Yohji sat on a huge stone near the shore, he asked himself how he ended up in Monterey but the painful truth was that it was his own fault. He missed the boys and Japan terribly but it was a small price he had to pay for the love of his life.

The sea looked so peaceful but he could see the storm clouds loom on the horizon. The weather would change soon and then it would match with his inner demons.

It was his fault, everything was his fault. He let Aya down when he needed him most; he displaced everything he believed in because he felt like Aya offended his honour. That was the way Aya must have felt when he smelled of cheep perfume and sex, when he went out without him and drank himself into a stupor. Yohji admired Aya for the gift to believe in him even though the odds were against him.

He fiddled around with the platinum band on his ring finger

+Flashback+

Yohji entered the hospital; he was scared of what he might find. The last past days had hurt like hell. Aya didn't respond to him or their friends, he always stared at something while he talked to him. Yohji wasn't sure if Aya even realized he was there.

"Why should it be different today" he mumbled as he pressed the button to call the elevator.

"Yohji" he heard Doc's voice as the doors opened, she pulled him into the elevator.

"Doc?" he frowned, her expression was more than unsettling.

"I searched for you" she didn't smile like she usually did.

"What happened to him?" he felt his stomach churn.

She didn't answer, the elevator doors opened and she dragged him to Aya' room. Souta stood in front of the door "I thought you're not coming today" he rubbed his neck.

"I had a mission last night" he hunted a drug dealer down. It was an easy task.

Souta nodded "Aya is gone" he blurted out, highly unprofessional but humanly.

"Is – is he…" Yohji felt his heart break; did Aya kill himself while he was on a mission? Did Aya end his life in a lonely hospital room? Without loved ones?

"No, he's not dead, not yet" Souta's eyes widened at the thought "He ran away"

Yohji didn't know if he should cry of fear or joy. Aya was still alive but the question was how long? "When…?"

"We saw him yesterday around 9 p.m." Souta blamed himself for his escape; he should have post guards in front of his door.

"It's not your fault " Yohji tried to offer some comfort "It's part of our job to escape silently"

"That's the psychiatric unit for god's sake. They are here for a reason" he spread his arms to empathize his words "No one should escape from here"

"Souta calm down" Doc rested a hand on his shoulder. The last time she heard him curse was twenty years ago.

Yohji remained silent and stared at the door to Aya's room.

"He left a message for you" Souta's voice trembled.

Yohji liked his lower lip, not sure what awaits him in there "Can't you tell me what's in there?"

Souta shook his head "You have to see it yourself" it was the best solution. The message was meant for Yohji for no one else.

He nodded and entered the room. He looked around; he ignored the song until it started again. The room was dimmed by the curtains and it smelled like roses. Yohji studied the mirror "Sorry" was written on it with a red liquid. Yohji touched the thick liquid and was relieved that it wasn't blood "Smells like Betasoidan ointment" he talked to himself.

A little silver object caught his attention as he turned around; he took it from the night table. Yohji slumped down on the bed playing with the platinum band in his hands. He stopped fighting, against his tears. Aya had left for good.

Yohji started to listen to the song Aya left for him as it started from the beginning

Call you up in the middle of the night.
Like a firefly without a light,
you were there like a blow-torch burning.
I was a key that could use a little turning.

So tired that I couldn't even sleep.
So many secrets I couldn't keep.
Promised myself I wouldn't weep.
One more promise I couldn't keep.

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep. There's no way out.
This time I have really let myself astray.

~ No love you didn't lead yourself astray. We lead you; we brought you near the edge and let you fall, no we pushed you over it. How often did you weep yourself to sleep? How often have I missed your cry for help? The scars, the lack of sleep! It's going on for years. How could I miss it? We live together, we sleep together!

I knew you have secrets but I never thought they were so serious. I thought you had an ex-lover who was a jerk, or you killed in cold blood without a paycheck and a reason, or you have a grave family secret. I imagined a lot of things but never this. We feared you had problems but you were so happy and you talked me into believing that it wasn't as bad as it seemed.

How can we pull you out of the doom loop? I can't accept that we're too late. There must be a way to lead you on the right path, to lead you home.

You might believe there's no way out but we will prove you wrong ~

Runaway train never going back.
Wrong way on a oneway track.
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
somehow I'm neither here nor there
.

~ Why didn't you say how lost you felt? I thought we cleared up your fears for good. You're a part of Weiss, you're part of our family. Where are you going now? USA, Europe? What have you planned for the future? Traveling all over the world? killing or die trying? It's not an option love. The loneliness doesn't suit you. You might have been distant and cold at the time you joined Weiss but that's not the real you. You need us as much as you need the air you breathe. You need our support and the knowledge that we are there for you no matter what. We neglected to show you how much we care but we love you and never told you otherwise ~

Can you help me remember how to smile,
make it somehow all seem worth-while?
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life's mystery seems so faded.
I can go where no one else can go.
I know what no one else knows.
Here I am, just drowning in the rain
with a ticket for a runaway train.

Everything seems cut and dry,
day and night, earth and sky.
Somehow I just don't believe it.

~ We made you smile, we needed years but we did it. I can remember it as if it was yesterday. We completed a mission and Omi dragged us to his favorite restaurant because he had the opinion we didn't spend enough time together outside of work. We ate and drank and along the way you gave us a smile. What did we talk about? …I think we talked about embarrassing events during our youth. The most endearing smiles I got from you where during our time together. Our relationship made you cry but most of the time you were able to smile so gentle my heart almost turned into jelly. I wish I had met you before Weiss. You must have been a great person while your family was around. Happy, carefree and full of love but Takatori took it away from you. He stole your youth and your life. I was a P.I. my job was dangerous and I knew it but you were a teen. You became a killer because life made one of you. You have to pay the bill; you have to care for her because you're everything she has left, and vice versa, you have no choice. Being a part timer isn't lucrative and hospital bills are high. Takatori is gone but your nightmares remain. It's too late to change; it's too late to curse the past. We can only try to see the future. Love you'll see. You can't hide, not from me, not from your life. Destiny will find you, doesn't matter how jaded you are or how faded mysteries seem. You'll get what you deserve and that is a life with me and the boys. Aya-chan will join us one day and we will get our happily ever after ~

Runaway train never going back.
Wrong way on a oneway track.
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
somehow I'm neither here nor there.

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
like a madman laughin' at the rain.
A little out of touch, little insane.
It's just easier than dealing with the pain.

Runaway train never going back.
Wrong way on a oneway track.
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
somehow I'm neither here nor there.

Runaway train never coming back
runaway train tearing up the track
runaway train burning in my veins
runaway but it always seems the same

~ Running away isn't the solution. It makes it worse, you should know that. We see it every day. We do it every god damn day. We run away from our problems, we run away from people we love, we hide from our memories before they tear us apart. But all the running and hiding is what tears us apart in the end. Asukas death destroyed my whole existence, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I searched for love in places I knew there was none. I overcame it the day the truth came out in the open. That was the day I was reborn and opened my heart for you. I learned to handle it, I learned to take risks. Not self-destructing risks but positive risks. I want to live; I want to enjoy it with you. We might be insane, we might be out of touch but like Ken said we are part of Weiss because we are screw ups. You'll never belong somewhere because you belong to us. We cried in the rain together, we laughed together and we fought together. We lost many people we love, but you won't be one of them. You won't be one of our ghosts. I'll find you and take you home. Life won't be different somewhere else. You meet new people, you meet other cultures but you won't find family there. Your family is right here waiting for you ~

A gentle hand on his shoulder disturbed his thoughts.

"Yohji" Omi put an arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer "Hush"

"There's so much I want to tell him" Yohji's tears died down.

"I know" the young man looked at the ring in Yohji's hand "We will find him. I have connections all over the world"

"He left me" Yohji stated sadly "He's so unhappy he feels the urge to run. I failed him. I couldn't ease his inner demons. He left us behind, he even left his sister behind" the last part was shocking. Aya gave everything up for her, he killed, he got hurt for her sake and he neglected himself to keep her alive. It was surprising that Aya left her behind.

"He knows we take care of her" Omi reasoned "and I have every intention to keep her safe until he comes back"

"She's his little sister" Yohji put Aya's ring on his own finger "He's so broken that he chose to leave her"

"He loves you as much as he loves her" Omi reminded him "It was too much to bear, he'll come back when he's ready"

"I hope you're right" Yohji sighed and got up "I'll pack my stuff and you'll try to find him" it was an order.

Omi nodded "I hope I'm right too" he whispered after Yohji left the room. Omi followed Yohji to the car and they started their new mission.

+End+Flashback+

Yohji took a deep breath to calm his nerves. He shivered as the wind blew water in his face. The sea raged and the temperature dropped. He looked to the stone next to him, there sat Aya granting him a smile. He blinked to get the tears and water out of his eyes. The illusion of his lover faded, he was too late "Three days" he mumbled. Aya had left Monterey three days ago after he killed completed his mission.

Now Yohji had to wait for Omi's call only then he could continue to track Aya.

(A/N: Soul Asylum owns their song "Runaway train". I really do love the song. I've listened often to the song over the years, especially when I hate my life, it's pretty often. I even liked it as a child even though my English wasn't good enough to understand the whole meaning but I knew it was special. What does it say about me? Yeah, my stories tell a lot about me)