A/N: Aw. So the past few days I've been basking in the knowledge that the people reading this story are all kinds of awesome. Just in case any of you were confused as to your own awesomeness...here's me reminding you. And thank you. It is with great pleasure I bring you the fourth last chapter. I hope you like it.

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Chapter 54

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Kissing Jacob was quite unlike kissing Frank, and not just because one's temperature was decidedly greater than the other's. Hesitant was not in Jacob's vocabulary. Where Frank had always been too frightened by his own insecurities to be anything but utterly gentle, Jacob was content to push forward, heedless to all. It made for a much different experience. Better...?

Maybe that's why I wasn't conscious of the time passing, when Jacob's lips were on mine. I was aware only of him, pressing against me, the way kissing him felt like I was complete, the way I felt like I was holding all the answers to the universe in the palm of my hand.

And then Jacob pulled away and I had no idea how long I had been kissing him. I didn't even know where I was.

It wasn't until his thumb came up to brush the tears off my cheek that I was aware that I had started to cry.

Jacob gave a quiet chuckle. "Well, it's taken me almost ten years, but I think I've finally figured out when a woman doesn't want to be kissing me."

"I..."

"It's okay, Nessie," he said. I let myself believe him. "It's okay. Whatever it is, it's okay. The two of us are always going to be okay."

"There's supposed to be..." Magic? I sounded like the child I still was. Placing my hand over my heart, I tried to find what was missing. "I still feel the same."

"Still feel like not kissing me?"

"Yes. I mean, I...I still love you like before and not...not like I need to. Why is that?"

"Though some have called my lips magic, they aren't actually. One touch won't change the way you feel about me."

There was that word again. Surrounded by vampires and werewolves and the obvious proof of fate on such a daily basis, had it been an error to trust in a perfect, magical resolution to my relationship with Jacob? Evidently. Magic had done wondrous things for the people I loved—but it was not the reason I loved them. Why had I thought Jacob would be any different?

Because I needed it to be. What was I going to do now that magic wasn't happening?

"Frank went to Western."

"Frank?"

I ignored the way Jacob's voice rose three octaves. His jealously was too ridiculous to contemplate. "Chris told me. Frank always talked about going to U-Dub, but apparently he got a scholarship...he changed his mind."

"Okay."

"I love you," I told Jacob. The boy who had imprinted on me, the werewolf who raised me, the man who loved me more than anyone ever would...I loved him. But not that way. Wasn't I a cliché? If I was destined to love him, it wasn't at this moment. "But I...I can't do this. I'm sorry."

"Because of...Frank?"

This time I really did giggle. "No. Because of me. I want to go to school. Forever, if they'll let me. And I want to change the world. I want to create life and bring back the dead and change the way people think about things that go bump in the night. I want...I don't even know what I want. I'm eighteen. I have no idea what I want."

"You just don't want me."

"That's not true either." As usual, it just came out. Seth would have been so annoyed, but I couldn't stop wanting to take care of Jacob, even now. I would stop, however, because I knew he deserved a little more honesty and a little less patronization. "I just don't want you like that. Not—not now. I'm so, so sorry."

"It's okay, Nessie. I sort of thought this would happen. Feelings have never been my thing. Now if you wanted me to beat something up for you..."

"Don't," I chided him gently. "You've been so, so much more than a pair of hands to piece me back together. You know that, right? What you've done for me is nothing short of incredible. You've been...everything to me."

"Except what you wanted."

Sadness covered his features, but it was not a heavy veil. I couldn't have handled him being too distraught and so he wasn't. He was upset, yes, but it was clear he would survive. Survive all alone if the pack was right about imprinting. How selfish was I? But even as I admonished myself, I knew I could never go through with it. Not when the dazzling transformation of my feelings had failed to happen. It was the truth. I didn't want Jacob, who had named me, who had (accidentally) taught me my first cuss words, who coddled me, who gave me promise rings, who showed me the outside world the way a guardian should. I didn't want him like that.

"You've always been...there for me."

"And it's a bad thing?"

Strangely enough, yes. A hundred times yes. I wanted to throw myself off a cliff—and I wanted to do it without my friendly neighborhood werewolf coming to rescue me if the water got too rough. My whole life I had an army of people protecting me. I loved them all. But I couldn't be me if I always had to think about them, at least not until I knew myself well enough to resist.

"I'm tired of you waiting around for me," was all I said. "I love you too much to want you to just be an extension of me. You're so much more than that. And I'm...I could be so much more than an extension of you. I think."

"You think?" Jacob laughed. "Come on, Nessie. You could be...you are going to be one hell of a woman."

"One day."

"Yeah," he said softly. "One day. Hell of a day."

"Thank you."

"No matter what," he insisted, "The two of us are always going to be okay."

"I know."

That, at least, I was still certain of. We would love each other until our dying breaths. Maybe one day it would even be the sort of love that would let...no. Who knew how many more years it would take for me to be in the position to love him? And if I learned anything from today, it was that feelings did not materialize even with they had been predicted to do so. But there had to be some way...

And I was right back at the beginning. How did I possibly make Jacob happy when I wasn't ready to assume that responsibility? Maybe I should gather up my mother and Leah, and the three of us could brainstorm. Speaking of Leah...

"I'm sort of glad you didn't let Leah come tonight. I thought she would have insisted, but it would have been needlessly cruel."

"As if I could ever stop her from doing something she didn't want to," he growled.

"Oh. Well...I'm glad she decided not to come, then."

"She was going to come later. Only..." Jacob sighed. Then he narrowed his eyes. "Haven't you wondered why the Clearwaters aren't here?"

"Because even Leah's not that much of a masochist and Seth already told me he wasn't coming. So I could invite the hybrids." The falsehood would have been more convincing, if I had managed to keep the blush off my face. But all my blood went cold when I finally had three seconds to allow my prodigious brain to work. "Why aren't the Clearwaters here? Who is Carlisle operating on?"

"Operating might be a strong word, but it's all Seth's damn fault," Jacob announced. "You just don't hit girls."

"What?"

"Sure, Leah's annoying and she totally overacted—who stabs their brother with a bread knife?—but the kid brought it on himself. Yes, everyone wants to break Leah's jaw, but no one's stupid enough to do it."

"Stab—bread—he broke her jaw?"

"Left-handed," he said. I glared at Jacob then, because he shouldn't have sounded proud, of all things. "It's impressive. Imagine if she hadn't broken his good arm first."

"Good—what? Could you please tell me this story in some semblance of order?"

"Not really. Leah was half-hysterical when she called. Don't worry though," he hurried to add, "Carlisle will fix Seth up fine."

"What happened? Why is Seth even home—" Dumb question. Someone had to stay with Leah this weekend, even if he was planning on avoiding me. "Just start from the beginning."

"I don't know what started it." But he was looking me in a way that suggested he now had a few ideas. "From what I could tell, Seth said something that pissed Leah off, which...he probably just said something about the garage door being stuck. So she broke his nose—and he pushed her. He never...he doesn't retaliate. I think she broke his arm because she just didn't know what else do to. Course, she must have ran her mouth at the same time, because he broke her jaw. So she stabbed him. And then—"

"There's more?"

"It gets worse," Jacob promised with a dark look. "Because they're both morons. So once Leah puts a knife into her brother, don't the two of them pick that moment to make up? How stupid can you get? They wait until Seth has an eight inch knife in his side, and then they start apologizing to each other."

"So they're okay?"

"Spiritually," Jacob spat. "Unfortunately, Seth's body decided to heal him up. With the knife still in him."

I felt a little sick. The werewolves healed far too fast—it was too easy to picture the blade with the undulating edge embedded in Seth's skin, his body healing itself over it, permanently keeping it there. Carlisle couldn't pull it out until he was sure it wasn't permanently attached to any internal organs.

"Don't worry, Nessie," Jacob hurried to reassure me. "Carlisle's the best and if worse comes to worse they'll just drug him up and pull it out the old fashion way. Even werewolves like morphine. It's good stuff."

"That was not nearly as reassuring as you wanted it to be."

He led me over to the porch step, so I could have something to sit on. It was difficult, trying to estimate the extent of the damage without knowing exactly what angle and with how much force Leah had used...and how long it had taken them before they had thought to call Carlisle.

"Carlisle's going to need help," I announced. Even if my medical credentials weren't woefully lacking, I lacked practical experience. Besides, Seth required the best. "We should send my father to the hospital. Or would you prefer to accompany him?"

"Seriously? If I had to interrupt my life every time someone in the pack got themselves sent to the hospital, I would never leave that place. They'll be fine."

"That's completely unsympathetic of you."

"They're my pack," he hissed quietly. "I know how to take care of the them. The last thing Seth needs right now is to have to answer to me, or placate more of your overbearing family when he should be concentrating on conserving his strength."

We sat there in silence for a moment.

"I've never heard you talk that way about them."

Never before had he sounded so serious when he disparaged my family.

"Seth isn't usually spurting blood all over the place with only a vampire and his absolutely idiotic sister for comfort." Jacob let out a stream of curses, each less flattering than the one before. "What the hell was she thinking?"

"I'm going to get Edward."

"You can't. It'll be too obvious he's gone. Carlisle said he could handle it."

"And what if he can't?"

"We've survived worse, Nessie. Seth'll be fine. Besides...if you go in there...Sue might find out."

Finally, he was using logic I could understand. We were stuck.

Jacob sighed. "I shouldn't have told you. You wouldn't believe the stuff we can live through."

"Like what?"

So he told me. He only did it to distract me, or maybe it was finally getting through his thick skull that I was eighteen, because these were definitely not the sort of stories he usually told me. For the first time ever, he regaled me with tales from the fight against Victoria's newborn army. His version contained a lot more blood than the official Cullen tale, as he went into great detail informing me how he had been close to becoming a pancake on that occasion.

He also told me of a the time Paul's lack of construction skills brought part of a building down on his head and even left in some of the very creative insults Paul had come up when the pack had held him down in order to reset his bones—it also partially explained why Sue was pushing for her son to learn about human anatomy. Then there was the story about Quil and Embry loose in Seattle, trying to make a quick buck and accidentally 'pissing off these wannabe Triads' who eventually ended up impaling them together. Jacob assured me it had been hysterical, even though he was vague about how they had separated the two.

"When did all that happen?"

I didn't manage to keep the horror from my voice. Jacob suddenly looked much less amused and much more embarrassed. "Never mind," he sighed. "Ignore me. Sorry."

I was saved from answering by the squeal of tires. Both of us turned and—seeing the slightly beaten up Rabbit coming down the driveway—hurried to meet it. I wasn't sure how Leah managed to turn off the car and get out of it that quickly, but she did. Then she just stood in front of the door and fiddled with her keys.

"Nice crazy eyes, Leah," Jacob said, gently.

The way she threw herself at him was far less gentle.

Head buried against his chest, she didn't even notice I was there, just gave a half-sob and tried to stop shaking. Jacob didn't take the time to berate her, just held her, while I tried not to notice the blood that was all over her white shirt. Never had blood been so repulsive.

"He's going to be fine, Leah." How Jacob knew this was a mystery, though I suppose she wouldn't have left Seth's side if he had still been in danger. "What are you doing here?"

"I have to talk to the kid," she said to his chest, still sounding distracted. "I have to...Seth's out cold. Carlisle...that was my baby brother and...I've never seen so much blood...I don't know how the doc did it. He just...did you tell Mom?"

"I like both of you alive, thanks."

"I deserve—"

"Seth would be pissed if I let you get killed. Even if...you going to tell me what happened?"

"I don't even know," she half-laughed. I looked around, trying to find away to slip out of there without alerting them to my presence. This was a private moment, even if I couldn't block out her voice. "We were arguing over the pizza and then we were arguing over me going to the party and then somehow we were arguing about your little girlfriend and the vampires. I—it's my fault."

"Obviously."

"Ass," she said, but a hint of humor crept into her voice. "I didn't mean it when I said we never should have let the Cullens stay in the first place. He usually knows...and I never said it was Dad's fault...I don't know what happened. But then we were arguing about Dad and..."

Jacob cursed. I guess he could already picture the ensuing fight.

"Yeah," Leah sighed. "I think he made me cry. But I couldn't let this be the first fight he won against me. I mean—"

The gravel under my foot wasn't supposed to sound like a firecracker going off, but in the relatively quiet outdoors, it didn't have much of a choice. I froze, trying to spot a bush I could conveniently throw myself behind, but unfortunately there was no camouflage. I was completely exposed when Leah turned to find the source of the noise.

"Hi," I muttered. "I was just—"

"I didn't mean you had to marry him," Leah burst out. Already, she had pushed past Jacob, coming to stop so close in front of me for a second I was reminded of the hybrids. "I didn't mean you had to do anything at all, especially if you didn't want to. And I never meant he needed you above and beyond everything. I just—I was yapping. I do that. It's a dog thing."

"You never made me do anything I didn't want to do. Well, okay, you made me do lots of things I didn't want to do, but nothing that wasn't good for me in the end."

"But if you are getting married for any reason that remotely relates to me, then you have to stop. Because I don't want you to get married to him."

It was only a little bit of a lie, because if I didn't marry him she knew they'd just go back to the oh-so-comfortable way they never could stay.

"Not if you don't want to," she added.

And that was the complete and utter honest to goodness truth.

"If you would wait one second, Leah," Jacob said from behind her, "We could tell you Nessie and I already decided that this whole engagement thing is for people much more mature than we are."

She didn't turn to look at him, just studied me some more. "You sure?"

"No." I couldn't help laughing. "That's part of why we aren't going to go through with it."

"Nessie..." But whatever she wanted to say, she couldn't find the words. So she did something even better. She hugged me, tightly, doing what the werewolves did best—through strength and heat, she told me everything she couldn't say out loud. She loved me. She was sorry. And if I ever did anything that stupid again...

"So are we blaming Leah for saying what she shouldn't? Or Nessie for taking it way out of context?" Jacob asked. "Just to clear things up."

The two of us snorted in unison, and Leah pulled away, just a little bit. I let my head rest on her shoulder as she informed Jacob: "What are you talking about, Jake? This is so clearly all your fault it's not funny."

"My fault? How did that one happen?"

We looked at each other, and rolled our eyes. Loving Jacob really was a tiring endeavor. He crossed his arms over his broad chest, looking a little scared of the two women he just kept needing.

"Stop looking at me like that and get in the car," he sighed. "The two of you are so evil."

"But there's a party going on. My party."

"We'll be back fast enough. They won't even miss us."

"Where are we going?" I asked, following his instructions.

Leah told me, "It's a surprise."

Not that she would know any better than I what Jacob had planned—or maybe she did. They were a pack, after all. How else to explain how she took off her blood-soaked shirt behind his back, assuming he would have stripped off his and handed it to her, without even making eye contact? But that's what they did, neither one looking at the other as I watched from the back seat of the car as Leah got rid of that awful shirt before slipping in.

We talked as we drove along the beach, not of anything important really, just joking about the party and about the guests in the murky twilight. Leah loved mocking my father's speech, though she expressed great disappointment my mother had not bothered with one of her own, at which point Jacob threatened to kick her out of the car.

Rather like old times. It was sort of sweet.

We even ended up on First Beach.

"Why are we here?" I asked, climbing out of the car. This outfit was not designed for beachwear; Jacob may have been shirtless but he was still wearing dress pants and I was in high heels.

"Not much else in La Push," Jacob grinned.

Leah had already kicked off her shoes and was dipping her toes into the water. The wind was much stronger here than it had been at the house, and it was catching even her short hair, pulling it this way and that. But she gave a smile and beckoned me to come.

"I still don't get it."

And then Jacob grabbed me around the waist, lifting me up, and it suddenly dawned on me there wasn't much to get. It was probably the last day we would spend together in a very long while. Seth was fine (drugged up, but fine). The party wouldn't notice we were gone just yet. We should celebrate.

"Don't throw me in the water! Not in the water!"

Leah decided that she had been close enough to a nervous breakdown for long enough, because she chose that moment to tackle him from behind. While it saved me from being thrown into the Pacific Ocean, it didn't stop the sand from coming up very quickly towards my one of a kind dress.

"Her dress!"

Jacob's hands wrapped around my waist, saving me from ruining month's of Alice's hard work. If my knee had been a few inches to the left, it would have ensured Jacob never had children, but we managed to avoid that calamity as well.

"Ow," I complained. "I think your hip bruised my knee."

"What's that?" Leah asked, curiously reaching inside his pocket, even as Jacob helped me right myself. By then Leah already had the satin box in her hand. For a moment all three of us were quiet, then Leah grinned at me. "Hey, kid? You wanna marry me?"

"Shut up," I told her. Jacob's appreciative look was going to inspire me to kill him. "You're not funny."

"Yes I am. Hey!"

But Jacob took no notice of her, just snatched the box from her hand and tossed it to me. "Wanna see it?" he asked as he stood, pulling Leah up right along with him. "Alice said it was...something."

It didn't seem like such a good idea, but they looked at me so expectantly I couldn't help glancing down at the satin box. It was quite large, too big to fit comfortably in my hand. Was the ring inside that huge, something garish and unseemly, the first expensive looking ring he could find, just so he could leave quickly?

No.

It was...not what I had imagined. Not what I had feared, but it did not entrance me the way it should have. It was beautiful, of course, with a simple, thin, golden band, and a few perfectly placed diamonds. It seemed a bit of a waste that it looked a little plain even though the shine of the jewels told my knowledgeable eye this was not cheap jewellery; but there was no denying that the ring, in its simplicity, achieved the sort of elegance and beauty...that my mother loved.

I forced a smile.

"You can't afford this."

The werewolves laughed; Jacob dug his hands in his pocket and winked at me.

"Where do you think the Veyron went?"

"You sold the car for my ring?"

He shrugged while Leah rolled her eyes: "He wouldn't let us keep the car anyway. Might as well spend all your money on you. Well, half of it. The school needed some help."

"I'm glad it helped."

"I don't think it's all that great, to be honest," Leah said. "Too boring. I told you to take me with you, Jake. Or at least one of the guys. Even Paul has better taste than you."

Jacob put her in an effortless headlock. With her shouting under his arm, he asked, "So what do you want to do with it?"

I don't know what came over me. Perhaps it was the wind on my skin, bringing sand and dirt against the impenetrable barrier that was now me, or perhaps it was the birds, flying free overhead, or perhaps it was the water, the sounds of it crashing and breaking that still somehow sounded soothing. Or perhaps it was just Jacob and Leah's latest demonstration of senseless violence.

Taking the ring out of the box, I handed the empty container to Jacob.

"Want to see which one of us can throw farther?"

Jacob blinked, letting his hold on Leah slacken. The female werewolf was also surprised, though she didn't let it throw her off balance, just straightened up and watched him carefully. It took only a second for Jacob's face to break into a familiar smirk.

"You're on."

We lined up on the beach, side by side. Leah was the unofficial umpire, telling Jacob to back up to where I was and to stop cheating. It was on her signal that we brought our arms back and released, letting the ring and its box fly into the ocean. I had a braided ring at home that meant more, anyway.

The diamond flew up, high above the earth against the black velvet backdrop, propelled by all that vampire strength had to offer, appearing for an instant to be just another star in the sky. And then it was falling, tumbling towards the water, entering the ocean with a tiny splash.

At least ten yards closer to the shore than the box.

"I knew Seth was holding back."

As I stared wide-eyed at Jacob, Leah just hit him in the arm. "Oh grow up."

"Never," he promised.

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TBC...