He doesn't know me. He doesn't know anything about me."
Shinji kept his mouth shut. Somehow, he innately knew that any reaction he might have would be detrimental to his health.
"Hmph. Doctor." She tossed a bit of debris - a spare bolt or screw or something - at the wall. It pinged off. "I could've been a doctor by now."
He raised his eyebrows. "Really?"
"Of course!" She tossed her head. "I graduated from Heidelberg, remember? The youngest ever! There's no reason I couldn't have done med school and piloted Eva. I don't care what anyone says."
"Huh." Shinji didn't know anything about that. "So why didn't you?"
"Oh... things..." She shook her head. "Things didn't work out, that's all. Faculty politics and stuff. It was stupid."
"Oh."
"So piloting's all I have left now." Within the shadows, he thought he saw her eyes flash. "Well, that's fine. I can make it work. Just watch. I'll be the greatest warrior this planet's ever seen. I'll show them all - even Doctor Psycho and the wonder-freak! I'll save the world and all their crummy little lives! Then, when I'm done here, I'll go back, ace their stupid tests, get my doctorate and finish my mother's work! I'll go down in history as the one who changed life as we know it forever!"
"Um, wow," Shinji said. "Really?" His first thought was: jeez, what is she, a mad scientist from a cartoon?
Then something clicked.
He could hear it in her voice. The same feeling he woke up with every morning and bore through every day in the pit of his heart, white-hot and painful. It was hard to describe. It wasn't quite loneliness, or the desire for friends, or the need for people, though maybe those things were all a part of it. It was a hunger for... acknowledgement. For recognition, maybe. A need for someone - anyone - to notice him and actually value his existence.
He'd learned to ignore that feeling for the most part. Being noticed made you a target, and besides, whenever he'd tried, he'd just wound up annoying people more than anything else. So he'd stopped, and tried to just live with the hunger gnawing away inside him.
But Asuka - she never gave up, did she?
"Of course!" She leapt to her feet. "Just you watch, Third Child! Someday, you'll be telling your grandchildren you knew me. Well, provided you con some poor woman into letting you reproduce, anyway."
"Uh-huh." Shinji barely heard her. He felt dazed, sort of like he'd been when he'd first walked into the TARDIS. Open a door. Find out it's bigger on the inside...
"But I can't do any of that stuck down here." She dusted herself off, then emerged from the nook, the usual cocky smile on her face. "Come on. Let's go get this over with."
"Oh. Um. Right." He got up and followed her as she marched down the hall. He stared at her back. The Doctor was right, wasn't he? They really were a lot alike underneath it all...
He eventually noticed the direction they were going. "Um, Asuka... I think it might be back the other way..."
"I knew that," she said brusquely. Without missing a beat, she spun around.
Terminal Dogma. Solitary Track.
"Jelly baby?"
Rei looked down and stared at the candy in the Doctor's outstretched hand. He kept holding it out to her anyway. After a lengthy pause, she finally said, "No, thank you."
"Suit yourself." The Doctor popped the candy in his mouth - ooh, blackcurrant - and went back to the bag he'd placed on his chest for another. All the while, he kept his other thumb pressed down on what he'd fondly taken to calling The Button, at least inside his head. "Stumbled across an old pack of these the other day. I used to be mad for 'em."
"I see."
"So I've been meaning to ask," the Doctor said, his mouth partway full, "what's the deal with the whole Laws of Robotics thing? They couldn't actually have physically hardcoded them into you, could they?"
"No."
"Right. So it's a personal choice, then."
"Yes."
"Hm. Taking the scifi fan thing a bit far, isn't it?"
Rei hesitated for a moment. Then she asked: "When you look at me, what do you see?"
"A girl."
She stared at him with the same unreadable expression.
"Oh, all right. If you're looking for something specific..." He reached into the bag. "A human girl, structurally. Albeit composed of the same kind of indeterminate matter the Angels are made up of."
She raised an eyebrow. "Impressive."
"I know." The Doctor grinned. "So the whole Asimov fixation, then...?"
"His robots are the best model I have for what I am."
"Which is?"
"I am an artificial construct," Rei said. "Shaped by man in his image, created to serve and protect his interests. That is the reason I exist. I may have flesh rather than metal, but my function is the same."
The Doctor raised his eyebrow. "Bit limiting, don't you think?"
She shrugged. "It is what I am. I look human, but I am not. If I die, I can be replaced."
"Yeah... I know the feeling." The Doctor studied a malformed green baby critically, then popped it in his mouth anyway. "All the same, though - have you considered it might be possible to view yourself from another perspective?"
She tilted her head. "Such as?"
"Welllllll - and mind you, I'm just throwing out ideas here... what about as just another person?"
She blinked. "With the exception of the Evas and a handful of genetic uplift experiments, I am the only sentient nonhuman known to exist. I am distinct from every other organism on the planet."
The Doctor chortled. "And you think you're the first teenager to believe that, do you?"
Rei looked away. "I am not human. Not really. Even if I understood how to act like one of you, to do so would be a deception."
"I didn't say human - though you'd be surprised, actually. It's a lot more fun than it looks." The Doctor sorted through the bag, looking for a pink one. "I said person. There's a difference."
"Which is?"
"One's a species." He settled for a red and downed it. "The other's a concept. Meaning an individual with her own rights, wants, needs and dreams. Same as everyone else."
"I do not dream," Rei said. "Or sleep."
The Doctor rolled his eyes. "All right, fine. Have it your way, Ms. Literal. Goals, then. Or aspirations. I've always liked that word, anyway."
"And what would my goals be? What is it that I want?"
The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "Well. That's up to you now, isn't it?"
Rei crossed her arms. "I..." She hesitated. "I... find the idea terrifying, to be honest."
"Freedom always is, at first. Doesn't change the fact that it's yours to take." The Doctor adjusted his hold on The Button. "Just something to think about, eh?"
Rei stared out into space. She opened her mouth as if to say something, then stopped. Instead, she reached down and picked up a jelly baby. She looked it over carefully. "Do these contain animal products?"
"Don't think so. Some sort of algae stack, I want to say." The Doctor cocked his head. "Why? Are you vegan?"
"I don't like meat. Or things made from it." She put the candy in her mouth.
"So yes, then. Huh." The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "That'd explain the superpowers, I suppose..."
"Um, hey!" Shinji called. "We're back!"
They looked up to see him and Asuka approach from down the hall. She looked... less than enthused to be there. Oh, well. You could only ask for so much when it came to narcissistic rage, really.
"Brilliant! Perfect timing," the Doctor said, throwing some cheer into his voice. "Let's see what we've got, then."
He bid farewell to The Button and stood up. The door mechanisms started to grind away again. Heavy door. Could take awhile. Could be awkward.
"Don't you think for a second this means I've forgiven you," Asuka growled behind him, right on cue. "The only reason I'm here is because I always finish what I start. Clear?"
"Yeah. Crystal." The Doctor didn't turn around. The girl just didn't know when to quit, he thought. Of course she'd be the type to want the last word.
"And this isn't the kind of thing you can fix with just an apology, either. So don't even try."
"Wasn't planning on it." Problem was, so was he.
The door split into four parts and retracted into the wall.
LCL Plant
They stepped into a large, circular room. A wide metal catwalk ran down the center, flanked on either side by a large pool of a familiar orange liquid. Somewhere nearby, Shinji could hear what sounded like a waterfall. The far end of the room opposite him was unlit and still hidden in shadow. Looking up, he noticed that the ceiling far above him was covered with satellite dishes and antennas.
"This is what you dragged us all the way down here for?" Asuka went to the catwalk's edge and studied the liquid. "A big pool of LCL?"
"Hold on." The Doctor pulled out the screwdriver. "Let me find the signal again..."
Shinji wandered down the catwalk. As he put his foot down, he heard something click.
The lights at the other end of the room came on. He gasped.
He found himself looking up at an immense pale giant, pinned by its hands to a gigantic metal cross. From its wounds where the nails went into its palms poured an endless stream of LCL down into the pool below. Its white flesh seemed doughy and misshapen, like a lump of clay. Its face was covered by a gunmetal-gray mask, adorned with seven eyes. Tubes ran out of the back of its head and into the wall. Its legs were missing. Instead, a bulbous tumor-like growth extended out below its hips, from out of which sprang dozens of tiny, twitching limbs.
Stunned, he took another step towards it. "Is that a -"
"Don't." Rei suddenly took hold of his sleeve. He looked back. She stood frozen in place like a sculpture. "Don't go any closer. Don't touch it."
Shinji could feel a vibration through the cloth. Was she trembling? "Rei..."
"What - what the hell is that thing?!" Asuka sounded horrified.
"I know what it is," the Doctor said quietly.
Shinji turned to him - and immediately recoiled.
He'd never seen the Doctor really, truly angry before. It felt like staring into the sun.
"It's an abomination," the Doctor snarled through clenched teeth.
AUTHOR'S NOTES
One hundred and eighteen is the word count I got when I plugged the Doctor's speech into Google Translate and hit German. If there's a German speaker out there willing to give me a more accurate count, I'd appreciate it.
