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CHAPTER 52.
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She kept her hand against his nape, letting her slender fingers and his impeccable hair become one, the other was against his chest where she could almost feel his racing heart. A split second thought occurred to her that he was as excited as she was. She wasn't alone when it came to bounding pulse rates.
His hands meanwhile were on her waist, bunching up her rather big sized shirt. He needed to keep them in check and so what better than to hold her shirt in a death grip so he could prevent them from acting on their own accord.
Of course she had taken him by surprise. He knew the witch for almost a decade and he could swear that he knew her inside out. But that didn't stop her from springing surprises on him. The biggest of them all was how she was friends with him in the first place. He hadn't ever, as a child, imagined Hermione Granger to be his friend and such a great one that too.
Almost every day he woke up wondering what good he must have done ever that she came into his life and stayed.
But what she was doing right now topped everything. He just wanted to talk to her. Get the stupid awkwardness out of the way and become friends again. He expected her to argue and say nonsensical things like she took advantage of him and how it wasn't right and that she were left guilty.
He expected her to metaphorically run away from him again. He was ready with every counter argument she was going to make. What he wasn't ready for was this. What she was doing right now.
She left his lips for his angular jaw and Draco found himself moaning into the crook of her neck. She quickly trailed heated little kisses over his jaw as if she was in a massive hurry and reached his lips again.
Before he could get over the assault, she had opened her mouth and was urging him to do the same. The hands left her waist. They couldn't be responsible now. He slid them lower till he reached her bottom and pushed her even closer to him if it was possible.
Hermione gasped and it took only that much for Draco to assume the lead in the battle of the tongues. As if Draco's wandering hands had let out an alarm bell, Hermione suddenly pulled apart, with immense difficulty. The sudden lack of mouth to press against left him bewildered as he looked at her astonished.
Her eyes had gone wide and she had a wild look on her face. Hair astray, lips swollen beyond a doubt, her face and neck was unmistakably red. She was panting in shallow breaths as she looked at Draco who looked as dishevelled as she did. His usually well kept hair had the messed woken up look which didn't help as she wanted to grab hold of it again. His eyes weren't wide but they held confusion and was it hurt? She was seeing hurt in his eyes. What had she done? Where were her brains when she needed them the most?
He let go of her and his hands lay limp by his side, without any purpose. Hermione realised that her arms were still woven around his neck. She hastily extracted them and put them on her side as well.
They stood there awkwardly again. Looking at the wooden floor. If their prior situation seemed awkward, this was the queen of situations.
Hermione finally looked up at Draco, who was still in his place and since Hermione also hadn't moved, it meant they were still very close. She caught his eyes for a split second before she shut them in mortification tightly and just leaned her forehead into his chest.
His solid chest that she had held herself against so many times. She felt at home. How he had grown! From the hateful little boy to the experimental Draco and now to the man that she had loved even when he was a boy. His body had grown with him, but whenever she hugged him, it felt the same. Safe. Secure. Content. At home.
And although her emotions were a whirlpool right now, she still strangely felt at peace. Luna had once told her a long time ago, in a very different context; actually Hermione hadn't understood the context even then. Which wasn't entirely shocking as very few people ever understood Luna. But she had said that people usually spend so much energy fighting things that if something was going to happen, it would rebound with double force because of all the unnecessary negative energy that's trying to push it away.
Hermione still hadn't learned about what Luna was talking about then, but strangely, right now her words seemed to be holding their own.
Hermione sighed as she continued to hold her forehead against Draco's chest. Neither dared to raise their arms from their current position. After a few seconds, Hermione looked up.
"Are you going to run away again?" Draco asked her.
Hermione laughed a wet laugh. "I seem to do that an awful lot don't I ? Every time I do something stupid, I run away."
"You think you did something stupid?" Draco asked with an edge to his voice.
"Well, my actions haven't been exactly quite bright now have they?" She retaliated. "First I run away from family and friends without even a word and don't even revert back. Next I guilt my best friend into sleeping with me and instead of talking it out like an adult, I take off again. And now; when said friend acts like an adult to 'talk' about it, I attack him again! Pray, tell me in this whole scenario where you see the wisdom?"
Draco gently placed his hands on her shoulders. "Hermione, you didn't guilt me into it. I promise you, I knew all along what I was getting into. If you think it's a mistake, then it was as much my fault as it was yours. You cannot shoulder the entire blame." He said firmly.
"You think I don't remember the look on your face when I kissed you?" Hermione hissed. "It was the exact look you had right now. The one that screamed what the hell is she doing? I remember you resisting that night Draco. Don't you even try to deny It."
"Of course I tried resisting you Hermione." Draco said his voice an octave higher. "What did you expect me to do? Just let you go ahead? You have no idea just how simple it would have been for me to just not think and go with what was happening. But I couldn't do that to you. Merlin woman, you were beside yourself that night. How could I let your clouded judgement take over? I didn't want you to do something you'd regret later. I was trying not to take advantage of you. But as you pointed out, I tried resisting. Clearly it wasn't enough."
Hermione breathed in deeply and placed her palms on her eyes. Shaking her head, she opened her eyes. "You didn't want to take advantage of me?" She asked unbelievingly.
"Of course I didn't." Draco yelled.
"Draco, I almost forced you to be with me. It's me who took advantage of you. I knew you'd never refuse me." Hermione stressed.
Draco shook his head fervently. "No no no. I could have stopped. And I should have. It's just your eyes, Hermione. I saw your eyes and you were just so upset and you looked and felt so rejected... I just... I just couldn't bear to see you that way."
Hermione's face softened at this. "I wasn't drunk or anything. I knew what I was doing. It's just... I know I normally don't do things like this but at that moment I just needed to feel needed, you know?"
Draco took her hand in his and stroked his thumb on the dorsum of her palm. "You didn't have to be drunk. You were upset and I was there. We're friends. And you needed the closeness. I understand. I also gathered that when you'd wake up, you'd go ballistic with guilt. But I never thought you'd run away from me." He said softly.
A drop of tear fell from her left eye. "I just felt so guilty for doing this to you. For confusing you. For misleading you."
"Hey look, we're both adults right? And I can take care of myself from forceful wenches. And trust me when I tell you this, it's only because of my will of steel that you were able to realise that I was resisting you. Because Hermione, trust me; resisting you or even trying to is the hardest thing I've done till date."
Hermione laughed slightly. "Will of steel?"
Draco shrugged importantly.
"So you aren't mad at me for using you?"
"Hell no." Draco laughed. "If that's how you want to use me, feel free to use me anytime you want to."
"Draco!" Hermione admonished him with wide eyes.
"What?" Draco smirked. "At your service."
"I can't believe you're joking about this." Hermione said. "This could have been the end of our friendship."
"But it's not." Draco emphasised. "It's not right? You're not going to exile yourself from my life are you? Because I know how your mind works. You did not use me nor are you going to lose me over this. I'm still Draco and you're still Hermione. Nothing's changed."
"Draco, I just... I need some time." Hermione swallowed. "It's not easy..."
"I knew you'd regret it." Draco yelled as he banged his fist across the banister. "I knew it. I knew the moment you'd wake, you would regret it. And you know why I even tried to resist you Hermione? It was because of this. Not because I thought it was a bad idea or not because I didn't want this, because believe me when I say I wanted it, but it was because I didn't want to see the regret and the shame and the guilt on your face the next day. One night our friendship would have survived Hermione. But you over think everything so much and guilt your mind into hating you. And the regret would kill you. So help me if I wanted to spare you the pain and me the misery."
He was backing her now and breathing more heavily. He just couldn't understand what her problem was. Here he was, telling her in earnest that it was a mutual decision and he didn't feel used one bit, but she refused to listen.
"You ... You wanted to be with me?" Hermione asked timidly. "Why?"
Draco turned and looked at her as if she had lost her marbles. "Why? Why? Are you blind Hermione? Just look at you. You are the purest person I know. Even associating with me has not tainted you. You are kind and caring, passionate and filled with compassion. Bloody stubborn but so endearing. Loyal to a fault and not to mention so breathtakingly and innocently beautiful that not seeing you is like a punishment but seeing you causes me physical pain because every time I look at you, I am reminded of what I could have had; what we could have had and I threw it all away. And now it's too late. I've lost it all, I've lost you and I've lost any possibility of us. All I have is Hermione Granger, my best friend. And losing us is something I can even bear because I hadn't tasted it. But losing my friend would kill me. And the past few days have been just that. So please Hermione. I beg of you. I beg you to just forget what happened and have the heart to move on because I don't know about you but if I lose you, again, I won't be able to make it."
Draco's eyes were burning with a mix of intensity and a thin layer of tear film that had somehow formed itself. Hermione just stood staring at him. Mouth slightly open. She was clutching the banister tightly now because Godric knew she needed the support.
Draco lowered his eyes. This wasn't the way he wanted to tell her. He had planned on calming her down and just being honest with her. But somewhere down the line, he had gotten worked up and it all just started flying out of his mouth.
He looked up again; Hermione seemed to be pretty much in the same position. Draco sighed. So much for calming her down.
"Look Hermione, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout... "
"What did you mean?" Hermione asked. "When you said US?"
"Hermione... "
"Draco, what did you mean by it?" Hermione questioned again. "Because what you just said has gone way ahead of the topic."
"No Hermione." Draco stated. "On the contrary, it's very much related to the topic."
"Draco ..."
"I love you." He blurted. "Okay? I love you. Always have and I still do. I'm in love with you Hermione."
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OKay so i hope this didn't disappoint...
