Chapter 54: ARMS

Autumn's POV

By the time I make it to the toilet the nausea was almost paralysing and I just about make it into a cubicle. I lock the door swiftly behind me and empty my stomach contents. Gosh I'm glad I didn't eat much today. After a minute or so I stop and I lean against the cubicle wall breathing heavily.

Panic swarms through me and I desperately try to stop it but all I can remember is the pain and isolation. How at one point I thought I was going to die. How at several points the pain got so much I passed out and was woken up by a bucket of water.

People tend to break when I bring out the knives but that scar on your stomach… You may be different.

Get out of my head.

Kill her.

I let out a sob.

Mr Seyal has told me to use new tactics.

I let out another sob as I pull out the pill bottle from my pocket and stare at it. It numbs it. It numbs everything. My emotions scream at me to do it but my intelligence screams no. It reminds me of how dangerous this was. What could happen if I got addicted.

SHUT UP!

I take out two pills and take them just as I hear the door to the bathroom opening. Crap.

"Autumn?" It was Annie.

"In here Annie," I say unsteadily getting onto my feet and returning the bottle to my pocket.

I open the cubicle door and Annie's face drops at my appearance. My eyes were puffy and I probably look pale. My head was starting to pound and I probably look awful. I lean against the sink and avoid eye contact.

"Are you okay," She asks leaning beside me.

I shake my head.

"Who was he?"

"He was the one who…" I mumble. "He…"

My hand wanders to my throat as I'm reminded of the time Zimmerman was ordered to strangle me and then told to stop by Seyal. I close my eyes as the panic hits me again.

"Autumn if we had known…"

"I only knew him as Mr Zimmerman," I whisper. "I didn't recognise his name at first but I could never forget that face."

"I understand," Annie whispers. "I was tortured too. I didn't know the guys name but I can't get his face out of my head either."

"You were…?"

"I was. Not on the same scale as you. It was mostly psychological for me," Annie says.

"You were still…"

"I know but I'm telling you this for a reason," She whispers. "If you need to talk about anything. And I mean anything. I'm here. You understand me? I'm here."

"I understand. Thank you," I whisper. My head was now pounding and I rub it with my left hand.

"Let's get you home," She smiles sadly. "You look awful."

"But what about the debriefing?"

"Screw the debriefing. You look like you can barely stand and you just emptied your stomach contents. I'm also pretty sure you just nearly had a panic attack," She says.

"But…"

"But nothing," Annie says sternly. "You're going home and getting some rest. No arguments."

I nod. To be honest I wasn't in the mood to fight. I was tired. I'd barely slept last night.

"Let's get you home then," Annie smiles.

And with that we leave.

Several hours later

I sit quietly as Keegan carefully changes my bandages. I'm just out of the shower and it was dark outside. Mom was at her own house with Dad and Mack but she's coming over tomorrow with the hair dye. She wanted me to rest for a while after today's events.

I feel Keegan finish the bandage and pin it. He then helps hook in my bra. I quietly pull my t-shirt over my head and then snuggle into him. I was tired but I didn't want to sleep. I couldn't sleep.

"Do you want to go and watch a movie?" He asks. "Order in dinner?"

It was only around 19:00 and the realisation that I haven't eaten hit me.

I nod, "Sounds good."

"Serenity and pizza?"

"You know me so well," I smile.

"No, I know your love for Nathan Fillion and Italian food so well," He smirks.

I chuckle and pull him into a kiss. We kiss for a few minutes and pull back when we need air. He smiles.

"Do you want to get Netflix set up while I order?"

I nod and slowly get up from the bed. He makes it down the stairs quicker than I do but that's not surprising. I was relying heavily on the banister. It takes me five minutes to get to the sofa and when I do I grab the remote and bring up Netflix. I quickly bring up Serenity and wait for Keegan. He appears a few minutes later and gently sits beside me.

"One pepperoni pizza and a bottle of diet coke are on the way," He smiles taking me into his arms. I nuzzle into him.

"Sounds great," I smile relaxing as he runs his hands up and down my back.

"I'm still trying to get used to all this," He whispers after a small silence.

"Used to what?"

"You being a spy. This incredibly nice apartment. Your accent…" He trails off.

"If you don't like the accent I'll go back to the American…" I begin but he cuts me off with a kiss.

"Don't," He says pulling back. "I like it."

"You do?" I question raising an eyebrow. To be honest I loved his accent.

"I find it incredibly sexy," He whispers into my ear causing me to blush. Seriously Keegan!? Again?

"I bet you hate my doctor's orders now, don't you?" I tease.

"You have no idea," He whimpers pulling me into a deep kiss making me to moan slightly.

"Keegan…" I mumble. The kiss carries on and I pull back gasping for air.

"It's just four weeks," I whisper.

"Four weeks," He swallows. He gives me one last peck on the lips. "Four weeks."

I chuckle and nuzzle back into his chest as he hits play on Serenity. I felt safe here. Safe in his arms. Maybe things were going to be okay but I knew they really weren't. Seyal and Zimmerman were still out there and things were not going to be okay until they were gone.

But until then Keegan's embrace makes everything okay. Being in his arms made me feel safe. At this moment in time, they were the safest place in the world. And I hope it's enough to get me through this because I was starting to slip down a slope that would be hard to climb back up again.

Gosh, I hope it's enough.