52
Owen was ready for him, thank the Gods and Ianto hurried the child past the waiting room before he could 'diagnose' an unsuspecting victim.
Owen closed the door and then told Babbit that he needed to pee in a little cup. Babbit looked warily at it and shrugged as he went to get his little anaconda out.
"In the bathroom there, beast!" Owen laughed and Babbit stomped in there, closing the door and employing the lock before Ianto could follow him.
Owen snuck over and the two men listened like naughty children at the door as Babbit spoke loudly to himself to get a bloody move on.
Ianto winked at Owen and knocked, then said, "What's going on in there? Are you with someone?"
His reply: "Nothing, it's just me and my penis."
Owen snorted and clapped a hand over his mouth as the lock disengaged, then the door swung open as Babbit came out holding a half full cup.
"I don't have to drink this penis juice do I?" he asked imperiously and Owen coughed softly to hide his giggle.
Then came the weigh in.
Babbit got onto the scales and asked: 'How much do I cost?'
"You are priceless to me!" Ianto assured him with a straight face.
"You are the right weight for your age, if a little on the low side" Owen assured him and Babbit nodded, "We have to keep watching your growth because you were born so tiny."
"Yep, that's why I went in the microwave" Babbit nodded as he examined Owen's pens. "Needed extra cooking."
Owen looked blankly at Ianto who mouthed 'incubator' and Owen grinned with mirth.
Owen was asking all the standard coordination type questions–touch your nose, put your hands up, jump, etc. Being a healthy capable little devil, he was doing everything fine. Then, Owen says, "Stand on one foot."
Babbit stared at him incredulously and then at Ianto who nodded. Babbit looked down, and hesitated. Then he walked over and stands on one of the Owen's feet. Now Owen is openly laughing as he demonstrated and Babbit snorted as he saw the joke he had just unwittingly made.
Now came the shots. Ianto knew this was coming and removed the phone again, letting Babbit in on the new Angry Birds game he had downloaded the night before.
Owen waited until the boy was fully engaged in the game and then calmly administered the shot. Babbit squeaked and swung to glare at him as he informed him that he had just 'killed' him!
Babbit then threw himself back upon the examination table and stage-whispered, in a wavering voice, "Do you have any idea…(pause for drama)…what I've been through today?"
"OK, Now I need to check your bits" Owen said calmly, "Wanna take your pants off for me dude?"
Babbit looked up with glee as the order to be naked was given and enthusiastically disrobed as quickly as Jack does when a hot tub is in view.
"Nipples. I love 'em. What about you?" Babbit asked with this totally serious expression. Obviously the breast questions were not done after all.
"Actually I need to check your testicles" Owen giggled, kneeling and cupping his hand.
"Testicles" Babbit said slowly as he found a new word and Ianto sighed as he watched those evil eyes light up with glee.
"Those are the things that are underneath your penis." Owen explained.
"I think those are called balls," Babbit said tapping his chin thoughtfully.
"Their correct name is Testicles" Owen explained, "Balls is their common name. Like we say dick instead of penis."
"No they aren't. They are right here," pointing to his abdomen.
"What?" Ianto asked with confusion as Owen started to laugh and hold his own stomach.
"You know, your large intesticles and small intesticles." Babbit sighed theatrically. "I do watch the TV ya know!"
"Come on," Owen laughed, finishing the exam and leaning back, "You can get your undies on now."
"Panties are just pillowcases for butts." Babbit explained to Owen who was used to this and just nodded. Ianto snorted and looked away.
Gods, save me now.
