You know who's a real little fucker? Clyde Donovan.

I swear, I used to not mind him that much, until recently. He's just turned into a douche bag. A big, bitchy bag of douche.

So you're probably wondering what shit happens to have pissed me off this time. You might even be sighing because you're sick of this shit. Well, I can't blame you. Recently, my life's been like when you get a new email, only to find it's about inflatable giraffe insurance. In general, pretty shitty and full of disappointments.

So, let me inform you of the situation – Clyde fucks up, and does stupid shit on a daily basis. It started off with just small things, like farting and blaming it on me or saying I tripped him when he fell flat on his face, despite the fact I was on the other side of the class.

He just thinks all his stupid mistakes and fuck-ups kill his 'coolness' and damage his reputation. He never even had much of a damn reputation! I know, I know I said I was over this stupid list thing, but he's taking it too damn far. I thought he'd just get on with life, but no! He's convinced himself that every chick in school wants some of him, and now he's elevated to the ranks of 'Douchey high-school jock' who makes life shittier for others because he thinks he's the shit. He's not the fucking shit, he is a shit!

Of course, putting Clyde's 'douchey jock' rank into theory, and take my position of being his fucking trash can, that gives me the equivalent rank of 'Nerd', which is just fucking great, because I think I went over the high school clichés a year ago, and now they're coming back to fucking haunt me!

Now, he's just becoming a full on douche. He gets his foot rolled over by Timmy's wheelchair – He starts crying. He gets bitten by a squirrel he kept poking with a stick to see if it was dead – He starts crying. He drops a dollar and some kid takes it – Yep, you guessed it. He starts crying.

It's painfully obvious that he's a whiny crybaby to everyone, and he still thinks he's fucking cool.

Even Fatass is starting to get pissed off with his shit, because apparently my life is 'his to screw up because I'm a fucking Jew'. I have mixed positive and negative emotions about that, more predominantly negative.

If shit happens to him, it's suddenly my fault! I don't even know why the fuck he's giving me all this shit. Did Fatass convince him that Jews are 'evil and greedy bastards'? He couldn't be stupid enough to believe that though…could he? I mean, the other day, Garrison was giving us questions on Canada, and he actually said 'Who's Canada?'.

So, guess what shit he pulled recently. He fucking pissed himself in school, fucking everywhere, and said it was me. Firstly, I still don't understand why people believe the shit he spreads. I'm assuming the girls are just staying on his side for shoes, but how long can they put up with pretending this crybaby douchebag is cool and manly? He pissed himself because Garrison decided to put on Teletubbies because he thought the hoover-thing was creepy!

Generally, if you have a real douche in your school who's giving you crap, I know that feel.

A/N: Ah…remember when I said I was on a roll? Yeah…so much for that, huh? I feel kinda bad for picking on Clyde…Also, apologies for the shortness. My Chemistry module is coming up very soon, so I've been revising like crazy!

Anywho, this rant was chosen by Mickeymous4everz, the 500th reviewer! Crazy, isn't it?

Anyway, I have to be honest, Kyle's Rants is starting to get stale. I loved it in the earlier days, but it's just not as fun as it felt for me anymore. That, and my work is really piling up. So, I've decided to end Kyle's Rants soon. It's been fun, but I want it to end with people still interested, rather than it just getting boring until no one could be bothered anymore.

That way, I can finish Kyle's Rants: The Novel and In Your Worst Nightmares, as well as move on to more stories in the future. I'll be doing any requests, and then, I'll stamp this baby with the ol' Complete sign.

Until then, look forward to next week's Sharknado rant, and thanks for your constant support!

Guest Reviews:

Marth: Good choice! Whilst Kyle's Rants will end soon, I'll still be writing other stories like it!

Guest: Are you who I think you are? Could you really be the Mysterion? If so, welcome back! Nice to see you around these parts again! And if not, still nice to see you!