Mackenzies story.
As I browsed through the clothes in the department store, I spotted a gorgeous pink top. I wasn't sure if it was me though, I picked it up and held it up on the hanger at arms length, pulling a face at it. I then held it against my chest and looked down, seeing what I might look like if I wore it. I couldn't be bothered to go in to the changing rooms.
"It suits you!" Came a voice from behind me, making me jump out of my skin. On turning around I saw a face I had missed so desperately. "Logan! Holy shit, you made me jump." I said with wide eyes. This was the first time I had spoken to him since safias birthday party several weeks ago.
He grinned at me from underneath a baseball cap, unleashing the smile I had tattooed on my brain. "It's good to see you Macks." He said as his eyes seemed to soak in what my face looked like.
I remembered to breathe. "It's really good to see you too Logues. What are you doing here?" I said narrowing my eyes as to why he would be skulking about ladies clothing.
He chuckled. "I was on the escalator and I saw you down here... I was coming down from the floor above." He said with a weak smile.
I looked over to the sign that stated the 4th floor was labelled 'babies & children'. "Oh I see... is Lola with you?" I asked.
"No... She is getting the brunt of the baby sickness now, she sent me out to pick up some things she reserved online a couple of days ago... we found out it's a girl." He said with a smile as he opened up his bulging bag which consisted of a lot of pink.
"That's great Logan... a little girl... that's really great." I said trying to convince myself that I was happy for him.
"Yeah... I'm... I'm doing the right thing Macks." He said trying to convince himself.
I nodded. "It was kind of you to come back down and find me here. It's nice that you still want to remain friends." I said knowing it was hard to be anything. We had steered clear from each other since our last conversation.
"Yeah... I... I was actually wondering if you knew how Sheri is doing? She called me yesterday in a state, saying she broke up with Kendall? I figured you might of seen her as I know you and Los hang out at his dad's a lot." He said which made my stomach drop. I felt like an idiot thinking he wanted to actually talk to me for the sake of our feelings.
I nodded. "Sure... er... Yeah I saw her this morning when her and Antonio got back from New York, she isn't talking much though." I said trying to sound casual.
"No... I know, I've tried calling her cell a bunch of times but she won't tell me what happened... is Kendall back at the house yet?" He asked.
"No... It's just me and Carlos still. I left Carlos at his dad's so hopefully he has managed to beat it out of Antonio as to what happened between them. Maybe things can be patched up." I said optimistically.
Logan rubbed his hand on his chin. "Yeah... I guess, I've never been overjoyed about her dating Kendall to be honest." He said rocking on his heels.
I nodded, I knew Kendall was a good guy deep down so I didn't want to get dragged down in the drama "So... how is... Lola?" I asked not really knowing what else to say.
Logan chuckled at me. "You don't wanna hear about Lola, macks." He said with a smirk.
I laughed. "Sorry.. I'm just... I'm just a little nervous talking to you." I said honestly.
Logan smiled at me. "It's silly to be nervous... I know it's been a while but it's only me huh." Logan said letting me see his dimples that I still found so attractive.
"I know, it's hard that's all... I miss you Logan. It's a shame that we don't talk any more."
He nodded. "It is a shame... it is. listen Macks, I've got half hour left on my parking did you wanna grab a coffee and catch up properly?"
"Well my train isn't due for a while yet... You sure?" I asked, not knowing if Logan and I catching up would be good for me, I wasn't over him at all.
"I would like to Macks... I've missed you. There isn't a reason why we can't be friends is there?" He asked.
I shook my head. "Friends sounds about perfect." I said feeling overwhelmed.
"If you buy the shirt then I might throw in a cookie, how does that sound?" He chuckled.
"You really think it will suit me?" I asked realising that I still held on to the pink top.
"You will look beautiful in it." Logan replied, charming his way in to my heart.
I smiled, feeling my cheeks redden. "As long as you make it chocolate chip." I added.
"Deal, c'mon let's make a move... I will take those for you while you buy the top." Logan said as he took my other shopping bags from me.
The conversation flowed as we waited at the checkout, it was easy to walk and talk about random things but once we sat in the coffee shop with only each other to look at I felt the tension rise.
"So how have things been with you and Carlos?" Logan asked as he placed both his hands around his oversized mug of coffee.
"Testing." I replied with a raise of my eyebrows. "He is traumatised by what happened to him in the jungle, he has night terrors, panic attacks, he doesn't like being left on his own at all. I worry that I can't handle him. A few weeks ago he actually tried to strangle me in my sleep." I said in a whisper. I hadn't told anyone that before, but I felt I could tell Logan my deepest darkest secrets and fears.
Logan's eyes narrowed. "He tried to strangle you? What the fuck Macks?!" He said sounding shocked.
I shook my head. "Oh, it's not like that... it was a night terror, he was asleep. I was so scared though. I thought I was going to die. He went to the doctors the next day and was prescribed some hard core sleeping pills that put a stop to him doing much in the night... he still gets nightmares though. It's hard for him." I said honestly.
"I can't even begin to imagine what he goes through every day Mackenzie. He is lucky to have you." Logan said.
I took a deep breath in. "Logan I'm not in love with him." I said as my eyes welled with tears. "It was a mistake getting back with him but I feel trapped now... I can't hurt him by leaving. He is so broken Logues. I don't... know... what... to do." I sobbed out.
"Hey... Macks c'mon... c'mon it's okay. Everything will be okay." Logan soothed as he looked at me awkwardly from across the table.
"It's not though, how can anything be okay ever again. Everything just turns to shit all the time. I'm sick of it Logan... gah! Jesus, I'm sorry.. I don't mean to burden you with all my dirty laundry." I said looking at how uncomfortable he looked.
"Macks, if Carlos has you and his dad and his brother and all the quacks to talk to, who do you have?" He asked.
I shrugged. "No one." I said as my emotion won me over again and the tears wouldn't stop falling from my face.
Logan looked so sorry for me. "Tell you what... if you look after all these for a second..." He said looking down at his bags." I will run over to where my car is parked and pay for another hour... we could talk properly then." He said treating me to the smile again.
"I don't want to put you out." I said back to him.
"Honestly it's no bother.. I won't be long okay." He said standing up and walking out of the coffee shop.
I pulled his bag of shopping closer to me, it wasn't overly busy in the shop I sat in, there were only 4 other people in here but I didn't want some opportunist snatching at Logan's baby's things.
I saw a tiny pink woolen jumper that caught my eye, I pulled it out of Logan's bag to admire it and saw that it had 'daddys girl' written on the front. My heart lurched in to my mouth. On folding the jumper back up I noticed something hard in the carrier that was wrapped in tissue paper. Taking it out from the bag I unravelled it, revealing a pretty name plaque in pink and purple it has a crown design that would be placed on a door with big colorful pink wooden letters that spelt out 'Blossom'.
"All done." Logan said making me jump for the second time today as he pulled his chair back out and sat down.
The only thing I could do was laugh. "I'm sorry... You caught me red handed snooping through your shopping." I said holding the name plaque out.
"It's cool Macks... I'm not worried."
"Blossom Henderson?... that's different." I said not entirely sure if I liked it. If I had Baby with Logan it would get a much cooler name than Blossom.
"Yeah... It's girly and cute... delicate." He said with a smile on his face.
My heart melted seeing him get all doe eyed talking babies. "You will make a great daddy Logan." I smiled.
"Enough about me, let's get some of this worry off your chest huh. You really feel that you don't want Carlos?" He asked, changing the subject.
I nodded. "I knew before the island that I wasn't in love with him. I told you didn't I?" I said.
"Yeah... Yeah you did say." He replied as memories of us on the island came to him.
"I just wish I had of stuck to my guns. He would be over the heartbreak now, he is so fragile Logan. I feel everytime I'm in his company I'm walking on eggshells. I can't remember the last time I laughed for real... Jesus listen to me, poor Carlos was raped and here I am moaning about it because it's an inconvenience to my life... I'm a bitch." I said taking a sip from my coffee.
"Mackenzie you're not a bitch... You are silly though, to get back with him was silly but you just need a time out. You need to organise a girly night out our something and let your hair down... have some fun!" He said.
"I need a time out? Logues you sound like Carlos after he has spoken to Lola on one of her inspirational talks to him." I said sarcastically.
Logan couldn't help but laugh, almost spraying coffee from his mouth. "Fuck... I guess I do. She must be rubbing off on me." He chuckled, but stopped as he saw my face fall not appreciating the 'Lola is fabulous at everything' chit chat he was embarking on now.
"Do you still think about the island?" Logan then said changing the conversation to something we shared in common.
I nodded. "I have bad dreams about the fishing wire thing that James did sometimes... just thinking about it now makes my hairs stand on end.
Logan nodded. "I have nightmares about it too... not the fishing wire stunt Maslow did but about you." He said surprisingly.
"I'm your nightmare?" I replied sarcastically. "I didn't think I was that bad." I said raising my eyebrows.
"When I dragged your body from the sea... trying to get you to breathe. I gave up for a few seconds you know... begging for help. I don't think I would of got off that beach if you hadn't if made it, kenz." He said softly.
I smiled at him and reached my hand out, giving his a squeeze. My heart throbbed hard in my chest on our skin contact. "You saved my life Logan, you're sat with me right now, chatting and having a coffee. There is no need for bad dreams over me." I said as I released my hand. I saw as Logan watched our hands separate.
Silence surrounded us for a few seconds, I took the moment to check the time for when my train was due.
"Spending just a few days with you on that island made it all worthwhile Mackenzie." Logan said bravely.
My green eyes then stared in to his brown ones. "I miss you Logan. Just talking with someone that understands everything about me has been amazing. Thank you." I replied.
Logan didn't reply to what I said but he smiled and I knew that he missed me too. That smile was worth a thousand words to me.
"I can give you a lift back to Carlos' dad's place if you like? Be quicker than you getting on the train and making twenty stops."
"Oh I couldn't put you out like that." I said checking the clock once more.
"Well its not putting me out... plus I've enjoyed talking to you... not sure I want to say goodbye yet." He said in brutal honesty.
I smiled. "How about if I get the train home today seeing as I've already got my ticket but we meet up again sometime... so today isn't really a goodbye... more a 'see you later' kind of ending." I said watching his reaction carefully to what I just proposed.
Logan smiled, his beautiful beam hitting me in my heart. "Sounds amazing... Lola does her volunteering at the hospital between 2 and 6 on a Wednesday and Friday... we could meet up after I drop her off?" He said.
"Next week Wednesday?" I asked with the most ridiculous smile on my face.
"Sure but... I've not got plans for tomorrow though... if you're free?"
Tomorrow was Friday. "Tomorrow sounds perfect... meet you in here?" I asked.
"About 2 thirty?" Logan added.
I checked the time once more. "Two thirty is perfect!..." I clarified as I stood up. "I have to go now but this has been... It's been great Logues. I will see you tomorrow." I said placing a kiss on his cheek. I'm pretty sure I heard his breath stagger in as my lips landed on his skin.
"See you later Macks." Logan said as he remained sat down. I left the coffee shop feeling ecstatic.
