Wow, your sweet and supporting comments made me cry. I am so lucky to have you as wonderful readers, I truly don't deserve you! You are all such a blessing, thank you.
Prompt: love to see your version of the Trials. More specifically Sam's one line that broke us all? "So?"
"You finish the trail, you're dead, Sam." Dean shuttered internally as he spoke the words; he barely made it in the church in time. But that didn't matter because Sam was still okay; shaking, pale, and far too sick looking since Dean had least left him, but it was going to be fine, because Dean was in time and Sammy was okay. and breathing and alive.
Sam had a stunned look on his face when Dean interrupted him to explain the truth about the trails, mouth hanging open as he panted slightly, staring at Dean like he was missing something so obvious. His body shook but his voice was terrifyingly study as he whispered one word that was far too dangerous. "…so?"
Dean's mouth slips open. The ground could have been crumbling open beneath him and he never would have noticed.
Sam looks at his brother incredulously. He looks weak, hardly standing straight and looking so, so pale. Dean's eyes travel towards Sam's hand that is bleeding from the deep cut; he looks so prepared to take the last step of this third trial that Dean doesn't know how was standing here looking at Sam and not run over and push the vial out of Sam's hand. "Look at him." Sam gestures to the weakened Crowley, who is surprisingly silent during this exchange. "Look at him. Look how close we are. Other people will die if I don't finish this!
"So what?" Dean almost says but that's not what Sam needs to hear; he may think Dean was being too emotional to focus, and of course that was the case, but emotion wasn't going to pull Sam from his sacrificing nature. Logic could. "Think about it." Dean steadies his voice, hands up in front of him as he slowly walked closer to his brother. "Think about what we know. Pulling souls from Hell. Curing demons. Hell, ganking a hell hound! We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here. But, I can't do it without you." "Please Sammy" Dean begs in his head. "Please listen to me."
Sam lets out a deprecating scoff. "You can barely do it with me. I mean, you think I screw up everything I try." His voice trembles. "You think I need a chaperone, remember?"
Dean's is starting to sound hysterical now, but he ignores their demon audience. "C'mon, man, that's not what I meant." Dean vows, his steps faltering. His baby brother was considering killing himself to save others and that was not going to happen. Not again.
"No, it's exactly what you meant." Sam spits back angrily. His pained eyes staring unmercifully into Dean's pleading with his brother to listen. "Do you wanna know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was?" He pauses for a moment. Hazel eyes watering as he fought to reveal his words, his worst sin. "Was how many times I let you down. I can't do that again." "Not again, De…" Sam thinks to himself; Dean would feel sorrow for a while, but he can get over it. He can move on, get married, be a wonderful father, he could be Dean, without having his mess of a brother ruining everything once again.
Dean flinched at the expose. "Sam..." Dean murmurs, searching for something that he could do, say, lie about that would get Sam to drop that damn knife and step away from this mess.
Sam waste to time to push on, needing Dean to see that this was the only choice for them. "What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted? Again?" Sam urges Dean to understand. The boy king, the demon blood bastard had no purpose here, especially not as someone like Dean's brother. "I mean, who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me? Another angel? Another…" Sam fights back the tears that slip down his dirty cheeks. The words feel like acid on his tongue. "Another vampire? Do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother..." "Know that their own enemy had less likely chance of stabbing you in the back than your own little brother." Sam wants to finish but Dean cuts him off.
"Just hold it. Hold on!" Screw logic, emotion was Dean's best characteristic. Dean was desperate to make Sam understand and believe that his life was worth more than all the people who they had saved. Every single one. "You seriously think that?" Dean challenges him, eyes wet and whole body shaking with the fierce feeling that consumed him the moment he knew he was a big brother. "Because none of it- none of it- is true!" Dean steps closer to Sam, Sammy who stares wide-eyed at his brother, hanging on every word like they're a promise. "Listen, man, I know we've had..." Dean struggled to find the words. "Our disagreements, okay? Hell, I know I've said some junk that set you back on your heels." He swallows as he thinks back on words and deeds he did and wishes that he could fix them, all of them; but they are in the past and Sammy is his future, and he takes precedence over Dean's guilt.
"But, Sammy... C'mon... I killed Benny... "
"My friend, my brother in arms, the only one who really had my back during purgatory when Cas was gone…"
"To save you."
"You are so important Sammy, can't you see?"
"I'm willing to let this bastard, and all the sons of bitches that killed Mom, walk because of you."
"My baby brother, my soulmate, my Sammy."
"Don't you dare... think that there is anything- past or present-that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that! Ever!" Dean enunciates the words, begging anyone in heaven to hear his silent prayers to have Sam just stop. "I need you to see that. I'm begging you."
Sam stays still; his body is shaking and he still too weak looking for Dean to be able to even breathe properly.
Sam is staring at his brother like he hasn't seen him properly in years. Dean…Dean still thought he was worth saving? After everything? Drinking demon blood, trusting Ruby, not saving Dean from purgatory…everything? How? Even Sam himself thought it was better for all involved if he were to…to just go. He could save earth and more importantly, he could give Dean a life that he deserved; one where monsters were kept at bay from other hunters, and demons were gone forever. Dean deserved that…but, even with the thought of not having to deal with life, not having to work through this cruel and chaotic word that they lived in, Sam didn't want to go to heaven, hell, purgatory or wherever he was heading, if Dean wasn't there.
Maybe it was selfish of him, but if Dean was here, telling Sam that he still cared about him, still loved him...then screw everything else. Finally, finally, he speaks in a hushed tone. "How do I stop?"
Dean exhales sharply, his heart beating rhythmically again. He takes a few steps up to Sam, his voice lowers again, soft. Calm and caring, the tone he saved for Sammy. "Just let it go."
Sam's whole body is shaking, his words trembling as he tries to explain. "I can't. It's in me, Dean. You don't know what this feels like." Tears fall from his cheek and hit the dirty church floor beneath him.
Dean notices the blood still dripping steadily from his brother hand and he quickly pulls out a bandana he kept in his pocket, finally close enough to Sam to touch him. "Hey, listen." Dean whispers, wrapping the kerchief around Sam's bleeding hand tenderly, pressing hard enough to stop the blood. "We will figure it out, okay?" He gives Sam a smile, his thumb running soothing circles around Sam's bleeding hand. "Just like we always do." He pauses for a moment. "C'mon." Dean grabs Sam gently in a hug. A real hug. One that he hadn't given him for a long time, not even when he returned from purgatory. "C'mon. Let it go. Okay?" Dean hums. "Let it go, brother."
Sam's eyes squeeze shut and a chocked sob escapes him. Dean's consuming presence brings warmth to his chest and he doesn't even notice the glow is leaving his arms until he feels sharp pricks in his hands. Sam whispers Dean's name and pulls away from the embrace, a small surprised smile on his lips as he holds out his arms to show Dean as the glow starts to fade from his arms. The burning sensation starts to fade and his pale skin starts show again.
Dean's own grin grows and the weight on his chest eases. "See?" he explains, his hands still holding on to Sam's. Sam's beam is on his face and he's staring unbelievingly at Dean.
"You're a superhero, right Dean? Like Batman!" six year old Sam asks Dean excitedly, pointing to the comic book that Dean bought him for his birthday. "You can fix anything!'
Dean felt his cheeks grow warm at the praise and smiled back. "Sure Sammy." He answered in a low voice, ruffling Sam's curly brown locks. "Like Batman."
If Dean thought Sam was worth saving, was worth fixing, then maybe...maybe he was worth it.
Next: Prompt: may I suggest a bomb explosion and Dean protecting Sam by throwing himself over his body, getting a few burns on his back due to this, and Sam getting all mad and affectionate with him? It would be appreciated.
