Chapter Fifty Three

Once inside the Republic Enclave, I observed the distinctly familiar design. The base at which I remembered being stationed, before my voyage on the Endar Spire, looked almost identical to this place. Only this Enclave actually looked as if it had functioning maintenance droids to keep it dust free. I felt Bastila nudge me on the shoulder.

"Are we standing around for a reason?"

"Ah, I just remembered something from before …all this."

Her expression suddenly changed to that of fear.

"Lena, what did you remember?"

"Why do you look so worried, my love? I remembered those days when I served in the Republic."

In a blink, her expression softened.

"Those were… how were those days?"

I noticed Juhani looked just as interested in what I was about to say.

"Those were the simple days. Back then I had a set time to wake up, to eat, to work –it was nice."

Juhani noted.

"You sound as if you want to go back."

"I would like the stability, but I definitely don't want to go back. Right now I have much more freedom –and people I care so much about."

This time Juhani nudged me in the opposite shoulder.

"Flatter."

"Who said I was talking about you…"

Seeing her shocked expression, I quickly added.

"Kidding! I'm kidding! You and Bastila mean the world to me. I… I…"

At that moment I felt the perfect opportunity to reveal the extent of my feelings to Juhani, but I stopped as soon as from across the room I heard a man's voice.

"You are Jedi, are you not? We welcome you here with open arms."

As I turned to face him, I noticed he appeared rather old and wore a good number of medals. He added.

"With that said, is there a reason the Jedi Council sent you here? Is it perhaps to assist in Sunry's trial, or maybe something more… urgent?"

I shook my head, though Bastila was first to respond.

"It is indeed something urgent. We are here to ask someone called, Roland Wann, about a Dark side artifact."

"I don't know if old Roland can help you, but if you wish to speak with him, you might as well sit down in the lobby. He's a busy man and with recent happenings his appointment schedule is full. That said, I will do everything within my power to expedite the process for you –if everything works out, you won't have to wait more than an hour."

I sighed at having to sit around idly while watching Republic bureaucrats file away data into their terminals. At that moment I felt nostalgia of the unpleasant variety. During my time as a Republic soldiers, and before that as a translator, I spent the better part of my time stuck in the company of boring bureaucrats. I imagined how much more pleasant it would be to fight against the impudent Sith stationed on this planet. Bastila sat to my right and I noticed her eyes were closed. Juhani commented.

"She is in a meditation –we should not disturb her."

"Thanks for warning me…"

I paused as I looked into her eyes. This whole time I wanted to tell her how I feel. I didn't care if the floor fell from under me; I had to tell her at that very moment. Seeing the intent look on my face, Juhani's features became concerned as she questioned.

"Lena, are you alright? You…"

"Juhani, I don't know if this is the best time and much less if this is a good idea right now. It doesn't matter. The only thing you need to know is –I love you."

Her mouth opened and closed a few times as she processed my heartfelt words. Those moments stretched into painfully long minutes as I awaited a response. For some reason I thought she'd say it right back, but instead all I got was silence. There was nothing else I could say –I could only wait. I felt warmth cover my left hand. Looking down, I saw Juhani's hand cover mine. For some damn reason I felt nervous as I forced myself to meet her eyes. The depth of emotion playing out on her features both scared me and comforted. In a shaky voice, she managed.

"This is… it is too much. It has not been long since I proclaimed to resent you –and now you are professing your love for me. I am being a fool by even talking about … when I should be kissing you."

I scratched my head.

"I guess I picked a bad time to say it, eh?"

She laughed.

"Yes, I imagine so. The Republic is closely tied with the Jedi Council, and it would not do us good revealing our forbidden relationship to the Council. But of course, I am talking about the kissing –it was a perfect time to confess."

I felt a slight blush and the thought of having a red face made it worse. Against my hand, she wove patterns with her fingers as she added.

"I don't know why you are the one blushing. I accept how you feel. You want to know how I feel? I want to say those same words back but I cannot do so."

"Wh…why?"

"Don't look so panicked. It is no fault of yours …it's not even because of what happened to Taris. The reason is… is personal. Until I settle my own past, I cannot continue with the future."

I couldn't help but frown at what she was saying. Not knowing what the hell she was talking about made me feel even worse. I wasn't sure how I should respond, so I said the first thing that came to mind.

"What are you talking about, Juhani?"

"Lena… you are someone I feel unworthy of. I am…"

"You are a Jedi, a beautiful woman, and someone I value greatly. If you think your worth is the problem –just stop! You are more than worthy!"

I noticed a few of the bureaucrats staring up at us from the commotion.

"And Bastila –do you value her greatly?"

"Both of you! I love you both."

She looked down.

"I find that hard to believe. My people… the Cathar could only have one mate for life. When I was young my mother told me stories of how powerful the love could be between two who were mated. There was never three, always two!"

I was taken aback by those words. Was she saying I had to choose between her and Bastila? Softly, I asked.

"Are you telling me to choose?"

"I… I am unsure. Both of you mean so much to me… I plunged into this relationship between the three of us without thinking about everything I should have thought about! Just know I care deeply for you, and your love means everything to me."

"You just can't let yourself follow your heart all the way…"

"I cannot."

It was hard, but I tried my best to smile as I said.

"I'll have to settle for your deep care for now."

My attempt to lighten the mood worked, as evidenced by her hearty laughter.

"You are an incredibly understanding person, Lena."

I felt my storming emotions settle down as I took the time to enjoy just knowing the fact that my love meant something to her. My comfortable daze was interrupted as the same man from before approached while saying.

"Roland is about to have his lunch break –he's willing to sacrifice his lunch for you Jedi. If you'll follow me this way."

It surprised me that Bastila was the first to get up to follow him. I suspected she heard the entirety of the conversation during her supposed meditation. After arriving on the third floor, the old man led us to an office. Walking inside, I saw a well dressed officer who I presumed to be Roland. As our guide left us, Roland walked over to me, then said.

"I was told three Jedi arrived here to see me about a Dark Side artifact. I know you are the three Jedi, but I don't know of what artifact you are interested in."

I asked.

"So, there are multiple Dark side artifacts on Manaan?"

He shook his head.

"That in itself is valuable information. First thing, I need you to describe what you are looking for."

Bastila walked further into the room as she spoke.

"We are searching for an ancient map … we call it, a Star Map. We know for certain it is underneath Manaan's oceans. Unfortunately we do not know its precise location. It's in… in an underwater ruin."

As I watched him nod, I noticed a slight gleam in his eyes. Before he even spoke, I suspected he knew exactly where the Star Map was located. I also suspected he wasn't particularly interested in just telling us. My suspicions were proven correct as he spoke

"I might know about the Star Map in ancient ruins… but simply telling you wouldn't do me any good. In my view, life is a negotiation. If you three do something for me, I might be willing to divulge what I know."

Bastila stopped pacing as she asked.

"What would you like for us to do?"

"On behalf of the Republic, I need someone skilled who can't be tied back to this Republic Embassy to retrieve data from the Sith Embassy."

I didn't like the direction this discussion was taking. Like on Tatooine with Czerka, again I needed to assist a vested interest to obtain information on the Star Map. As I stood there thinking, Bastila politely engaged Roland in further conversation. She might have felt willing to assist the Republic in whatever petty problem Roland presented, but I had no interest in wasting time when the fate of the entire galaxy hung in the balance. Feeling the Force surge through me, I looked directly into Roland's eyes. He stopped talking at that instant, at which point I began to speak.

"Retrieving that data is the least of your problems, isn't it?"

I could sense his apprehension as he answered.

"Ye…yes, how did you know?"

"What is your real problem?"

He resisted my persuasion but the longer my eyes bore into his, the weaker grew his will. It truly surmised me that Bastila wasn't reprimanding me at that very moment. I pondered if it was because of what happened on Tatooine, or perhaps because she feared upsetting me. My attention snapped back to Roland as he finally spoke.

"We made a deal with pro-Republic Selkath senators. They knew the dangers of allying with the Sith and let us secretly build Hrakert Rift station to help us mine and facilitate kolto for Republic use against the Sith. The reason we need the data I mentioned from the underwater droid the Sith captured is to figure out why we lost contact with the Rift station. We also sent mercenaries but none returned."

It fascinated me to learn that the very Republic I trusted and served loyally, the Republic that was so keen on rules and regulations was willing to disregard planetary laws for its own gain. Bastila too seemed surprised at this revelation. She said to no one in particular.

"This… this is better than having the Sith receive extra kolto in secret instead. Still…"

I knew from this moment I wouldn't again be able to view the Republic with the naïve idealism from before. It surprised me how easy it was to shrug of the disappointment. At this point, I wasn't sure exactly what I was fighting for. The only thing I knew for certain was that I would do everything in my power to eliminate the Sith and Czerka –for my own reasons. This quest felt –it felt like a personal one. I glanced at Roland.

"Now that I know your real problem –I might be able to help. Tell me, where are the ancient ruins?"

"The ancient ruins you mention are an obstruction the digging team reported when completing construction of the station. Though strangely, soon after that is when our transmissions were cut off."

He had a pleading look in his eyes as he added.

"If you are unwilling to help retrieve the data, would you at least help by taking a submarine to the Rift station to investigate why we lost contact?"

Bastila surprised me as she asked.

"Is that the only way we'll attain access to the ruins?"

He nodded.

"Yes, you have to go into the station. After that you must go all the way through it, find an Envirosuit, then walk the ocean floor. It really is the only way, which means you'll help?"

I sighed then said.

"Yeah, we'll help. Though, so we're clear, we're headed there in search of the Star Map –helping you is irrelevant to me."

He snorted.

"And here I thought Jedi were selfless warriors. I suppose I was being too idealistic for a man of my age."

"We have something in common then –I thought something similar of the Republic."

He crossed his arms.

"We are only mining kolto covertly because…"

"And we Jedi have bigger things to worry about. From this point we can both be less idealistic, huh?"

I turned to leave, but before I could pass the office door, he quickly said.

"Before you go! Take this passcard for the basement floor, and if there are survivors, please find our head scientist. His name is, Kono Nolan."

Without saying a word, I took the passcard then with Juhani and Bastila beside me, I left for the elevator. I liked how much faster this was compared to it taking a few days before we even had a remote idea of the Star Map's location on Tatooine. As we descended, Bastila asked.

"We could enjoy the sights here on Manaan first. Are you sure you want to head straight for the Star Map?"

I was beyond sure, so I joked.

"I don't need to enjoy the sights. It hasn't been that long since we last enjoyed the sights on the Ebon Hawk…"

She didn't instantly catch on, though at seeing my smirk, she said.

"I meant Manaan's sights –not the sights of you!"

"We both know you'd enjoy it though. But really –I'd rather leave this planet."

Juhani nodded as she said.

"There are too many Sith here, and the disgusting fish people… I mean, Selkath. While I say that, I do not in the least look forward to paying a visit to Korriban."

Bastila stepped toward the elevator doors as they opened. As she walked out onto the basement level, she tilted her head toward Juhani as she remarked.

"That is one thing all of us can agree on, and it is also why I would rather extend the time we spend on Manaan. Perhaps after this we should take time off for a few days –just enjoy ourselves."

As we neared the submarine pools I saw her features darken. Before entering the submarine, she coolly added.

"We should enjoy ourselves before landing on that barren planet… I fear there won't be any joy to be had on Korriban."

At her words I couldn't say anything. Through our bond every part of me felt the disdain within her as she continued thinking of the wretched Sith planet.